Disclaimer: I own nothing, make no profit from this and intend no copyright infringement.
A/N: I struggled to split this into chapters and got frustrated, so here it is all in one chunk. I hope nobody minds too much!
SG-1 Always a Family
Sam looked at her watch frustrated, she had been working for 4 hours straight and was no closer to understanding what had happened to Colonel O'Neill.
Earlier that day:
It should have been a simple, quiet mission; collect a few soil samples and explore a ruined temple for anything interesting. She should have known that nothing is ever as easy as that when it comes to SG-1. They seemed to be a magnet for trouble. Sam had collected her samples and Daniel had been exploring the ruins of the temple for about half an hour when the trouble started.
"Found anything Daniel?" Asked Colonel Jack O'Neill, leader of the group, of his archaeologist / linguist team mate.
"It's all very interesting, but I need to translate a lot more of this text before I'll know if it will be useful to us in more than a cultural sense."
"Okay, so you've got another 2 hours to gather what you need then we head back"
Daniel thought about protesting and trying to negotiate more time but thought better of it. Jack was right he could take digital images and translate in the comfort of his own office just as easily. Daniel turned back to the text inscribed on the wall.
"What's this?" Jack asked, he had been wandering the temple for anything of interest e.g. a big honkin' space gun, just on the off chance and come across an unusual sphere on a pedestal in the middle of a marked circle on the floor.
Turning to see to what Jack was referring Daniel replied "I don't know but I wouldn't touch it …"
Unfortunately Daniel's warning was a second too late and Daniel turned just in time to see him lift the sphere and promptly disappear in a flash of blue light.
"Jack!" Daniel exclaimed but he was no longer in sight. "Sam, Teal'c come in!"
Sam and Teal'c were patrolling the area looking for any other signs of civilisation when Daniel's panicked voice permeated their comfortable silence.
"We read you Daniel, what's wrong?"
"Jack's gone!"
"Gone where Daniel?" Sam and Teal'c exchanged concerned glances
"I don't know! He lifted a sphere off a pedestal in the temple, and in a flash of blue light he disappeared."
"Okay Daniel. Do you think translating the text in the temple might help to locate him?"
Daniel starting to relax under the calming influence of Sam's command replied "Yes, yes it might."
"Then continue with that, but don't touch anything, Teal'c and I will conduct a perimeter search for him before we go back to the gate to inform the SGC of the Colonel's disappearance."
"Right will do, Daniel out"
In minutes Sam and Teal'c's search brought them toward what appeared to be similar temple to the first. "It's worth a look" Sam said looking to Teal'c who nodded in the affirmative. Weapon raised Teal'c stepped into the darkened temple and a small wailing figure promptly barrelled out as fast as his small legs could carry him. He was not however as fast as Teal'c and he was soon apprehended before he could get very far.
"Oh my God!" Sam exclaimed as soon as she got a look at the figure being restrained by Teal'c. It was a little boy with shaggy brown hair crying in fear and when she took in the oversized back T-shirt and olive green shirt that was drowning the poor little thing realisation dawned. "I think that's Colonel O'Neill!"
Teal'c looked at the squirming boy in his arms and came to the same conclusion "Be still O'Neill, I will not harm you" he intoned.
The little boy stopped squirming realising he had no hope of escape but continued to cry. Sam approached and spoke soothingly to the scared boy "It's okay, we're not going to hurt you. My name is Sam and this is my friend Teal'c. Is your name Jack O'Neill?"
The little boy calmed a bit further but his lip continued to tremble as he looked at her confused "Or is it John?"
The small boy nodded and held his arms out towards Sam wanting her to hold him. Once he was held securely by Sam, he held on tight to her neck and whispered "I'm JJ" into her ear.
"Okay JJ, lets see if we can get you home." Sam was in shock at the transformation the Colonel appeared to have undergone and knew they needed to get him back to the SGC as soon as possible. As she continued to soothe the little boy Teal'c went into the temple and returned with the rest of O'Neill's adult equipment which must have fallen off the smaller version now in Sam's arms.
On his return Teal'c radioed Daniel "Daniel Jackson"
"Did you find him Teal'c?"
"I believe so Daniel Jackson, although he has undergone a transformation so we cannot be sure. We must return through the gate immediately."
"What has happened?"
"O'Neill is not his usual age, he has been transformed into a small boy."
"How old are you JJ?" Sam asked softly
JJ replied by raising 3 fingers
****
Sitting back in her chair Sam rubbed at her eyes and sighed as the phone rang. "Carter" she greeted,
"Sam it's Janet, can you come down to the infirmary at once?" The concern in Janet's voice was obvious.
"The Colonel? Is he ok?" Sam was now very concerned too.
"Physically yes for now, but he's very distressed and I can't calm him down, perhaps you can…"
Before Janet could finish Sam interrupted "I'm on my way" and raced from her office down to the infirmary. Sam had never seen the Colonel vulnerable and helpless before and she felt an overwhelming need to protect him. Sam had long ago given up trying to deny she had inappropriate feelings for her commanding officer, but kept them tightly reigned in at all times particularly on base.
Sam burst through the infirmary doors and took in the sight before her in a split second. 3 year old JJ, in pyjamas, had retreated into a corner and was crying desperately that he wanted his Mama. His red face and trembling body signs of his obvious distress. A quick glance at Janet and Sam had crossed the room and slid onto her knees in front of JJ. "Oh…JJ, c'mere" The small boy took a shaky breath as he saw Sam and went willingly as she gathered him up into her arms.
JJ held tight to Sam's neck and continued to cry into her shoulder as Sam gently rocked him and rubbed his back in an effort to sooth him. "Shhh JJ, it's okay, it's okay" For the next few minutes Sam just held JJ whispering comforts to him, assuring him he was safe and that she wouldn't let anyone hurt him, and continuing to rub his back.
Janet looked on astounded, JJ hadn't allowed her or any of the staff near him for the last 20 minutes, thrashing and screaming when they approached and yet he had melted at the first sight of Sam and was now calm in her arms. She shouldn't be surprised she realised, this was Colonel O'Neill after all, and there had always been a unique bond between him and Sam. It seemed the bond remained even now, despite the fact the Colonel had no memory of his adult life.
JJ's crying had abated and his grip on Sam loosened enough for her to pull back to look at his face, instinctively she kissed him on the nose and gave him a smile. "Feeling better?" she whispered and stood up still holding him close. He nodded and returned her smile "Where's Mama?"
Stroking his soft hair for added comfort Sam glanced at Janet, who shrugged not knowing what they should tell him, before beginning "Your Mum can't be here right now JJ, but she has asked me and Janet to look after you. Is that ok, will you let me take care of you?"
Apparently satisfied for now with Sam's vague answer JJ smiled at her sweetly "O'Tay".
"So what got you so upset JJ?" Sam continued in her soft voice
"Monsters! Can't seep wiv monsters!" JJ said firmly, he pulled Sam's dog tags out from under her t-shirt and began fiddling with them while Sam and Janet spoke:
"It started as just a tantrum that he didn't want to get into bed, but as we tried to persuade him it just escalated and he wound himself up into the state you found him in."
"It was monsters wiv red and green fwashing eyes!" insisted JJ threatening tears again.
"It's ok there are no monsters.."
"but I heared thems footsteps!"
