I can't say no to you.
Not when you yell in the dark, or your eyes spit that fire that burns my cheek or when you hold my heart so tightly that it seeps on your fingers. Not when you ask for more than I can give, or when you see that I'm empty inside but you still want more and I let you because I can't say no. You know I can't say no and that makes you so powerful, and you love your power and wear it like a cloak and you know that I love you because of the weight of that power and the way it looks on your pale shoulders. I love the smell of your hair and the sneer you always wear and the way your eyes get wide when you see me naked, and for all that I can't say no.
Sometimes you stop, sometimes the tenderness slips out from underneath your mask, and I see that if I said no you would let me then. But I still can't say it, not to you. And you know that, and so you shove that soft glance under the blankets with that hug that you never gave me and the time I cried in the corner and you stood there not touching me and you continue to make me wonder why I love this pain.
And I know that I love it because deep down I can feel my heart in yours, I know that somewhere under that ice you wear you need me, and you love the power over me like you love nothing else. And just me, and just my weakness with you, just my fingertips you let touch your neck and just my wrist you place between your lips. I know that nobody else has seen through your steel eyes, has seen your scars, has wrapped you up in loving arms as you shivered and fought for duty to leave you alone. I know that only I can survive standing in your fire. And for that, I can't say no.
You know that when you walk through my door, you are coming home. And even though you might not smile at me when you enter, I see a relaxing in your face that tells me you feel better for breathing my air, and for that I can't say no. When I make you breakfast and you tell me that it's horrible but I see that you ate every crumb, for that I can't say it. When you reach past me to grab the newspaper and your arm brushes my shoulder and my skin tingles, or when strangers talk to me in the street and I can see that you're jealous, for that I can't say it.
The hole inside me has your name on it. And I know you know and I know you love that your name is on my heart, and you don't care that it was burned there in pain as long as it's there and you think that's okay with me. That's really not okay with me but I don't want a heart without your name on it, even if it's whole and pretty and hopeful because it's not ever going to be my heart if it doesn't know you. Even if it cries it still says your name and as long as it's your name it's all I need. Because your name is a scar, I can't say no.
And I can't say no because I hope that one day you might find that smile for me that you hid, I hope that one day you might realize that I would love to hear what your laugh sounds like. Not that corrosive laugh that the world gets, but the golden, honest laugh that I think you've never laughed but I know I could give it to you. It hurts me when I think of how much I hope for that.
For all of these things, I can't say no to you.
A/N: It doesn't really have an ending, but seeing as how it doesn't really go anywhere, I guess that's okay, right?