Not surprisingly, Rachel left. Ran off, actually less than ten seconds after her name tumbled out of his mouth. His first inclination was to run right after her, like the last time she had shown up unexpectedly. His left foot shifted, torso leaned forward. Then he heard his name from behind. Turning back, everything he wanted to say to Rachel must have been written on his face because Tess left wordlessly less than five minutes later. Or were there words he just didn't hear?
For his part, Mike sat at his two-seat dinette set, like he had the night before with Harvey. Fuck. Fuck! He'd gone from feeling decent for the first time since standing in that vacant Manhattan apartment to remembering why he needed Grammy so much in the first place.
Being with Tess had been nice. Familiar. Comfortable. A throwback to more promising days when college and law school were still in his future and Grammy was still healthy. But the reminiscing halted when he realized it wasn't the pizza guy, and it shattered when he realized what she was saying.
"You were right. I don't care about being smart."
He had been trying to hurt her when he said that – that being smart hadn't done either of them any good. An impulsive response to being rejected. Truth is Mike liked that Rachel was smart. Not that Jenny or Tess weren't, but most of the time, they dolled up their intelligence in quirkiness and quips. Hitched their sentences with "I think" and "maybe" despite being a hundred percent sure. Rachel, on the other hand – she wore her smarts on her sleeve, naked and without makeup. Unlike most girls, she grew up thinking she had something to prove rather than hide, and now, it was a part of her. One of first things he noticed:
"It's also pretty clear that you think you're too smart to be a paralegal."
It didn't take him long to agree because he really wouldn't have known where to look without her on that first case. She had scared him a little at first – beauty and talent wrapped with equal parts hard work and determination. He wasn't sure he could keep up. People were usually so impressed with his memory – his potential – they didn't bother to follow up and find out if he lived up to it.
Harvey did. He demanded unflinching success, and as Mike watched himself rise to the challenge at work, he realized he wanted more in his personal life, too. More than pats on the back for being a genius and witty comments about leading a double life. Strangely enough, he wanted Rachel's uncompromising expertise on home décor and her disappointment with his emotional dependence on marijuana. She was a lot like Harvey, actually. She set an equally high bar for him, not professionally but morally. She demanded his honesty and integrity.
Maybe her standards were impossible. Maybe after everything, he really couldn't be the man Rachel – the man Grams wanted him to be. Mike leaned his head back against the wall, shut his eyes and sighed shakily, his tears falling once more for the one-woman family who never gave up on him.