"No JJ" Sam said firmly but gently "you saw the medical equipments flashing lights and heard the nurses footsteps echoing on the floor. There are no monsters, I promise"
"Don't make me stay!" JJ begged gripping hard onto Sam's neck again.
Addressing Janet Sam said "It's not the most child friendly place Jan. I can't see him settling in here any time soon. Does he actually need to stay in the infirmary?"
"Not medically, no, but where else could he sleep?"
"Well, I could take him to his quarters see if he'll settle in there while I do some work."
JJ nodded vigorously "Yes, yes! I wanna stay wiv you!"
"And what about when you want to go to bed?"
"Could you arrange for a second cot to be put in the Colonel's quarters? We could both stay in there."
"The Colonel's?"
"Yeah, I'm thinking his en-suite might prove useful with a 3 year old"
"Ok, that's seems fine with me, I'll get the 2nd bed arranged. You two going to be ok by yourselves?
"I think so, we'll be ok won't we JJ?"
The tired little bundle in her arms looked up, nodded and smiled then said quietly "Love you Sam."
Janet, Sam and the attending nurse shared shocked looks at the words so innocently said, while Sam bit back the urge to reply in kind, just squeezing him gently to let him know he too was loved.
"See you in the morning Janet"
"Yeah, see ya" After all the things Janet had seen over the years you would think she could no longer be surprised but that man continued to do just that.
By the time Sam reached her the Colonel's quarters, JJ was asleep against her shoulder. She made her way in putting the story books that she had brought with her from the infirmary on the table and moving over to the bed to lay JJ down. As she tried to move him away from her body he opened his eyes and held on to her, so instead she sat down on the bed with him to wait for him to settle so she could put him down. "Wead me a storwy?" he asked.
"Ok honey" Sam reached for one of the books and began to read quietly while JJ rested against her. She had barely finished the first page before JJ was fast asleep; the little boy was understandably exhausted from a long day and getting so upset. Sam tucked him into the bed kissed his forehead and whispered "I love you too JJ" before going back to her work on her laptop. Sam knew she was supposed to remember that this was Colonel O'Neill, her CO, but all she could see when she looked at the small form in the bed was a tired, scared little boy who trusted her to take care of him. Rather than going with her soldiers training she had decided that, in this instance, her maternal instincts were more appropriate. She just hoped they couldn't court martial her for it.
Later that night, early the next morning in fact, Sam finally gave up on making any progress that night Sam got herself ready for bed and crawled under the covers.
Years of military field work had made Sam a very light sleeper, so she was immediately alert when she heard JJ sit up in bed the next morning. He looked around in confusion until he heard Sam's "Good morning JJ", at which he smiled, hopped out of the bed and went over to her. At this size his face level with hers. She kissed him on the nose and he giggled, Sam thought it was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard.
"Need pee-pee" JJ stated matter of factly. "An' I's hungry"
"Ok well the bathroom is just there, so go there first then we'll go get some breakfast"
Sam stretched and got up while JJ went into the bathroom, but he soon returned holding himself. "My winky won't reach!" he yelped.
Oh crap thought Sam, ok don't panic, we can solve this, Sam's eyes lit on a box that looked about the right size under the table in the corner and she sighed in relief. She pulled it out and put it on the floor in front of the toilet. "Here we go, you just need to stand on the box."
Crisis averted, Sam left to let JJ get on with what he was doing and get herself dressed. 'How am I supposed to know what is appropriate when my CO is 3 years old?' Sam thought. Soon they were off for breakfast hand in hand, JJ still in his pyjamas and slippers. 'We're going to have to get him some clothes if he is in this 'condition' for much longer' she thought to herself.
JJ spent the morning with Sam and Janet and then the afternoon with Daniel and Teal'c, all 5 meeting up for lunch and then again at 1600 hrs for a briefing with General Hammond. Unfortunately no one had anything extra to report to the General than from 36 hours earlier.
"So" Hammond concluded "we are no closer to finding out what happened or how to reverse it but we are confident that there have been no side effects for the Colonel other than the obvious?"
"Yes Sir" came the confirmation.
JJ had slid off his chair early on in the briefing and was playing with a toy car that Colonel Dixon had managed to procure from his youngest son for him.
"Then I suggest we contact our allies for some assistance.."
"Vroom, Vroom!!" JJ shouted from under the table interrupting the general.
"It seems the Colonel may be stuck like this for some time and we therefore need to make arrangements for his care. Major you seem to be best suited for the task, from what I understand JJ has formed a certain bond with you. Although I am certain the rest of SG-1, Dr Fraiser and Cassie would be willing to assist. Are you willing to take on guardianship?"
Guardianship? She wasn't sure she was exactly qualified but the thought of leaving him with anyone else was simply … unacceptable. There was still one worry she felt she had to address "Will that be entirely appropriate, Sir ?"
"The regulations were never written with this situation in mind, I see no problem with it."
"Then, yes Sir, I'll take care of the Colonel for as long as he is, well, as long as he needs"
"Thank you Major"
"Jack, please come out from under the table, I'd like to speak to you" General Hammond asked, slightly exasperated at having to conduct this briefing above the noise the Colonel was making.
"No! I's JJ not Jack!"
Shocked and embarrassed at the insubordination JJ was showing to the General, Sam pushed her chair away from the table and firmly said "JJ O'Neill, you will do as the General asks. Now come out here so we can see you"
At this JJ appeared at Sam's knees eyes wide and tried to crawl up onto her lap "Sowy" he whispered and Sam helped him onto her knee so he was facing the general. "It's ok, just listen to General Hammond now please" His hands held tightly onto hers as they rested round his middle, he fully expected a good telling off.
Daniel and Janet exchanged looks at the familiarity of the interaction between the two, the relationship, love and trust between them was obvious. It had, after all, been growing for years. They wondered if it was as obvious to the General and suspected it probably was.
"It seems you could be with us for a while Ja…uh JJ, if its ok with you I'd like for you to stay with Major Carter..
"Who that?" JJ asked in a panicked voice squirming on Sam's lap
"Sam" the general nodded towards Sam "Sam…is Major Carter, would you like to stay with Sam for a while?"
JJ's frown was gone as he turned, standing and hugging Sam tightly round the neck "Yes, yes! Stay wiv you!"
"Good, then SG-1 you have tomorrow off to make the arrangements for the Colonel"
***
" Hi Cassie" Sam knew she was going to need some help with this, she needed clothes, shoes, toys, a car seat and anything else a 3-year-old might need. She also needed to 'JJ' proof her house ready for his arrival tomorrow, and it all had to be done in time for Sam to get back for JJ's bedtime. Otherwise she would incur the wrath of JJ as well as Daniel and Teal'c the nominated baby sitters for the evening.
"Aunt Sam, hi how are you?"
"I'm fine Cass, you up for a little shopping this evening?"
"Yes, of course, when aren't I? What are you looking for?"
"Um, clothes and stuff for Uncle Jack"
"Really?"
"Yeah, I'll explain on the way…"
****
Sam arrived back at the base after a successful shopping trip just in time to prevent a tantrum from JJ about not wanting to get ready for bed. Daniel was attempting to reason with the small boy as she entered the room "By the time you get ready for bed Sam will be back…"
"Hi guys"
"Oh Sam, thank god!" Daniel sighed in relief.
"Your timing is most fortuitous Major Carter" stated Teal'c.
