Hello, everyone! How is everyone today?
This is a prompt from Boris Yetsin.
I'll admit, it isn't my best work. But my goal is to make you guys laugh. If I do that, I'm happy, so enjoy the story and hopefully it'll make you laugh.
Disclaimer: I do not own the TV show Full House or any of its characters in any way, shape, or form.
DJ's stomach rumbled and ached in some sort of painful protest as she laid in her bed, clutching her torso to try and ease the pain.
DJ wasn't sure what was happening. The flu, maybe? Or food poisoning, possibly, but either way, it really hurt.
"Does your stomach still hurt?" Danny asked as he entered the room.
DJ nodded. "Badly."
"Well, drink this," Danny said as he handed her a small me dine cup filled with a thick pink gunk- stomach medicine. "Try to get some rest, okay, honey?"
DJ nodded before swallowing the medicine in one gulp and curling up in her bed, watching as her father closed the door behind him and retreated down the hall.
It didn't take long before DJ drifted off to sleep. Stephanie and Michelle didn't sleep at all when they were sick, but DJ slept like the dead.
Almost immediately, she began to dream.
DJ could see tall bars reaching towards the sky and could feel the softness of a mattress beneath her. She reached her hands skyward to try and escape her strange prison, and her eyes widened when she saw that her hands were impossibly tiny and chubby. What on earth?
"Aw, someone's awake," Uncle Jesse said as he knelt over the prison. When did Uncle Jesse get so huge? "You look cranky. What's wrong?"
"Jess," Joey said, appearing at his side. "What if she needs to be… you know… changed?"
Changed? DJ was eighteen!
"Well, why don't you check?" Jesse asked.
Joey sighed before turning his head away and feeling the diaper, and DJ kicked at him; babies didn't know what was going on, but when you're eighteen, having someone change your diaper was just awkward.
"We have a winner," Joey said.
"Well… go on," Jesse said, gesturing to DJ.
"I've never changed a diaper before," Joey pointed out.
"Neither have I," Jesse admitted. "Let's go downstairs and figure this out. Come to me, child," he said, picking DJ up.
"I'll take the south end," Joey said as he grabbed DJ's pudgy little legs.
"Good," Jesse said before they entered the hall and descended the stairs. "Step one, step two, step one, step two!"
They found themselves at the bottom of the stairs and ran into the kitchen while Stephanie followed.
"All right. Where do we put the child?" Jesse asked.
"Uh…" Joey said. "The pot!"
Joey ran over to a pot sitting on the counter, and Jesse quickly halted his efforts.
"Woah, Joey, this is a living thing; you don't just stick it in a pot."
Exactly! DJ thought, wishing she could speak and tell her uncle and Joey how to change a diaper.
"Use a meat rack," Jesse continued.
Seriously? DJ thought. Is this how Michelle felt?
"I'm an idiot," Joey said before placing a meat rack and some towels in the pot, and Jesse sat DJ down on top of the towels.
"Set you down here," Jesse said as Joey reached for DJ's diaper. "Okay, you're in control. Just slide it off there…"
Everyone abruptly groaned as the inside of DJ's diaper was revealed.
Joey glanced around for a solution before picking the diaper up with some tongs and stuffed it into a bowl, which he sealed with a lid.
"Good thinking, Joey. Keep it fresh," Jesse said, sarcastically.
Why didn't he just throw it in the garbage can? DJ wondered.
"Okay, you hold her up, and I'll clean her off," Joey offered, and Jesse lifted his niece out of the pot, and Joey hurried to turn on the sprayer on the sink. Sharp threads of water gushed out of the sprayer.
"You're missing! You're missing!" he yelled, and Joey reduced the force of the water and lightly splashed water onto DJ's bottom. "Gently now, gently."
Jesse smiled, proudly. "This is great. We should be mothers."
Joey nodded. "Now, let's dry her off. The fan!"
DJ felt cold air brush over her bottom as they turned the fan on and aimed it in her direction.
"Fan her fanny!" the boys yelled, and if DJ could've rolled her eyes, she would have.
"Diapers? Diapers..." Jesse asked, looking around for them.
"Hey," Joey said, gesturing to a roll of paper towels. "Super absorbent!"
"Good thinking, Joseph. Now, how are we going to do this?" Jesse asked.
"Spin her," Joey suggested, and Jesse nodded, spinning in a circle and getting paper towels wrapped around both him and DJ. "And we'll wrap it up in this," he said as Jesse lowered DJ into a bag and tightened the cord around her waist.
