This is a fic based on a mashup I did of "I'm Not That Girl" from Wicked, "Love Will Find A Way" from Lion King II, and "Come What May" from Moulin Rouge. The individual songs are not mine (although I did alter some of the lyrics slightly to made them fit better) but the arrangement is mine. So please don't nick it without without crediting me. The characters belong to Ryan Murphy and his wonderful world of Glee.
Hands touch
They often did group dances in Glee club, and holding hands was a common part of the choreography. But he'd never had to hold Puck's hand before. Kurt could feel callouses on his fingers, so different from his own.
Eyes meet
He had been sent as an ambassador for the girls, yet again. Trying to explain to a group of teenaged males that the girl didn't appreciate their wandering eyes was not an enviable task, but he had caught Puck's eye as he spoke, and there was an odd look of understanding in his eyes as he'd nodded his agreement.
Sudden silence
Sudden heat
Kurt had snuck in to use the showers after Cheerios practice, but was surprised to hear the water turn off as he entered. Puck emerged from the showers, wearing nothing but a towel and humming ''Luck Be A Lady". They had both stopped and stared at each other, neither expecting the other to be present. Kurt had blushed and turned away when he'd realised he'd been staring at the footballer's chest.
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
What he had once felt about Finn, he realised was only a crush, a youthful fantasy. Only Puck could now send him reeling, his heart speeding up involuntarily whenever someone mentioned the jock's name.
He could be that boy;
I'm not that girl.
He'd seen the look on Puck's face when his mom had called to say that Quinn had gone into labour. He knew he'd never be able to replace her in Puck's mind. And he would never be able to give Puck a child. But he would love him. Love him enough he sometimes thought it might make up for the fact that he was a boy. Even though he knew it never would.
I was so afraid
Now I realise
Love is never wrong
And so it never dies
Looking back, he realised he'd been in denial all these years. It was Puck he'd really wanted all along, but the utter hopelessness of the situation had meant he'd transferred his affections to someone who at least treated him like a human being. But now he accepted his true feelings. He loved Noah Puckerman. There was nothing he could do about it. And he had a sneaking suspicion that he always would.
There's a perfect world
Shining in your eyes
The look in Noah's eyes as he'd held his daughter for the first and last time caused Kurt's heart to melt. The jock had so much love to give, but no way to express it.
And if only you could feel it too
The happiness I feel with you
Kurt and Puck had been chosen to work together by the Hat of Fate. They'd worked well together, to everyone's surprise, but Kurt knew that Puck felt nothing but friendship towards him. That hadn't stopped him revelling in every moment he spent in the Mowhawked teen's company. From that first uncertain moment when Noah had pulled his name out, they'd taken the first tentative steps to becoming friends.
I know, love would find a way
Somehow we'd come through
Now that I've found you.
He sometimes wondered what would happen if he told Noah how he felt. He knew that, realistically, he'd be shot down in flames, but that didn't stop a part of him from hoping, imagining that the bigger boy had secretly loved him all along. He would spend his free hours just thinking, dreaming of what might have been. Pictures of the two of them at the park, at the zoo, at a restaurant, at their home, growing old together flashed across his mind. But he knew it could never be. Kurt was Noah's friend, the guy he came to when he needed advice. Nothing more.
Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what might had been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in.
A slushie thrown by Karofsky brought him back to reality with a bang. This was his life, his reality. He would spend his days being pushed aside and bullied. He was the freak, the weirdo who wore a tuquoise lamé dress and ten inch heels to school. He would never find someone who would love him back. And even if he did, that someone would never be Noah, never be the one man he truly wanted, had always wanted. They were friends, but that was all they could ever be. It broke his heart a little.
Come what may,
Come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day
Kurt sat at the back of Glee, watching Puck wrap his arm protectively around Quinn. He knew now what love really was. It was wanting someone with all your heart, but still caring more for that person's happiness than your own. It was feeling the agony of unrequited affection, but it being drowned out in the happiness of seeing that person with someone they truly loved.
Come what may,
Come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day.
He had gone to the wedding, seen Miss Quinn Fabray become Mrs Noah Puckerman, and he had smiled and laughed with the rest of them. That part of him that wanted to hate her for winning the man he wanted was completely overruled by the part that saw just how happy she made him. He couldn't hate someone who made Noah so joyful, so alive.
Don't wish
Don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
He'd lain in bed, listening to his Wicked soundtrack over and over. Yes, it hurt when he thought about how he could never make Puck as happy as Quinn could. It hurt when he stepped out of his fantasy that he and Noah could run away together, spend their lives together. But it didn't stop him from wishing.
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl.
As he was made godfather to their first legitimate baby he realised that he could still be happy. He might not have Noah's love, but he had his friendship. And while he knew that his feelings would never be returned, in a way it didn't matter. In his own way, he made Noah happy - he was the friend he could always turn to, whose advice he could always trust.
To be wanted, and needed, by the man you love - well, sometimes that was enough.