(Disclaimer: characters are property of Marvel/Kids WB.)
I can only really think in the dark.
I lie there in my bed, in the still darkness after lights-out, and let my mind free.
Mostly, I think about why I am the way I am. It seems like some kind of cruel joke. Never to touch anyone, ever again? Never to know the joys of making love? Never to have children of my own?
At least I can touch myself.
I slide a hand into the waistband of my pajama bottoms, then down into my underpants. My fingers find that special spot, and I rub back and forth, feeling a kind of heat spreading up through my body.
I'm thinking about boys. One boy
in particular. Scott. He's so handsome and kind. I know he likes me, just like
I like him.
Back and forth, harder, faster. I have to be careful not to get carried away. Last time, I got so caught up that I made a noise, and I woke up Kitty. That girl's a light sleeper, all right.
Far away, I can hear something. A motorcycle engine starting up. Logan must be going out.
He's so lucky. Going where he wants, doing whatever he pleases . . . and whoever he pleases. He's a man, he has needs. I'm sure he goes downtown and finds himself a woman. I wonder if he has to pay her.
Probably not. He's hot. He could have any woman he wants.
I wonder if those claws of his pop out at awkward moments?
I guess I'll never know. He's never so much as looked at me. I don't know if I'm really his type. I've seen him making eyes at me when he thinks no one's looking. Don't know if she's ever noticed. She's such a goody-goody, she probably doesn't have a clue.
Getting close now. To the good part. I close my eyes and picture Scott's face above me. Or below me. Would he let me be on top?
Uh oh. I heard a door opening. Storm must be doing bed checks. After Kurt snuck out last week, I don't blame her. I wonder how close she is.
Hate to stop now, but I can't let her catch me. I pull the blankets up and lie very still.
The door opens. The door closes. I guess she's satisfied we're both in here, asleep.
I try to get back to that good place, but I guess I've lost it. I can't even get pleasure from myself.
I roll over and go to sleep.