They Say True Love Hurts
I still say your name when I'm talking in sleep.
And in the long light, I play it all fine.
But I can't handle it when I turn off my night light
It had started a couple of weeks ago with these dreams about a man. A man Lisa was sure she had never met before.
At first it was simple things like meeting him in a bar, flirting with him and asking him to teach her to play pool. She had already known how to play pool. She could practically feel his body pressed up against hers as they leaned over the pool table.
Riding around in his black car, laughing as he called it his baby.
Rushing out to meet him as he brought Ben back unharmed and promising her that her son was fine.
Watching him teach Ben how to take care of the truck…his baby, that black car, hid away in the garage under a sheet.
Coming home to find him on the kitchen floor drinking cough syrup just to sleep without dreaming.
One night Ben had woke her up, calling her name and shaking her shoulders. Apparently he had been on the way to the bathroom when he heard her calling out a man's name sounding afraid. Figuring she was having a nightmare he had woken her. Dean. She couldn't remember knowing a man named Dean…but maybe…the man in the dreams…
And then the dreams became more real, she woke up from each one, her body shaking.
Calling into work to spend the day at home with the man, tearing their clothes off of one another and making love on practically every surface in the house.
The man teaching her how to take apart a gun, put it back together and load the gun before teaching her to shoot it. Every lesson ending with the gun forgotten while they explored each other's bodies.
Talking on the phone with the man, telling him it was over, that she couldn't do it anymore before hanging up and collapsing on the bed, her body shaking with sobs.
Strange men coming into her home and taking her Ben to some place, claiming that this man would come to them for her and the boy.
Feeling like a stranger in her own body and not being able to control her movements or words.
Stabbing herself in an attempt to hurt the man.
Waking up in the hospital with no idea who the man was, listening to him claim to have been the person who hit them in the car accident.
Dean.
She woke up, gasping for breath, her heart pounding inside of her chest. Dean. She remembered. She remembered it all. They hadn't really been dreams but memories. Every dream had been a part of her life with Dean. She remembered it all, every single kiss, every single fight, everything. Why had she forgotten him? How could she forget someone like Dean Winchester? She had been positive it was impossible, having wished it would happen so many times after they had broken up. She knew he had somehow done something or had something done to her and Ben. But why? And how could he do such a thing? Her mind, Ben's mind, they were precious things. He had had no right to mess with them in such a way.
Flipping over the covers she had gotten out of bed to get her phone, determined to call the man and give him a piece of her mind. But his number was gone and it was still too fuzzy for her to remember. It was the only thing she couldn't fully remember. She could just see it in her mind, the blurred numbers in her phone, but trying to remember gave her a headache.
The anger had only lasted a few days before it faded away into understanding, sadness and depression. He had always been worried that something evil, some demon or some creature would use her and Ben against him…and it had finally happened. He had probably been terrified. And to make matters worse she had gotten possessed. Or she's assuming that's what happened to her. And then the demon made her stab herself, trying to kill her. Dean had had to carry her to the car and rush the hospital. And poor Ben, he had seen it all too. She figured Dean had only been doing what he had thought was best for her and Ben by erasing their memories. But how did that help? So they hadn't remembered them. Did he remember them? Because if he did, demons or whatever, could still use them against him…to get to him. She didn't see how it helped him at all.
Now that she remembered the days didn't seem so bright anymore. She missed Dean more than she had thought was possible. She missed waking up with him, his soft lips roaming over hers, his unshaved face against her cheeks. She missed being able to lay in bed with him and talk about anything and everything as she traced his scars. She missed his off key singing as he moved around the house and helped her make breakfast. She missed the way he made her smile, the way he knew exactly what to say to push her buttons.
Not wanting anyone to know something was wrong, she made sure to hide it well. She didn't let anyone know she was upset, she kept a smile on her face through every class and as she talked to friends. She went out for drinks with her friends, went to Ben's games and cheered him on. But when the sun went down and she turned off her light and climbed into bed the tears fell. She clutched at his pillow, his scent completely gone but she could remember it.
She had always heard the saying that true love hurts but she had never believed it. How could love hurt? Especially if it was true love? But now she understand. True love was rare, so rare that it could be ripped away without warning. The ache she felt inside of her never went away, no matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried to forget again, it was constantly there. Every day felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest. Every day it was harder and harder to force a smile and force food down her throat.
Why had this happened? Why didn't they deserve to be happy? Especially Dean? He had saved so many people, had sacrificed so much, had lost more…why didn't he deserve to be happy? Why take something like this away from him? Why couldn't he be a hunter and a lover? Who said he couldn't have both?
She would give almost anything to change this. To have Dean back in her life, to see him smile again, hear him laugh. Most of her best memories evolved him in some way, shape, or form. Like the time they had acted like teenagers, sneaking into a concert through the back entrance and holding each other as they danced to the music. Or staying up all night just to watch the sun rise from the roof. Or the way he had held her hand during the very odd chick flick she roped him into watching. And of course the way he laughed as he held her while they watched scary movies together and she slapped him, reminding him that not everyone was a Hunter.
Then the day came that she saw him. Saw Dean Winchester.
She was with Ben on one of the school field trips a few hours away from home. They were inside a museum, looking at the old artifacts from some Native American site when she caught sight of Sam. She knew it was Sam because it wasn't his face she saw on random strangers on the street…but his brothers. Looking away quickly she had tried to regain her breath, a hand going to her stomach as she breathed slowly in her nose and out of her mouth. When she finally had enough nerve to turn around and chance another look there he was, standing next to Sam looking heartbroken. She knew her face gave it all away…that she remembered. Because his face fell from sad to guilty and surprised. She opened her mouth, wanting to yell across the room at him. Say anything, anything at all. But she couldn't. Instead she closed her eyes tight and turned away.
He had wanted this.
She would give him what he wanted.
But she would give it all to be selfish and run to him, demanding for answers. All she wanted was to be held in his arms.
And I would give it all, to not be sleeping alone. The life is fading from me, while you watch my heart bleed.
Young love murder, that is what this this must be. And I would give is all, to not be sleeping alone.