Her mind is foggy. She can't remember anything. She's overwhelmed by the fear that's lodged in the back of her throat. Because she's tied up. She can't move. And she doesn't know what this place is.
It's dark.
There's a dim lamp in the corner and she can make out the outline of a sofa across from her.
But asides from that it's a cell of darkness.
Her face hurts, a bruised sensation running across her left cheekbone to her nose. She looks down and the white of her prom dress sparks her memory. Prom. It was prom. She'd not made it. The door. Lucas. The door. Derek...
She trembles as she recalls those last moments of consciousness; his fist colliding with her face, his hand over her mouth, Lucas' voice behind the door, tauntingly close and then there was nothing.
Panic has her straining her arms, trying to free herself from the tight restraints that are keeping her seated.
It's futile.
He watches from the darkness. Watches her unseen, hidden in the shadows.
He's been watching her for a good while now. Waiting for this moment, waiting for her to come to from her drug induced slumber.
It had been an inevitible necessity in getting her here safely and undetected.
He sees realisation transform her features. He'd been uncertain as to whether she'd remember anything at all; he'd read that some people failed to recollect immediate events from before hand and he feels a certain satisfaction that he's clearly had a big enough impact in her life to be so memorable. That's how he sees it anyway.
She's panicking now, her little body twisting violently to escape the ropes that bind her to the chair and his satisfaction ebbs because she's hyperventilating.
'Breathe'
She stiffens and her anxious green eyes are wide and teary as they round on him.
'Breathe' He repeats, his voice soft and gentle but she won't be deluded by his performance. She knows all too well of the villain that's suddenly knelt right before her.
She presses herself back into the chair now, trying to shy away from the hands that are ghosting over her knees.
'This was just a precaution, I'll untie you. I had a few things to sort out and didn't want you to be disorientated if you woke up without me here' He calmly informs her of his decision to restrain her.
His explanation does little to ease the sick feeling in her belly because it explains nothing.
He loosens the knots that have her wrists bound to the back of the chair and her stare does a quick lap, absorbing her surroundings, seeking out an exit.
'How do you feel?'
She's too focused on locating an escape route to fully comprehend his words.
'It was necessary you see, to give you something in order to get you here safely. Hopefully you'll feel completely like yourself once we've got some fluids and some substantial food in you'
The rope comes away from her left wrist and he delicately moves the dead weight of her slight limb until her hand is rested in her lap.
She rotates it slowly, willing the blood to circulate and all feeling to come back in her fingertips.
He's silent as he works on the other knots and despite the freeing of her limbs she's suddenly overwhelmed because he's not freeing her. Not really. Her freewill has been apprehended.
And it's that thought that has her rising to her feet as soon as her other hand becomes free.
She's not prepared for the dizziness that hits her but she forces her legs to keep moving. She trips and stumbles in her desperation to escape him, to escape whatever this place is.
She doesn't look back. Her heart thumps loudly in her chest as she locates a door.
It doesn't hold her liberation. She squints into the darkness and makes out four walls. No windows.
And then she's reeling back.
Her fingers scrape along a bricked wall as her feet propel her further, seeking out her escape.
She soon finds the exit. There's no doubt in her mind that this door is the way out.
But her initial excitement at reaching her destination is quick to wane because she's pulling on the handle and it won't budge.
And in all of a second her confidence that this would all soon be over deteriorates.
She screeches, her bawled fists pummelling into the hard surface as she wails for help. Help that isn't coming.
Her voice is thick and quickly becomes hoarse and then she's kicking and hitting at the door of her prison.
She doesn't stop.
Adrenaline fuels her.
And in her crazed breakdown she doesn't hear him approach, had almost forgotten his presence.
His touch startles her.
His fingers curl around her slight upper arms, stopping her attack on the hard door and she yells out in surprise.
She suddenly feels most stupid. Because she knows. Knows he didn't even attempt to follow her on her bid for freedom. Because he knew, knew all too well that she couldn't leave. She wonders if he's just been watching on in entertainment.
Her face crumples and then the tears unleash and she can't stop.
His hands rub up and down her arms and he hushes her softly.
'Come on sweetheart, calm down'
'Let me g-g-go. P-pl-please!'
'Shh' He turns her away from the door and one of his supportive hands leaves her for a second. He locates a light switch and suddenly the dim cell is no more.
She squints, her eyes sensitive to the light.
