Hello, Lovelies! I know it's been a while, having a bit of a hard time lately. Here is a very emotional one-shot, I hope you find it written well. I am trying to get over this block and finish my WIPs, I promise they aren't abandoned!
I want to give a shout out to MrBenzedrine for being an amazing Beta. Thank you for everything, you are amazing and without your support I may not have posted this.
My wonderful and amazing Alphas, thedarklordherself, jamies-lady, and sinful824 that read through this for me. You all rock and helped me more than you know!
**TRIGGER WARNING: INVOLVES SUICIDE ISSUES**
As always, I only own my imagination...
It was two in the morning when Hermione was told to come to the hospital for an emergency. She didn't expect to see Draco Malfoy half dead, his left forearm ripped open and bleeding profusely. Blaise was sitting in the chair by his bed, tears threatening to leave his eyes. It took all she had not to turn her eyes at the sight; it was too much to digest.
Blaise watched his best friend lying on the bed, his eyes closed and a pained look stuck on his face. He just wished he had come to the Manor sooner; he could have stopped it from happening, or so he told himself. "Dray…" The healers hurried about, trying to close up his many cuts and figure out why Draco had done it. Blaise had known there was a chance this would happen and never once tried to stop it. The guilt was eating him alive.
"Tell me what happened. When did you find him?" Hermione asked gently as she rested a hand on Blaise's shoulder. The look of pain in his eyes made her chest tighten. She couldn't imagine finding anyone like that.
"He hadn't returned my owl in days, and I was worried. I gave him three days before flooing over to the manor. Ever since his parents died, he has been spiralling down, and I've worried daily." Blaise took a deep breath before continuing. "I found him in the hall alone. The house elves were nowhere to be found. I brought him here as soon as I saw."
Tears filled her eyes as Blaise told the story; Hermione had only become friends with Draco a few months ago. "I never knew...he seemed happy when I was around." She felt terrible for not realising he was feeling how he was.
Blaise chuckled softly as he smirked at her. "That's because he likes you. He told me last week that he had feelings for you." They both heard a groan and looked over at Draco, who was slowly opening his eyes and wincing in pain. The healers looked him over before they all left but one.
"Mister Malfoy, how are you feeling?" The healer waved his wand over Draco's left arm and covered his wounds.
"Like death. Did I die?" Draco asked harshly as he tried to lift his arm, but he couldn't sense it. "Why can't I feel my arm?" He panicked as he looked at the bandages.
The healer glanced at Draco with pity as he put the chart down. "You damaged your nerves when you cut yourself. The potion we applied will take a few days before you get your feeling back to your arm."
Draco glared at the healer before looking around and noticing the Blaise in the room. "Did you bring me here?" He narrowed his eyes. "I told you I was fine. I was almost free!"
Blaise stood up and looked at Draco with anger in his eyes. "I wasn't going to sit around while my best friend killed himself. You are like a brother to me, and I refuse to let you leave like that." He stormed from the room, leaving only Hermione, Draco, and the healer.
Draco huffed in annoyance and closed his eyes. "Like he cares." The next sound that filled his ears hurt more than the pain of his arm.
"How could you do this? And to think I was going to tell you how I felt when we hung out next week." Hermione started to cry as she glared at him. "I guess my friendship meant nothing to you."
"Hermione...I wasn't thinking about-" Draco felt the pain before he saw her hand move. His cheek was on fire, and she ran out of the room crying. The look on her face as she stared at him stuck in his head. It wasn't guilt that he felt - it was heartache as he saw her face against his eyelids.
The healer didn't bother to fix the bruise forming on his cheek or ask him how he felt. "You are free to go in an hour's time. Being that you have no family to pick you up, you can leave as soon as we say." He left the room and gently shut the door behind him. It was against the rules, but Healer Williams held judgement against his patient. Draco Malfoy's father had hurt his own family, and he felt no sympathy towards him.
A week had gone by before Draco saw either of them. The stress of his internal thoughts eating at him was intense. He had been scratching his healed wounds for the past two days. The faces of Hermione and Blaise swirled around in his mind, making him feel guilty. Telling him he should've talked to someone but he couldn't. The sound of the floo activating snapped him back to attention.
Blaise walked out and dusted some powder off of his shoulder. Hurt filled his eyes as he noticed Draco hide his left arm behind his back. "I came here to tell you I've been thinking, and my decision may hurt a bit." He looked away from Draco and took a deep breath. "Until you can get your life together, I have to step away. It hurts too much to know you haven't listened to a word I said to you."
