A/N: This little piece was inspired by a Tumblr prompt. I don't normally write based off of prompts for fear of it being a let down. I can only hope I did the brilliant idea justice. Socks-Lost wanted Maura and Jane years down the road after failed relationships and all the struggles life throws at them. One casually says "Why didn't we date" and the other responds with " You were off limits". I couldn't help but take a chance and write a little something. The idea was beautiful and I hope you enjoy it. (I do not own a bit of Rizzoli & Isles. All those rights go to TNT and it's developers)Read and review!
It had been a good day. A great day. The best day Detective Jane Rizzoli could remember being a part of in far too long. She could recall the first time her mother had brought up the idea of a small reunion of sorts, gathering family and friends that had drifted over the past decade. And as usual Jane thought she was crazy.
It had been nine years since the proposal and seven since Jane's nuptials to Casey Jones. Six years had flown by since her transfer from Boston to the Cambridge Police department in preparation for starting their family. It would be four years that October since her second miscarriage and two long years since the divorce everyone saw coming except Casey.
Throughout those years everyone had changed. The scenery was different and even the air seemed thicker. Winds shifted and it was as if Jane woke up one morning living someone else's life. She was living in an average home in a quiet city with a husband she struggled to relate to. Her family rarely made it for visits and she couldn't remember the last time she openly laughed, not like the way she was doing then. And that laughter had nothing to do with a joke and everything to do with the woman seated beside her. Jane looked to her best friend with shining eyes and couldn't help but wonder how she had survived without Maura Isles by her side.
"So what you're saying is that it took no convincing at all." Jane spoke through a fit of laughter, the back of her hand pressed against her smiling mouth.
"No. I suppose it didn't." Maura took a deep breath and threw her blonde waves over her shoulder. They were a shade lighter than Jane remembered them being, the photos she had received in emails and texts over time did little justice to Maura's timeless beauty.
"My mother called you and said that she'd like for you to host a party. In your home. Just like that?"
"No, Jane, of course not!" Maura pushed at the detective's bicep and chuckled. "She proposed that we have a small 'get-together' of 'the old gang'," Maura had perfected air quotes by this time, a small fact that made Jane smile, "and it should take place in my home like old times. How could I say no?"
"She knew you wouldn't." Jane looked out to the small crowd: her mother was standing proudly beside her husband, Jane's former lieutenant, while a retired Vince Korsak was giving hushed pointers to BPD's Detective Frankie Rizzoli. It seems that the homicide department was most successful with a Rizzoli behind one of the desks.
Jane immediately noticed the absence of her former partner and her mind flashed back to one of the most recent times she saw everyone gathered together as cold casket was slowly lowered into the ground. She bit back the wave of emotion, the anger and grief that still hadn't subsided.
"It doesn't feel like old times though, does it?" Her voice was low, distant as she spoke words laced with sadness and hidden meanings. Not only was the crowd incomplete despite the addition of Tommy's several children and Frankie's wife, but the distance between the doctor and detective was palpable and bordered on awkward. Time changes people, circumstances, and friendships. No matter how special.
"No." Maura broke the silence with the quiet word. She reached across the couch cushion and gripped Jane's right hand tightly. Maura observed her friend, noting the thin wrinkles surrounding her haunted eyes and the few silvery hairs peeking out on her temples. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." During the divorce. She didn't finish the sentence knowing Jane would hear the unspoken.
"It's-" Jane cleared her throat and wondered why it felt so tight, "it's okay, Maur. You have a life in France, I couldn't expect you do fly across the ocean every time I had a bad day." Jane scoffed at the thought. Why would anyone do that for her? "How's Pierre doing anyway?"
"His name is Peter." Maura smirked.
"I know, but that's not very French."
"No, I suppose it's not." A blond head fell and Maura stared at her lap for a long moment. The perfect pleat in her crisp white trousers seemed much more interesting than the conversation she was about to start. "We're not together anymore." Silence. "We haven't been for a few months now." More silence. "He left me for one of his students."
"He what?!" Jane's voice echoed through the open living room. Heads turned and she quickly waved off the attention. She turned back to Maura and noticed the sadness that tainted angelic features. How had she missed it? Had they been separated for so long that she had forgotten how to read her best friend? Jane let go of Maura's soft hand and wiped both of her moist palms on her jean covered thighs.
Suddenly the house seemed too crowded, too loud, and the wrong place to be talking about all the shit life had thrown their way. Somehow over the years they managed to keep in touch and keep their focus on happy news, positive thoughts, and mindless chatter. With that realization Jane stood abruptly and motioned for Maura to follow her. On her way out she grabbed a bottle of wine and a six pack of beer. They walked a familiar path to the small courtyard and eventually the now abandoned guest house. She pulled the cover off the sofa and sat heavily. Jane patted the cushion beside her and Maura immediately occupied the spot. The detective opened a beer and then handed the wine to Maura. After two large gulps she finally spoke again.
"How the hell did we get here?"