'Why don't we sit down hey? And you can have a proper tour in the actual light in a minute'
She blinks repetitively, her vision blurry with tears. Despite her obscured vision she can decipher the parts of the vicinity that mere moments ago she could not.
It's an open living space with kitchen and sitting room area. For a moment she's hopeful that she's in a condo and people could be lingering nearby. But the lack of windows is quickly painfully apparent. It's immaculate. There's a familiar smell in the air. A smell that she's always associated fond memories with; it's paint. She knows this moment will override any of those previous mental connections. A freshly decorated room will forever more make her queasy.
Her body stiffens uncooperatively as he tries to guide her toward the sofa that sits in the middle of this lair but moving away from the exit doesn't bode well with her and she cements her feet to the floor.
'Sweetheart the only way you're getting out that door is if I unlock it, and I'm not going to do that' He coos in her ear. 'So you're wasting your time'
She clenches her eyes shut tight as her anxiety hits an all time high and has her body trembling uncontrollably.
'I-where- where are we?'
'Lets sit you down and then we'll talk' He assertively walks her across the carpeted floor and her feet drag beneath her; a combination of her refusal to comply and fatigue.
She's only aware of how much she was struggling to stand when she's seated once more.
'There we go' He smiles at her and she looks away in revulsion. He either doesn't see or chooses not to react. Instead he reaches for a prepared glass of water that sits on the wooden coffee table that's within arms reach. 'Here' He holds it out to her and she doesn't want to accept anything from him but her mouth is so very dry and she's concerned if she doesn't accept she might wind up loosing consciousness again, something that doesn't bode well.
She drinks it all. Every last drop and it almost instantly has an effect; her dizziness subsides a little and she tries to collect herself and think rationally.
'Derek what are you doing?' Her voice musters croakily. 'Y-you can't do this. You k-know you can't. Th-there's going to b-be people l-looking for me a-and wh-when they f-find me, y-you'll be t-taken away. They'll put y-you in prison'
'I'm not going anywhere sweetheart. You don't have to worry about that. You and I can be together here. Forever. Just like it should be' He grapples at her hands, his fingers squeezing hers tightly when she tries to wriggle them out of his hold. 'I'm only sorry it took me so long to make all these preparations. But I think the time we've had apart, it's been good you know? For the both of us. I know I screwed up last time, I know I went about things all wrong Peyton. You had a right to be scared. But look at this place, look what I've done for you. This proves how I'm dedicated to us'
She shakes her head back and forth wearily. She doesn't know what she can possibly say to make him see sense because everything he's saying is completely deranged in her eyes.
'Y-you c-can't just, just take me Derek'
'I had to baby. I had to. Don't you see? There were too many interfering factors-'
'Like what?! My boyfriend?!' She exclaims incredulously, trying to tug her hands out of his vice like grip as she spits out her next words. 'He's a fucking interfering factor alright! Because I w-want him to be. Because I want him! Because I don't want you! I want him!' Her disbelief has gotten the better of her, her words spouting out recklessly.
His fingers squeeze hers together painfully in answer and she grimaces.
'You're confused. I get that. That's why I had to get you out of there baby' His jaw is tense and he fights his desire to shake her because she's meant to be grateful for everything he's done. He's worked so hard to make this a liveable space, to make it nice for her, for them. He's constantly been reminding himself that this isn't going to be plain sailing, that this transition is going to be difficult for her but despite his objective expectations, disappointment is still hard to disguise. 'He's not good for you. Tonight alone proves that. He just left. He gave up on you. I'd never give up on you!' He declares.
And she can't keep her mouth shut in spite of her fear. She can't stay quiet because he's wrong. 'He respects me! Something you clearly can't comprehend! He doesn't force me to go anywhere or do anything!'
'I think we shouldn't discuss this right now. I don't want to ruin our night. Tonight is meant to be special. Loving someone means doing anything for them and you might not be able to see what's right in front of you, but I see enough for the both of us. And you'll realise, you will. I gave you reason not to trust me but I'll never leave you again, I promise you sweetheart. Never.'
'The police, they'll find me-'
'No one is going to find us sweetheart' His certainty makes her nauseous. 'Not here'
'Where am I?!'
'Where you're meant to be. Here, with me' He proclaims.
'Aren't you listening to me?' She shouts lividly. 'What don't you get? I don't want to be here with you Derek! You're crazy. You told me you were my brother, you lied and you just expect me to be happy that you've kidnapped me and are holding me hostage!' As quickly as her temper arose, it's gone and her next words are muttered and defeated. 'I'm meant to be at prom...meant to be the best night... with my friends. With Luke'
He doesn't catch all of her disheartened mumblings but he does decipher the last word to leave her mouth.
