Hmm I normally dislike most song fics, but this has been growing in my head for a while now. I was listening to Queen one day and I couldn't help but picture Naruto singing it.
Anyyyways. This is a one-shot, AU fic. SasuNaru of course. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.
& I would definitely suggest listening to "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen while reading this. It will be twice the fun. Seriously.
I don't own Naruto, Queen or Facebook. I promise. Rhapsody definition came from Wiktionary.
Rhapsody
An exalted of exaggeratedly enthusiastic expression of feeling in speech or writing
Sasuke Uchiha pointedly ignored the stares leveled at him by nearby guests as he ordered his drinks at the bar. He recognized dozens of faces that he hadn't seen since his days at Konoha High and wondered how Sakura had remembered the names to go with those faces, much less managed to maintain enough of a relationship to invite them to the wedding. Noticing the intrigued, and occasionally lewd, glances the young Uchiha was garnering from the local female guests, the bartender offered Sasuke a roguish wink and a conspiratorial grin. Sasuke kept his facial muscles still even as they struggled to frown despite the arduous training he had put them through. The Uchiha scowl was hard to achieve, but if mastered could convey stoicism and dignity, or as Naruto so eloquently phrased it, bastardiness.
As the black vested man mixed his requested drinks, Sasuke made sure to avoid eye contact with any of his admirers. It was Sakura and Lee's wedding, and as expected of someone of Sakura's romantic inclinations, it was huge and lavish and pink. Even at the bar, the smell of peonies and roses pervaded the air. It was undoubtedly every girl's dream wedding. Sakura had even managed the feat of getting Lee to wear a solid black tuxedo and there was not a speck of green to be found on him. Inwardly, Sasuke mad a toast to his pink haired friend's achievement. Sakura looked resplendent in her white gown, and so far the wedding had gone off without a hitch. In an attempt to give his longtime friend her dream wedding, for any obvious sign of affection was out of the question, Sasuke had quarantined a very inebriated Naruto to their fairly secluded table in the back of the dim ballroom. Earlier on, Kiba had challenged Naruto to a sake drinking contest. The contest of idiocy had continued for several bottles until Naruto, in the middle of slinging back sake, had noticed that for some time Kiba had been tossing shots over his shoulder.
The damage was done, despite Naruto being declared the default winner. Sasuke had spent the past hour and a half trying to restrain Naruto from out doing his usual dobe-ness, such as loudly trying to talk Sasuke into a quickie under the table. Under normal circumstances, Sasuke might have been intrigued by the prospect. However, in Naruto's current state, Sasuke's vision of an enthusiastic Naruto kicking the table over or pulling the tablecloth off in a moment of ecstasy seemed all too realistic. To top it off, now he wouldn't get a chance to speak to his brother about proposing to Naruto. Despite how depraved and evil Itachi was, he was still his Niisan and he needed to have somebody at his back when he announced to their parents that he was marrying the dobe. He wasn't sure how they would take it, but he knew his brother wouldn't be too harsh. After all, the man painted his fingernails and spent time with weird people like Kisame, not to mention that freak with the puppet fetish. Sakura's wedding would have been the perfect place to bring it up. It was an event they had both been invited too and would undoubtedly run into each other at. There would be no need for Sasuke to show how nervous he was by randomly calling his brother and setting up an awkward meeting. Here he could casually bring it up… Of course Naruto just had to go and quaff a barrel of sake.
When Itachi and his oddly piscine associate Kisame had joined them at the table, Sasuke was reaching his limit. So in need of a strong drink was he that Sasuke resisted the temptation of asking his brother if Kisame was his date and, laying his pride bare for all to see, asked his sadistic brother to baby sit Naruto for the time it took him to get a drink. Sasuke, despite his despair, was surprised when Itachi had agreed without too black of a look.
As he received his drinks, and began making his way back to the table, Sasuke decided that maybe, just maybe, Itachi had a heart, however tiny, black and shriveled it might be. With his spirits renewed, Sasuke began walking back to the table with his expression defrosted. Even more uplifting was the lessening in visual molestation he received. It seemed they were all turning their attention to the stage. Probably some friend or family member who had ingested a little too much celebratory champagne and had decided that an impromptu speech was just what the night called for. He just hoped it wasn't Gai. Sasuke barely registered the sound of a song starting – was that Queen?? – and a vaguely familiar voice singing along.
Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
The (Little) Uchiha snorted at the drunken warble and the sounds of sloppy movements on stage as he weaved between tables. He had his own drunk to deal with. Thank God he had picked a table far from the stage. Drunk Naruto Karaoke was not something Uchihas were mentally equipped to handle. Nearing his table, Sasuke wondered where he had heard that voice before. It was really familiar…
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go
Sasuke felt a little part of himself die as he counted heads at the table. One fishman, one asshole, no dobe. He turned to his brother with a growing sense of dread.
A little high, little low
Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me
"Niisan, where is Naruto?" Had it been anyone else beside himself that had spoken, Sasuke would have thought the word "squeaky" would have been appropriate. But Uchihas don't squeak, so he would have to settle for "the voice of a man faced with his imminent and terrible doom".
To me…
"Oopsies." Itachi said offhandedly, viciously, and gleefully all at once. Sasuke might have took a moment to wonder how his brother managed to do all of that if it weren't for the nausea that swept over him as dread turned into realization. The crooning fool's voice started up again mournfully. Itachi shifted comfortably in his seat as he looked towards the stage. With his crimson eyes narrowed, Itachi might have looked ready to spontaneously rip someone's face off to anyone who didn't know him. Sasuke, however, took in the slight upwards quirk of his lips, and knew that the expression foretold equally deadly consequences. It was Itachi's happy face.
Mama, - Oh God. That voice. - just killed a man
Sasuke slowly turned around as a small childlike part of him wept for the betrayal. Why did his Niisan do these things to him?
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead
Mama, life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama, oooh
Didn't mean to make you cry
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on
As if nothing really matters…
That wasn't just any idiot bellowing out Queen.
It was his idiot. Sasuke blinked stupidly at the stage. There stood Naruto in all his sodden glory with a microphone in hand. Sasuke made a mental note to destroy whoever had been stupid enough to give the blond a mic.
Too late, my time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody - I've got to go – Idiot. Were the sweeping arm movements really necessary? -
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
Mama, oooh
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all
Sasuke took advantage of the extended guitar riff to sit down and look around to make sure no one had connected the embarrassment on stage to him. He risked a glance towards the bride sitting at her dais. Lee had an arm around her shoulders that could have been described as loving if it weren't for Ino sitting halfway on her in an attempt to restrain her. He could only hope that they managed to keep her from getting too worked up. He seriously doubted anyone had thought to bring a tranquilizer gun.
I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouch, Scaramouch!
Will you do the fandango?
Thunderbolt and lightning
Very very frightening me
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo, Gallileo,
Gallileo Figaro - magnifico
But I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Easy come easy go - will you let me go?
Bismillah! No - we will not let you go - let him go!
Sasuke stared in something akin to awe as a breathless Naruto sang the chorus as well.
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go!
Bismillah! We will not let you go - let me go!
Will not let you go - let me go (never)
Never let you go - let me go
Never let me go - oooh
No, no, no, no, no, no, no –
Was this really the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with? This loud, obnoxious ("OH MAMA MIA, MAMA MIA!") idiot?
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me
For me
For me
Sasuke could only stare as Naruto did the strangest wriggling motion he had ever seen as he hit the final and highest "meeee". Sasuke could only thank God that he hadn't broached the subject of marriage with Itachi earlier. He could just hear his brother's scathing remarks ("Oh Sasuke. This is precious. Mother and Father will love this. A libertine! Just what the Uchihas need!") Suddenly the music changed tempo and Naruto's demeanor became reminiscent of an 80's head banger. Oh dear God- he was head banging. Sasuke sat frozen in horror as his ex-soon-to-be fiancé pointed past the majority of the guests, directly to a secluded table in the back. The secluded table that a certain Uchiha was sitting at. Snatching his two drinks up, Kisame was scrambling out of his chair and away from the table in an instant. Itachi took the more dignified route and began to surreptitiously scoot his chair away from Sasuke and out of Naruto's line of fire. It was his foolish little brother's boyfriend, and Itachi would be damned if he was going to suffer the humiliation with him.
So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?
Naruto was really getting into it. Sasuke was vaguely surprised that Naruto didn't tack on a 'teme' to the end of the line.
So you think you can love me and leave me to die?
