I'm NEVER found without chocolate. It's ALWAYS at my disposal. I ask for it and it's ALWAYS given to me. No questions, end of story, shut your face.

But I can't find my candy bar. In fact, I can't find ANY candy bars. Anywhere. No questions, end of story, shut your face.

I made some sort of a growl noise as I searched the building. There's nothing anywhere! Not even chocolate chip or chocolate ice cream. As the leader of the worlds most feared gang, I DEMAND MY DAMN CHOCLATE!

Snap!

As if my entire being was drawn to the sound, I spun to the snap. It wasn't like a snap of the fingers, it was more of a crunch.

A chocolate snap like crunch thing.

There was nothing there. I DEMAND THERE BE SOMETHING THERE!

"H'lo?" I said and it echoed through the empty hallway. "Anyone there?"

"Yes."

NOTHING startles me. No questions, end of story, shut your face.

Yet the small voice did and I jumped.

"Uh... Where are you, random person?"

"I'm not sure. Planet earth I think, but I may be confused with Mars. They're very similar."

"Haha, very funny! Show your gosh darned face."

Something stirred from behind a pile of boxes. Its hair was red and it was wearing a rather ugly vest and stripes.

"You trying to make a fashion statement or something?"

The creature glanced down at his outfit, shrugged and grinned. "Least I'm not wearing leather and a lesbian haircut."

My eyes widened. How dare this animal degrade me like that! I suddenly felt weak from my chocolate withdrawal and I remembered my original motive from coming down here anyways.

"You got any chocolate?"

"Sorry, I don't speak gangster."

I sighed. "Do you have any chocolate?"

He shrugged again. "Yeah. I do.

I grunted and looked for something to through at him. "May I PLEASE have some?"

"Some what?'

"SOME DAMN CHOCOLATE!"

He laughed. "Sure." He held out a chocolate bar and suddenly my entire, being, soul, self focused in on the rectangle. It was necessary for survival, an instinct. I lunged for it, unwrapped it and stuck the whole thing in my mouth. Nothing had ever tasted so damn good. I finished after a few minutes.

"Thanks, man."

"No offense, but that was the 2nd weirdest thing I have ever seen in my life."

Wow. "What was the first, then?"

He blinked. "A purple unicorn swimming in an ocean of whipped cream while garden gnomes danced on a rainbow."

"Are you all there in the head?" I tapped my skull.

"I'm Matt."

"Mello."

"You don't seem like it."

"No one here does."

He laughed. "Welcome to Wammys!"

That was the first time anyone has properly welcomed me here. I don't know why, but I was touched.

Matt handing the box that was next to him. I looked inside.

It was chocolate.

This guy is the best.