"Have you been a good boy for Daniel and Teal'c JJ?" Sam asked as she scooped the little boy up off the sofa he was bouncing on and into her arms. JJ nodded enthusiastically happy to have Sam back from her trip to the mall.
"I'm not sure I'd say that exactly, but he hasn't broken anything so I guess that's an improvement" Daniel informed Sam.
"Thanks for this guys, we'll be heading back to mine in the morning. If you want you could come over on Friday night, I'll treat you to a take away as a reward?"
"That would be great Sam, see you Friday and good luck tomorrow"
"Indeed, I too will attend on Friday"
"Come for about 1900 hours then, I'll get the menus out!" Turning to JJ Sam said in a tone that suggested no argument should be made "Ok young man, bath and bed for us" and left Daniel and Teal'c reeling at her choice of words, for the locker room.
It took JJ a bit longer to settle in bed than it had the previous night, but after a chat about what JJ had been doing during the day, two stories from the new story book Sam had chosen at the mall and a lullaby Sam remembered her Mum had sung to her as a small child JJ finally succumbed to sleep.
Sam lay in bed and read her own new book on parenting trying to calm her nerves before trying to sleep. She was nervous about taking JJ home with her. She would be by herself with him and hoped her instincts would be enough to keep him safe, happy and healthy. She wasn't really qualified to be his guardian, but again she couldn't imagine handing him over to anyone else. Janet had told her no one is ever ready for parenthood when it comes along but not being prepared was not something Samantha Carter was used to.
All too soon, Sam was being woken up by a little body climbing onto her and attempting to shake her. "Sam, Sam wake up!"
"JJ, is everything ok?" It didn't take much to alert a highly trained soldier.
"Uh – hu, wanna play?"
"Not before we get dressed, have breakfast and go to my house – then we can play" Sam checked the clock to ensure it wasn't still the middle of the night.
"Can I have pancakes for breakfast?" JJ begged from his position sat on Sam's chest.
"Ok honey, pancakes it is"
"Yes!" JJ shouted as he leapt off the bed in excitement.
Sam quickly dressed herself in the bathroom before setting about dressing JJ in some of the new clothes she had bought him. It was in fact the first time JJ had been properly dressed since arriving back to Earth. It was a simple outfit of blue trousers, a white T-shirt and a red woollen jumper and seemed to fit quite well. Once Sam had managed to get the squirming little Colonel into the clothes (he was surprisingly ticklish) she exclaimed "Wow JJ you look great!" and gave him one of her mega watt smiles "Do you like them? Are they comfy enough?"
"I like red!" JJ said looking down at his chest and then grinning up at Sam.
Having also got the little trainers onto JJ's feet and feasted on pancakes in the commissary Sam and JJ headed out of the mountain and to Sam's car. JJ wasn't very impressed with having to be strapped into the car seat, but Sam informed him in no uncertain terms if he didn't get in she would have to leave him there and would go home by herself. Although JJ sulked for most of the journey by the time they pulled up at Sam's house after a quick stop for groceries his curiosity and excitement about seeing his new toys had overcome his bad mood.
Sam was able to watch JJ from the kitchen as she put away the groceries due to the open plan layout of her living area. He was exploring the few toys she and Cassie had bought for him on their shopping trip. They had purchased a few different toys not really knowing what he would like but they were fairly confident that aeroplanes, balls, Lego and action figures would be liked by any typical 3 year old boy.
As Sam finished her unpacking and went to join JJ she determined they had been right, he seemed to be having a great time and Sam couldn't help the warm feeling and the smile that seeing him happy in her home gave her.
*****
Over the next week or so Sam, JJ and the rest of SG-1 settled into something of a routine. Sam was learning the ropes of taking care of a young child and finding it very rewarding overall. The tantrum in the toy store hadn't been the highlight of her week but the greeting she got every time he saw her after any time apart more than made up for it.
The team's main focus was to understand what had happened to Colonel O'Neill on P3X-582 and how to reverse it. Sam was working closely with the science team that were now on the planet studying the devices and power sources and relaying information back to the SGC for further study. Major Carter was at times frustrated that she was not on the planet to research the technology first hand but the care of JJ was also a priority and a responsibility she would not allow anyone else to fulfil.
Daniel worked tirelessly to translate the plethora of writings contained with the 2 temples and on various artefacts found. He took breaks however to spend time with JJ and was quickly getting attached to the little boy as well. JJ was a typically boisterous 3 year old and Daniel very quickly determined that spending time with him was best done outside of his office where many priceless and breakable artefacts could be found by curious hands.
In fact SG-1 ensured that JJ spent as little time on base as possible. A frontline military base is not the place for young children and Sam worked from home when she could. However, with the team working JJ still ended up spending quite some time on the base and was becoming a familiar feature. Several others volunteered to keep and eye on him while the team worked, Janet and General Hammond doing more than their fair share of baby sitting.
Janet had concluded with Sam after consulting a child counsellor that Colonel O'Neill's memories were likely to be suppressed in his subconscious. This would explain JJ's instant bond with SG-1 and Sam in particular and why he had accepted the absence of his parents without question or distress. He had not asked about his parents since the first day in the infirmary nor had he expressed any thought on how different things were from when he had been 3 years old the first time.
Teal'c spent some time off world with other teams contacting their allies and new races in the hope of finding knowledge of the temple devices that had caused the Colonel's transformation. It was as a result of Teal'c's efforts that the first breakthrough came. A race with whom good relations had been established a year or so previously had found references to a healing temple in their archives that seemed likely to have been of the same origin.
Detailed study of the archives by the SGC and the scientists and engineers of P7X-878 over the next 2 weeks confirmed that the machines were of the same origin but unfortunately it was concluded that the machine on P3X-582 had likely malfunctioned and was broken.
The Tok'ra were able to provide their input and Jacob and Anise tentatively thought that they may be able to find a solution given time. It was at this point that reality set in that Colonel O'Neill was going to remain a young child for the foreseeable future and that no swift solution was going to be found.
General Hammond issued longer term orders for an engineering and science team be assigned the task of liaising with the tok'ra to work on a solution. Major Carter was a part of this team. Daniel Jackson and Teal'c however were to resume other work and go out with other teams as needed. He was not going to disband SG-1 but longer term plans were needed.
******
3 months later:
Daniel's radio crackled to life "Daniel, JJ's gone, is he with you? Have you got him?" Sam's voice was fraught with emotion as she shouted into her radio. She began sprinting back towards the first temple where Daniel was, despite it being a good mile away.
"I don't know, let me check" Daniel knew the emotional turmoil Sam was in, how could she choose between JJ and Jack? She loved them both with all her heart he was sure and was desperately worried that she was going to loose them both. "Hurry up Daniel!" Sam snapped.
From the temple Daniel then heard the unmistakable voice of Jack coming from the temple "For cryin' out loud! Where the hell are my pants?"
Daniel smiled and radioed Sam "Yep, we got the old Jack back, although he's missing his pants." Sam was running too hard to answer Daniel but the relief that JJ was ok overwhelmed her and tears streamed down her face.
"Jack, you're back" Said Daniel as he approached his friend in the temple and gave him a manly hug.
"What are you talking about? And why have I lost my pants!"
"Sam has your pants; she's on her way back from the other temple you just came from"
"Danny what the hell are you talking about? I haven't been anywhere!"