"Wh-What do you mean? Are you not going to be my friend anymore?" Draco looked worried as he felt anger building up.
"No, I can't. I have already tried to help you, and you keep ignoring my advice. It hurts me to say, but you are upsetting me too much to keep this up." He looked at Draco with pity as he left without another word.
Draco fell to his knees as numbness took over his mind. He had lost one of his best friends. If he lost Hermione too, he would be lost. With much effort, he stood up and floo-called her. "I need you, Hermione. Please hurry."
Within minutes, Hermione came through the floo and looked concerned. "What's wrong, Draco?" She hurried over to him, and Draco pulled her into a tight hug.
"Please don't leave me too. I just lost Blaise for good." He broke down and cried, letting his feelings out for the first time. It hurt, but at least Hermione was still there; he would get Blaise back, hopefully.
"Oh Draco, I am not going anywhere. I just needed some space because you really upset me." Hermione just held onto Draco and kissed his forehead.
Soon they were both sitting on the couch and enjoying each others company. They had talked about everything, and Hermione let Draco know she wasn't going anywhere. He couldn't fully smile yet, but he knew in time things would get better. Blaise would come back, and things would go back to normal.
A few more weeks had gone by, and still, Blaise ignored him. It had hurt immensely when he knew Blaise had received his owls but chose to not respond. "I think...I think I should give up on him."
"He is still upset with you, Draco." Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled sadly. She spoke with Blaise frequently and would not give up hope of him forgiving Draco. "Give him a bit more time. He will come around eventually."
"I will believe it when he stops returning my owls." Draco huffed as he pulled Hermione closer and kissed her lips softly. "Time is earned, not given, and I am out of minutes, love."
Hermione sighed, annoyed. "Giving up is not an option a Malfoy would choose. I know better."
Rolling his eyes but smirking at her, Draco placed a finger against her lips. "Moving on and giving up are separate things. I will be the bigger person and move on, versus acting like a child."
There was a pause as Hermione looked at him. She had grown closer to him over the last few weeks and could feel love blossoming in her heart for Draco. "Promise me one thing, and I will try to talk to Blaise one last time." When Draco leaned his forehead against hers, she smiled. "You will never get that bad again. You will never leave me alone."
Looking deep into Hermione's eyes, Draco's smile faltered. "I don't deserve you as my witch. I was an idiot."
"You have me now, and I am not leaving." Hermione kissed him gently before moving her arms to his shoulders. She knew Draco still felt terrible for what happened; it hurt Hermione to think what could have happened. "I have to go meet Harry. See you tonight, love."
Draco kissed her urgently and sighed, annoyed when she pulled away. "Do you have to go?"
Hermione held his hand as he pouted. "Draco, I will be back. You get like this anytime we discuss Blaise. I will be back. Please stop worrying."
"No, I don't…" Draco pulled his hand away and narrowed his eyes. "I'm done caring about what Blaise thinks."
"Okay, Draco, Whatever you say. I will see you later. Love you." Hermione kissed his cheek and Disapparated to meet Harry.
Draco waited five minutes until he finally stormed to his room. He knew he was annoying Hermione and just wanted things to go back to normal. If only he would have finished what he started weeks ago. Then he wouldn't have to deal with the backlash from his friends or lose them. Draco fell to his bed and screamed.
Harry looked at Hermione and shook his head. "Do you think he is doing better? He lost his parents, his best friend, and he is worried he will lose you, too."
Biting her lip, Hermione looked into her cup of tea. "I'm worried daily that he is worse than he seems. Blaise is acting like he killed someone and refuses to speak to Draco. I have been trying to get him to change his mind."
"Then talk to him tonight, and tell him the truth," Harry insisted as he sipped his tea. "Make Draco listen to your concerns."
"I need to think this through properly. Draco could turn on me if I say the wrong thing." Hermione's hands slipped off the cup, and it hit the floor breaking. "I'm so sorry, Harry!"
Harry reached out and held both of her hands in his. "Calm down, 'Mione, I'm sure you will figure out what to do." He smiled gently and kissed her forehead.
She knew thinking the worst was not what she needed. Hermione moved her hand and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. "You're right. I just need to think. Do you mind if I take a nap in the spare room? I'm a bit tired."
Harry watched as she stood and walked down the hall. He was worried for his friend; she would be devastated if Draco did hurt himself. Sighing to himself, Harry went to the kitchen and started to make lunch.
Waking up an hour later, Hermione stretched and stood up. She felt a small bit refreshed, but the worry for her boyfriend was still etched in her features. Exiting the room, Hermione saw a plate of food with a small note from Harry and smiled. She loved her best friend and could always count on him to make her feel better.
