It was a cold night.
Too cold.
Some might say it was comforting, snow falling all around. Something about the snowfall made the night more serene, like the world silenced itself briefly to welcome the frosty visitor. Natasha left footprints on the sidewalk, with every step, taking in the atmosphere she missed so much. Needless to say, she missed this.
She closed her eyes, breathing in cold air. She could swear she was breathing out peace as she exhaled. When she opened her eyes, she saw a figure sitting on her front steps. Confused, Natasha approached the steps. The shadow became clearer. Letting her guard down, she knelt down.
"James" She spoke softly, "What are you doing out here?" Natasha took his hands in her own, trying to warm his up.
He looked away, biting his lip, "Thinking."
"Why don't you think somewhere else? You could catch a cold" She urged him to go inside. He wouldn't budge.
Bucky covered his face with his hands, pulling away from Natasha, "This" he mumbled, "I can remember more…when I'm out here."
Natasha moved to sit next to him on the concrete steps, putting a hand on his shoulder, "Don't torture yourself like this"
"What the hell am I supposed to do, Nat?" Bucky snapped in her direction, " I can't just let go of the things I've done. Its better that I face them. Ignoring them doesn't mean they didn't happen"
"Beating yourself up about it won't solve anything" She spoke sternly, "Thinking about them doesn't make what happened any less wrong"
Bucky flinched at her words. They cut deep, "Thanks for the reminder. I really love when people tell me what I did was wrong." He looked away, "As if I didn't already know."
"James" Natasha moved him to face her, "You can't just dwell on what happened. You can't sit idly by in the past. Do something about it"
"And what do you suggest I do? What could possibly make up for the things that I've done!?"
"You didn't do those things" She kept her voice hushed, still keeping her cool.
"Fuck, Nat. Stop saying that" He raised his voice, his tone frantic, "That was me. I killed those people." Bucky brushed tears from his eyes, ignoring that they continued to fall.
"Будьте спокойны, любовь моя." Natasha pulled him into an embrace, stroking his back.
Bucky stayed silent for a few moments, the only sounds came from the sounds of tears falling. Her warmth held comfort. He wrapped his arms around her, holding on tightly, taking in her warmth.
"Damn it, you know me too well" He rested his head on her shoulder.
"Maybe" She held him, running her fingers through his hair, "I've just been in your position. Except I knowingly did what I did"
"Nat"
"Don't argue, James. I've already faced my past." She lifted up his chin, "It's not often that I see weakness from you"
"Not weakness" He countered, "Vulnerability is a better word"
"Isn't that the same thing?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Naw, it's different." He waved off that comment and pushed his lips against hers.
Natasha smiled into the sudden kiss, but reciprocated enthusiastically. She let her lips crash against his, pulling him close.
"God, you're warm, Nat" He mumbled in between kisses.
"заткнись" She spoke clearly.
"Hey, it was a compliment." Bucky's words were somehow lost in the moment.
"Let's go inside" With one move of her arm, she lifted him up to his feet.
"No, I like it out here." He grinned sheepishly, his tears drying on his face.
"No you don't"
"And why wouldn't I?" Bucky crossed his arms.
"You just got done crying, James. Those memories don't just go away in moments"
"Well maybe I want to make new memories out here" Bucky smirked, "You know, erase that negative connotation"
She raised an eyebrow at his comment, "You have got to be kidding."
"I don't kid, Miss Romanoff" He pulled her in by her waist.
Her first instinct was to roll her eyes, but she just smiled slightly and gave in to his touch, leaning up to let their lips meet again.
"Let me repay you for what you've done for me"
"How many times have you used that line on someone to get them into bed, James?"
"Probably as many times as you have"
She paused, "Fair enough." Her hand rested on his chest, "Just know one thing"
"Mhm?"
"ты единственный, кого я хочу"
They let the snow fall. The wind continued to howl, the cold winter night stayed cold as it was. But that didn't stop them from making their own light to melt the cold. Bucky smiled genuinely for the first time in a while.
В первый раз, холодно было приятно.