Oh dear this wasn't good "What's the last thing you remember Jack?"
Jack was getting angrier by the moment "I walked in here, picked up that sphere thing and bam, no pants!"
Oh dear oh dear, this is not going to go down well, Daniel thought but carried on regardless "Ok Jack you entered this temple about 4 months ago, that sphere thing transported you to another temple and reverse aged you to about 3 years old…"
Jack stormed out of the temple before Daniel could explain anything else not being taken in by his "practical joke".
At the same time Sam came barrelling down the gravel slope towards the temple, now in control of her tears if not her feet. Sam began skidding as she attempted to stop and was caught by the strong arms of her fully restored Colonel as he came out of the temple. In relief at seeing Jack or JJ, even in her own mind she was confused as to how to think of him, she hugged him tightly whispering "You see I always keep my promises, JJ"
Pulling sharply out of the hug completely confused Jack barked "JJ? Carter, what the hell is going on?"
"I'm sorry Sam" Called Daniel from the Temple entrance, the hurt of Jack's rejection was plainly written on her face and was not missed by Daniel. Sam had been using her soldier mask less and less recently and she was out of practice "He doesn't seem to have any memory of the last few months. I started to explain but he thought it was a joke."
Literally retreating from Jack and mentally distancing herself from her feelings, Sam tried hard to put the walls back up and her soldier face back on. Taking a deep breath Major Carter was back, to Daniel's dismay, and replied "I apologise sir my behaviour was inappropriate. Anything Daniel managed to tell you is true however." Not looking at Jack she retrieved his trousers from her pack and handed them to Daniel towards whom she had gravitated when distancing herself from Jack.
"Thanks" Jack said as he got himself properly dressed "You better start that explanation again Danny" He said quietly and they began the walk back to the Stargate.
Sam was very quiet on the way back to the Stargate her mind working overtime to process what Jack's memory loss would mean. He remembered nothing of the 4 months they had spent together, felt nothing of the intimacy that had developed between them and was felt by Sam. Maybe his memory would come back in time? Unlikely as JJ had remembered nothing of Jack's adult life. It was back to Sir and Carter it seemed, but Sam was not sure she could cope with that anymore, not after the taste of family life JJ had given her. She had hoped this experience would have enlightened Jack as it had her as to what was most important in life. Her hopes were crushed the moment he pulled her away from him and barked in her face.
"Does that about cover it Sam?" Daniel roused her from her musings with the question.
She really had no idea what Daniel had told him but couldn't find the energy to explain anything "Yeah, I think so, we'll have to go through it all at the debrief anyway."
"Sam, are you ok?" Daniel was seriously concerned about the mental affect this was having on the woman he considered his sister, it wasn't like her to not want to explain and he knew she had a lot to tell Jack if he didn't remember it for himself.
"Yeah, just a bit tired Daniel. We didn't sleep that well last night"
"We?" Jack asked, he was reeling from what Daniel had told him. He had a 4 month hole in his memory and had been a 3 year old being taken care of by Sam for that time! What was his relationship with her now? She could hardly view him as her CO now could she? She could have no respect for him now at all. No doubt that was why she couldn't bear to even look at him, but he wanted to keep her talking to find out for sure.
"JJ was too excited about going on an expedition through the Stargate to get much sleep" Jack and Daniel saw the hint of a smile at the memory before her expression dropped and she continued "..and personally I was pretty anxious about this transformation being successful. We could have lost you altogether" Sam met Jack's eyes for the first time at this last statement and couldn't hide her fear of losing him.
Ok Jack thought it's not often she lets me see how she feels, does she really care about me…like that? …like I care about her?…or was it just the young JJ she cared for? Perhaps their relationship hadn't changed in quite the way he was expecting "But you didn't…I'm here" He kept the eye contact and tried to reassure her.
"Yeah" Sam smiled but then dropped her eyes her expression weary "Everything's back the way it was".
Jack couldn't be sure but she seemed disappointed with that.
After a lengthy exam for Colonel O'Neill in the infirmary and long soul-searching shower for Sam it was time to debrief with General Hammond. Sam had collected herself some what and was ready to face the debrief. She missed JJ already she realised, she had wanted Jack back with all her heart but if she was honest she now needed more from him than just friendship and the care of a CO. She was now convinced her decision to resign her commission was the right one and would stand by it despite General Hammond's reluctance.
Janet entered the briefing room in which Sam and Daniel were already present and took the seat beside Sam "How are you Sam?"
"I'm fine Janet" Was her standard answer and Janet smiled sympathetically she knew how close Sam and JJ had become, JJ had started calling Sam, Mommy on occasion and referred to his birth mother as Mama. "How's the Colonel?"
"Physically he's fine, but he has total amnesia about his time as JJ. How was JJ on the planet?"
"He was ok, but he got pretty frightened at having to enter the temple room" Janet could see the pain in Sam's eyes at this and knew there was more to than she was saying, perhaps it would come out in the debrief.
"Hey Kids!" Was the Colonel's ironic greeting as he entered the room followed by Teal'c who just nodded. Jack took the seat opposite Sam and Teal'c sat on the other side of Daniel.
General Hammond then took his seat at the head of the table, entering the room from his office. "Welcome back Colonel, I'm glad to see you are back to normal, perhaps this briefing can go a little more smoothly than the last one you attended" The general smiled at the Colonels perplexed look and cut off the Major before she could speak "No need to apologize again Major"
"Uhh" Jack did not like being the butt of a joke he didn't understand.
"I'll tell you later Jack" Daniel assured his friend.
"So I gather you have no memory of the events subsequent to the first visit to P3X – 582?"
"No Sir" Jack was relieved to be back on track.
"Dr Fraiser, is this memory loss likely to be permanent?"
"I can't be sure Sir, the Colonel's brain scans show no abnormalities or differences to others scan on file. The memories may come back with time; perhaps being in familiar surroundings will trigger them."
"Ok then I'll start by summarising the events between then and the mission completed today, feel free to include comments as you see fit" He informed the team. "It seems the Ancient piece of technology you picked up in the southern temple on P3X-582 somehow malfunctioned and reversed the age of your mind and body to that of when you were 3 years old and transported you to the Easterly Temple. It was here that Major Carter and Teal'c discovered you."
At this point Daniel put in "The actual function of the sphere appears to be some kind of healing device that …"
"We have limited time Dr Jackson so perhaps this is a discussion you can have after the briefing with Colonel O'Neill"
"Yeah, shush Danny" Daniel glared at Jack for this comment but quieted and allowed the General to continue.
"After a couple of days of investigation we were no closer to having any idea what had occurred or how to reverse the effects. At this point Major Carter agreed to become JJ's, ..uh your.. guardian officially and take responsibility for your care."
Janet then added to ensure the Colonel realised just how much Sam had done for him "You, well JJ, moved in with Sam and lived there until this morning."
"I worked at home as much as I could but when I came into work you went to play with Colonel Dixon's children. His wife Helen, was a nurse in the infirmary if you remember Sir so she had clearance to be able to take care of you, or Cassie would take care of him ..you… JJ…" Sam just trailed off aware she was rambling.
"Suffice to say it has taken us four months and a lot of help from our allies, to find out what the device is, what it was meant to do and how to reverse the effects on you. There are various reports to get you up to speed with regard to the work that went on; you can read those in your own time Colonel."
