(To the tune of 'Hair' - the AM version sung by The Cowsills)
(During the interrogation in the climax of OOTP)
Umbridge : Despite my best efforts, Mister Potter-you remain so very much as you were. Why are you so...soooo Harry Potter?
Malfoy : Oh, Bugger. She's gone and done it now!
(Despite being under arrest, the DA members begin to rise and sing)
DA Chorus : She asked him why
Harry: Why I'm A Harry guy
I'm Harry Books One Through Five-Six-Seven
My hair is not Heaven
I'm Harry hero or fool
But don't ask me spoilers
DA : Cuz Rowling's Rules
Harry : It's not for lack of plots
Like those Twilight sots
Headmistress...
(Pace Picks Up)
Gimme a Book with Harry
Long, beautiful books
Autographed, Special
Boxed, softcover, hardcover
Give me fans who care
Feature length or Edited Harry
Boy Who Lived, Git Who Grieved
Everywhere Dumbledore
Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry
Milk it, Filk it
Long as I'm employed by it
I'm Harry
Rumors fly on the set
Get reported on the net
Give a home for the trolls in my forums
A home for the trolls
A hive for the shipper proles
A nest for nerds
There ain't no words
For the sales, the publicity, the phenom
Of my...
Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry
Pad it, Ban it
Long as I can bank on it
My Harry
Hermione : I want it long, plotholes, names, places
Refs, Retcons, Remembered faces
Ron : Foods, hexes, Moods
Christmases always depicted
Hagrid never learns a damn thing
DA: Films with effects sophisticated
Plots Edited and Truncated
Merchandise on every level, Actors who don't stay the whole time
Old plots re-angled, mangled, and Forgotten!
Harry with DA : Oh say can you see
Our conclusion; if you have
Then don't talk in the film
Up to Gold
Up to Platinum
Up to where it prints by itself
(No never have to reprint it cos it prints by itself)
Oh give me a book with Harry
Seven Beautiful Books
DVD's, CD's
Streaming, websites forming
Won't you support it all the way?
Till We Reboot The Films One Day
Then Fanboys, Now Fangirls
Everywhere Dudders Dudders
Harry Harry Harry Harry
Print it
Film it
Long as I get a check from it
My Harry (Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry)
(Umbridge of course looks indignant)
U : Mister Malfoy - arrest them all anew and stay here while I issue a decree against the outbreak of musical numbers!
(Malfoy and crew run off )
Malfoy : No way! Messing with Potter is one thing-but I'll challenge the Dark Lord with a carrot before messing with the Stage Actors Union!
(She signs her decree)
U : Oh, what could happen? I have Dementors protecting me...
(Two empty Dementor shell-bodies are thrown at her feet; Two toughs stand before her)
Tough 1 : You come with us.
Tough 2 : Union wants to have a talk, they do!
(Two weeks later)
Dumbledore : And it is speculated that Professor Umbridge is now somewhere in what is called the New Jersey Meadowlands, sharing space with a Mister Hoffa...
(Harry smiles)
Harry : Next one gives us trouble, we'll go all South Pacific on them!
Hermione : We can't! Harry, Rogers and Hammerstein are Unforgivable Musicals!
Ron : What about Andrew Lloyd Webber?
(The entire hall stares at him; Far distant, Voldemort shakes in terror)
V : Someone somewhere said...HIS name! AAaaaagghhhh!