"And hey, you spill some juice on the counter," Jesse said.
"Just wipe it up with baby tidy bottom!" Joey laughed.
"Not bad," Stephanie said, "but next time, try these," she said, holding up a package of diapers.
"Steph, why did you wait until now to give us the diapers?" Jesse asked.
Yeah. It would've saved us a lot of time and effort and would've spared me a lot of embarrassment, DJ thought.
"Nobody asked me," Stephanie said.
DJ mentally shrugged. Stephanie did have a point.
The dream changed, and DJ was sitting in a high chair with Joey sitting on one side of her and Uncle Jesse on the other.
Why was this happening? DJ had never had such a vivid and confusing dream in her entire life. It was like her and Michelle had switched places.
"Come on, DJ, it's good," Joey said before making little whirring sounds with his mouth as he held a spoon in his hand and moved his arm in a circular motion before stopping the spoon right in front of her mouth.
DJ pursed her lips and turned her head away. She had just gone through a nightmarish diaper changing; she was not going to eat baby food. That was where she drew the line.
"Come on, DJ. It tastes good. Watch this," Joey offered before moving his arm in the same motion, but instead of giving the spoonful of food to DJ, he inserted the spoon into Jesse's mouth.
Jesse made a disgusted face while DJ giggled.
"The baby's watching you," Joey pointed out. "And she's waiting for her Uncle Jesse to swallow."
Uncle Jesse struggled to gulp down the baby food, and he made a strange face, clearly grossed out but trying to hide it.
He smiled with difficulty. "This stuff is terrible," he laughed, thinking DJ couldn't understand him.
DJ giggled again as the dream changed.
DJ was being held by Joey, and Joey was holding her under the arms while Jesse glared at him, which made DJ feel like a human shield.
"I felt this instant magic, and I fell in love with her," Joey said as DJ's father entered the room and leaned against the crib.
"You fell in love with her?" Jesse demanded. "You can't fall in love with her! I fell in love with her first!"
"Sorry, but she likes me more," Joey said as he adjusted his arms to hold DJ more comfortably.
"She does not!" Jesse replied.
"Guys," Danny said. "Stop this. DJ has enough love for all of us."
I don't think they were talking about me, DJ thought.
"Don't make her choose. Now, both of you. Give her a kiss," Danny ordered.
Jesse and Joey sighed before pressing a kiss to each of DJ's cheeks while DJ babbled some kind of baby talk DJ didn't even understand.
The dream changed for the fourth time.
DJ was older now- One or two- and was sitting in a rocking chair with a familiar yet unfamiliar girl staring back at her.
It was Michelle, only older. She was around twelve years old, and her hair had grown nearly to her waist, and she was smiling at DJ, who was now the baby of the family, leaving Michelle to be the oldest.
"Guess what? I know where Dad hid all of our Christmas presents," Michelle murmured.
DJ remembered this, although in her memory, the roles were reversed, and without even thinking about it, she mimicked the reaction Michelle had given her outside of this dream.
"I just happened to be walking through the crawlspace in the attic. I'm getting my new CD Play; Stephanie's getting roller skates; and you are going to be rolling in new toys," Michelle said.
"Toys!" DJ repeated.
"You said you wouldn't say anything, remember?" Michelle told her, placing a finger against her lips. "Shh!"
DJ copied Michelle's actions.
DJ was still in her room, but she was now standing beside her father at her arts and crafts table.
"DJ, that's so abstract," her father was saying as DJ used blue paint to color on her easel.
"Boo-tiful," DJ added.
"Yes, beautiful is one thing it is, but you see, the secret to great art is to keep the paint on the paper," Danny said before the dream fast forwarded to DJ painting her lavender walls with blue paint.
"Oh, DJ," Danny exclaimed. "Remember what I said about the paper?" he said as he hurried to begin washing the paint off.
DJ reached up and painted a streak across her father's face as he leaned down to clean the wall.
"Daddy boo-tiful now, too!" DJ laughed while her father sighed, but he couldn't help grinning as well.
The dream transformed into a view of the kitchen.
"She locked us out!" Joey said, and DJ looked up to see Jesse and Joey standing on the other side of the back door.
DJ toddled towards the door and turned the thing on the doorknob, but when Joey pushed on the door, it didn't budge.