"Yes Sir" Only Sam's little revelation was new, Danny had pretty much told him the rest, but Sam's manner as she spoke gave him a clue as to her strength of feeling provoked over the last few months.
"I don't think this is the appropriate time to fill you in on the more personal events missing from your memory. I'll leave that to your friends."
"Major would you like to begin debriefing us on today's mission?"
"Yes Sir, the four of us went through the gate and headed south towards the Southern Temple. It took us about 40 minutes to get there as JJ insisted on walking himself and I felt it best not to antagonise him."
"Indeed" Teal'c intoned, his first contribution to the debrief was telling.
"Once we were there Teal'c kept an eye on JJ while Daniel and I set up the instruments and the naquada generator."
"The setting of the equipment went smoothly, the instructions from the Tok'ra were accurate and the compatibility worries were unfounded thank goodness" Interjected Daniel.
"How was JJ through all this?" Asked Janet
"He was unco-operative and continually sought Major Carter's attention" stated Teal'c, Jack grimaced embarrassed at this insight.
Sam expanded on Teal'c's succinct comment "Even at 4 years old the Colonel was very smart and perceptive" Jack raised an eye brow Teal'c style at this comment 'she thinks I'm smart?' and looked directly at Sam as she continued. "He knew there was something going on that we hadn't told him about and was wary of the temple building, he didn't like Daniel and I being in there where he couldn't see us."
"When Sam and I had finished Little Jack seemed relieved and was excited about going for a walk with Sam." Daniel finished smiling at Sam and Jack.
"Thank you Danny, let Carter tell the story" Jack glared at Daniel for the use of 'Little Jack', JJ was bad enough and he hadn't been called that since he was six.
"Thank you Sir" Sam acknowledged Jack with a nod "The young Colonel and I set off for the Eastern temple making good time as he was willing to let me carry him..you.. most of the way. We got there, JJ stood in the centre of the room with the Colonel's clothes on, I closed the door, saw the blue light, opened the door again and he had gone. I radioed Daniel and he confirmed that the Colonel had been returned at his proper age" Sam rushed through the second half of her explanation looking down at the desk, it was clear she didn't want to go into any more detail but Daniel plundered in
"But Sam it was over an hour after you set off that you radioed me, what took so long?"
"It just took some time to get JJ to go into the temple"
"Oh? Why was that? What happened?"
Frustrated at Daniel's questioning Sam answered more sharply than she intended "Daniel, have you ever tried to get a scared 4 year old to stand still in the middle of a strange, dark room while you shut the door on him making it almost pitch black when you know yourself that you could be hurting him?"
Sam's voice was choked with emotion making Daniel feel guilty and he apologised "No, I'm sorry Sam, I hadn't thought of it like that."
Jack wanting to give Sam a chance to collect herself finished the story "When Carter got back to the Southern temple to me and Daniel, they explained what had happened and we came back to the Stargate and here we are."
"Do you have anything else to add Major?" Hammond looked pointedly at Sam and she knew he was referring to her resigning her commission.
"Not at this time Sir" Sam replied nodding in acknowledgment to what he was referring.
"Ok, I think that will do for today, SG-1 you have a long weekend on stand down, I'll see you on Monday and expect your mission reports, Tuesday 1800 hours. Dismissed."
The General, Daniel and Teal'c left the room quickly leaving Janet, Sam and Jack behind. Jack really wasn't sure what to say so just settled with "See you later Carter, Doc" and left resolving to talk to Sam in private about what they went through.
"So what happened to his pants Sam?" Janet attempted to lighten the mood and Sam smiled briefly and then sighed. "You ok Sam?" Janet asked "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm sorry, it was just hard, he was so scared and I'm sure he could sense my anxiety. I had to put him in his adult clothes as they would be transported too, but he was trembling so much his little hands couldn't hold onto the pants as well." Sam paused and Janet didn't know what to say. Then Sam continued more lightly "I would have liked to see his adult face when he discovered he had been de-trousered though!" and again Sam managed a smile.
"It's good to have him back, despite how confusing this is" Sam confided in Janet as they made their way back to their respective labs.
When Sam got back to her lab Daniel was waiting for her. "Hey Sam"
"Hi Daniel, what's up?"
"Firstly I wanted to apologise for being so insensitive in the debrief, I just wasn't thinking"
"It's ok Daniel, I shouldn't have snapped at you "
"No, don't Sam" Daniel pulled her into a brotherly hug "It must have been hard to say good bye to JJ, I know how close you were"
Sam just nodded against his shoulder and took comfort from his hug before Daniel continued "and then to find out he can't remember any of the things you shared…" Daniel didn't have the words so just squeezed her tighter.
After a few moments Sam pulled back and smiled at him "Thanks Daniel, I needed that. However close I was to Jack as JJ, I always wanted him back as Jack, and now he is."
"Right, so we should celebrate. We could bring team night forward to tonight now we have tomorrow off, if you're ok with it?"
"Good idea, you ask Teal'c and I'll ask the Colonel. So see you at 1900?"
"Absolutely, see you Sam"
"Bye Daniel"
Jack had been in his office trying to arrange his thoughts and catching up on the mission reports from his absence. It seemed SG-1 had been virtually off the mission roster since his 'incident' and Sam had barely been off world at all which seemed strange. His phone interrupted his musings "O'Neill"
"Hi Sir"
"Carter, nice to hear from you" and it really was.
"We were wondering if you wanted a team night tonight so we can all catch up. We were planning one at mine for tomorrow and thought we could bring it forward, if you wanted to of course Sir?" She was rambling again; she knew it and yet couldn't seem to stop herself.
"Sounds great Carter. I was just thinking… where's my truck?"
"Oh, in your garage I guess Sir; can I give you a lift?"
"If you don't mind that would be great. We could go straight to yours rather than have you go too far out of your way?"
"Ok Sir, I'll see you top side at 1800 hours. Bye"
"Bye Sam"
They both put the phone down with the same thought 'He called me Sam!' 'I called her Sam!'
It was a quiet but comfortable drive back to Sam's with both lost in their own thoughts. As Sam pulled up outside her house she remembered the state of the place. "Um, you'll have to excuse the mess Sir; I didn't have time to tidy up before today's mission."
"Oh come on Carter, I know you're a neat freak, how bad could it be?"
"That was before a certain destructive 3 year old moved in with me, the place really is a mess" She smiled at him cheekily as they climbed her front steps and he had the grace to look embarrassed. "Oh right" He said sheepishly "it's so weird not being able to remember."
"Oh my!" was Jack's reaction as he stepped inside the house to see toys and books strewn all over Sam's kitchen and living room "You weren't joking!"
"Grab yourself a beer, while I clear up before Danny and T arrive"
In fact Jack grabbed 2, one each, and began helping Sam clear up. "It's ok Sir, I'll do it"
"It's only right I help, this is my mess after all, and I think you can drop the 'Sir' Carter"
"Ok Jack, but could you try calling me Sam too?"
"Sure, I'd like that. Are these really all my toys?"
"Yeah, you can take them home with you if you want Jack" They both laughed at this and both were relieved at how comfortable they were with each other.
"Where do you want me to put them?"
"The toy chest in your room please"
"Right, my room" He muttered. This really was bizarre; he really hoped he get the memories back sometime soon.
