Chapter 1

"The same again?"

The blonde nodded gently and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, leaving her hand to provide rest for her head, which now felt heavy. Amanda took a long look at her drink, her fifth drink to be exact. She grasped the cold glass in her free hand and tapped her forefinger against it a few times. She observed the icy condensation trickle down off the marks her fingerprint had created before taking a sip. Savoring the taste, she swallowed the strong liquid slowly before feeling a wave of uninvited guilt run through her. Amanda frustratedly hit the glass back down, not paying much attention when a little of her drink escaped over the top of the glass and splashed down onto the bar top. She sighed and tilted her head down as her hair fell back over her face, hiding her blue eyes.

"Amanda?" She felt the wave of guilt rapidly shift into a more familiar feeling. She noticed her heart jump up in to her throat and her stomach flip happily and sink with anxiety simultaneously. The brunette reached out her hand and hooked the soft, blonde strands against her fingers, gently guiding them back behind Amanda's ear. Olivia's hand dropped down to Amanda's shoulder, making an accidental, quick stroke of contact against her neck.

"So, can I join you for a drink or?" Olivia tilted her head to the side, her deep brown locks framing the side of her face as she attempted to make eye contact with Amanda. She watched the blonde shrug and tipped her head back up, nodding slowly.

"Okay, I can go if you'd prefer.. Rollins if you need space then just -"

"Stay for a drink" Amanda interrupted, feeling sorry for shrugging off the earlier question. She turned her face towards Liv, making eye contact before quickly drawing her gaze back to the drink in her hand. Olivia took a seat on the stool next to her and caught the attention of the bartender. "Whatever she's having please". She gave a small nod in Amanda's direction, letting her eyes wander to the blonde's messy, half unbuttoned shirt.

"Wanna tell me why you left work in such a hurry? Because you know, if it's about this case.. you can't get through to everyone in the same way. Some survivors need more pushing while some need to be left alone for a while". Hearing no immediate response, she swirled her straw around the glass a few times, listening to the ice cubes knock against each other, before taking a sip.

"Although, thinking about it.. I'm curious as to whether it's because of something I said, considering the look you gave me as you grabbed your jacket before you - quite audibly - let the door swing shut behind you". Liv raised an eyebrow at Amanda before placing her drink down. She traced her thumb around the side of the glass, waiting patiently for a response.

Amanda sighed. "I'll close the door carefully next time. I was pissed and didn't really give a damn, okay?". The words spilled out of the blonde's mouth with regret before she even had time to think about them. She reactively pulled the glass up to her lips and swigged back a large amount of drink, swallowing it hastily. She felt the cold liquid hit the back of her throat harshly and tried to conceal her coughs. Liv's eyes darted across as she set down her drink and reached her hand across to her friend, gently rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"You ok?". Liv kept her eyes locked on Amanda, feeling a little helpless as she waited for her to gain control of her breath again.

"Shouldn't have knocked back that mouthful so quickly, serves me right really". Amanda shook her head a little, pressing her palm into the centre of her chest to relieve the burning sensation that she felt; although she wasn't sure if this was caused by the large gulp of strong percentage alcohol or the feeling of her Lieutenant's hand still calmly caressing her back. Liv's hand slowed, stopping where Amanda's shirt was half tucked in to her work pants. She furrowed her brow with concern and stroked her thumb up and down a few times before pulling her hand away and placing it onto her own lap.

"I hope you don't make a habit of this after every shift, this stuff is lethal". Olivia whispered with a small smile, placing her glass down after deciding half of the drink was more than enough for her. Her smile grew bigger as Amanda gave her a playful glare. "I feel like I'd walk into work still drunk tomorrow morning if I finished this, how many have you had?". Liv watched Amanda closely, anticipating an honest answer.

"Five". Amanda avoided eye contact and picked up her straw from her glass. She placed the end of it in her mouth, savoring the last drops of drink. She noted the sharp silence where the brunette had previously been quite vocal and dropped her hand down to the bar top, letting go of the straw and flicking her eyes across to Olivia.

