If it doesn't make sense, don't think about it. -- vaderincarnate's Physics teacher
Whose mistake?
My name is Mara Jade, and I am about to die.
Stupid, really. I can't record this, and even if I could, they would destroy any device I used. No one will ever hear this. But I can't stop myself from recounting the story.
Five years after the death of my master, I fulfilled his last command. I have killed Luke Skywalker.
I thought that accomplishing that mission would bring satisfaction, like the others had. I thought I would feel content.
Instead, I felt empty.
I tried to put a life together. Becoming Karrde's second-in-command might have done something. But then, Karrde was caught in the middle of one of countless skirmishes between the New Republic and the remnants of the Empire, and had his ship blown to bits. My second life was gone, just like the first.
No matter what I tried to do in the following years, I couldn't stay with it. I always felt miserable. Some man would always get the wrong idea about what might cheer me up, and I would send him to the bacta tank. Excitement – if you could call it that – came only in small bursts like that.
Then the Yuuzhan Vong invaded.
The New Republic was collapsing – not that I cared. I was unlucky enough to be on Dubrillion – not that they wouldn't get to me eventually. I flew against them – not that there was a choice. They shot me down and captured me. I thought it was the end. I was wrong. It was the beginning.
They declared me an infidel, unworthy of the "honor" about to be bestowed upon me. The honor of being sacrificed to their gods. My life was miserable. That doesn't mean I'm eager to die – though perhaps it should. But I don't, and I know I will. There is no hope of escape from here.
And then, a shimmering, transparent form of a person appears in my cell. He's wearing a simple black jumpsuit and boots, with a glove on his right hand. What? How can this be? is all I can think as I recognize him.
"Skywalker?" I say. "But you're dead!"
"True," he says. No anger. No indication that he hates me. Truth be told, I don't hate him either. Not anymore. I just can't make myself care.
"How's this possible?" I ask.
"The Force moves in mysterious ways, Mara."
"Why now?"
"In part – because you wanted me to."
"Nonsense, I haven't thought about—"
"But you did. You looked over and tried to analyze your life. You made an honest assessment of yourself. Which means you're ready. I hoped you would. I couldn't do anything otherwise."
"You're not making sense – but then, you didn't even when you were alive."
"A mistake was made twenty-one years ago. On Myrkr."
"Yeah. You trusted me."
"Are you sure that I'm the one that made the mistake?"
What's he thinking? He's dead and…
"And you're alive, b—"
"Stay out of my mind, Skywalker!"
"I asked you back then: will killing me get your old life back? You knew it wouldn't, of course. So why did you do it?"
I look over at him. "Because… because I gave in. I gave in to his last command. I'm weak – is that what you want me to say?"
"No. You're not weak. You had the power to resist – you chose not to."
"What's the difference?"
"Everyone makes mistakes, Mara."
"You didn't answer my question."
"You already know the answer." He pauses. "Mistakes can sometimes be corrected."
"Some can't. Some are pretty permanent."
He smiles. "Not always."
"What do you mean?"
He looks at me. "The Force has granted me this. I can send you back to any point in your life. A second chance."
"But then, I'll know—"
"You will not remember anything. But you will sometimes get hints, feelings… which will sometimes go against your other feelings. Which ones to trust will be up to you. In a way, it won't be any different – you always had these contradictory feelings."
"But then the same things will happen again."
"As I said, that is up to you."
"Why me? Couldn't you have given this to someone else – Han, your sister—"
"That was the choice I made. Now you have to make yours."
"What do I do?"
"When they give you the killing blow, don't think about it. Instead, concentrate on a moment in your past."
"Don't think about it? That's a tall order."
"I didn't say it would be easy. But you can do it – just like you can avoid the same mistake twice. May the Force be with you, Mara." He fades.
The cell opens. Yuuzhan Vong warriors step in.
I'm about to be sacrificed. As the amphistaff comes down, I close my eyes and concentrate. There's a flash in my mind…
"Mara? Are you all right?" Karrde's voice from behind me asks.
"Yes." I'm on the bridge of the Wild Karrde, and we're in hyperspace.
"Something pops into my mind, and I flip the controls, reverting the ship.
"What're you—" Karrde demands, but then I point ahead.
A lone X-wing hovers in space.