Blaise sat at his office desk and looked annoyed. Draco was owling him again. He refused to talk to him but, at the same time, was still concerned for his friend. "Dray, if only you had listened."
There was a knock at the door, and Hermione walked in, a look of despair on her face. "Blaise, we need to talk." She sat at the chair opposite him without waiting for his permission.
"No, I'm not talking about him. I told you last time I was done." Blaise straightened the papers on his desk before leaning back in his chair. "I don't want to be friends with him anymore. It hurt too much to see him almost die. The image of him bleeding in his hallway still gives me nightmares."
"I know Blaise, but I'm worried. Every time I leave the house, he thinks I'm leaving him like you did. It is starting to show in his features, the lack of eating and sleeping." Hermione teared up but refused to let the tears fall. "I told him I would try one last time, and he would promise not to hurt himself again if you talked to him."
Slamming his fist on the desk, Blaise stood up abruptly and sighed deeply. "I can't do it, Hermione. Don't give me an ultimatum, either. I love him like a brother, but it hurts when I think of what he did. I can't forgive him or let that toxicity back in my life."
The tears she was holding back fell gently down her pretty face. Hurt filled her features as she looked away from him. "I knew you would say that you never were willing to forgive him for being weak. I knew this was pointless."
He turned his head away from her and wiped a stray tear he had hidden from her. "It's not because he was weak...it's because I almost lost my brother that day. I still get nightmares; the images of that day haunt me. What if I didn't find him? Would he have died?"
"He may as well have, the way he acts now. I am falling in love with him more, and it hurts that he seems lost without you." Hermione stood up and walked over to Blaise, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him. "Please Blaise, just respond to a letter."
Wrapping his arms around Hermione and hugging her tightly, Blaise sighed in defeat. "Fine, I will, just once and only once. A final letter saying goodbye to him, give him the closure he needs."
Hermione leaned her head against his chest. "Thank you. Hopefully, it will help him to know you still care." She knew deep down it probably wouldn't help much, but it might make him a little better. Her thoughts must have shown on her face because she watched Blaise shake his head.
"Look, 'Mione, I do not forgive him. I'm letting him know he will always be my brother, but I can't pretend I'm okay with what he did. I hope it helps for your sake, but don't hate me when it doesn't." Blaise kissed her forehead and backed away.
"I know. It might help though, and any help is good." Her brown orbs stared into his, saying what she was afraid to say.
He knew this letter could push Draco over the edge, but it had to be written. Blaise sat back in his chair and took out his stationery to write back to Draco. "I will write it and send it off before I leave today. I do have to get back to work, but let me know how he takes it."
Hermione nodded her head, unsure of what to say. She turned around and left out the door, closing it behind her and wiping the now falling fresh tears.
Draco woke up and looked up at the ceiling. He thought he was doing better, believed it even. "Another day to recover, another day to relapse. They don't know how hard it is until they feel it, too." He sat up and noticed an owl waiting on his desk. Draco froze when he saw who the owl belonged to. "Leave it. I will read it later."
As the owl flew out the window, he sighed and swung his legs off the bed before standing up. Why was Blaise writing him? He hadn't heard from him in weeks. Choosing to ignore the letter for now, Draco walked towards the kitchen.
"Hello, handsome." Hermione smiled as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I was just making you dinner. Have you been asleep all day?"
Kissing the side of Hermione's neck, Draco sighed dramatically. "Yes, and now I will be awake all night."
Hermione looked at him, worried. "Are you okay? I have been worrying about you, love." When Draco chuckled at her, she frowned. "Did Blaise send you a letter? He said he would."
The small amount of happiness he was holding on to failed. The letter sitting in the room tugged at him behind the closed door. "No, he didn't," Draco lied as he pulled away from here slowly.
"He promised me he would. I spoke with him today." Hermione looked upset but hid it quickly. "Maybe he just didn't send it yet."
"Maybe. I have to use the loo - be back, Hermione." Draco turned and walked towards the bedroom, grabbed the letter and headed to the bathroom. He looked down at the letter in his hands and glared. "How much worse could it get?" Locking the door, he sat on the toilet and opened the letter.
Dray,
Hermione stopped by today, and it's time I told you the truth. I don't think we can be friends anymore. It hurt me too much to see you dying on that floor. You didn't care. You didn't care that I would find you dead. You are my brother, and I will miss you, but I have to step away. Once you are healthy again, I will be here. Stop bothering Hermione about me. She is worried about you. I hope you get better soon, Draco. I will miss you.
