A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you are all having a wonderful summer! For all of you who are waiting so patiently for the next chapter of Raising Phoenix never fear, it is coming. I have been very busy and this little plot bunny refused to move over for something else to come out. Besides, it is something much lighter and fluffier than the darker turn that my other story is taking, and it was nice to get away from the heavy stuff for a little while.
As always it would seem that all my stories are obviously AU now that the last book has been published and probably a bit OC as well, he is now having to adjust to parenthood after all. hope that you all like what I worte!
Anyways, this little story come from listening to the radio and hearing one of the hosts on one of the morning shows I listen to in the car on the way to work. One of the hosts seemed totally mortified that he had had to use the woman's room because the men's was broken, and my first thought was how to throw Severus into the picture with a large dose of humor. I think I have managed that. Hope you all enjoy it and remember, review, review, review! It is truly (and rather sadly) the hight point in my day when I see review notices in my inbox. Hope you all enjoy!
Disclaimer: Don't own it, just having some fun with our beloved Potions Master, will return him from whence he came… if I really have to (deep dramatic sigh here).
Summary: Severus' daughter has to use the bathroom and they are in a public place and Hermione is nowhere to be found, at least not quickly enough. To what lengths will Severus go to keep his daughter happy?
A Snape Family Outing
Severus Snape was not a happy man. While this statement seemed to be the general account about his life, at least up until about seven years prior it was not something he was completely familiar with any more. But he was getting along brooding properly, or at least close to properly now as well. What was causing the biggest dilemma to his otherwise properly constructed brooding session, was the small child currently peacefully curled up on his lap, leaning against his black clad chest, sucking her thumb and on the edge of dozing off.
Severus and Hermione had been married seven years now, about three years after the fall of Voldemort when she had come to teach Muggle Studies at Hogwarts and he had been acquitted of wrong doing in the case of killing Albus due to an overwhelming store of evidence in the form of Pensives in his favor. This lead to the ruling that it was part of the war that Dumbledore had been killed by Severus and not necessarily a murder. Now they were happily married and still living at Hogwarts with two lovely children, one of which was currently falling asleep in the warmth and safety of her father's arms. Serenity Snape was five and an all out daddy's girl while Stephen Snape was three and seemed to be more of a mamma's boy than Severus would have liked to admit. The fact that he was holding Serenity on his lap was not the cause for him to be attempting a brooding session, but the place in which he was holding it. Severus Snape was sitting in the middle of the food court at the mall, at Christmas time.
Severus, Hermione and the kids were all going to be going to visit Grandma and Grandpa Granger on Christmas Eve so that they could have their Christmas celebration with them so that the whole family could go to the Weasley's for Christmas dinner. At first Severus had not been happy with the idea of being in presence of not only the other 2/3 of the 'Golden Trio' but the Twins, the while tribe of Weasley's but their wives and children as well. But he had soon gotten over it with some cajoling and the knowledge of Mrs. Weasley's fine cooking, and he had to admit, even to himself mind you, that he did seem to enjoy himself when he was there.
The one thing that he could not understand though, was why in the world he had to be dragged to the mall with Hermione and the kids this year. In years past he had been able to convince Hermione that she need take only one child with her to the mall or if he was lucky, not to go to the mall at all. but no, not this year, she felt the need to take them both and him along for the ride as well. She had insisted that she dress the children in muggle style clothing when they went to her parent's house. That way if there were other people or, if they went out to church for the evening that they would look 'normal' for her parents, besides she thought that it was rather undignified that she should dress her little boy in what the muggles would call a dress. Not that she had a problem with dressing him in his little robes any other time, but she insisted on a 'pants suit' for him when they went to see her parent.
So Severus had finally caved in to his wife's request and was now stuck at the mall. His only concelation was that he did not have to follow Hermione around any longer. She had let him and Serenity, who had a dress already picked out, go to the food court to sit down and wait. He could not imagine why it took as long as it seemed too to get a single outfit for his children to wear for one night. Besides he was not one that wanted to shop. It was quite simple, he went to the robe shop, got measured once a year, ordered the same style clothing every year, it came in the owl post within the next few weeks or he went and picked it up, viola whole new wardrobe. But no, Hermione seemed to be one of those 'shop till you dropped' kind of people. Now Severus sat among the hustle, bustle and Christmas cheer with his daughter on his lap waiting for nearly two hours already for Hermione to return and let him out of the 'cheer filled' equivalent of Azkaban. But what he did not know was that the worst was yet to come.