Jack followed Sam into her spare room and took in the sight before him. The double bed had lost its plain cream cover and now sported a navy blue quilt cover covered in stars and planets, the curtains matched and the walls had been repainted pale blue. There was a beautifully carved wooden toy chest at the end of the bed into which Sam put the toys she had picked up and then moved onto the matching book shelves to put away the books.
Jack had frozen in the door way "Wow, this room" was all he could stutter. It was obvious how much time and effort had gone into it and it was the perfect young boys' bedroom.
"When we realised you were going to be JJ for a while, we redecorated to help you settle in and be comfortable. Janet and Cassie chose the wooden furniture, Teal'c and Daniel did the painting and we" at this Sam gestured to the two them "picked the star theme."
"Thank you Sam, I hope I told you that at the time" He said quietly and sincerely.
"The look on your face when you saw it for the first time told me everything, actually it wasn't dissimilar to the one you're wearing now" She smiled warmly at Jack and then headed back to living room to continue the clear up and find the take away menus.
Jack took a few more minutes to look around 'his' room, amazed at the trouble his friends had gone to, to take care of him. There were pictures of planets and aeroplanes on the wall as well as some pictures he guessed he had painted himself stuck lovingly to the wall with blue tack.
When Jack returned Sam had finished tidying and was getting out the menus. Jack grabbed their beers off the counter and plopped down on the couch when something caught his eye "What are you doing with this Sam?"
"What?" Sam asked as she sat next to him and sipped at her beer.
Jack pointed to the photo of his son Charlie that stood in pride of place in the middle of Sam's mantle piece. "That picture"
"Oh, um, I hope its ok, we brought it back from your house the first time we visited it."
"Why?" He looked at her puzzled.
"I'm not entirely sure to be honest. JJ insisted and got very upset when I tried to explain it had to stay where it was. I wondered if somewhere inside he still held your memories, maybe in his subconscious, so I let him bring it back. He spent a long time wandering the house deciding on the best place for it to stand, and finally decided on that position."
"You can see it from most of the house from there"
"Yeah I know" Sam took Jack's hand and gave it a squeeze, this was a subject off limits to everyone, it was just too painful "that's why my favourite pictures of my Mom and SG-1 had stood there too." Jack and Sam's eyes locked, it was unusual for either of them to talk about this kind of thing. Jack knew it was significant that Sam mentioned her Mom, she almost never did, and that she had given up that place on the shelf for his picture of Charlie. He had no words so he just looked at her and squeezed her hand in response. Their reverie was soon interrupted by the 'phone ringing and Sam got up to answer it.
"Carter"
"Hi Sam!"
"Cass, how are you?"
"I'm fine, how's Uncle Jack, is he there?"
"He's fine and yes he is. Did your Mom tell you he has no memory of being JJ though?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry Sam that must be tough for you"
"Not to worry" Sam tried to sound cheerful "I'll pass you over." Sam walked from the kitchen into the living room too hand Jack the phone. "It's Cassie for you"
"Hi Uncle Jack, I've missed you!"
"Hi Cass, how have you been?"
"Great thanks, I really enjoyed sitting with JJ, Sam even paid me!"
"Ack, that's kind of embarrassing"
"Don't be daft you were only 3 and a great kid. Oh and Sam made a great Mom! We're gonna miss him actually" Jack had no idea what to say to that thankfully he didn't have to reply:
"Jack, why don't you ask her and Janet over too?" Sam called from the fridge where she was getting more beer.
"Did ya hear that Cass?"
"Yeah, we're just going to eat but Mom says we can come over after, is that ok?"
"That'll be great, see you soon"
"See ya"
"Are they coming?" Sam asked returning with the beers.
"Yeah, they'll be over in a bit" The door bell rang "And that should be the guys".
An hour or so later SG-1 had finished their Chinese take away and were still chatting about what had been going on in the universe over the last few months when the door bell rang. As Sam was clearing the take away cartons Jack got up to answer the door. "Uncle Jack!" Cried Cassie as she wrapped her arms round his neck in a bear hug "Miss me?" was his cheeky reply.
Janet and Cassie settled into Sam's living room and the 6 friends sat and chatted comfortably about everything and nothing, the evening was slipping by when Jack surprised everyone by exclaiming "Aah crap!"
"What's up Jack?" Daniel asked confused
"I just realised I missed my birthday!" Jack groaned "…and yours Sam!" No one had failed to notice that Jack and Sam were using each others first names and were all secretly hoping this was a step in the right direction for their relationship.
"Not really Jack, you just can't remember them!" Janet told him
"Ooh let's watch the video, Sam can we?"
"What video?" Asked Jack
Sam rather sheepishly muttered "We taped your birthday party"
"I had a birthday party?"
"Yeah" Sam replied as she put the tape in the machine then sat back down on the couch next to Jack who was grinning. "It starts with you opening your presents, you got me up at 0500 by the way, then cuts to the afternoon when the guys arrive, ok?"
"Sure!" Said Jack, and stared wide eyed at the screen.
On screen
The picture showed the side of Sam's couch and the floor and Sam could be heard from behind the camera "JJ O'Neill put that down! Now take 2 steps backwards please!"
At this the room erupted with giggles at Jack being told off by Sam.
Then a small voice replied "Come on Sam, come on!"
"Just wait a moment" Sam was struggling to get the camera on the tripod so she could tape little JJ opening his presents.
"I can't wait Mommy, I just can't!" JJ whined.
'Mommy'? Jack thought, 'oh my', he glanced over at Sam who was blushing now and looking down at her hands.
JJ came into view bouncing on the spot in front of a pile of presents sat on the sofa Jack, Sam and Cassie now occupied as Sam got the camera on the tripod. "Isn't he cute!" Cassie exclaimed, Jack groaned.
Sam then came into view as she walked from behind the camera in her pyjamas to sit next to the pile on the sofa on the opposite side to the camera "Ok, you can open them" at this the little boy on the screen who Jack barely recognised as himself dived into the pile.
Jack sat glued to the screen as he watched himself open the presents Sam had given him. The interaction between them was mesmerising, they were both laughing and enjoying themselves, it was so intimate. Once all the presents had been unwrapped he watched himself crawl up into Sam's lap so she could help get everything out of the packaging and play with them too, and then watched Sam kiss him on nose and wish him a happy 4th birthday. His heart ached to feel this sort of intimacy with Sam as an adult, to get a birthday kiss would make his year.
None of the others had seen the video either, except Cassie, and they all recognised that it would take some time for Jack and Sam to re-establish their relationship after this.
The tape then cut to later in the day when the guys had arrived, just as Sam said it would, and the atmosphere relaxed as everyone laughed at themselves on the tape including Jack, although he was really very quiet for Jack, there weren't even any sarcastic comments made. Not even when Daniel appeared on camera covered in birthday cake and ice cream.
Cassie cuddled into Jack's side as they watched giggling, she really had missed her Uncle Jack, and it couldn't hurt forcing her adopted aunt and uncle closer together on the couch either.
Sam too tried to relax against Jack's side trying to reassure him and herself that their relationship as adults had not been adversely affected by his time as JJ, quite the opposite in her opinion.
Jack couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of Sam pressed against his side as she giggled at herself and JJ as she attempted to teach him to roller blade in the back yard. And when she squeezed his arm and whispered in his ear he thought his heart would stop "Guess what you and Cassie got me for my birthday!"