And it's that very exhalation of Lucas' name that has him rising to his feet and jerking her from her seat.
She shrieks, alarmed by his sudden action.
'Don't you say his name'
His barked words travel right through her and make the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.
She whimpers and averts her eyes away from the frightening black pair that are glowering at her and her feet flail beneath her, trying to find purchase on the ground; His strength is suddenly more than apparent as he effortlessly holds her at his eye line, consequently her toes barely touching the floor.
She'd once known this man, at least she'd thought she had. Only this person does not resemble that man in the slightest. And it's completely disorientating, not to mention petrifying. Because there are glimpses of the person she'd thought was good; the odd smile, the odd look. And it's those familiar actions have her hopeful that this can all be rectified. But it's the moments like the current that have her disconsolate because this stranger before her, he's unpredictable and strong and she can see a dark brutality in his eyes that has her fearful of what he's capable of.
'W-what a-are you doing?'
He's let her bare feet find the ground but she's barely blinked when he's dragging her toward the room she'd located in her failed escape. She trips and stumbles and she scrambles to keep up because she thinks if she falls he'll literally pull her arm out of its socket.
He doesn't answer and his silence only makes her more anxious.
'Derek!' She pleas as she's hauled into the dark room.
He shuts the door and she suddenly can't see anything and she feels like she's five years old and anticipating the monster beneath the bed to come pouncing out at her. Only there's no such thing as monsters under the bed, just your average deranged psychopath...and she has one on the end of her arm and her breathing becomes haphazard again as she awaits for his aims to become clear.
Small lights suddenly twinkle on, providing a subtle glow and her stare flutters around the room before finding her captor.
'Do you like it?' He wonders.
She doesn't know if it's a trick question after his outburst just seconds ago, she doesn't know what the right answer is.
'You can forget about the prom. Our night means something much more than a stupid dance. Our night is special' He declares. 'Our night celebrates our love'
She swallows thickly, her eyes looking back to the bed with its fairy lights draped around the bed head.
In her evaluation of his intentions he moves so he's standing behind her, his hands encircling her little waist. And it's then, in that very moment that she knows what he wants from their night together.
Her clammy hands wrestle with the fingers that have locked at her middle. 'Get off'
He doesn't. His fingers constrict around her and tug until her back is pressed flush against his chest.
'No' She bleats hysterically.
'Baby relax' Derek hums, his tone the polar opposite to her frantic voice. He latches his chin over her shoulder and sways her calmingly. But she can't be calmed. 'Mm I missed that smell'
A sound of disgust passes her trembling lips and she tries in vain to lurch forward.
'You're so beautiful'
Her brow furrows because the last thing she feels is beautiful. She had earlier. While she'd been getting ready, while she'd been fixing her hair, a smile at her lips. She'd imagined Lucas' sweet smile, imagined the sweet words he'd undoubtably say to her when she opened the door to him. She'd imagined that look that he'd give her, that look that made her weak at the knees.
But now she just feels dirty and disloyal and the white dress that she'd picked out with the hopes that Lucas would like it is suddenly her worst enemy.
In her attempts to dodge Derek's touch, the beaded strap has slipped from her shoulder. One of his hands smoothes up her side, hooking beneath the garment and sliding the strap back into place and the more of her his hands touch, the more she feels like she's being suffocated.
'Let me go, please let me go.'
She wonders how he can possibly find any of this pleasurable if he loves her so much as he claims because she's so clearly not sanctioning his close proximity nor his touchy hands and her distraught pleading is on a continuous loop.
He's invested so much time in her, in watching her every move, in preparing for this moment that he's convinced he knows her better than she does herself. He's convinced of her feelings. He's unable to see that this is an infatuation on his part only. So obsessed is he, that he's justifying her tears as tears of salvation. Because he's saved her, he's saved her from the lonely, empty life she'd been living. Because that's what it was, without him she'd been incomplete. And it's bound to be more than overwhelming. She'd been using Lucas, she might not have realised it yet but she'd been filling a void. He was there at the right time, in the right place, but now, now she had to let him go and Derek was determined to try and be patient. He'd just snapped at her, he'd lost himself for a moment, lost himself to jealousy but he knows, he knows it's not her fault. She's kindhearted and he knows letting someone else down will inevitably hurt her.