"After years of experience I'm fairly certain you're not asking that in the literal sense." Maura took a dainty sip from the long necked bottle.
"You'd be correct, Dr. Isles." Jane laid her head against the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling and hoping that answers would come quickly. "If you would've told me ten years ago that this is where I'd be? I'd have called you crazy."
"What did you expect?" Maura mirrored Jane's position. Her teal, sleeveless silk blouse pulling tight across her chest as she settled into the cushions. She shifted slightly, allowing her arm to press against the length of Jane's. It was the calmest she had felt in ages.
"I have no clue." Jane spoke to the heavens. "Not this."
"Peter and I had been fighting for a while. I should have seen the end coming, but I just thought if I tried a little harder..." Maura let her words trail off.
Jane turned her head to look at her friend. Maura's eyes were closed and she found herself missing the soothing calm she always found there.
"You don't give up on people. It's one of your best qualities and I'm glad that hasn't changed." Jane took another gulp of beer before continuing, "I thought I had to change in order to keep everyone happy. Look how far that got me." A pathetic laugh bubbled from her chest before she sat forward and reached for another beer. Once the metal top was popped she watched as a slight mist danced its way from the opening. "Why did you leave?"
"Why did you?" Maura heard the pain hidden within Jane's question so she didn't try to hide her own anguish.
"Casey wanted to raise a family someplace safe, somewhere where I'd be safe."
"You weren't here." Maura whispered her answer. She took another abrupt drink from her wine. The liquid sloshing loudly in the glass bottle.
"So you moved to France?" Jane looked at Maura with her mouth open. She had figured that her absence had something to do with the doctor leaving the country, but she had no idea it was the sole reason.
"Nothing was the same. Sure I had your family and everyone at the department, but all those things made me miss you more."
"I missed you too." Jane smiled slightly, but the sadness hadn't fully left Maura's features. Every day and every night she fought the regret she felt at leaving Boston and now she was facing the repercussions of making the wrong decision. "All I had to do was stay in Boston." She spoke wistfully. The most important relationship in her life wouldn't have suffered had she stood her ground six years ago.
"I'm moving back." Maura's voice was strong once again. "That's what Peter and I were fighting about. I wanted to come back to Massachusetts and he refused to leave France." The blonde shrugged. "He was a below average lover anyway." A gurgle beside her caught Maura's attention. Jane had choked on a mouthful of beer and dribbled it down the front of her simple red button-up. Maura swatted at a few of the bubbles that continued to pop on her friend's stomach.
"Still as open as ever, I see." Jane laughed despite the burning in her throat. "Ya know, after all of this I can't help but wonder why we just never dated!" Her smile was broad but it quickly died when she noticed Maura didn't see the humor in it like she did.
"You were off limits." Maura sat back again, her eyes glued to the label of her expensively aged wine, the corners of her mouth barely turned up.
"What-"
"Girls!" A loud knock shook the door to the guest house before Angela Rizzoli swung it wide open and made her way into the room. She had barely aged and her voice was just as loud. "I'm sorry to interrupt your little catch-up session but Vince is getting ready to leave."
"It's okay, Angela, it was time we headed back in anyway." Maura stood and made her way outside.
Jane sat on the sofa with nothing more than a faint trail of Maura's perfume left in the doctor's wake. She was still and dumbfounded. Her mind working at a quickened pace in order to solve the riddle Maura had left her with. Off limits? Jane jumped up and made her way to the main house.
xxx
Goodbyes were exchanged and promises were made to do it more often. Each word that slipped from the tall brunette's mouth was only half sincere thanks to being distracted by watching Maura closely. She had yet to look at Jane since arriving back indoors, but if the past decade had taught Jane anything it was patience.
Angela was the last to go, both women hugging her a bit longer than the rest of the guests. When the door had closed behind her Jane turned to Maura immediately and asked, "What did you mean by 'off limits'?"
"Would you like more coffee?" Maura bristled and turned to make her way to the kitchen.
"Maura." Jane spoke the name as a warning, causing the blonde to freeze.
Without turning Maura answered in a hushed tone, "We never dated because you were off limits. Our friendship, the men in your life, my oddities...there were a lot of reasons why."
Jane took a few long strides forward until she was inches behind the doctor. She gripped Maura's elbow and turned the smaller woman. When she looked down into hazel eyes the sadness she saw earlier had been eclipsed by fear. A slight tremor traveled from one body to the other.
"Maur-"
"Plus, you never really showed interest in me like that." Maura looked straight ahead, her eyes level with a dimpled chin. She shook her head at the memory of all the signs that teased her through the years, the flirtations and subtle innuendo. But Jane never gave her more.
"I was scared." The detective admitted with a shaky voice.
"Of what?"
"Never being good enough or being able to give you enough. I knew I could be a best friend, I knew I could be your family." Emotion was making it hard for Jane to speak.
Maura noted the quiver that rippled across Jane's chin.
