Living With This Fear
It wasn't an irrational fear to Lisa. It was a serious fear that she had and knew she had a right to have it. She never told anyone, who could she tell? None of her friends knew what Dean's job really was, she couldn't talk to them, cry to them, have a shoulder to lean on. Sam? Wouldn't that be a great conversation. No, that would be too uncomfortable. Ben? He was too young and it would be too strange to talk about it with him. She was alone in this. And sometimes she hated it. She hated that she couldn't talk to anyone about the fear like other women could to their friends. She had to keep it all to herself and sometimes all of it made her sick to her stomach.
But this fear…it was something she thought about a lot. Maybe not every day, but often enough to cause her stomach to tighten with fear and jealousy. She had always had the fear, but it escalated the day Dean told her about having dinner with a Hunter buddy named Jo. She had replied back asking if he had known the man long…but to her surprised Jo turned out to be a woman.
Now, Lisa was a pretty confident woman. She was happy with her body, especially for having had a child. She kept up with yoga and running and watching what she ate to keep herself in shape. She thought she looked good in the tight yoga pants she wore for class or the short dress she wore out with the girls. She knew Dean enjoyed her personality because she fought with him, she was her own woman and no one would walk over her. But the confidence ended in her world…the world where no one knew about the supernatural and what was really out there.
When it came to the world of Hunters and monsters and demons, Lisa knew nothing except what Dean had taught her. But it wasn't enough to be comfortable in that world. She had always thought that Hunters were men…but then she learned about Jo. A female Hunter and Lisa's worst fear became more realistic.
That fear?
That Dean would realize she wasn't right for him. That he needed someone who knew about his world, who knew how to handle situations that would arise. That could keep up with him and he didn't have to worry about keeping safe. It had to get tiring worrying about her and Ben constantly. Wondering if they were safe or if some demon knew about them and would use them against him.
Lisa knew the apple pie life wasn't right for Dean. He had been like a caged animal that year he had lived with her and Ben. In all honesty she was surprised he had made it a year. The normal life wasn't for Dean, no matter how much he said he wanted it. He was and always would be, a Hunter.
Being with a female Hunter would mean less stress and more time together. Phone calls and text messages only got one so far. And the random visits every few weeks for a couple of days were nice…but if he could be with someone constantly….
It was why she got so snappy when she found out about Jo. She had asked if the woman was pretty, knowing Dean would be honest with her. He had told her she was pretty.
Lisa had wanted nothing more than to throw her phone across the room, to scream and yell that she didn't want him around this woman. But she hadn't. Instead she got snappy, wondering if they had been traveling together long before going quite and giving him one word answers.
It wasn't very mature and she knew he knew she was upset…but he didn't say anything. She wanted to tell him her fear but figured he would laugh at her. But part of her was terrified it would put ideas into his mind and she would lose him. But that didn't stop her from wanting to meet this other woman and find out her flaws…if there were any.
It was a fear she would always live with until the day it came true. Because Lisa Braeden was one hell of a woman…but she wasn't a Hunter.