It was near the end of a long day of selling. Jack leaned against the side of an old pharmacy, looking over the last two papers in his hands. The sun was going to start setting soon, and he needed to sell his last two papers before it got too late. Someone had to make sure the younger kids made it back to the Lodging House safely, and that was his sole responsibility now.
Jack straightened back up, deciding to walk the streets a bit longer. If he didn't sell his papers quickly the other kids were going to start wondering what was taking him so long; he had to finish sooner than everyone else so that no one was left looking for him, so that he would be there when everyone came back and have someone to greet them at home. So many kids were his responsibility now, he hadn't asked for any of it. He hadn't wanted to be the leader of the Manhattan newsies, but as luck would have it that was the role he was given. He was still only fifteen, he was too young to take on that responsibility. But the others looked up to him, he couldn't let them down or show weakness. He had to be strong, for all of them.
Jack watched as people walked past, scanning the crowd for viable customers. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a lady dressed in black and white standing on a street corner by the church. A nun collecting money for charity, a perfect target. Jack made his way over to her pulling up his best pathetic face, and holding out his newspaper.
"Evening pape, sister?" Jack asked, holding out the newspaper for her to see. The nun smiled down at him, her expression softening even more than it already was (if that were possible).
"Of course," she said, holding out a penny for him. "But young sir, what's the matter?" she asked, her voice sounding concerned. "You're crying."
Jack stared blankly at her, reaching up to feel his face, which was indeed wet with tears. When had he started crying? He hadn't meant to play up the pity angle that much. He quickly wiped his eyes with his sleeve, handing over the newspaper she had bought.
She took it graciously, but still held Jack's eyes. "What's bothering you, dear? Would you like to talk about it?"
Jack shook his head, feeling very exposed. He didn't mean to cry in front of her, he wasn't even sure why he was doing it, but it made him feel insecure, like he wanted to hide his face and never come out again. "I gotta sell my last pape and get home," he explained, shuffling on his feet impatiently.
"If I buy your last paper would you sit and talk with me?" the nun asked kindly. Her eyes were full of worry, and Jack was finding it hard to say no.
His eyes lit up a little at the mention of her buying his paper. He debated it in his head for a moment, then decided that it would be better than going through the trouble of finding another customer to sell to, especially with it getting so late. He nodded, handing over the last paper, as the nun handed him another penny.
"Now," she said, kneeling down a bit to be closer to his level. "Tell me what's bothering you?"
Jack thought about it, wiping at his eyes again. He shrugged, not really knowing what to say or where to start. He wasn't in the habit of sharing his feelings with many people, let alone perfect strangers. But the way she stared at him with those eyes, almost pleading to be helpful, Jack somehow found himself opening up without even realizing he had.
"I'se tired," he admitted. "I'se tired of working, of looking after everyone, of making sure no one's sick or hurt or broke or hungry. I'se tired of being the one everyone looks to for help, cause I can't help them, I'se still just a kid. I just want to be kid for once, and not have to worry about where my next meal's coming from, or if I'll have enough money to pay my rent for the night. I'se tired of worrying that I'll make a mistake and let everyone down, or worse have our territory be taken over by another group. I'se . . . I'se just tired."
The nun gave him a sympathetic look. "Why do you feel responsible for so much?" she asked.
"Because, it is my responsibility," Jack explained. "They decided for me to be in charge, and now I'se gotta live with it. They didn't even ask if me if I wanted to be, but everyone expects it of me and I can't let them down. They need someone to look after them and no one else is stepping up to the plate so I have to."
"That's a great deal of responsibility for someone so young," the nun said.
Jack nodded. "It ain't fair," he complained. "Nothing about life is fair no more. Kids my age, we'se supposed to be in school, or with our families, but none of them got families, cause they didn't want them or something, and that just ain't fair."
"No, it's not," the nun agreed. "But unfortunately, life isn't fair. Life is full of hardships, and sometimes bad things will happen to people who don't deserve it. But you have to straighten yourself up, look life right in the face, and tell it that you won't be beaten, no matter how many odds are against you."
Jack frowned. "But what if life is bigger than you? And meaner?"
"Well," the nun said. "You'll just have to be stronger, and kinder. Nothing fights against evil quite like love, and as long as you're full of it, you'll never lose your way."
"But what if I'se already lost my way?" Jack asked.
"You're still here, aren't you?" the nun questioned. "You have papers to sell and people to look after who look up to you and admire you; you haven't lost your way. You just might be a little confused about the current direction, is all."
"And if I do lose my way?" Jack asked. "What do I do then?"
The nun smiled. "Look to the sky, and help will find its way to you."
"And if there's nothing there?" Jack questioned.
"There's always something there," the nun assured him. "Though, we may not always be able to see it, if we have faith, it'll make itself known to us."
"I don't think I have a lot of faith, sister," Jack mumbled, looking down at his feet.
"You're still fighting for another day, aren't you?" the nun asked. "It takes a great deal of faith to keep going like that. Don't underestimate yourself, dear. I think you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for."
"How do you know?" Jack asked, looking back up at her.
"Because I see it in your eyes," the nun said. "Something more powerful than any amount of tiredness or hardships."
"What is it?" Jack asked, his eyes lighting up.
The nun smiled. "Hope."
Jack grinned, wiping away the final stray tears from his eyes. "Thanks, sister," he said.
"You're very welcome," the nun replied. "And what is your name, young man?"
"Jack," he answered. "Jack Kelly. What do they call you?"
"Sister Hope!" a voice called from the church entrance. "It's getting late; we must all come inside!"
The nun straightened up, dusting herself off. "Well, it's time I let you go, Jack Kelly," she said. "Remember our conversation, and always keep your head up, alright?"
Jack nodded. "I hear ya," he said.
The nun gave him one final smile before turning and heading towards the church, carrying her small bucket of change. Jack pocketed his pennies, making his way back towards the Lodging House, a new skip in his step. He looked to the sky, the sun setting low and casting brilliant colors across the clouds. The day was coming to a close, the promise of a new one bright and shining in his mind. Even though it may be hard, Jack knew he would be okay. He had hope.