A/N: The idea for this fic came to me when I watched the PBS version of series 4. This story will have 4 chapters.

A very big special Thank You to my twin Beef, a-lady-to-me, for all the help. Without her I wouldn't be able to write/post this. I love you!

Disclaimer: DA and all its characters belong to Julian Fellowes.

'There's no baby.' The words kept shouting in his brain. 'No baby.'

He had caught Anna and Mrs Hughes speaking as if they were hiding something, and he thought it was his right to hear them. He had the right to know what was going on. His wife was cold, and distant; the sight of him was torture to her. She didn't love him anymore, but she wouldn't tell him why. She kept him in darkness, the worst he had ever had to bear in all his life. Worse than Vera, worse than prison, even worse than war.

If he couldn't make her speak, he would pry!

He just needed to know, but what he heard...he was waiting for everything. He had prepared himself for the worst.

'I don't love John any longer, he's too old, cripple, I can do better than him.'

But not for this...this was far worse than anything he could have imagined.

No baby? What baby? Who's baby? Well, Anna's baby, but with who?

They hadn't been intimate in a little over three months. Surely if she was pregnant, with his baby, she would have told him. She wouldn't be sad about it. Or would she?

'At least you know...' At least? So she was glad there was no baby? Why?

Because it wasn't yours. His demons were having their way with him.

She went to another man's arms, better arms than yours. That's why she keeps avoiding you, that's why she can't bear your touch. But she knows she's a married woman so she's afraid. She's afraid of what you'll do. 'I know him, and I know what he'd do.'

On his way to His Lordship's dressing room, John was sweating cold. His face was burning, but his body was freezing.

She wouldn't do that. That's not Anna. That's not your Anna. Well, maybe she's not your Anna anymore. She's not acting herself. She found a better man. Not a very hard task, you know that. At least there's no baby, so she can hide from the world what she did. She knows you are no fool, she knew you would find out. It couldn't be yours.

John tried to calm down as he placed His Lordship's clothes over the bed. He smoothed them so when he arrived he would find them immaculate, but as much as he tried he couldn't put the clothes in order.

'Bloody vest.' He cursed, after letting the vest fall on the floor.

His demons were striking. Each one worse than the other. Telling him things that he never thought of. Things that he would never be able to say himself. They kept shouting inside his head and it was worse than the sounds of shooting during the African war.

'Bates! You are pale as a sheet! Are you quite alright?'

Lord Grantham's voice shook him from his thoughts.

'Quite alright, My Lord.' John tried his best to smile but he failed.

'Are you sure? If you don't feel well, Thomas can do it, or Carson.'

'There's no need, My Lord. I am alright.'

They proceeded each to their job. Lord Grantham waited while John dressed him.

'Is it about Anna?' asked Robert.

'Well, it is, yes.' John replied.

'I'm sure you'll sort it out. You are both good people, and you love each other.'

John let out a sarcastic sigh. 'Yes, I hope so.'

XXXXXX

John tried to talk to Anna throughout the day, but she was always running from him, avoiding him at any cost.

Of course she was.

Later that night, John sat in the servants hall reading his book. Well, trying to read his book more like. His demons and insecurities had tempted him all day long, without ceasing. He was tired and furious. More furious now than he was before because Anna kept running from him all day.

She won't run for long, I will know the truth. She has to tell me the truth.

He thought of a million ways to approach her. All of them rude.

He couldn't. He couldn't act like that towards Anna. Not his Anna. She could have another man, but he still loved her. He loved her so. He hated himself for his thoughts of doubt, for spatting at her in his imagination. Perhaps you heard it wrong. Perhaps this is all a misunderstanding. She would never do that to you, would she?

The fact was that for the last three months Anna had done nothing but despise him, avoid him. She was so cold towards him, he would freeze at her words. All she wanted was to stay away. He couldn't be sure of anything. He didn't recognise his wife anymore. Perhaps he heard right. Perhaps it wasn't a misunderstood.

The noise in the kitchen brought him to real life. He looked up at the entrance and saw Anna entering the hall. He didn't know what to do or say.

'What's the fuss about?' He asked, trying to make small talk.

'Alfred has cooked the savoury.' She said looking at the notebook, with her back to him.

'Good luck to him.' John replied with a small smile on his face. He couldn't.

She said nothing and walked away to exit the room. He had to.

'What is it? Can't you even bear to be in the same room as me now?' She couldn't even bear his sight!

She turned to face him. 'How many times must I say it? You've done nothing wrong.'

Nothing wrong? Nothing wrong!

'Oh, you've done something wrong.' The demons kept shouting in his head.

'What do you mean?'

The way she said it, he knew. She was afraid. He couldn't spat at her. He loved her so.

'You're breaking my heart.' My heart, my spirit, my whole being.

'I must go.' she said.

Must go? That's it? No!

'I've heard you and Mrs Hughes talking,' Just ask her.'Who is he?' He asked, standing from the table.

'What?'

'I've heard Mrs Hughes saying that there was no baby. Who's baby?' He tried to whisper so no one would hear them.

'Stop it! I can't take it anymore!' She shouted, but stopped herself realising where they were.

Anna looked at her husband and left. He went after her as fast as he could.

He caught her on the stairs, and held her arm. 'Tell me. I have the right to know!' He whispered furiously.

'Stop bullying me.' She said trying to let go of his grip.

John thought for a moment, still holding her arm. Don't lose your mind. She's my wife. I love her so.

He gently pulled her to him. 'Let's talk in the courtyard.'

'No!' She said.

'You have no choice.' He said pulling her to him by her arm making sure he didn't hurt her.

'Alright...but let go of my arm.' She said avoiding his gaze.

He let go of her, and they both made their way outside.

XXXXXX

Once outside, silence fell between them.

He kept staring at her. She was there, in the darkest spot, facing the wall.

'Anna, love, please…'

'Don't call me that.' She said. 'I don't deserve it.'

'Anna you are my love no matter what, I just need you to stop hiding things from me.' He said and a tear fell down his cheek. 'I've heard right? About the baby?'

'You did.' She said still facing the wall.

'I've been thinking and...' he hesitated while tears burned in his eyes, about to fall. 'There's been a bit more than three months since we last...made love. And I thought...if the baby...if the baby was mine, you would have told me before, wouldn't you?' His eyes were begging, and he prayed that she would deny it and say that a baby would only be his. He didn't know how, but who knew?! That could be possible.

'I would...if it was yours... I would.' He could hear her voice shaking as she spoke. She turned to face him, and tears were rolling down her cheeks, her eyes red. 'I'm so sorry, John.'

As she said it, he could hear her voice as if they were miles apart, in the distance. He went numb, unable to react. He stared at her.

'After everything...' was all he could say. His cane dropped to the floor, and he started walking towards the courtyard's entrance that would lead to the village's path.

Anna tried to stop him. 'Wait, John! Listen!'

She put her hands on his chest to try to stop him. 'Just leave me.' He said in an emotionless voice, pushing her hands away from him, and walking away.

She didn't try to run after him, all she could do was to kneel on the floor sobbing like a child. Now...now she was ruined.

A/N: First off, I know, I know. I'm bad. But stick with me guys, pretty please...

And please leave your reviews, let me know what you think :)

xxxx