~In the Arms of an Angel~
I am standing in a field of pure, white nothingness. It all seems to go on forever; there is no limit or boundary in sight. The only contrast to the harsh, white light is my lightly tanned skin also adorned in a white, loose shirt and pants.
Suddenly, a soft aroma of rosemary and mint seep into my nostrils. It is… a familiar smell… a smell that takes me back to peaceful and calm times. It reminds me… of her…
Slowly, a field of rolling wheat fades into view out of the sea of white nothingness, and a light blue sky appears, towering above me. I do not notice that this place virtually appeared out of absolutely nothing. No… I am too enthralled by that towering blue sky.
It is a sweet sight; a sight that has been kept from my eyes for far too long. It is… so beautiful. A cool breeze begins to cascade across the plain, making the field of wheat dance along to its rhythmic current. Enveloping me within its kind touch, the breeze intensifies the scent of rosemary.
A memory suddenly pushes its way to the forefront of my thoughts, and, I… I see… a face… yes; it is her face.
I close my eyes, forgetting the beautiful blue sky, and trade it for a much more captivating sight. She is smiling, and her eyes are looking deeply into my own. Her long, black hair is flowing along with the wind as she tilts her head to the side, letting out a small giggle. The welcome sound of her laughter and happiness seem to echo faintly through my ears, lingering there awhile longer within my mind. Her eyes… they are so kind and gentle; they appear to have a smile all of their own.
As I gaze upon this apparition, my ears detect something coming from a distance. It is a soft sound… seeming to call for me. The wind still blowing upon my face and fluttering my shirt about my skin, I open my eyes. I scan the horizon and instantly perceive a figure standing underneath a massive oak tree.
Are… are my eyes deceiving me? No… it is her… it must be. She begins to wave as the wind dances around her, making her black hair and red sun dress cascade along with its rhythm. I hear the faint sound carried to me by the wind once again, "John!" It is such a sweet and soothing sound.
I desire with all my heart to go to her; the rolling plain of wheat is all that separates us.
My bare foot makes a step forward through the thickly planted wheat; however, as it rests upon the ground, a cold shiver runs its way up my spine, and an unusual feeling creeps its way to the back of my mind.
Yet, the sight of her off in the distance shatters the warning at the back of my mind, and I find my other foot taking a step forward.
I begin to walk through the field, my hands caressing the tops of the wheat stalks. A warm and soothing feeling suddenly envelopes my entire body, and happiness stretches itself across my face. My eyes begin to tear up at the joy of seeing her.
Although barely audible, I hear her laugh and call my name again. I wave back to her, making her smile bloom brighter. She giggles and looks down to the ground almost shyly, clasping both of her hands together. Her shoulders begin to unconsciously sway back and forth among the soft shade of the oak tree.
I am now close enough to see the features upon her face… she is so beautiful.
Suddenly, the starkly cold and empty sensation fills my senses once again, causing me to pause in my steps. Something is not right… I… I shouldn't be here.
As if sensing the feeling as well, she slowly looks up at me; the happiness is completely gone from her features. She seems concerned and… so sad. I look at her more closely, studying her.
It seems as if a soft white glow is slowly appearing around her, making her all the more beautiful. However, as the light around her is revealed, grey clouds quickly roll over the towering blue sky. The overcast sky obscures the warm radiance of the sun, replacing it with a grim and mournful light upon the field of wheat. Thunder begins to sound in the distance as I look to the horizon. I can see where it is beginning to rain further out, the dark streaks of blue cascading to the ground.
My eyes wonder back to her underneath the oak tree. I questioningly stare at her, tears filling my eyes once again; however, not for the same reason as before. Her bottom lip begins to quiver with emotion, and her eyes send a message of sorrow.
Thunder hollers loudly above me as shock and revelation suddenly encompass me.
I'm sorry… I had to make a choice…
I understand…
I will be back for you.
We both know that isn't going to happen…
I carry Kaidan safely to the Normandy as the group of Salarian commandoes follows. Letting Dr. Chakwas take care of him, I rush for the stairs leading up to the bridge. I desperately hope that it is not too late; part of me knows that it is. Yet, my feet continue to carry me toward the cockpit nonetheless, and everyone, startled at my speed and focus, moves out of my way. However, I can faintly hear footsteps following me up the ramp; there is one person on the ship who knows what I am doing.
"Joker, get us to the bomb site now!"
"Belay that order!" I sharply turn and see the remorseful but commanding eyes of Navigator Pressly, my executive officer. We have been through so much together, and he knows that I am acting out of grief and emotions rather than the tact and intuition required of a commander.
I step close in front of him filled partly with anger, but mostly with grief. "We can't leave her!"
Slightly startled by the scene and confrontation, Joker just sits there staring at the two of us. Pressly knows that if Joker follows my order that the entire ship, along with her crew, will be disintegrated within the blast. "Commander, I cannot allow Joker to follow your order! The timer on that bomb will not allow us enough time; we will all be destroyed."
My order puts the whole crew in jeopardy. I look down, the anger departed from me. Anguish is all that is left… Pressly puts his hand on my shoulder, "I'm sorry Shepard." My eyes, now moist, look up to his, which no longer look to me as a fellow officer but as a friend. Understanding passes between us, and I give him a small nod. Nodding back, his hand then falls from my shoulder. He then turns to Joker, "Get us out of here Joker."
"Aye aye, sir." The Normandy then speeds away from the planet's atmosphere, hoping to escape the nuclear blast. I walk over to a small viewport beside the cockpit, feeling remorse as the planet gets smaller and smaller. Then… I see it. The fiery explosion upon the surface… followed by the white glow…
I… remember. The same anguish from that day consumes me once more as I stand within the field of wheat. She is looking straight into my eyes now.
Tears begin to stream down the curves of her cheeks, the glow still shining around her. She is… dead. But… that means…
A harsh streak of lightning races across the grey sky above followed instantly by a booming clap of thunder.
I let out a shout of agony as unimaginable pain erupts across my chest. I clutch at it with my hand, falling hard to my knees. Supporting myself with my free hand, I gasp for breath.
The wheat continues to swirl around me along with the now stronger current of wind. My hand begins to feel a soggy, wet substance… I look down, somewhat lifting it from my chest. Blood…
I feel… so cold...
I feel something soft grace itself upon my cheek. It is her… she has come to me, away from the shelter of the oak tree, kneeling with me.
She tilts my head up, looking straight into my eyes, while pushing my hand back onto my chest. The glow of white light still around her reveals the stains of tears upon her face.
Letting my own tears freely flow, I reach my hand up, cupping her long hair behind her ear. "Ash, I.."
"Shhhh…" Her voice remains but a whisper, soft and soothing, "It will be alright." She grabs my hand with her own, holding it against her cheek.
Slowly closing and reopening her eyes, another tear escapes. "You mustn't give up."
My eyes and eyebrows express sorrow. I long so much to be reunited with her.
Seeing my expression, she gives my hand a small squeeze. "Now isn't the time, John. We will be together again… but not now."
She looks up to the sky, and small patches of sunlight begin to break through the thick layer of clouds. Small rays of sunshine begin to dot the field, one landing upon us.
She then looks back into my eyes, "You still have much to do."
~Fin~
This originally was the prologue to my Mass Effect fanficiton Hope Remains (which has since been renamed Limitations), but I felt the tone was not in harmony with the rest of the story.
Hope you all enjoyed! Any comments and reviews are greatly appreciated! :)