It was about two hours into the wait for the reappearance of Hermione that disaster struck. He had been amusing himself and Serenity by buying her a small serving of French fries and a large drink. Well it would seem that the little girl had drank more in the time that she was sitting on her father's lap than her bladder could hold. Quite suddenly as she was beginning to doze of Serenity suddenly sat bolt upright and looked wide eyed at a startled Severus.
"Daddy!" she said with great impatient and importance in her voice, large innocent eye shinning up at him. "Daddy! I have to Pottie!"
"Alright. You are such a good girl to tell me that." He nodded and gathered her in his arms to carry her over to the bathrooms. She was at the end of being potty trained and was very happy with herself because she had not had and accident in nearly three weeks. She was a very proud big sister, being an example for her little bother. Not really thinking too much about it, Severus nearly walked into the men's bathroom so that Serenity to go to the bath room.
"Daddy! Daddy!" Serenity said, sounding worried and nearly scandalized, pulling on his collar, earning a few curious and worried glances from passerbys at her frantic tone. "we can't go in there, it is the boy's room, I am a girl."
"It's ok Serenity." Severus told her. "I am with you; no one will worry about it."
"No daddy." She shook her had with great conviction, looking pleadingly at him. "I can't go in there. I have to go to the girl's room and I have to go pottie now!"
With a sigh Severus decided that it would be just easier if he let her go to the women's room than fight with her about going into the men's room and causing a scene. So he continued to walk down the hall until he came to the door of the Women's room, putting her down in front of the door.
"All right Serenity, you can go and use the potty in the girls room then." He told her. "I will wait right here until you get back.
"No you can't daddy." She said shaking her head with great conviction. "I can't go in alone. Mommy always told us that we have to go with her into the bathroom so that she knows where we are. Mommy isn't here so you will have to do it." She told him in a way that reminded Severus so much of Hermione when she was still just a young little upstart muggleborn who wanted to prove herself in the Wizarding world. He would have smiled if it were not for the content of what she had just said. He knew that she was probably right; he did not want to leave his daughter alone in a whole room full of strangers. He also knew that he would have to uphold and follow the rules that Hermione had laid out with their daughter about being in a public place and being safe. The part that gave him pause was where his cute little tyke so innocently wanted him to follow, and for excellent reasons. "You will have to come in with me daddy." She said. "And I need to go pottie now!" She was literally unable to stand still and in her impatience grabbed his hand and proceeded to pull on his arm until he finally relented, knowing he was going into uncharted territory.
Being pulled along by his daughter Severus Snape, Dungeon Bat and Potions Master extraordinaire and feared by nearly every student in Hogwarts, made his maiden voyage into the Woman's Room. As was normal for the season the tiny tile clad room was packed with women of all ages. Many of them turned to look at him both questioningly as well as accusingly as he barged into their domain. Severus was a bit weary of at least one woman who clutched her purse as if she was contemplating taking a swing at him with it. Luckily the demeanor changed when many of them noticed the small raven haired child pulling on his hand, encouraging him forward with rather loud declarations of the necessity of his being present. Severus, who could easily stare down his fellow Death Eaters, and weather Voldemort's wrath was now overtaken by 'the look' from every woman from age five to practically ninety nine, all with various levels of lethality. He could normally weather Hermione's 'look' but even he was finding it hard to survive the combined power of so many 'looks' at one time, the shear concentration was nearly overpowering. He was most anxious to leave the whole muggle world behind for a good long while! Deeping his scowl and putting up his mental wards, just in case, he managed to stare down most of the younger ones, but the older women were proving to put up a battle. All the while poor little Serenity did a small jig and rattled on about the fact that she could not go potty until a stall opened up. Finally a stall opened up and Serenity rocketed into so fast Severus swore she had apparated there.
Now that his daughter was not next to him there were even more glares from various women. But the glares were not the only reason that he was most uncomfortable in the room, but it was the room itself. Since it was nearly completely tiled every sound in the room echoed and from somewhere in the ceiling there was loud and obnoxiously cheery Christmas music blaring into the room. There was also the fact that the walls were a floral pink with sinks and counter tops a horrid pink like color that he could not image ever being legal. And to top it all off (quite literally), above the sink there was some sort of greenery with Christmas themed decorations and flashing lights.
From inside the stall that Serenity had commandeered, there was a large exaggerated sigh of relief like many small children make and Severus was glad that things seemed to be going 'well' so far, what he didn't do for his little girl. About the time that he heard her sigh his attention was drawn away from making sure that his daughter was fine to a large burly man walking into the ladies room. This seemed a bit strange to him until he noticed that many of the women flocked to him and seemed to be nodding or motioning in his direction. He also noticed that the man was dressed differently than the other people in the mall, with black slacks, black tie and white shirt with some sort of decal or badge on his chest. As the man came closer Severus was able to read 'Mall Security' written across the badge and cringed inwardly.
