My letter too Robin

Dear Mr. Williams,

Hi Robin. I know you will never get this, but this is just my way of airing out the things that i have banging around in my head.

I'm a 25 year old autistic woman. I grew up watching you, and have been a fan of yours pretty much all my life, I may not have known you personally but you were my friend and i wish you were still here with us because when you left us the wold went a little darker.

I dont want to gulit trip you, i know you live on in the wonderful works that you left behind, and i know and understand completely why you did what you did and I wont judge you for it.

But I cant imagine the things that you PERSONALLY had to deal with, that you had to wrestle with in you mind, Robin words cant express how sorry I am that you had to deal with that day after day and I'm sure that now you are at peace from whatever was plauging your mind.

I too have been through depression, I lost my best friend 4 years ago very suddenly from tpye 2 diebetes on May 21st 2011. He would have been 21 June 26th. I had talked to him the night he passed and you honstely couldnt tell that he was feeling bad because we were talking on the phone and having a awesome time as usual. And i wont ever forget the last thing that he ever did for me was this: He had a friend that is a actor and that night he was working the premire of Pirates of The Carribean on Stranger Tides and his friend was dress as Jack Sparrow and he was telling me about how much this guy sounded EXACTLY like Johnny Depp and told me that if he could he would have him call me so I could talk to him and Alex did just that, he called me and i got to talk to him and he was right. He sounded EXCATLY like Johnny.

Later that night he called me again and we talked some more before he had to go to bed and his last words to me were I love you, and I woke up the next morning to a txt from his boyfriend at the time telling me that i needed to call him and that it was urgent and thats when i got the news, and it felt like someone had dropped a truck on top of me. I spent that whole summer and the next months just...well i'm not sure how to say it because i know you know how i felt and i know you lost two of your best friends as well.

Loosing someone you love is never easy, and the pain never goes away and it not something that you get over, a ex boyfriend told me that since i lost a best friend i should be able to get over easy because it wasnt a family member. Loosing your bestfriend hurts just as bad as loosing a family memeber but apparently some people cant seem to grasp that.

Again i dont want it to seem like i am guilt tripping you with this bit^ and I'm sure you dont but I just felt like i needed to say it again, but i am sure you understand.

From what I understand, you had anxiety. Such a wonderful thing anxiety is right?

As i write this mine is bubbling below the surface over something stupid that i know i shouldnt worry about but i cant help it and i have managed to get it partly undercontrol but it appears that i'm having a "relapse" but as with anxiety as we both know it can go from 0 to 60 in seconds.

I hate the feeling it gives you and hate how it makes you feel like everything is out of control. I hate the over thinking and everything else that comes with it. If anxiety were a person I'd beat it to a bloody pulp and leave it for dead in a ditch.

But if I may make a request. If you see my bestfriend Alex would you please give him a hug for me and tell him that I love him and spend some time with him *that is if you guys havent already* he loves you as much as i do and I know that if you got to know Alex you would really like him.

Anyway I just wanted to close this by saying this.

Thank you Mr. Williams for everything. Thank you for the laughs, thank you for keeping me company on the nights were i feel loney and for making me laugh til i felt like i couldnt breath, we will miss you always but you left behind some wonderful things that will last forever.

Again thank you.

Love your friend Hannah.