We Should Have Played Poker by Sian

Jed talks to Josh at Leo's wake
Season 7 spoilers -- Election Day & Requiem
Josh & Jed

Monday, November 7th, six days after the election

The funeral had been both more difficult and easier than Josh had imagined it would be. The requiem mass had been strangely comforting. Mallory and President's Bartlet's eulogies had even managed to make him smile, briefly. Carrying the coffin to the waiting hearse and the journey to Arlington had been the hardest moments. The burial had been with full military honors, Josh could imagine Leo shaking his head in amazement at all the fuss. The gun salute had briefly sent Josh's mind flying back to August 2000, but Donna had been there, holding his hand, and the moment had passed quickly. Then there had been a reception for the gathered mourners, and finally, those who had been closest to Leo had gone to the Residence for their own private wake.

After half an hour, Josh had sneaked out of the gathering and made his way, with a secret service escort, quietly through the building to Leo's old office, the office that would soon be his ... perhaps.

Jed had seen Josh leave, had given him ten minutes to be alone, before following him down to the West Wing. He found him standing in CJ's office, his hands in his pockets, looking out of the window, staring into the night. "Josh."

"Mr President," Josh replied nervously, after all he really shouldn't be in this part of the building anymore.

"Come through," Jed walked to the connecting door and into the Oval Office, with Josh behind him. He sat Josh down, poured them both a drink and joined him on the sofa. "It was a nice service."

"It was," Josh agreed. "I think he'd have been flattered by how many people cared about him."

"I should probably have invited more of them back here. But I wanted this to just be for us, his family." Jed smiled sadly, "We should have played poker, he'd have liked that."

"He would have," Josh agreed.

"So how are you?" Jed asked. "And before you say that you're fine, remember there are half a dozen agents just the other side of that door."

Josh had no idea how to answer that question, because he had no idea how he was feeling. Over the last few days, his emotions had covered the spectrum, from happy to have won the election, to despair at loosing Leo, with every possible emotion in between. But Josh could no more express these emotions than he could fly, so instead he shrugged. "I honestly don't know," he admitted.

Jed nodded. "Up one minute, down the next?" he asked. "Me too. And anger," he added. "Anger at God for taking Leo, at Leo for leaving us."

Josh gave Jed a searching look. Did he really feel like that or did he know that was how Josh felt. That had been the emotion that had floored Josh, how could he possibly be angry at Leo, and yet at times he was. It gave him some comfort to know that maybe he wasn't alone.

"I was talking to Matt," Jed continued. "He doesn't seem sure you want come here with him in January."

Josh shrugged. "To be honest, Sir, I have no idea what I want to do."

"You're not alone there," Jed said. Some would argue that he was the most powerful man in the world, but for the last six days he'd felt anything but powerful, he'd felt lost and alone. "You keep thinking Leo would know what to do?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Would you take advice from me instead?"

"Of course."

"Don't rush into any decisions now."

"If I'm going to be his chief of staff, I need to start organizing now. If I'm not, I need to tell him now so he can find someone else."

"He can wait a few more days. If he's the man I think he is, the man Leo said he is, he'll wait."

"He will. I just know if he should. I don't know if I want to do this anymore," Josh admitted.

Jed nodded. "If Leo had died last year, would you have let me stand down?"

"Would you have wanted to?"

"Yes." That was something Jed had only admitted to Abbey before now.

"You wouldn't have though."

"No," Jed agreed. "This was Leo's dream, if I'd have let him down at the last ... He'd have haunted me to the end of my days."

Josh smiled at that. "You know, I can almost hear him telling me to get a grip, before he smacked me up the back of the head."

Jed returned the smile as he remembered the exasperated tone Leo seemed to reserve solely for Josh. "When he was the hospital last year, he asked me to look after Mallory," he said. "And you." Josh looked shocked, but Jed carried on. "I promised I would, I want to keep that promise, Josh. Anytime you need to talk, I'm only a phone call away."