"Of course it had to be the door with that weird fault lock," Jesse muttered. "We really should get that fixed. DJ, try it again!"
The phone gave a shrill ring, and DJ forgot about her uncle and Joey as she ran over to answer it.
"Hi, dude," DJ said.
"DJ, it's the ad agency. Take a message. Get a pen and paper!" Jesse said, which made Joey look at him strangely.
"Joey, bye bye," DJ was saying.
"No!" Joey shouted. "Joey, here here!"
"Bye, dude," DJ said before handing up the room and running from the room, laughing as Jesse and Joey sighed in defeat.
"Look, DJ, in my old room, Michelle was the boss," Stephanie was saying. "But in this room, I'm the boss. You only need to know two words. Okay, boss," Stephanie said, saluting.
DJ frowned. As the oldest kid, she'd never experienced what it was like for an older sister to boss her around. Was this how Stephanie saw DJ? As a bossy, too-proud-for-her-own-good sister?
Huh. Maybe she shouldn't boss her sisters around so much. Having a bossy older sister was not fun.
"No way, hoz-ay!" DJ shouted before running out of the room, much to Stephanie's surprise. She'd obviously been expecting DJ to follow her every order.
The dream changed.
"Ten! Ready or not, here I come," Jesse said.
DJ smiled down from where she was sitting on top of a bookshelf, having climbed on tables and shelves to reach the top.
"Here I am!" she exclaimed, and Jesse glanced up, his eyes growing wide.
"DJ, how did you get up there?" Jesse asked.
DJ shrugged before standing and spreading her arms like wings. "Catch me!" she shouted before falling forward.
DJ's stomach hit Uncle Jesse's arm as he desperately reached for her, flipping her over in mid air to land bridal style in Jesse's arms.
"Someone should've recorded that," Joey said from the staircase.
"Ta da!" DJ yelled, throwing her arms out wide.
"Are you trying to give me a heart attack, huh?" Jesse demanded.
"I'm sorry, Uncle Jesse," DJ said before squealing as Jesse dipped her, smothering her with kisses and laughing in relief that his niece was okay.
The dream changed again.
"Big girls do not blow bubbles into their milk," Danny was saying.
"Why?" DJ demanded.
"Because milk is not a toy," Danny answered.
"Why?" DJ repeated.
"Because they don't sell milk in toy stores."
"Why?"
Danny frowned. "Huh. I don't really know why. Maybe it's just something grown ups tell kids to keep them from having a good time. I don't see one good reason why we shouldn't blow bubbles into our milk," Danny said before blowing into his straw and jumping as chocolate milk splattered across the table. "Well, there's one good reason."
DJ laughed. "Not like that. Like this," she responded, blowing gently into her straw and creating some bubbles in her chocolate milk. Danny laughed before copying her actions.
"Jesse," DJ's grandpa was saying as the dream changed once again. "He's made you the godfather of his little girl, Delilah." (I changed the name because in the original, Melina and Michelle. So I made it where it's Delilah and DJ. Same first letter.)
A woman walked inside, carrying a dark haired girl, and she sat her down in front of DJ. DJ's jaw dropped as she came face to face with… herself. The girl looked exactly like her!
"Hey, that's my face!" DJ said.
The dream changed, and DJ found herself walking beside Delilah towards her dad with scarves to hide their hair.
"Just try and tell them apart," Grandma said.
"You'll never guess, Dad," DJ said without thinking.
Their father laughed. "This is a tough one, but I think the real DJ is the one that just called me Dad."
"Aw, nuts!" DJ said, and it felt so weird to hear one of Michelle's catchphrases coming out of her mouth.
"Aw, hoo!" Delilah said, which was probably nuts in a different language, but it just sounded like a sneeze.
Apparently, Danny thought so, too.
"Bless you," DJ's father said.
The dream changed.
"Please let me out!" DJ shouted through her closed bedroom door.
"Please let her out," Joey begged.
"No. Go back to bed," Jesse said, sternly.
"I want a drink of water!" DJ tried.
"You just had one," Danny pointed out.
"I need to go to the bathroom," DJ tried again.
"You went already," Danny replied.
DJ stuck her fingers under the door.
"Please let me out," she pleaded.
"Aw, my little girl is reaching out for human contact," Danny said, his stern act beginning to crumble.
"Hang tough, men," Jesse said.
"Don't you want me anymore?" DJ said.
