Happily Ever After
I've got my memories
Always inside of me
Unbidden tears pour down my face as I stand, surrounded by my loss. Lucy's dancing eyes and near constant smile, Edmunds wisdom and kind words, just when I needed them, and Peters presence, a solid wall to lean on, or a comforting hug when all seemed to be wrong. For a moment another image tries to surface in my brain, one of Lucy dancing with strange animals, Edmund sitting on a throne, and Peter fighting in a battle. But I squish them down, for those memories are too painful to see.
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I remember a time when we four were together, when we got along and were never apart. A time when we could count on each other. For a moment I wonder what happened, then I realize, it was my fault. I pushed them away, never dreaming that they would be forever out of my reach. I sob quietly, not for their deaths, but for my foolish pride. If I had not been so set on growing up, perhaps I would be remembering the times we shared, not the times I missed.
I believe now
I've come too far
I walk slowly back towards my flat. The world spins by, a joyless and bleak place. As I set by my table I remember better times. Playing in the park, Edmund trying to dunk Peter in the swimming pool but never quite managing, singing songs around the campfire dad would build in the back yard, so many memories. I saw them starting to drift away, I believed that they were to far gone, that I was to mature for their games. If only I had heeded Lucy's tearful pleas, if only I had seen the look in Peter's eyes and fully understood what I was doing, if only, if only…
No I can't go back
Back to how it was
There is no use trying to go back. They are gone, dead and buried. I will never see them again. I force myself to straighten my back. I will be fine. After all, stubbornness runs in my family. I walk into my bedroom and begin to rummage through my closet. I need a drink. I find a suitable dress and take a shower before applying make up and dawning the chosen dress.
Created for a place
I've never known
Somehow this does not feel right. The throbbing mass around me seems foreign, no matter how many times I have visited this club. I hear the bartender asking if I want my usual. No, I shake my head and ask for something a bit stronger. I see a face in the crowd, and wave him over. James, an old friend of mine. Just the person I need to talk to, a familiar face in a time when I thought all lost.
This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
Three years have past since that awful day. And I am filled with a joy that I had believed was denied me forever. Today James and I rejoiced in the birth of our second child, Lucy Helen Woodson. When I look into her eyes I can already tell that she is going to be a very bubbly and happy child, just like the Lucy she was named after. I can feel the smile of my sister on me as she looks down from where ever she is. I feel James wrap his arm around me, and I feel so content, so at home, that I know that I am where I belong, I have found my true home.
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home
I spent the year after my sibling's death touring the world, trying to fill the empty place in my heart, the place that I had slowly pushed them out of. Then one day, on one of those rare occasions when I was in London, I ran into James. He invited me out for a drink and then a few days later dinner. It was then that I realized what I had been missing, a place to call home. James provide a save haven for me, so when he asked me to marry him even though that would mean settling down, I agreed, for I had found a home in him.
Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was
It was not until James and I were engaged that I returned to the house in Finchley, I had not had the heart to sell it. Together we walked the halls and I showed him the kitchen, the living room and all the rooms down stairs. Then it came time to walk upstairs. I don't believe that I would have been able to do so without James by my side. As it was he had to take my arm and guide me up the stairs. Mum and dads room first, the outline of the headboard still visible where the sun had left its mark on the wall. Lucy's and my room, the pealing pink wallpaper, the dresser right where I had left it when I had moved out, Lucy's bookshelf full of fairytales and old books. Then last of all Peter and Edmund's room. I remember running in there at night when I had a bad dream, always Peter, never mum. I told these things to James and he just wrapped me in his arms and let me cry. I felt myself being over come with grief and realized that I could not let that happen. I had spent a year running from my sorrows and I would not let that happen again. I had James this time. James and all the good memories that returning was bringing to the surface.
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
The wedding was beautiful. And even though my father was not there to walk me down the isle, I felt him beside me, there in mind if not in body. As I stood there, vowing to be faithful for the rest of my life, I felt a gentle breeze, that in its self is not uncommon for June but I know I heard the words: "Congratulations, gentle sister." And at that moment I knew that my elder brother approved of my choice and that my life would be a long and happy one. All I could do was smile and say "I do."
We are miracles
And we're not alone
Yeah
It was almost a year after we got married when we were blessed with our first child which we named Peter Kirke Woodson. When we were deciding what to name him, for I had two brothers and James and I both had fathers, I was sitting in my hospital bed when he opened his eyes and gave me such a solemn look that I knew he must be named for Peter.
