Disclaimer: Nope, not mine.

Warning: Mention of rape.

He says anything and everything he can to hurt me. He spits out curses and insults, criticizing my words, questioning my motives, my love for him. He says how much he hates me, how much he regrets meeting me, how much he wished I never existed.

I stand there; shocked. Amazed at how such a beautiful face, how such soflt lips that had whispered the sweetest endurements just hours before as he held me; are now marred with hatred.

He will scream at me, and push me away until I leave. Until I run in the path that he's soving me. I always bend to his will. Get out of your apartment? Sure. Get into your bed? No problem. Walk off that cliff. Gladly. I'll do anywhere if he desires it. I"ll do anything if it'll make him happy.

I'd die if it would make you love me.

But he doesn't understand that. The words keep coming, stinging an dleaving cuts and bruses and stabs on my soul.

Tears are rolling down my cheeks. His smile says triumphant... but his eyes show me his pain and regret.

Confused, I tear out of the apartment sobs racking my soul, chocking my throat. Tremors shaking my body, leaving me weak and unsteady.

He cannot love me. He cannot give himself to me. Cannot love me as much as he fears pain. Fears loss.

If you have nothing, you can loose nothing.

I clamp my eyes closed. I'm not even sure where I am. Something is rough and digging in my back, scrapping at the exposed skin on my legs.

"I love you." I say to no one at all

I love everything about you. I love your face, your touch, your body, your skin, your fingers. Your lips, your voice. Those amber eyes and even the hards words that you throw at me. God help me, I even love your pain.

I love everything and all of you. I want you, I crave you. I want, no, I need you. I can't live without you.

Please love me.

For I'd die without you.

He's taking me. This man who I don't know. He's holding my weak body against his, threatening me with breath that smelled of vodka and sake.

I can't fight him. I can't run from him. This man who is not my lover. He takes me. He rapes me.

The pain is unbelievable. It' snot Yuki. This isn't him. He shouldn't be touching me, his shouldn't be in those places left only for Yuki.

He will come for me. He will come for me. He will come for me.

Any moment now. Any second now. Any second. When I open my eyes, when I cry out. Just when I give up, Yuki will show up with those mocking eyes and accidently relieve all of my stresses.

Even though I can't scream for him. Even though I can't reach for him. He will come for me. He will claim me. He will make this stop.

... For I'd die without you...

He came for me. Far to late. That stranger, that taker had abandoned me long ago. Left me empty, stuck within my own mind. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank...

I wonder what my face looked like, when he saw me. I can't remember what I felt. Anger? Regret? Fear? Relief?

He came for me, came to me and picked me up in his arms.

What did his face look like? As he held me? As he carried me back to his apartment. Keeping discretly to the shadows. What words did he sat to me as he looked at me with those bright amber eyes.

What as that emtion behind them? Hatred? Disgust? Remorse? Guilt? Pity?

Love?

Your body does strange things when you aren't focusing on it. It can move in all sorts of ways, and easily follow the commands of a blonde who's voice I cannot hear.

Take your clothes off. They're instantly on the floor.Get in the shower. I'm standing under the spray. Dry off. Soon the towel is dripping wet. Lay down. I'm under the covers. Get some rest. I sleep.

Eat, drink, smile, be happy. Live. I could survive forever with no will of my own, doing only as he desired.

I'm asked countless questions by countless different people. I don't know what my answers were. Much less how I managed to talk. When your mind leaves your body, it has a funny way of forgetting things.

He stood in the corner of the room the entire time. As different doctors and police officers come in... one taking sketches and statements, the other taking samples of I don't even want to know what.

I just lay there, like I did earler. I close my eyes and wait for it all to go away. Wait for the pain to end. Wait for the noise to end. I wait for him to come to me and make everything alright.

He will come for me. He will come for me. He will come--.

There's a weight on the edge of the bed. He's near me. Sighing. For the first time in forever, I think he doesn't have anything to say.

I can't say anything. I can't speak. He's looking at me with those amber eyes, conflicting emotions behind them. I can feel his pain. His regret. I can see his hurt and guilt. I can remember all of his vicious memories being forced to the surface.

He's asking me all these questions in a gentle voice. Am I okay? What happened? Am I in pain? Cold?

But what he really wants to ask is: 'Do you hate me now?'

I tell him no, and through some convincing, he slides into bed next to me.

He cannot love me. He cannot love me. He is far to frail and too weak to. You coul dnever tell by looking at him. By seeing his cool demenor. His 3,000 dollar suits. Expensive colognes masking his musky scent and traces of his cigarettes. You'd never know how weak he is.

How much he's breaking because of this. He feels it's his fault. He feels it's his words that caused this. His rejection. His shoving and his pushing that had caused me to leave. His words that had stung and burned that had sent me into that man's arms.

It was him that had caused me to be raped.

I don't regret it. Not at all. I'd give anything for these tender moments. I'm not sharing with my love. I'd throw it all away, my friends, family, music, I'd give it all up just to be in his arms. Just to be near him.

I'd give my soul away if I could just touch him.

I'm crying. I don't know why. There are sobs choking up out of my soul and racking through my empty body.

Love me. Please love me. Be with me. Feel what I feel. Have your heart feel mine. Know this feeling. Understand this craving for you eyes, your lips, you body. Want me the same way. Yuki please... just love me.

He's holding me, offering words of undiluted concern and warmth. Telling me that he's here and that everything is alright. He's attempting to wipe away the tears that are rolling down my face.

God, I love you so much, please just love me. Tell me you love me.

"I love you." He says, crushing our lips together, swallowing my sobs.

...For I'd die without you...

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!

A.N. This is jut kind of something I cooked up during one of my insomniac nights. I toyed with it in my head for a bit, and finally sat down during class and wrote it.