You were gone
Written by Seras Alson
Disclaimer: The characters in the story and all things leading up to this fan fiction do not belong to me. They are proudly owned by Stephenie Meyer. The song is How Can I Not Love You by Joy Enriquez, again I do not own it.
One Shot
Soft brown eyes stared up at the dark sky. They were searching the stars, trying to find the answer to a question no one could understand. A shooting star glittered across the sky as a tear fell down her cheek. She was cold, numb.
Her knees were at her chest, her arms wrapped securely around her knees. She placed her chin on her knees, her tears flowing more freely now, soaking the pants she wore. The night stole her breath, her heart clenching as her lithe form was wracked with sobs.
"It isn't fair."
Cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss, cannot love each other
Must be strong and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know
She tried so hard to move on, to let go and put his memory behind her. However, he was burned in her heart, a cancer that attacked her very core when she tried to forget. There was no medication, no form of help. She was forever encased in a hellish state.
Sometimes she laughed at the irony. He was always so worried for her soul, when in the end, she ended up losing it anyway. Her fingers touched her lips, the plush flesh tingeled under her touch. His kiss was still fresh on her lips, even now, after so long.
Chorus:
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone
The years had passed, all the while she remained in a dreamless state. Her friends had gone on without her, her father had finally given up and sent her away. Even Jacob had left her, unable to understand her forever lull.
Things would never be the same. She was old now, compare to him anyway. Besides, she was kept away from everyone, everything. No one could understand, they thought she was crazy. Maybe she was, maybe she was the shell to an insane being. It didn't matter, she didn't care.
Cannot dream, cannot share sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel, must pretend its over
Must be brave and we must go on, must not say
What we've known all along
The doctor was always kind, talking to her gently. But he didn't believe her, didn't understand. He could never understand why such a pretty girl would refuse to get over a boy. At night she talked about him in her sleep, told the story of his infected blood. It only gave the doctors more reason to keep her locked up. She didn't mind, there was nothing that she wanted outside of the hospital walls anyway.
She took her medication everyday. Ate with the others, slept when she was told to. It all didn't matter. She was a waste anyway, a girl that everyone said had everything and just snapped. But she didn't have everything. The only thing she wanted was gone. He was gone. He stole her heart, and left her with nothing.
Chorus:
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone
Her doctor eventually left, a promotion they told her. She didn't care, she never did. Meds, food, sleep, it was all the same to her. They walked with her down the hallway, bringing her to meet her new doctor. She never looked at them, just at the floor, just at what she could tolerate to see.
The door opened and she walked inside. Sitting she continued to stare at her folded hands. The door clicked shut, and the sound of the chair across from her being stressed could be heard.
"Bella…" That voice…
How can I not love you
Her head snapped up. Bella's eyes widened, her heart stopping. She really had gone crazy, her eyes were now lying to her. "I…"
"Bella, you were supposed to move on." The voice was pained.
Bridge:
Must be brave and we must be strong
Cannot say what weve known all along
Her eyes filled with tears, spilling over and falling onto her lap. "You… Edward… I don't. Am I dreaming?"
He moved so quickly holding her to his cold chest. She cried against him, her hands grabbing at his shirt, desperate to prove that this was real, that he was real. He whispered over and over to her about how sorry he was. She just shook her head, her eyes glistening with a new wave of unshed tears.
He caressed her hair, his fingers gentle. "Oh Bella… Bella why? Why would you do this to yourself?"
"You were gone… and I wasn't me anymore."
Chorus:
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone
"It will be alright my love. I will fix this, I promise." He held onto her with a gentle strength, afraid to let her go.
A part of her wanted to hate him, to show him that she didn't care. But she didn't have the strength or the will to move from him. His cold body was where she always felt so comfortable.
How can I not love you
When you are gone
"I Love you." His words were quiet, but she heard them well.