"But," Jane continued after a beat of silence, "if I told you what I really wanted and you didn't feel the same or if you ended up disappointed? I would have failed in the worst way possible."
Maura stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Jane's waist. Her blond head came to rest on the detective's shoulder, she looked out into her empty home with a thoughtful gaze. It was only a second before strong arms held her back, bringing a bright smile to her face.
"You could never fail me, Jane."
"We always had feelings for each other, didn't we?" Jane questioned in amazement.
"It appears so, yes."
"Do you think, maybe, you still have those feelings?" Jane tightened her grip out of fear that she'd have to look Maura in the eye. Afraid to see the rejection before hearing it.
"Jane." Maura exhaled the name and turned to bury her face in the brunette's neck. The detective's skin was surprisingly warm and soft. "I'll carry those feelings with me for the rest of my life."
Long, thin fingers danced along the last few inches of honey blond hair.
"I should've never left-"
"You should have never married Casey." Maura was quick to retort. Her breath was hot against the detective's sensitive neck. The tip of Maura's nose followed the path of rigid tendons, up to a tensed jaw.
"I didn't know there was an alternative." Jane confessed into Maura's hair, her breathing grew shallow and quick.
"I think you did know, but you were too scared to accept it. We were both scared." The doctor spoke her theory aloud as she moved back enough to look into the most comforting set of eyes she'd ever had the honor of being pierced by.
Jane took that moment to look at her friend, the one person she never doubted her love for. She brought her scarred hands up and held two rosy cheeks in her palms. The pad of her right thumb danced along a small wrinkle that was caused by a deep dimple, a dimple she had lost herself in more times than she could remember. Jane looked into sparkling hazel eyes and thought of the strength, honesty, and tranquility she saw there and depended on for nearly two decades.
This made sense.
Seeing her reflection in those eyes was the only truth Jane had ever known.
"Can we start over?" The question left the taller woman's lips in an exhale.
"No." Maura answered strongly before fixing her gaze on the mouth that lifted her spirit when it smiled and could only serve to mend her heart if only she were allowed to taste it. When she looked back up into Jane's eyes she saw a furrowed brow and uncertainty. "We can pick up where we left off."
Jane released the breath that was burning her lungs and renewed her gentle grip on the doctor's smiling face.
"I would like that very much." A lone tear escaped from Jane's long lashes and rolled its way to her chin.
Jane leaned forward and closed the remaining distance between their faces.
The two women didn't hesitate to lose themselves in their first kiss. The softness of each other's mouth was awe inspiring and the pace was slow. Smooth skin brushed along glossy, succulent lips. The top of a velvety soft tongue dared to experience its first taste of a woman akin to a drug. Sweetness and spice were present, urgency and a surprising hint of relaxation took over both bodies before one woman pulled away.
"Before we go any further I need to tell you that I love you, Jane. I have, for so many years it seems silly now." Maura placed her palm against the detective's rapidly beating chest.
"I love you, too." Jane looked down with a pained expression before looking to Maura with a smile, a fresh, born-again smile that radiated elation. "The love I have for you," she paused a moment before she knew she could trust her shaking voice again, "the way I love you, it's the only thing I've ever truly believed in all these years. I just wish it hadn't taken us so long to get here."
"We have lost time to make up for, yes." Maura fingered an ebony curl that fell against Jane's shirt. "But we're here now. Let's make the most of it, shall we?" Maura was pulling Jane into a searing kiss. This one much more heated and determined than the first. She released the breathless detective and gave her a salacious smile.
"What's that look for?" Jane's hands went from Maura's shoulders and down to the curve of her waist, pulling her fuller hips against her own slender form.
"It just occurred to me that this is a lot like old times." Both of Maura's hands were now on Jane's chest, just an inch from her breasts.
"What memories are you replaying?" Jane quirked an eyebrow. "I definitely don't remember any kissing."
"Well, no. That part is most certainly new." Maura placed a quick kiss on Jane's unsuspecting smile. "You came here today with the expectation of staying in the guest room, but we both know you're going to end up in my bed."
"Just like old times." Jane repeated Maura's sentiment and laughed. She gripped at the front if the doctor's white trousers, sliding her index fingers into the waistband to keep Maura in place. "Except now I won't fight to keep my hands to myself." Jane kissed Maura again.
"Please don't." Maura spoke against Jane's open mouth. "What do you say we clean up and go to bed?"
"What do you say we save the cleanup for tomorrow and go straight to bed now?" Jane's voice dropped to a rumbling whisper as she spoke.
"Don't you have to head back to Cambridge early?"
"I'll be giving my notice when I get back so I may as well use some of my sick days."
"Then I think I'll race you to the bedroom." Maura wiggled from Jane's arms with a wink and made her way to the stairs.
Jane Rizzoli just looked on with a smile and thought about how all the loneliness and pain was worth it. She had managed to come full circle, but now she had a bit more knowledge and experience behind her, giving her the confidence necessary to love Maura Isles the way she deserved, the way Jane always had.