"Relax, will you? Do I sound or look drunk to you?" Olivia shook her head a little with uncertainty. "Well.. a little.. but I'm still making sure you get home safe".

"I appreciate the concern but I'll grab a taxi or somethin'.. awh.. dammit". Amanda rolled her eyes and felt her pockets before huffing loudly.

"I left my wallet at work. Oh fuck, the drinks..". Amanda looked up sheepishly at Olivia, feeling a twinge of embarrassment rise in her, hoping that her Lieutenant wouldn't think of her as careless. She sat quietly, thinking about how long it would take her to walk back to her apartment, let alone the length of the journey with her being slightly tipsy and, no doubt, unsteady on her feet.

"It's okay, my car is parked round the corner.. and I'll take care of it" Liv slid off the stool and tied up the belt around her coat, secretly wanting to quickly escape the crowds and musky smell of beer and cigarette smoke in the air. She asked the bartender for the bill and paid in cash before returning her wallet to her coat pocket.

"Thank you" Amanda smiled weakly, feeling thankful for her Lieutenant's help but also slightly embarrassed.

"Come on, I'll give you a ride home" she pressed, getting slightly impatient. Amanda sighed and rolled her eyes, but deep down she was grateful for her Lieutenant's concern. She hopped down from the bar stool and felt the alcohol rush to her head. Placing a hand on the edge of the bar, she steadied herself, squeezing her eyes shut tightly. She felt exhausted and really, all she wanted was to snap her fingers and be curled up in bed. Amanda grabbed her coat and hung it over her arm before making her way out of the bar with Liv following closely behind her.

The bitter, winter air hit Amanda's face as they stepped outside, causing her to take a surprised sharp inhale of breath and blink harshly a few times.

"Fuck, when did New York suddenly get its winter?" she joked, chuckling a little before awkwardly looking over at Olivia to spot her reaction. She felt the alcohol hitting her like a ton of bricks now she was out in the fresh air and instantly regretted her choices from the past two hours.

"About a month ago actually, this is pretty mild compared to the snow we had last week.." Olivia raised her left eyebrow and faced Amanda as they walked slowly, giving her a serious look and letting her eyes dart between her unsteady feet and her tired, bloodshot eyes. She decided to leave it at that as they reached her car. She walked with Amanda round to the passenger door, hovering her hands near her back just in case she stumbled as she climbed in.

"I'm fine, I'm all goooood" Amanda giggled as she climbed in the car and looked to her right. She spotted Liv's hands floating around her side, even though she was already sat down and pulling the seat belt over her chest. Olivia pulled her arms away, cursing at herself in her head. She rubbed her hands together harshly, feeling the night turn near to freezing. She was growing concerned for her detective. Not because she'd had more than a couple of drinks; that was normal for Amanda.. but she had a niggling feeling that something was up.

Olivia Benson; she's a grown woman who can take care of herself. So she's slightly - okay... moderately drunk, but she can handle it. Just get in the car and drop her off at her apartment. She was trying to rationalize with herself but was finding it increasingly difficult to take her own advice. But what if she falls? What if she is sick in the night and no one is there to help? Oh my God pull yourself together Benson.

"I know it's cold but you can't be frozen to the sidewalk already Liv" Amanda slurred, finding it amusing that she wasn't showing any signs of shutting the passenger door and making her way around to the drivers side. This prompted Olivia to finally shut the door and climb inside next to Amanda, she put her keys in the ignition and turned on the heat full blast, feeling near to shivering.

"Jeez Olivia" Amanda puffed, waving her hands in front of her. "It's about a hundred degrees in here, I'm gonna melt!".

"Oh shh, you're fine" Olivia laughed, shaking her head a little but finding it oddly cute how annoyed her friend is. "It's freezing and you're only hot because of all the alcohol in your system".

"I'm hot?" Amanda joked, smirking at her Lieutenant playfully; her judgement dropping away and leaving her no filter for her words. Olivia felt her face go warm and flushed. She buckled up her seatbelt, started the car and looked over at Amanda with a sweet smile before setting off.

"Let's get you home".