Jack turned to meet her gaze and raised his eyebrow in question, smiling her mega watt smile at him she told him "My own pair of roller blades!" with mischief in her eyes. "I suspect Daniel and Janet had something to do with it" she said conspiratorially. He grinned at her "So would you come blading with me?"
"I could do with some instruction, I'm really not very good yet, if you're willing to be patient?"
Really Jack had been joking he would never have expected Sam to agree. Jack could not imagine Sam on roller blades, it seemed that JJ had perhaps taught Sam how to have fun, a good thing in Jack's book. "It's one of my virtues, Carter" He grinned.
"Ow, Cass what was that for?" Cass had just elbowed Jack in the ribs.
"Watch, this is my favourite part!"
"I think we've seen enough now Cass" Sam knew what her favourite part was and wasn't sure Jack seeing it was a good idea, she could already feel her face starting to flush.
"It's ok Sam, we're enjoying it" piped in Daniel and resumed the tape playing.
"I..uh...I'm gonna make coffee" Sam said and escaped the living room.
Puzzled by Sam's behaviour Jack watched the screen, "Sam didn't know I was filming this" Cassie whispered.
On screen:
The camera followed Sam as she carried JJ, in his new Bart Simpson Pyjamas, his present from Teal'c, down the hall to his bedroom. "I'm stood in the doorway now" Cass whispered again. JJ was half asleep on Sam's shoulder it being way past his bedtime and a very comfy place to be.
Jack watched as Sam lovingly stroked the little boy's head unaware she was being watched and said "Have you had a good birthday JJ?"
"The bestest" came his tired reply through a yawn.
"What was your favourite present?" she asked as she pulled back the covers, laid the boy down and sat on the edge of the bed.
"Wollerblades!" JJ said smiling as he snuggled into the covers.
Sam leant down and gently kissed JJ goodnight "Sweet dreams" she whispered and smoothed down his hair.
"Love you Sam"
"I love you too, honey." Sam said and dropped another kiss on his forehead "Always."
"Wow, that was beautiful" Said Daniel, slightly tipsy, as the tape ended.
"Indeed" Agreed Teal'c.
Jack was wondering what 'always' meant, he and Sam really needed to talk, his insides were in a knot over this whole episode.
"I'll go find Sam, Cass get yourself ready to go"
"Oh Mom!"
"Sorry sweetie but it's a school night"
"Sam?" Janet called as she moved through Sam's house
"Hey Jan, I take it the film is over?" Sam asked as she came out of JJ's room having been
tidying up in there.
"Yep and Cass and I are heading off, school night you know"
"Ok thanks for stopping by, I think Jack appreciated it too"
"You gonna be ok Sam?"
"Yeah, I fear we need to talk about a few things, not something we're good at but we should be fine"
As they returned to the living room, Sam pushed down her nerves, and called over to Daniel "Why don't you put the movie in Daniel?" then saw Janet and Cassie out.
Sam felt she needed a few more minutes to herself before she could relax with Jack again so suggested the guys start the film without her while she hopped into the shower as she had seen it before and could easily catch up.
"How you doing with all this Jack?" Daniel asked after a few minutes.
"Fine" was Jack's abrupt answer.
Daniel knew that he wasn't going to talk about it to him but perhaps he could talk to Sam "If you want Teal'c and I could head off, give you a chance to talk to Sam?"
"Would you mind?" his quick agreement was telling to his closest friends.
"Not at all, O'Neill" replied Teal'c.
"Tell Sam I got a call from the base and will be heading in early tomorrow so had to go." Said Daniel getting up to leave. "Just … be careful…" Daniel wasn't sure how to say what he wanted to and Teal'c uncharacteristically intervened
"Indeed. Though I doubted it were possible, Samantha's affection for you O'Neill has further increased through her time with your younger self."
Teal'c didn't say much but when he did it was always significant and the statement allayed Jack's fears considerably that Sam only cared for young JJ and not his adult self.
"Thanks T" Jack said gripping his forearm in the Jaffa gesture.
"See you guys soon" Said Jack as he saw his friends out.
When Sam returned about 20 minutes after she left much calmer and in her pyjamas and robe to watch the rest of the movie she found Jack sat alone in front of a hockey match.
"What happened to the guys?" She asked in surprise
"Danny got called into the base first thing so had to go get some sleep, Teal'c was his ride".
"In other words Daniel thinks we need some time alone together"
"Subtle, huh?"
"Yeah. Unfortunately he's probably right, this situation is a bit weird, even by our standards" Jack nodded glad she felt like talking too "I'll get more beer." Sam said heading for the kitchen before joining Jack back on the couch.
"I've missed you" Sam admitted making eye contact and then unknowingly answered the question that had been bothering Jack most, a sure sign of how well she knew him "As close as I was to you as JJ, I always wanted you back…like this."
"I wish I could remember" Jack sighed
"Me too, we shared a lot in the last few months".
"I'm worried…about how you see me now…after having to care for me…" It was difficult to explain what he was actually worried about.
"I still see you as the strong soldier, respected leader and kind hearted man I always did" She made him keep eye contact with her as she said this as she knew it was important that he see she was sincere and then smiled warmly at him "I just now know what a great kid you were as well"
He wanted to ask if her feelings were just for JJ or whether she actually loved him too, but it was too soon and way beyond the line of the regulations. So he just smiled at her pulling her into his side like they had been sat earlier in the evening and asked "So we're okay?"
Sam knew she was going to have to tell him she had resigned her commission and wanted him to be more than her CO, but that could wait for now so she smiled again and replied "Yeah" And turning to the TV which still showed the hockey but had been muted said "Who's playing?"
They spent the next couple of hours sitting comfortably in front of the hockey match laughing and generally catching up with each other until the match commentary ended just after midnight. "I better head off, can I use your phone to call a cab?"
"Sure … uh … it's pretty late you know, you could always stay here tonight and I'll give you a lift in the morning?" Sam said quickly and nervously.
"Are you sure, I don't want to put you to any more trouble?"
"Yes it's fine, I'd like you to stay. The house'd feel pretty empty without you" Sam shyly admitted.
"Ok then" Jack replied, not sure with the way he was feeling this was such a good idea but not being able to decline the offer either.
Half an hour later they wished each other good night in the corridor and went into their bedrooms and got into bed.
Both fell asleep fairly easily due to the long day, but Jack's sleep was disturbed by vivid dreams and images. At about 0300 Jack woke up with a start feeling dizzy and disoriented. He sat up, put on the lamp beside the bed and took a few deep breaths, as his breathing calmed he realised he could remember the room and Sam putting him to bed the previous night. He concentrated on finding the memories of being JJ and realised they were all there.
Jack got out of bed and instinctively went to Sam's room; he knocked lightly on the door before opening it and whispering "Sam?" Sam turned over in bed to face the door and mumbled "hmm?"
"Sam, can I come in? I need to talk to you"
"It's ok JJ, just come and snuggle in" Sam said sleepily holding up the edge of the cover.
Jack went over and sat on the edge of the bed "Sam, it's Jack, I remember!"
Sam opened her eyes at this "Jack?"
"I'm sorry to wake you but I remember being young again and I needed to tell you"
Sam now much more awake sat up and leant against the head-board "How much do you remember?"