'It's okay baby. It's alright now. We're together, and that's all that matters'
He manoeuvres her and as he turns her to face him she strives to break free.
He grunts as her foot kicks his shin and her hands press into his chest. Her determination has his firm hold on her lapsing for just a second and she takes that second to try and duck out of his hold.
She doesn't get far. He snatches her arm, putting a stop to her fleeing body and she feels so small and pathetic as she's easily spun back around.
She yelps and tries to kick out her legs again but this time he's anticipating her flying limbs and it takes one swift push to send her toppling backward onto the bed.
She gasps as she hits the mattress, her head spinning as her vision tries to refocus due to her sudden horizontal position.
She blinks and is about to try and get up when he's suddenly on her, his heavy weight pinning her down.
Everything is happening too fast, she can't keep up and she screams out in both distress and frustration, straining her trapped frame.
'Sweetheart shh' He catches her clawing hands and presses them down beside her head. 'Shh'
His face is suddenly too near and she stops exerting herself in favour of twisting her head to avoid anymore unwelcome contact. And her plight suddenly seems imminent because she can't move and she can feel his hot breath on the side of her face and he's not listening and he's clearly unconcerned by her protests. And with that realisation she becomes rigid and silent. She tries to pretend she can't feel his mouth trailing down her neck and wonders what the time is, she wonders if prom is over? She wonders if anyone has noticed she's missing yet. She wonders how many missed calls she has from Lucas. Lucas. She clenches her eyes shut tight, her nostrils flaring as she swallows a sob at the thought of him.
'Mm, I want you so bad' His voice husks in her ear as his hands start to work the fabric of her dress up.
'Oh god' She's shivering beneath him now, her heart pummelling in her chest. 'Please' She begs,her disposition suddenly morphing erratically as she attempts to use her intelligence and use every tactic she can to succeed in getting herself out of this. One minute she's angry and demanding. The next crying. Then reasoning and begging. 'Derek please. Please stop. Please don't'
'Shhhh. Darling you don't need to be scared'
'What the fuck is wrong with you?' She curses and then she's straining herself against him. 'Let me fucking go' She screeches loudly, so loudly that it hurts her throat and his ears.
'No one can hear you' He feels the need to point out.
'Please don't hurt me' Her anger is gone and her fear is palpable.
'I'm not going to hurt you darling. I want to show you how much I love you' His fingers have found the bare skin of her thighs and are stroking up and down and her face screws up as she tries her hand at being understanding. 'Okay' She nods. 'Okay, but, but I'm, I'm not ready Derek. You, you lied to me, I thought you were my brother and, and it, it's going to take time. You can't expect...you have to give me time'
'I did baby. I went away. I know I went about things the wrong way before but I learnt my lesson. I did. I won't lie to you ever again' He eases her dress up further and her hands spring to cover his.
'Don't do that. Lets, lets just talk about this' she reasons.
'Actions are bigger than words baby. And I did this, I found this place. I set it all up. All of it is for you, so we can be together without anyone getting in the way'
'But-but Derek you, you came into my house, you, you drugged me. You've taken me away from my home' Her voice wobbles. 'You can't just do that'
'You wouldn't of come if I'd asked' He defends his actions.
'You don't know that' she licks her dry lips. 'You don't know. But if I'd declined then that would have been my choice, my right-'
'Shhh. You don't understand. You're confused. He's in your head but after a little while you'll see' He returns to trying to hike her dress up and she snatches at his hands again.
'I want to. I want to be with you like this' He smiles at that. 'B-but it's too soon'
'We've waited long enough' He disputes. 'I've made it so special'
'Derek I'm with Lucas' She exhales shakily. 'I'm, I'm Lucas' girlfriend. I only want to do this with him'
'Don't say that. Don't fucking say that. That jackass doesn't deserve you. He doesn't appreciate you like I do' He struggles to maintain the understanding patience he'd assured himself he would endeavour to have when it came to the subject of Lucas Scott.
'I love him' She whimpers.
'No you don't. You love me. You just need to stop fighting it. You need to trust me'
'Trust you?! Derek you're trying to force me to do things I don't want to! You're locking me up in this, this place and trying to rape me' She growls.
'No. We're going to make love' He corrects her.
'That's not what this is!' She exclaims. 'I don't want this. I'm saying no and you're not listening'
'I'm listening'
'But you're ignoring! What's wrong with you? How don't you understand?'