"Sir," the man said in a commanding tone and standing between Severus and the stalls, trying to look him in the eyes. He was about a head and a half shorter than Severus and still had trouble looking up at him as Severus reclined against the wall. "Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave here at once!" the man insisted.
"I am sorry Sir." Severus told him, using the tone he usually reserved for baiting students into loosing more points. "I can not do such a thing." He offered no explination as to why he could not.
"but you must Sir, this is the Woman's Room, men are not allowed in here! You must leave!" the man looked as though he was getting agitated. Severus found this as well as the man's statement to be rather amusing, seeing as he was a man, also in the Woman's room.
"Really Mr. Mall Security, you also seem to be in the Woman's room. At least I am here for a productive purpose." Severus told him, enjoying far too much toying with the man. "I am not allowed to leave yet."
"I am going to have to ask you to come with me then Sir. If you don't leave on your own, I will be forced to remove you myself!" the security guard told him forcefully.
Severus looked him up and down appraisingly and raised a questioning eyebrow, mixed with amusement. "I will leave when it is time." Severus told the man. "but I will not be leaving until then. And I can assure you Sir, that I have taken on far more deadly and powerful foes than you when I was only eighteen. Whatever you think you can do to me, I can assure you is nothing compared to what I have endured already."
"Are you threatening me!?" the man asked indignantly, Severus could have sworn he had swelled to about twice his size. Severus was struck with the image of Longbottom's pet toad in class the day he tested the Swelling Solution in it, and it amused him.
"No sir." Severus said shaking his head. "I don't threaten very many people and what most consider to be a threat is perceived much more as a promise from me because I don't make statements that I can't back up." Severus used the tone he usually used when he was about to inflict the harshest, most horrible punishment he could think of on a student that had tired to 'experiment' in his potion's lab. Most of the time said student was a shaking mass of fear between the look and the intimidating tone of voice even before he handed down a punishment.
"I warned you Sir. I will remove you!" The Security Guard said with a bit of a falter in his voice, listening to the dead serious conviction in Severus' tone. At about this time there was the sound of the toilet flushing and the lock being slid back from the door behind the man. Serenity came happily out of the stall; seeming to be completely oblivious to the fact the man was having a battle of wills with he father.
"Daddy! Daddy!" she said with great enthusiasm, zooming around the man and nearly jumping up and down in her excitement at Severus' feet. "I went pottie all by myself! Aren't you proud of me!?" She made a motion for him to pick her up but Severus didn't.
Severus' frosty glare at the now rather surprised look, turned into a warm half smile to his daughter. "That is wonderful Serenity. Mommy will be so happy when she hears that. I think that you better wash your hands first though before I pick you back up again pumpkin. Remember what mommy and daddy told you about keeping your hands clean."
"Yes," she nodded exaggeratedly. "You said that if I keep my hands clean that I can one day come and help you in the lab sometime getting ingredients ready. And that I won't get sick if I wash my hands. I don't like being sick, it's not fun."
"That's right Serenity." Severus said. "Being sick is definitely not fun at all." Serenity gave a huge smile and then scurried on over to the sinks but realized as she got there that she was just too short to reach. Severus who had now decided that the Security man was no longer worth his notice came behind her and picked her up so she could reach and the knobs and soap. Then when she was done he put her down and took out a handkerchief he had conjured in his pocket so she could wipe her hands. Then he put it back in his pocket and picked her up proper. Only then did Serenity's little mind begin to take in the fact that there was another man in the Ladies room.
"Daddy! There is a boy in the Girl's Room!" Serenity said sounding scandalized. "You should do something about that. Grandma Minerva will be very upset if she hears about it! Are you going to give him detention with Filtch!? You should give him a very long detention! Boys aren't allowed into the Girls bathroom!"
"No sweet pea I am not going to give him detention with Filtch. This isn't home, remember. I can't give out detentions here." Severus could not help but be amused at his daughter's assertion that he give out a detention. "Besides, even if I could I would have to give myself one too, I am in the Girls room and I am a boy." He pointed out.
"No," she said shaking her head and looking at him with all seriousness. "You can't give yourself detention silly. Besides you don't count, you can be in here; you're my daddy, and a hero." She told him and leaned in and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. Severus couldn't help it, his heart melted, and he still could not help but chuckle at his little daughter's innocent logic.