"Everything I think, from that first night in the infirmary" Jack's eyes dropped in embarrassment "Moving in here, my birthday, your birthday when we went to the park and I tried to teach you to blade to going into the temple to get me back like this."
"Wow, how do you feel?"
"A little overwhelmed but better, I hated having that big whole in my memory" Jack frowned as another memory resurfaced; closing his eyes he said "Did I really bite Janet?"
Sam giggled "Yep, I'm afraid so!"
Jack shivered, he was only in his boxers and T shirt and the temperature had dropped during the night. Sam saw this and spoke before she could think "You're cold, do you want to get in?"
"I don't think that's appropriate anymore Sam"
"Um" Sam bit her lower lip wondering whether this was the right time to tell him and figured she had to tell him some time "Actually it's probably fine"
"Sam? What do you mean?"
"I've resigned my commission"
"What! No Sam you can't, you love the SGC!"
"I'm not leaving the SGC … get in and let me explain." Shell shocked at the news, Jack sat next to Sam and got under the covers without conscious thought.
"My time with JJ made me rethink my priorities somewhat. You said you remember the night you bit Janet?"
"Yeah"
"I'd gone off world to help with some negotiations and was due back at 1800 hours, true to form some of the natives got nasty and we weren't allowed to leave their government buildings until about 2200 hours once we had sorted out some 'cultural issues'" Sam explained "and then it was a 90 minute hike back to the gate. When we came back through after midnight, you were there being held, well restrained really, by General Hammond and he gestured to me to meet him in the briefing room immediately."
Jack continued quietly "I was scared that you weren't coming back, it was the same fear I always feel when you go through the gate without me"
"I know you were scared, at first you seemed angry you looked at me from beside the general, arms folded and said 'you're late'. Did you know you were born with your Colonel voice?" Sam tried to keep the mood light. "It nearly broke my heart that I'd caused you so much pain, you were red and trembling and had obviously been crying. I dropped to my knees and gathered you to me; all I could do was hold you and say sorry. I knew then I couldn't keep going through the gate, you had already lost so much I wasn't going to risk you losing me as well. I resigned the next day"
"Ok I can understand that, but I'm back now so you don't need to resign."
"Yes you are and yes I do. JJ opened my eyes to what I've been missing and what is most important to me.."
"but…"
"Please just let me get this out, Jack" Sam pleaded emotionally, Jack nodded and let her carry on "JJ helped me realise I want more than just a career in the Air Force, I want a life outside the mountain too. I can still have a career; General Hammond has offered me the position of head research scientist and wants me to carry on going through the gate as I'm needed…" Sam came to a stop here unable to go on and say what she really wanted to. Jack, who had been listening carefully and hardly dared to hope this was going where he wanted it to, took Sam's hand under the duvet and gave it a squeeze in support. Some how Sam found the courage she needed in his eyes and staring straight into them whispered "Jack, I love you and I want a life outside the mountain with you"
"And we can't do that if you are under my command" Jack voiced his understanding, and Sam nodded but he then asked "Are you sure you love me and not just JJ Sam?"
"It was easy to fall in love with JJ because I was already so deeply in love with you, Jack" Sam's eyes glistened with tears as her emotions threatened to overwhelm her.
Jack too was overwhelmed by the sincerity of her words, that she loved him and wanted a life with him was more than he could have dreamed. He pulled her into a hug laying them down in her bed and whispered in her ear "I love you too Sam, always"
Sam couldn't stop the tears pouring onto Jack's shoulder, Jack ran his hand up and down her back in a comforting gesture "I'm sorry, I just missed you so much" Sam said into his neck.
"Sshh Sam, its ok, just go to sleep" And she did, curled against his side his arms tight around her and he wasn't far behind.
Jack was the first to awake the next morning and found himself spooned behind the woman of his dreams. He tightened his embrace of Sam to confirm she was indeed real 'Yes!' he mentally whooped. Last night had been a revelation but in the morning light he realised he needed to make sure Sam knew what she was taking on, he wasn't a good catch, he was old and damaged.
Sam sensed Jack was awake and the movement of his arm against her stomach brought her out of her slumber. Smiling at the memory of their shared confessions Sam turned over in his arms and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek "Good mornin'" she whispered.
"Hey there" he smiled back and brushed his lips against her forehead but then slipped out of her embrace and sat up against the pillows. He couldn't let this go any further without warning her, and if he remained laying down pressed against her he wasn't sure he could control his body. "I think we need to talk"
Sam's heart sank at the seriousness of his tone, she was under the impression that they had talked. She sat up against the pillows next to Jack, a worried expression on her face "What's wrong Jack?" Sam couldn't keep the tremor out of her voice.
"Sam" Jack's voice was sad "You have to understand, I'm damaged goods. I have so much baggage…" He paused wanting to tell her about Charlie, and Sara and black ops and his nightmares but found he couldn't get it past the lump in his throat "I don't think I can give you what you need." Jack thought his heart was going to break as he looked down at his hands, he knew he was hurting them both.
Sam had a feeling that Jack's insecurities would raise their ugly head and knew this was make or break for their future happiness. "Jack?" She asked wanting him to look at her, she needed eye contact for this conversation. When he didn't respond she shifted to straddle his thighs and tipped his chin forcing him to look into her tear filled eyes. "Jack, I've known you for eight years, I know you have baggage, more than any one person should be expected to deal with. It's part of what makes you, you, the man I am in love with. I have fallen in love with you over and over through the years and seen you at your best and worst." As she spoke Sam caressed Jack's cheek and scarred eyebrow lovingly and he leaned into her touch. She paused for a shaky breath and continued.
"You need to understand I have a lot of baggage too Jack: Nightmares, the memories of a 1000 year old tok'ra, a protein marker, I've never had a successful relationship with a man in my life and I've not opened myself this much to anyone since my Mom died." Her hand strayed to brush his lips and move back to the nape of his neck and played with the hair there, while her other hand rested on his shoulder.
"I'm under no illusion here Jack" She stared intensely into his eyes "It won't be easy, with our pasts no relationship could be, but I know it would be special…and that we'd be happy together. I just need you Jack, for me it has to be you, for always" Sam prayed that he wouldn't reject her now that she had opened her heart and soul to him, she didn't think she would survive it.
His eyes were glistening as she finished and he hugged her to him fiercely. This woman was amazing, even more than he had realised, she was accepting him as he was, with her eyes open to what he was. "I love you, God I love you" he managed to choke out.
Relief coursed through Sam as she tried to soothe Jack rubbing her hands over his back, up and down his spine, just like she had done for JJ many times. His closeness was enough to comfort her as well.
As Jack got his emotions under control and began to calm down, Sam's hands caressing his back and her close proximity began to feel distinctly sensual. He kissed Sam's neck where he had buried his face and then looked up at her. Sam's face was flushed and she couldn't help but look at his lips, she looked up and as they made eye contact they each leaned towards the other and their lips met in a first soft kiss.
Neither of them thought this new relationship would be easy but they both knew it would be worthwhile and that SG-1 would be a family no matter what form their relationships took. The last 4 months had proven that beyond doubt. Although terrified by the prospect Jack hoped they could add to their SG-1 family in the future too. While Sam might be thinking of a son one day, Jack was imagining a blonde haired, blue eyed mini-Sam with his sense of humour in his future.
The end.