"Thank you, that means a lot," Josh said and found he meant it.

"I'm not going to tell you what Leo would have wanted you to do. You knew him well enough, you know in your heart what he'd be telling you now."

Josh nodded. Leo wouldn't want him to be brooding. Leo would want him to be planning the new administration, to continue their legacy, protect everything they'd fought for for the last eight years. But that didn't make it any easier to move on.

"I will tell you that Leo thought you'd make an excellent chief of staff. It was why I was surprised he didn't suggest you for his job, but it turned out he had bigger plans for you," Jed smiled.

"You're saying he'd want me to take the job."

"Of course he would," Jed said. "He'd want you to do the job you've been working towards for all these years, the one you've wanted since you came here on a school trip when you were 13."

Josh looked surprised, "How'd you know about that?"

"Leo talked about you. He was very proud of you, you do know that?"

Josh did know that Leo was proud of him. Leo had told him not long ago. He still couldn't shake the guilt though. "And look where it got him."

Jed nodded, "Mallory said you'd be blaming yourself. But what Donna, Toby, Sam and the others have been telling you is true. Nobody ever forced Leo McGarry to do anything he didn't want to. Yes, you asked him to join the ticket, but he didn't agree to to please you, he did it because he relished the challenge. That was what he lived for. You know that. He was an addict, he replaced alcohol with work. It was his life and he could no more have given it up than you can. Do you imagine for one minute that if he hadn't been on the ticket, he'd have stayed home and watched the campaign on the news? He'd have been with you every step of the way."

Josh did know, in some hidden part of his brain, that Leo's death wasn't his fault. Leo had a weak heart. The chances were he would have died last Tuesday anyway. And even if the campaigning had been to blame, Leo was a grown man and Josh had never known anyone so sure of his own mind than Leo.

"He was like this after Rosslyn." Jed was saying. "He got you to join us in New Hampshire, if he hadn't you wouldn't have been shot, you wouldn't have been lying in ICU."

"That wasn't his fault."

"No. And this isn't yours. Go stay with your mother for a few days if it'll help you get your head straight. Take Donna," Jed smiled, "he told me about you two."

"He knew?" Josh asked, his voice rising slightly in surprise.

"Of course he knew," Jed laughed.

"Was he ... What did he think?"

"The same as the rest of us, Josh. It's about time." Jed continued. "Go stay with your mom," he repeated. "And then, if you really don't want to be Matthew Santos's chief of staff, that's your choice," he said. "But I do want you to do one thing before you quit, and I'll make it a presidential order if I have to."

"Sir?"

"You choose his vice president," Jed said forcibly. "You choose someone worthy to fill Leo's shoes."

Josh's head snapped up at that. "Due respect, Sir, how the hell could anyone...?"

"You'll find them," Jed assured him. "You're the only one I'd trust to do the job."

"I'm not sure..."

"Do you have a short list?" Jed asked.

"Sir, and again I say this with all due respect, is this the time? I mean, today, here...?"

"When will be the time, Josh? Thanksgiving? Christmas, sometime next year? You really imagine I want to be discussing who should replace Leo?" Jed asked angrily. "There's never going to be a good time, so we may as well use this time. Who's on the list?"

Josh shrugged, "Senator Baker seems to be the favorite. It's amazing how he's keen to do it now the campaigning's over," he added bitterly.

"I heard what happened at Ellie's wedding. I'm amazed Santos is even considering him after that."

"When I say he's the favorite, that would be with the others ... Not with Matt," Josh smiled slightly and corrected himself, "the president."

"So who's his favorite?"

"I don't know, to tell you the truth. I've not really been there the last few days, I've kind of just been attending if you know what I mean."

"I do. And I understand. But I mean what I say. Whatever you decide to do in the future, you choose the vice president."

"Yes, Sir." Josh agreed. "I serve at the pleasure of the president, I always will."

"I know you will, Son, I know you will."

Part Two, Tough Choices (coming soon)-