'I do understand. I understand that you're nervous. That you don't want to hurt Lucas and follow your heart. And love, it is scary but once you let go and embrace it- it's the best thing in the world and you'll realise then. You'll see that you're mine Peyton. You belong to me. We're meant to be together.'
'You're deluded' She breathes.
And he's done talking and her hands can't find purchase on him any longer, he easily brushes her interfering fingers away and jerks the material that covers her legs up.
It makes a loud ripping sound that has her fretfully shrieking in protest.
'Mm' His eyes turn impossibly darker and he licks his lips as he takes in her silky blue briefs; the underwear she'd picked out for Lucas, the underwear she'd bought with the intention of wearing when they first did this. Tonight was meant to be that night. Tonight was meant to be so many things, not this.
'Stop it' She cries as he effortlessly shifts her legs further apart. She tries to sit up but he's soon atop of her again, pressing himself against her and he's hard and she takes a shaky breath, instinctively pushing herself back into the mattress.
She feels so weak and feeble. He's too strong. Too big.
'Can you feel how much I want you baby?'
She grits her teeth together and her inability to defend herself has that rage swelling deep inside her again and her fingers lurch out, clawing at his face.
He hisses as her nails scratch him.
'Fuck Peyton' He hastily hinders her feral attack, restraining her wrists above her head, albeit with difficulty. Once in place he easily holds them there with one hand, his other going to investigate the stinging spot on his cheek. His fingertips ghost over the scratch and he's surprised to see a speckle of blood when he lowers his hand for inspection. 'That wasn't very nice baby'
She feels a small sense of satisfaction as he looks down at her but it soon dwindles because he's unbuckling his pants.
'But I forgive you' He smiles and tilts his head until his nose caresses hers. She closes her eyes as he leaves a sweet kiss on her lips and she's so wrapped up in anticipating his tongue trying to seek entrance that for a moment she doesn't realise he's released her hands.
When she opens her eyes he's sat back on his legs and is tugging his shirt free from his pants and tugging it over his head and she quickly reacts, taking the opportunity to try and escape.
Leaning up on her forearms she hastily shifts herself backward, her hands reaching for the edge of the bed to help pull her vulnerable body away from him.
She doesn't get far.
His hands snare her calves and yank her back beneath him and his body weight settles completely against her again to prevent any further bid for freedom.
'Shh' He coos. 'You're working yourself up. It's nothing to be afraid of baby. This is completely natural'
She shakes her head and covers her eyes with her hands because nothing about this feels natural. He's controlling and powerful and she's weak and she wants to hide. She wants to pretend this isn't happening. Maybe if she wills it enough she'll wake up and Lucas will be knocking at her door and she'll go to prom and it will be perfect and then he'll take her home and it will just be them.
'You've done this before right?'
Her face contorts and a sob passes her trembling lips. Because she doesn't want to do this. She hasn't done this before because this is her being forced and she's never experienced that. She's experienced cautious hands of inexperienced lovers, she's experienced tenderness and lust. This can't be likened to any of her previous experiences.
'I know you've not with Lucas'
She dreads to think how he can possibly know that.
'You might not of realised it but you couldn't. You couldn't give yourself to him. Because your body knows it belongs to me'
She gasps for breath. She feels like she's hyperventilating.
'But you've not only dated Lucas. There's been others. Did you let any of the others have you?' He pulls her shielding hands away from her face and the exposing of her splotchy cheeks only makes her cries grow louder. 'Shhh baby, come on, calm down. Breathe'
He runs his hand repetitively over her forehead and she wishes he'd stop because it reminds her of being a child, it reminds her of being unwell and her doting mother sitting with her and the last thing she wants is to liken him to her. She doesn't even want to think about her looking down on her right now.
'You let Nathan fuck you didn't you? And Jake' He declares. Her eyes expand because she doesn't know how he knows these things about her 'This is different baby. This is going to be so much better because we're soul mates'
His lips suddenly seek out hers and her hands dart out, reaching for his face and trying to push him away.
None of it feels good.
She's become use to the delightful feel of Lucas' mouth where this man's unfamiliar touch now is. It's not sending a tingling through her, it's not making her want him closer, it's not making her sigh and feel like jelly. She's stiff and the pressure of his lips is bruising, not in the good way and his lower half keeps sporadically bucking against her and every time she takes a shuddering breath and hopes this will be enough, that this will appease him. Maybe if she lets him grope her for a bit he'll stop.
