I've never had an urge to do anything except the basic human needs [like eating and sleeping] and to kill. Killing has always been a primal urge of mine. I couldn't stop the cravings when they came and I always gave into it. It was why I understood addictions. I was addicted to seeing the blood ooze out of my victim. I loved to see the way the blood stained the plastic. The way it felt to plunge a knife into a fresh living body and hear the last breath escape whoever was on my table. It was my sick addiction. The worst thing was probably the regret that I never felt for what I did.
I now have a new urge. Every time I see Miguel Prado I envision myself fucking him in my small little office. I've never had sexual urges as strong as it is with Miguel. Ever since I killed his brother he has been coming to the department a lot. He established a relationship with me that I didn't originally want. He caught me in the act of killing Frebo, and though I lied about it he seemed to think that we were the closest of friends. Every time he came into my little office area I could feel that urge rising, telling me to take what I wanted just like I usually did. It got increasingly awkward to hide the noticeable boner I got when he sat down in the chair closest to me.
I also felt the first act of guilt I think I have ever experienced. I had killed his brother, and I was constantly lying to him about it. I wanted to tell him, but I wanted to sleep with him before I lost all chances of doing so. The idea was great in theory, but my dark passenger told me I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself with the weight of that single lie on my shoulder. It pissed me off how something so simple was ruining my life. Miguel Prado… I was doing just fine until you stepped into my life.