Tortured

Author's Note: Well, it's my first fanfic in... ages. I mean, I believe the last one I was working on was in 2002 or 03 for Dragon Ball Z (anyone still watch that? No? Me neither), and I never bothered to finish it. I lost interest. So, instead of something like that happening again, I will make this a one shot. I don't want to get half way through a chaptered story, and then feel like I have to finish it just because I started it. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, this is a Naruto fanfic, centered around Gaara. I love Gaara. He's awesome.

One thing he and I have in common is insomnia (although he does it to himself). If you've never had insomnia, let me tell you, it sucks. I've had it on and off (and it's currently on) since I was 11 or 12. No fun I tell you, no fun. In fact, it's like torture, hence the title. Sorry it will be short.

I feel like I'm getting my sea legs back, so if this is a little (or a lot) not what it should be, I apologize. Be sure to review and tell me what I'm doing right, or how I can improve. Feedback is the shit.

-Angel

P.S. If this works out, I'm planning a Sakura/Kakashi short multi-chaptered story. Why them? -Psh- Cause pretty much everyone has had a crush on a teacher (or several in my case), and I think it would be frickin' kewl (sorry) to see that crush become something more. Don't like it? Too bad!

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Sometimes, I wish I were like them. I wish that I could just lie in bed, fall asleep, and trust the gods, or whatever normal people believe in, that I would awaken in the morning to a day I wouldn't be afraid to face. I wish that I didn't have to fear this demon within me destroying everything my ancestors have built if I were to shut my eyes for a only few minutes. I'd like to say that it gets easier as each night approaches and passes, but it doesn't. Sometimes it even physically hurts to stay awake.

It's not that bad during the day. I have Temari and Kankuro around to remind me that it wouldn't be in my best interest to shut my eyes. But they, like everyone else, need to rest during the night, and that's when I'm most alone. That's when my thoughts, most likely nothing more than paranoia, eat at me, and consume me to the point of insanity, and then I hate. I hate everyone that has ever hated me, and those around me that barely acknowledge me. I want to kill them, just so that I may feel something other than this restless torture and hate.

Believe it or not, it was easier when I was a child. I thought I had someone that cared for me, and understood that I didn't want to hurt anyone. Not really. Not back then. I was child. I knew nothing of true hate, nor did I understand why I was so feared. I had tried to make friends. I tried to be loved. A futile effort. Other children feared me. My father tried to have me killed as often as he could. Even that person that I thought loved me hadn't really loved me. I had to kill him. That's when I started to deny myself sleep.

At first, it wasn't intentional. But as I got older, and I learned the nature of my exsitence, my thoughts began to twist and turn and now it's all I know. Even when I catch a glimpse of myself in a reflective surface, noting the black around my eyes, and my sullen complextion, I can't bring myself to just... sleep.

I want to. I want to sleep. I want to dream. I'll even settle for nightmares. But I know this can't be. This is my life, shared with a demon. As I stare at the sky, watching the moon slowly pass across it, I can feel the hate building. I do hate them. All of them. They're beneath me, so let them get their rest for another night. When I finally get mine... even if it's just for a moment... they'll feel the kind of hate I carry for them.