'You have no idea how long I've waited for this. For us' He pants and she tries to deflect his nearing mouth. 'It's so good to be able to touch you like I've been itching to since we met' He smiles. 'It's been torture'
She tilts her head again to dodge his insistently nearing face yet again but his hand catches her cheeks, cupping her face. 'You're being a tease'
'No' She disagrees. 'I just think I might throw up because you make me sick'
He's serious and she thinks she's done it. She thinks she's finally pushed him too far and he's going to strike her for the second time tonight. But he's soon smiling. But it's not kind. And his thumb hooks over her bottom lip and pulls her mouth open and then his tongue is lewdly tracing her lips before dipping into her mouth and assertively finding her own.
She moans in protest but instantly stops when she's sure it's only provoking him; he rocks against her, his hardness probing where he wants to be most and the last place she wants him.
She's thankful when he finally withdraws from her mouth. She takes a much in need breath and turns her head away to avoid him finding her mouth again and hopes if she closes her eyes she'll soon be waking up from this nightmare.
His fingers are suddenly between them though and she cringes at the feeling of his digits clumsily moving her underwear to the side.
She's not wet. And he spits on his hand and a whimper of disgust escapes her as he rubs his moistened digits back between her legs.
'You like that don't you baby?' He deduces his own interpretation of her mortified moan. The way he's tugged her briefs to the side has the waistband digging into her but that's the least of her concerns. Her brain and mouth have shut down, no longer working in unison because his fingers are gone and in less than a second he's there. And no one, not a single person has touched her there, like this, without her consent.
And she digs her fingers into any flesh she can get a hold of but it's not having any effect this time round. He's too lost in his arousal to notice.
Her attack ceases when he thrusts his hips against her.
It stills her completely; shock jarring through her.
He's barely inside her when he meets resistance.
Her eyes open abruptly and a new set of breathy pleas escape her. 'Derek, wait. Please I'm not ready. Just, just wait a minute-'
He can't though. He's beside himself, she's so warm and tight and he jerks against her, pushing all the way in.
Her eyes bug out, her vision blurring.
And this isn't a nightmare. She knows she's not going to wake up. There's no way her mind could ever have conjured up this kind of pain.
It's surreal.
Because she's had sex and it's never felt anything like this. He was right when he said it wouldn't be like any of the other times; this is the polar opposite of what she's come to associate with the act. It's not affection. It's not pleasure. It's not love.
She gasps as he pulls back, withdrawing from her uncooperative body nearly completely.
Her walls aren't slick with her desire, they're not hospitable and she cries out as he thrusts back into her, stretching her.
'P-please st-stop' She breathes shakily through trembling lips. 'y-you're h-hurtin-g m-me'
'Shh' He hushes her, deaf to her words. 'You feel so good baby. So tight.'
Her pleas eventually dwindle.
His looming figure, rocking above her blurs, her tears blinding her and she tries to go somewhere else. Tries to disassociate herself from the violating act that is going on. She's heard of that. She's heard of victims blocking out trauma to save themselves from the pain but she can't escape because every time his lower half jerks against her it burns and she's jarred against the bed.
She counts instead.
one mississippi. two mississippi...three mississippi. four mississippi...
He drops his face into the crook of her neck and his breath is heavy and his movements are more haphazard and she hopes it's nearly over.
Her body has completely succumbed, no longer rigid, no longer fighting; compliant is less painful...or maybe she's just numb.
She looks up at the ceiling.
one hundred and three mississippi...one hundred and four mississippi...one hundred and five mississippi...
He grunts. She winces as he sucks at her neck and she hates him impossibly more because she doesn't want a reminder of this. She wants to pretend this never happened.
one hundred and seventy seven mississippi...one hundred and seventy eight mississippi...one hundred and seventy nine mississippi...
He hikes her leg up higher, hooking it round his waist and her hands bawl into the bedsheets beneath her and for a moment she thinks this is the end, that this is surely going to kill her.
two hundred and eighty mississippi...two hundred and eighty one mississippi...two hundred and eighty two mississippi...
And then it's over.
He collapses on her for a long moment and she doesn't breathe.
And when he eventually withdraws, slumping at her side, she doesn't feel relief.
She grimaces at the unpleasant feeling between her legs.
She feels dirty. She feels exhausted. She aches all over. She feels distinctively unlike herself. Because he's taken something. She doesn't know what. But she's numb and she's broken and she doesn't know if there's any coming back from this. Because if there's a heaven, there's a hell and she's surely in it.