"Lets go sit down again and keep waiting for mommy." Severus said.
"I don't want to wait any more." She said shaking her head with a light pout. "I want to go home. I want to play with Corkshanks. Waiting is boring."
"I know darling, I want to go home too." Severus said. "But we have to wait for mommy, she has to finish shopping with your little brother first." Serenity gave a large exasperated sigh and leaned against his shoulder and hugged his neck.
"Fine daddy." She said. "We will have to wait."
"Yes dear, I know, I don't spend this much time shopping either, I don't know how your mother does it." Severus turned away from the sinks where he had been lingering because he was quite sure the Security Guard wouldn't try to remove him in the presence of his daughter and then turned to him. "Have a good Holiday Season." Severus nodded to him, in a rather patronizing tone that he usually reserved for when the Huffapuffs managed to win a game against the Slytherins (yes, I had happened at least once in his tenure), and then he walked out of the Ladies room as if he owned the place, leaving a rather flustered Security Guard in his wake.
Once he was free of the accursed ladies room Severus made his was through the crowd in search of an empty table where he could sit with Serenity again. He was lucky though, he was able to spot Hermione across the food court and was able to catch her attention. Little Serenity then proceeded to squeal "Mommy!" and tried to bounce up and down in his arms as they approached each other.
"Mommy! Mommy! Guess what!? I went potty all by myself!" She said excitedly. "Daddy stood watch out side the inside potty door. But I did it all by myself!"
"Well that is wonderful dear!" Hermione smiled at her over exuberant youngster as he little brother began to gurgle and scream out excitedly 'Sheerrity! and Dada!' when he saw his big sister and father. Serenity then went over to the stroller that her little brother was in and gave him a kiss and a hug. While Serenity was occupied with hugging her brother Hermione turned to Severus with a mischievous gleam in her eye. "So…" she grinned. "You were in the girls room then." Severus gave her a half hearted glare.
"What are you laughing at Madame?" He snipped, and upon seeing how very unrepentant she looked at his slightly sour attitude, he then followed it up with another comment. "If you ever bring this up to anyone else…" he trailed off, letting the statement hang as menacingly as he could manage at the time, which was rather short of his expectations of sounding gruff, it sounded more like a plea even to his ears.
"Why Severus." Hermione said, putting a hand dramatically to her chest and pretending surprise. "What would ever give you such an idea?" She couldn't help it; she broke out into a large chasseur cat grin at the end of that statement.
"humph." He grunted. "I know you far to well Madame." He told her. "I would know that grin anywhere. Perhaps I will have to persuade you." He grinned in return after a moment of thought, and leaned into give her a passionate kiss, which took both their breaths away. They were just getting started on a long kiss when they were interrupted by 'Ewwwe…!' from Serenity who was looking intently at her parents.
"I guess that will have to be persuasion enough for now." Severus said to Hermione with hot eyes roving her now slightly rounded figure. She had plumped out after carrying his first two children and she was just beginning to show the signs of their third child. Yes, Severus was a very proud husband and father indeed and was still very attracted to his glowing wife.
"well I guess it will do for now." Hermione smiled in a suggestive manner. "but I think I might need a bit more persuasion in the very near future for such information to stay confidential. After all, this is such a big step for you."
"Hermione, you are a shameless tease, and you know it." Severus said, standing straight and crossing his arms over his chest, using his teaching voice to every potential he could manage. "Besides, I am quite sure that I will be spending the rest of my life persuading you to do or to not do something, and I guess it will have to be fine. Besides when I am done 'persuading' you, there will be no question as to where the information stays; I can assure you of that."
"I am sure you are right." She grinned in a slightly noncommittal manner.
"You guys are weird." Serenity broke in, shaking her head.
"Well, in light of that, I do believe it is time to go home." Hermione smiled as her suggestion got rave reviews from everyone standing around. Severus helped bundle up his daughter and he also put on his winter cloak before they all went outside to walk about a block to the little coffee shop that no one seemed to ever see so that they could all Floo back to Hogwarts for a much needed afternoon nap.
A/N: well I hope you all enjoyed it. I know I had fun writing it. And as always I must thank my wonderful beta Skydancinghobbit for her wonderful support and insights, don't know what I would do without her wonderfully entertaining and sometimes colorful comments. I always love to hear from you all, so drop me a line. Thanks for reading. Until I get the next chapter of Raising Pheonix posted, Enjoy life and Live well, Laugh often, and Love deep. Dragons Quill