Disclaimer - I own nothing, as usual. Please don't sue, only the plot is mine.
AN: Partner fic to Through the Werewolf's eyes, though you dont need to have read that, it could be a good idea to get the whole story. From Sirius' POV in 1st person, incase people get confused. I wont say any more. Enjoy =)
You know you've gone mad, when you start to notice the insignificant things about a place. Things that you never really noticed before; even though you've spent almost all of the last seven years of your life living in the place.
My thoughts, as I looked around the Gryffindor common room were that I had never quite noticed the shape of the fireplace, or how the flames danced in it. And really, why I had never noticed just how plush the couches were. Anything; anything as long as it took my mind off him.
He had plagued my thoughts for too many a night. For the last six months, I had been entirely consumed by one Mr. Remus J. Lupin. Everything about him fascinated me; and everything made my stomach feel funny, like I had been punched, but in a good way…
Yeah, I knew I had completely lost it. I was looking at the insignificant little details of our common room only to keep myself from staring at him. He was sitting beside James, the latter trying to copy the formers essay, and failing miserably might I add. It was fairly endearing to watch my two best friends fight silently over the piece of parchment. Remus was almost hanging off his chair at this point as he shifted further and further away from the bespectacled stare of the boy beside him.
James, giving up it seemed, heaved a huge and over dramatic sigh, and stood up, sweeping his books into his bag and then carefully folding his parchment and placing it in the bag as well.
"I'm off to bed; it's far too late to think coherently anymore, night boys"
Remus waved a hand in farewell, not looking up from the essay, and I gave the retreating boy a hasty smile. I was so sure James had no idea why I stayed down here so late, only retiring when Remus did; he just thought I was a little weird.
"Sirius why don't you head to bed, I might be a while, I think I can write the last ten inches of this tonight if I really try" Remus sighed suddenly, looking up at me, his eyes boring into mine, causing my traitorous heart to skip a beat.
"I'm alright Moony, don't worry about it, I like keeping you company"
Remus thought about it for a moment, his eyes raking over me, as I lounged in my chair; which was propped on two legs leaning against the wall behind me. Then he smiled slightly and bent his head over the parchment again.
Merlin, but if that boy knew what he had been doing to me recently.
I imagined that he wouldn't be too happy of course, after all, this is Remus, pure of heart and soul, tainted by none, least of all his best friend. His male best friend. No one got close to Remus, ever. I don't know how I had managed it throughout the years. We were close. I had confided so many of my problems to him. And I had always been the one who he could tell anything, and the one who had sat through so many nights with him when his Father fell ill and he couldn't go to him. I was the first person he came to the night he got the owl saying his Father was going to be fine, and he had hugged me so tight, thanking me for being there.
I guess looking back; I could probably say that I started to have feelings for him around that point in time. Almost two years ago, had the years really gone by so fast? I couldn't imagine how I had managed to hide my feelings, even from myself. Everyone was drawn to Remus; everyone knew how close we were.
But I was almost certain I was kidding myself. Remus would never have feelings for someone like me. He needed someone who was like him, level headed, with their feet firmly on the ground. And primarily female of course; that was the main thing it seemed.
"Stop staring at me Padfoot, it's disconcerting"
I felt myself blush, and fought it down as Remus slowly lifted his head, clearly wary at my lack of an answer. He raised one perfect eyebrow at me, and slowly, as though he was trying to find the right words for the situation, opened his mouth to speak.
"Why do you stay here with me every night until I go to bed?"
To say the question took me by surprise would be a major understatement. I blinked a few times, looking at him carefully, letting my chair thump forward onto the floor, almost losing my balance in the process. His arm reached out to steady me, as I grabbed onto him for support, and thankfully, managed to avoid landing on my arse. The common room was empty of all but us, and I was so thankful.
He was looking down now, and I could see the heat of the blush making its way up his neck, and his grip on my arm tightened slightly. My breath caught slightly in my throat at the implications of his reactions just to touching me. I squeezed his forearm, which I was still holding, a gentle caressing squeeze, and heard him inhale sharply, his brown eyes never leaving the floor, and I knew in that moment that it was now or never.
I leaned forward, moving so that my face was underneath him, and tentatively; oh so tentatively, pressed my lips against his softly. His answering gasp made me pull back, another damned blush making its way up my cheeks. I couldn't believe that I had taken this leap, and my breathing became a little hitched as I realized that I would probably never be able to look him in the eye again; he was sure to hate me.
I glanced up, to find Remus watching me, a strange look in his eyes, which I couldn't read. Really; I didn't know what he was going to do. I was leaning more towards him punching me, when he leaned in again, and pressed his lips roughly against mine. I inhaled from the shock, of all the things I had been expecting; this was not one of them.
His lips against mine, just felt so…right. Was there any other way for me to describe it…I didn't think so at that moment. I wrapped my head around the situation eventually and kissed him back, putting everything I felt into this kiss. His tongue probed against mine, stirring my groin and I moaned slightly, which seemed only to spur him on.
When I had need for air, since I had forgotten to breath; I broke the kiss reluctantly, and pressed my forehead against his. He was breathing heavily, and his eyes were glazed over with what I recognized as lust. I was sure my own mirrored his as we gazed into each other's eyes.
"How long?" I asked, my voice raspy from the lack of air.
"Years," he said simply, and I nodded slightly, knowing that it had been so long that we had denied these feelings, and now, at seventeen, they had built up to such a climax that we were now both in too deep.
From that first kiss, he had me hooked, and I would be damned if I was going to let him cast me away.
He smiled slightly as he captured my lips again in a brief kiss, and then replaced his gazing into my eyes. There were not words for this moment; young as I know I was. I was going to be in deep shit for this, I knew that much. People would be shocked. Girls would be devastated, but for some strange reason, I didn't actually care. I was with him now, and that was all that mattered for the moment.
Falling in love with your best friend is never normally a good idea. But when that best friend loves you back, it's the most amazing thing ever. Would I get my own happy ever after? I couldn't tell you; not even if I studied Divination as a career. But I had him for now, and strangely; that was enough.