Very little concerned Anders about becoming a Grey Warden. He was an apostate, so he had never expected to live long. He didn't plan on fathering any children, so the sterility was no issue. He even enjoyed the huge amounts of food he was beginning to consume. Even the nightmares…well, the old god's call was no worse than what had plagued his dreams for so long.
It was only the Deep Roads.
He had no idea he would react so strongly to them. It was a place of history, of magic, of new places to explore and learn. But it was so damn dark. And so tight around him. One could almost smell the darkspawn around them. And in the dark, their cries and shouts made him think of what he tried to forget.
Alone for over a year in the darken tower of the Magi. The Templar's swords and hands upon him. Not being able to escape. Here too, he could feel the limits of the space and he did not feel safe.
When his fellow Grey Wardens rested around their meager campfire, Anders could not sleep. His heart could not stop racing as he paced back and forth, just outside the line of sight of the others. He had not let the little kitten come with him, and he regretted that slightly now. It would have been comforting to pet the wee thing and feel another heart beat besides his own.
He slumped down a rock, blocked from the view of the others, and shook like a leaf. He didn't want to die here. He could die anywhere but here. But this was his fate. This was the place that all Grey Wardens went to die. Some sooner than later.
He nearly jumped out of his skin as he heard Nathaniel walk around to face him, his boots scrapping against the rocks beneath him.
"Mage," he said, raising an eyebrow, "What are you doing hiding here like a small child? You're going to get yourself killed straying from the group. Get back to the fireside. You'll feel better when you're warmer."
"I don't want you-um-them to see me like this," Anders justified, "I'll be fine in a minute. I'm just…claustrophobic. This place…well, it scares the shit out of me."
Nathaniel barked a laugh, "Well, that is honest at least. Now come, Mage. Back to the fire. I promise I'll protect you from the scary little creatures down here and we'll get you back to the surface soon enough."
Anders looked up at him hopefully. Nathaniel often joked like this, offering protection as a way of insulting him, as a way of suggesting that he needed to be taken care of. While Anders usually retorted and said something lewd in reply, he found himself truly wanting to be protected by the Archer standing above him.
Nathaniel seemed to notice this and knelt down beside him.
"This is more than just a case of nerves, isn't it?" He asked, his tone taking on a softness that Anders had rarely heard. Anders found himself nodding, perhaps too scared to care how vulnerable he looked then.
Nathaniel touched his shoulder, letting his hand drift up to Anders' face. He withdrew it once he saw where it had landed.
"Please," Anders said, reaching forth for his hand again, "I just don't want to be alone. They locked me up, alone, for so long in the dark. And whenever there was another person there…well…it was never for a pleasant reason. Nate…"
Nathaniel held his hand, his grip strong on the other man as he leaned in and whispered, "I will never let another hurt you like they hurt you. I will make sure you see another sunrise. As long as you wish to have me, you will never be alone again. If you want to spend every night with a candle lit beside us, I would do it. So make it through this night in the dark with me. I won't leave you."
Anders managed a smirk, "Are you getting sentimental about me, Howe? I told you, a few rolls in the hay with me and I'll break your heart."
Nathaniel kissed him almost silently, pulling the Mage's shaking body in his own arms. Anders looked up at him and said softly, "You mean it, don't you?"
"Every word," he replied, kissing him quietly again, "I need you, Anders. It's okay if you need me back."
"I do," Anders whispered, pulling at Nathaniel's breeches, "I need you tonight. Now. I need to feel you. I need to know you're here."
Nathaniel laid Anders on the ground, kneeling above him as he kissed him. Anders hands were determined and soon found their way into Nathaniel's small clothes. He bit his lip to stifle a moan as the mage's hands explored and settled on his cock. As he began to stroke, Nathaniel leaned forward and whispered, "I thought I had to take care of you. Anders…please. Let me take care of you."
Anders paused, looking up at his lover's eyes. There had only been one before who had offered this. Every one else was looking for pleasure. This was a searching for…love. The rogue couldn't say it. Perhaps he never could. But he could do this. Anders didn't know what to say. So instead he nodded, not taking his eyes off him.
Nathaniel gently unlaced Anders from his robes, kissing his belly softly as he placed his hand around the mage's cock. He stroked him gently, kissing him once softly. Then he bent forth and took him into his mouth. Anders wanted to cry out watching Nathaniel's head go up and down, seeing the hunger in his eyes as he licked and sucked him. Anders' hands went into his long dark hair, pulling on it. Nathaniel tended to growl when he was pleased, but he turned it into a smile and winked at his partner. Anders' heart fluttered and Nathaniel stroked harder. His tongue licked around his head, taking in the precum that was already there. His hands reached around to cup the mage's ass, bringing him closer as he took more of him into his mouth. Anders grabbed on Nathaniel's hair harder, wincing as he tried not to moan his name.
Nathaniel took him fully into his mouth and Anders could not help but thrust into him, seeking the release that was so damn close. Nathaniel gripped him tighter, nearly pulling him off the ground. Anders sat up, wrapping his arms around the rogue's shoulders as he continued, moving his mouth closer to the head while he stroked the rest.
Anders whispered into his ear, "I want to come in your mouth. Is that okay?"
Nathaniel smiled and gave his cock an affectionate squeeze.
Anders relaxed then, kissing the back of his neck as he reached his climax. He bit down on Nathaniel's shoulder, trying not to scream as his seed spilt into his mouth and he could feel the rogue licking and swallowing it.
Nathaniel lay on the ground, pulling Anders on to his chest, panting slightly beneath a pleased grin.
"I've actually never done that before," he admitted in a whisper, "You'll have to let me know if I need practice. It seemed to work quite effectively though."
Anders kissed him, tasting himself as well as the tang of Nathaniel's mouth. When their lips parted, he whispered in his ear, "Thank you."
"Always," Nathaniel murmured, pausing as the cry of a darkspawn echoed in the distance. Anders held Nathaniel closer and the rogue kissed the top of his forehead.
"You'll get through tonight," Nathaniel whispered, "Even if I have to stay awake with you the entire time. It would give me time to work on my…technique, if you will."
Anders smirked and teased, "Well, it was not bad…for an amateur, of course."
Nathaniel flipped him over on his back, sliding on top of him and kissing him hard. Anders felt himself smiling throughout the kiss, his teeth hitting the rogue's lips. Nathaniel stroked his cheek and Anders leaned up to press their foreheads together.
The mage whispered in the dark, "I know."
That night, no dreams plagued him.