This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
After Peter was born we moved into the house in Finchley, I wanted this Peter to grow up in the same room as the other one, though now James and I lived in the room that used to be mum and dads. That night, after Peter had been put down for the night, I was lying on my back listening to James breathe in his sleep and I realized that though I still missed them, there was no longer a hole in my heart, instead I could remember them and smile. That's when I knew I was home.
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home
The night we came home with Lucy for the first time I sat in mums old chair rocking her. I wondered what would have happened if I had never met James, if I had sold everything and moved to New York like I had originally planned. I am quite sure that I never could have found home, because how can you find home while running away from the only place you have ever called home?
That night I dreamed of the train wreck for the first time in years. But instead of the usual screams and panic instead I saw my siblings waving goodbye. I had finally let go.
And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home
A few weeks later I got a telephone call from one of the friends I had met on my whirlwind tour of the world. She said that some of them were getting back together and were wondering if I would like to come along. Since all they were doing was meeting at a local club I decided to go. After telling James, he would only set there and listen to a bunch of privet jokes he could never understand, I got dressed in one of my older dresses that I had saved, not too old though, at least it would do.
They had not changed. But then I had not expected them to. They still wore too much make up, and to little clothing. They were surprised at my appearance though. "You look so happy!" I was not surprised at this though, not the thought but that they had noticed. "I guess you found what you were looking for." This came from a friend I had known since before the accident. I only nodded. I had found everything I was looking for. It was not until this moment that I realized how far I had come. I used to be like these girls, talking about all the boys we had met on our trip, about all the clubs we had visited, about all the things we had done.
"Do you wanna do it again?" I had guessed this question would come up, but after all the reminiscing we had done I knew what my answer would be. I was the only no among all the excited squeals. "I'm married now, I have two kids." This news turned out to be the shocker of the evening. What I had not expected was the envy. "You are so lucky!" "You found a man!" "You have the life!" And I knew I was, I did, and I have.
As we all parted that night I was glad I came, not for the remembering, but because now I knew what I was not missing. For some reason the flowers lit by the street lamps seemed so much brighter, and the stars, the few visible, shown more vividly. And I knew that if home was what you made it, and I had always thought home was the place you were content, then I was home.
Home
Home is where the heart is, and my heart belongs to two beautiful children and the man of my dreams. Yeah, this is home.
This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home
I set on the porch and watch the world rush by. I wait now; I wait for the arrival of the six joys of my life. James has driven down to the station to pick them up, I just finished setting the table, a feast awaits the weary travelers.
"Grandma!" Their squeals shatter the quiet of the late afternoon. "Children!" I greet them, how I missed them. "Come give grandma a hug!" And with that invitation I am pounced upon by two wonderful children. I hug each one before sending them inside to wash up for supper
"Hey mum!" It is only seconds before the next wave hits me. Lucy pounds up the stairs, she still has not lost her livelihood, she will always be happy I hope. Next comes Richard, Lucy's husband. I have made a point of hugging all my children, be they related by birth or marriage, so he comes for his expected hug. He really is part of the family now.
Then the second car pulls up. This one is James' car; he drove it to pick up Peter and his family from the station. Peter gets out first and smiles to me before taking his sleeping son from his wife. Martha is the first to hug me. Then Peter joins us with an awake but sleepy Edmund. It takes him a moment to figure out where he is but as soon as I hold out my arms and say. "Edmund, does grandma get a hug?" He wraps his arms around my neck. "I wov you granma." He whispers in my ear before wriggling out of his father's arms and joining the rest of the children in the kitchen. I finally get the chance to hug my oldest. "I love you mum." His voice is quiet in my ear but I can hear the love in his voice. When he lets go I am enveloped in a hug from James.
Now I know
Yeah, this is home
As we sit around the table, our heads bowed for grace, I marvel at the life I have led. Though it may have sank low at times it has become better and fuller than I ever could have prayed for. My mind strayed back many years, we had sat at this same table, the four of us, we had dreamed of our lives to come. Theirs may have been shorter than hoped for, but their lives had been full, as had mine.
I've come too far
And I won't go back
Yeah, this is home
As we sit about the living room, scattered across the floor and every available chair, I smile, mine has been the life well lived. "A story grandma!" Their request break into my thoughts, I could never deny them a story so I begin, "Once upon a time, out in the country side, there was a great old mansion…"
Yeah, this is home.
And they all lived happily ever after… (But is it the end?)