"What are you guys- made of stone?" Jesse said before opening the door, and DJ sprinted past them to go play a game of DJ-hides-and-Jesse-Joey-and-Dad-rleuctantly-seek-her-to-try-and-get-her-to-go-to-bed.
"We just got fooled by a four year old," Jesse muttered while DJ giggled and searched for the perfect hiding place.
The dream changed. Again.
"Somebody took my tap shoes," DJ was saying as she turned off the TV and pointed accusing lying at Stephanie.
"Does that finger in my face mean you think it's me?" Stephanie asked.
"No, it's because you have a milk mustache," DJ said, sarcastically. "Of course I think it was you."
The dream changed.
"Want to help me make breakfast, DJ?" fifteen year old Michelle asked as she cracked an egg on the side of the bowl and dropped the yoke into the bowl.
"Sure, I can smash some eggs," DJ said, raising the egg over the bowl.
"Hold it. You don't smash them. You crack the eggs on the side of the bowl very gently," Michelle advised before demonstrating.
DJ nodded and copied Michelle's actions perfectly.
"Good. Now-"
DJ, out of the pure curiosity, took a bite of the white egg shell, and Michelle's eyes widened.
"DJ, you don't eat… never mind."
DJ nodded. "Crunchy."
The dream transformed into a grocery store.
"I'll get it!" DJ volunteered, reaching for a roll of paper towels towards the bottom of the pile.
"Woah, DJ," Uncle Jesse said, stopping her from grabbing the paper towels.
"I'm just trying to help," DJ said.
"I know, but you never take from the bottom. You always take from the top," Jesse told her as he grabbed a roll of paper towels from the very top of the tower, but when he turned around, his elbow connected with a roll of paper towels, and the tower toppled.
"Smooth," Michelle said from beside DJ.
"I could've done that," DJ said.
The dream changed again, and DJ vaguely wondered when this dream would end. It felt like it'd been going on for years.
"Hey, Princess," Jesse said (in this story, Michelle is Jesse's munchkin; Stephanie is his lady bug; and DJ is his princess).
"Can you please not call me princess anymore?" DJ asked.
Jesse's eyes widened. "Why? You've been my princess since day one."
"I know, but everyone at camp calls me acorn," DJ said.
"Great nickname," Jesse said, "if you're a squirrel. Why do they call you acorn?"
"Because I can fit ten acorns in my mouth at once!" DJ replied with a toothy smile.
"I'm so proud," Danny deadpanned.
The dream changed.
DJ was sitting on a horse as it galloped forward, and when it tried to jump over a log, it neighed and reared back. DJ cried out as she tumbled to the ground, smacking her head against a rock.
Everything went black for a terrifying moment before thoughts began passing through her mind again. If possible, the thoughts were even more terrifying.
Where was she? Where was Dad? Who was Dad? What happened to her? Why did her head hurt so much? And scariest of all…
She couldn't remember her own name.
DJ sat up with a gasp, and she found her father, uncle, Joey, and sisters sitting beside her. Becky was sitting at the desk with Nicky and Alex.
"DJ, are you okay? You wouldn't wake up when I came to get you. We were getting worried," Jesse said, concern painted across his face.
"I had the weirdest dream," DJ said. "Michelle and I… our roles were reversed, I think. I was the youngest, and she was the oldest."
"Wow," Michelle said. "Why can't I have that dream? Being the oldest would be fun."
DJ nodded as Danny held the back of his hand against her forehead.
"You do have a slight fever. The dream was probably caused by food poisoning. I had some weird dreams when Joey made that strange sandwich when we were kids," Danny said.
"Oh, you mean this?" Joey asked, holding up his sandwich, and everyone gaped when they saw chicken nuggets, blue cheese, tuna, sprinkles, and mustard.
"Ew!" Stephanie said.
"You won't know until you try it," Joey said.
"No, thanks," Danny said, and everyone else agreed with him.
Joey shrugged. "Suit yourselves," he responded before taking a bite of the disgusting sandwich.
I know it wasn't very original since I just used scenes from Full House, but if I made someone put there laugh, I'm content.
I apologize for any mistakes. I've been doing a lot of editing today and didn't get much sleep last night, so my brain is almost fried, so please overlook any mistakes.
I love feedback (but keep it kind or constructive criticism because any flames will be ignored and reported if necessary), so please tell me what you thought in the form of a review or a PM!
Thank you all for reading! I hope you all have a wonderful day. Goodbye, everyone!