Blaise
The letter floated to the floor as Draco froze. He was trying to hold a small drop of hope that maybe Blaise would come back. He heard Hermione calling for him but ignored her, the tears hot on his cheeks as his anger flared. Was it Draco's fault he was having a hard time? Draco was trying to get better but nothing was helping, and the failures of his life were flashing before his eyes.
"Draco," Hermione called as she tapped on the door. "My parents just called me on my mobile; I have to go see them. I will be back." When she didn't hear a reply, she sighed and leaned her head against the door. "He will write to you soon. I love you. I will see you when I get back."
When he heard her disapparate, Draco placed his head into his hands and let his emotions free. He tried to get better, he honestly did. Draco pointed his wand at the paper and glared as flames appeared on the edge of the letter. The tears felt like acid on his face and fell onto the offending document. "I'm sorry I failed you, Mother. I tried to stay strong, but I can't."
Making his way to the bedroom, the half-burned paper in his hand, Draco sat on the edge of his bed and ripped his clothes off, feeling overheated. "It's time. Please wait up for me, Mother, Father. I will be there soon." The letter laying by his side as he pulled out a small silver dagger from his drawer, he took a deep breath. Draco would miss Hermione, but the desire to end his life was greater than his love. "I'm sorry, Hermione. I love you so much."
The minute the blade touched his skin, he shivered, feeling cold all of a sudden. Draco pushed the tip into his scar and felt instant pain, the thing he was looking for. The pain he deserved for all his failures as a person and all the people he hurt in his lifetime. For the amount of pain he was about to cause the witch he was in love with. For the pain he had caused his best mate and made them break up. He deserved all the pain.
Blood dripped down his forearm and into the palm of his hand, puddling up as he went deeper with the blade and traced the outline of the scar. The searing pain was causing him to feel light-headed, but he had to finish through this time. Draco wasn't going to be found alive this time around. The scar popped open, and glimmering red liquid flowed freely out of his veins - the feeling was enough to knock anyone out.
The room was starting to spin, and the lights looked like they were starting to fade. He felt a sudden wave of relief as a cold feeling overpowered his sensations and Draco saw his mother and father standing next to him. Draco knew he had succeeded as he felt his soul leaving his body, moving to where his parents were. He had done it, he had succeeded at something in his life finally. The thing he didn't hear before he left with his parents was Hermione calling his name as she entered the flat.
Hermione had returned with a headache only a short while after leaving. Her parents had been arguing and wanted to include her in the discussion. The pointless debate about moving...they had this argument once a month lately. After grabbing a phial of headache reliever, she looked around and pouted. "Draco, love, I'm home."
The house was silent, and he wasn't answering her. Hermione bit her lip as she thought about how her day had gone. She had talked to Blaise about Draco, tried to convince Draco that his former friend still cared, and then had to deal with her parents. She needed a hug from Draco to feel better. He always could make her smile after a day like today. "Draco, are you here?"
When he didn't answer again, she sighed and headed to the bedroom to slip into her night clothes and get comfortable. Maybe the letter had come, and Draco had gone to see Blaise. She placed her hand on the doorknob and heard an owl tapping on the window. Hermione let go of the handle and walked over to the kitchen window, letting the owl in.
"I knew you would write to him." Hermione sighed, relieved. Hopefully, this would cheer him up. Her curiosity got the better of her, and she opened the letter, giving the owl a treat as she did.
Draco,
I'm sorry about the last letter. I shouldn't have written it. I am still your friend and want to talk to you tomorrow. Meet me at that cafe at noon. We are fine, I promise.
Blaise
Hermione squealed excitedly as she ran to the bedroom and slung the door open. But the excitement left her as she spotted Draco on the bed. He was pale and his eyes looked empty. The blood stained the sheets as it dripped softly onto the carpet. A letter was soaked red next to him on the bed that had been half burned. The look of sadness and exhaustion in his features was burning a hole in her soul.
She screamed as she ran to the bed, and tears violently filled her eyes. "Draco, no! How could you!?" Hermione pointed her wand at his arm and wordlessly healed the wound. Maybe he wasn't dead yet - the blood was still warm after all. Hermione felt for a pulse but couldn't find one. Her world shattered before her eyes as she laid next to him on the bed and cried on his ice cold chest.
Draco, meanwhile, was joined by his parents as he made his way towards the heavens. He felt happy, happier than he had in years. The guilt of the war, his failures in life, and leaving Hermione were gone once he passed through the shining gates.