Let me know how the emotional development is! I felt like writing something sad, so I wrote this.
Enjoy~... Sorta
Dear Jean,
I wanted to apologize for my outburst. I hope that we can still be friends, even though I did kind of confess that I love you. It doesn't change the fact that you're my best friend. Like I said last night, I love you, but I have for a while so nothing will change from yesterday besides the fact that you knew, right? I'll still protect you as you do/did to me. I'll still play with your hair and bunk with you if you're ok with it. All that I ask is that you brush off my feelings for you and we can continue through life, joining the Military Police, or, if you've decided the Survey Corps after that one night we talked, then I would like to join you.
If you cannot accept my feelings and feel uncomfortable around me, though, I understand. I should've kept my mouth shut to be honest, I know you're in love with Mikasa. You never stop talking about her and I do see why. I wish you luck with her and if you do get her (which I believe you will) I hope that you both have a wonderful, happy, and loving life and relationship.
Jean Kirschtein, I love you, but I put our friendship above anything else. If you could please look past it, perhaps after time, after you and Mikasa get together I'll get over it. I'll find someone else, you'll have Mikasa, and maybe we can grow old and be military veterans together. What do you think?
Your hopefully best friend,
Marco Bodt
I sat there, on the side by side bunk that we had slept in together only one night ago in tears. Marco you oblivious angel, I love you! I want you back! Why?! Why did you leave!? I LOVE YOU! I only realized that I'd shouted that out loud when I was out of breath and shaking. I wrapped my arms around myself, the letter that had been left sticking out from under my pillow clutched tightly in my hand. This wasn't right. No no no no no.
And Mikasa. Sure, I 'liked' her, she was pretty and all, but I LOVED YOU MARCO! A pain I'd never felt before washed over me. I'd never hear his voice again, never train with him again, and never see his lovely freckled face again. I hated this feeling. I missed him so much, my heart burned, my feet ached, my hands were numb, my arms stiff and sore, my head pounding from the tsunami of emotions and all of the crying I'd done.
I'd held myself together, lied to myself more like it, when I'd first found him. I was so so close to dyeing and giving up right there, but the woman. She asked me things and its all pretty blurry, but you. Your eye was gone, your upper right torso gone, your skin pale and sickly. Last night you were trembling. You were red in the face, slightly sweating, shaking, and stuttering over your words as you said them... 'I love you Jean, as more than a friend.'
You LOVED me. Me. You didn't 'like' and you weren't 'slightly interested'; you love me... Loved.
And now you're gone. I can't tell you that I love you to, that I was shocked, not appalled.
"Marco. My Marco. If you can hear me, I love you. I love you more than you will ever know. Literally," I broke into sobs. "I'm an asshole that couldn't quickly say wait, or I love you to, or even I do to. Wait for me in heaven. I know you're there because you're the one who got me into religion, you're the one that was an angel already. MY ANGEL! You could have been, if only I had been there, even if I'd only said something last night, then you'd have been mine for 24 hours. The most amazing 24 hours of my life. If you can hear me, please, please, come to my dreams. I have a lot more to say. I love you," I couldn't talk anymore because I began crying to hard to form words again.
"We lost so many," I heard someone say. I immediately looked up to see Eren, Mikasa, and Armin. Armin grabbed Eren's arm when he started walking this way, sending him and Mikasa somewhere else. He stayed, he walked over to me, and he hugged me, whispering comforting words like "It's ok" and "He's not facing the Titans anymore" but it didn't matter. None of it mattered.
Marco
was
dead.