Sasuke wondered what he had done to deserve this ferocious serenade. He was pretty sure they hadn't fought in over a week- where the hell was this resentment coming from?!
Oh baby - can't do this to me baby –the soulful blue eyes closed in anguish as he pumped his fist towards Sasuke-
Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here!
As curious and amused wedding goers turned in the their seats to see the poor fool Naruto was singing to/at, Sasuke wondered if it was too late to duck under the table. A pink flash moving quickly near the bridal dais caught his eye, and it took him a moment to realize that it wasn't a flying bouquet, it was Sakura's hair. His attention was once again wrenched towards his own cruel fate as several bright flashes nearly blinded him.
"Sweet! Did you see Uchiha's face? This shit is going on Facebook TONIGHT." Sasuke couldn't help but feel that that was low, even for Kiba. Just wait. He'd have Suigetsu waiting in an unmarked car in front of Kiba's house for the next month, just waiting to run over Akamaru, and maybe even Kiba too. It depended on how offensive Kiba made the caption. Argh.
Ooh yeah, ooh yeah – Naruto took a knee as his gaze swept over the crowd -
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see – He held his hand to his heart earnestly-
Nothing really matters - nothing really matters to me
Anyway the wind blows...
Sasuke was too relieved that it was over to even roll his eyes as his dobe took a bow. The golden head bobbed up and down as he gave a shout out to Iruka, who had his head in his hands. Their former professor and lifelong pervert Kakashi was rubbing his back in a comforting manner. The silver haired man had been wooing the feisty schoolteacher for three years now, and Sasuke was pretty sure that Iruka had no idea. He shook his head. He had tried the traditional route at first until it became apparent that Naruto was rather obtuse when it came to romantic overtures. He had been left with no choice but to come out and tell, or rather show, the blond how he felt. Yep. He'd left Naruto with no doubts on that one. He smirked fondly at the memory.
"He really will be dickless now." Came Sai's expressionless voice from a few tables over. Sasuke looked over in alarm at the artist just in time to see what he was talking about. An irate pink haired bride was stalking towards Naruto with a strange look on her face, and Sasuke wondered if she had finally snapped- and what was that glinting in her hand?!
"Oh, hi Sakura-chan! Did you like my- uh Sakura-chan, wha-wait!" Suddenly the dobe didn't sound so drunk. Then again, Sasuke imagined that seeing Sakura coming at you with a cake knife would sober anyone up.
Standing up quickly, Sasuke began to head towards the instigator of the entire debacle. It wouldn't do to have his pseudo fiancé butchered before he could even pop the question. He couldn't help but smile has he saw Naruto attempt to turn on the "charm" to pacify their longtime friend. As Naruto's familiar scars and bottomless blue eyes came into view, Sasuke realized that despite his doubts, he had always intended to make sure the dobe was his. And vice versa.
"C'mon Forehead- Gimme the knife!" Ino managed to get out as she tried to pry the icing incrusted knife from Sakura. "Do you really wanna get a mugshot in your wedding dress?"
Naruto finally caught sight of him and waved frantically.
"Teme! Sakura-chan's trying to kill me!" He cried as he scuttled away from Sakura and his two would-be saviors.
"Dobe." Was all Sasuke said. He didn't know whether to tell the idiot he deserved it or to just tell him he loved him.
"Now, now my youthful blossom! Naruto-kun was just showing his youthful approval our joyous union!" Lee soothed as he tried to restrain his homicidal bride.
"Narutoooo!" Said bride bellowed. Sasuke nimbly circumnavigated Sakura/Lee/Ino and grabbed Naruto's arm.
"Come on, usuratonkachi." He groused. He was still annoyed with Naruto's little performance, but that didn't stop him from slipping an affectionate arm around his waist. The blond leaned heavily against him. The alcohol was obviously beginning to wear off, and Sasuke guessed that it would probably be a good idea to get him home before he decided to do something else really dignified, like fall asleep on top of a table.
"Congratulations." Sasuke said as Ino snatched the knife away with a triumphant cry. He quickly stepped forward and hugged Sakura, half in affection, half as a diversionary tactic. It worked.
"Thanks Sasuke-kun!" She replied breathlessly. She could count the number of times the stoic Uchiha had willingly hugged her on one hand. Her crush had long since died down, but that didn't mean he still couldn't make her blush with a little extra attention. By the time he let her go, she was even willing to let Naruto hug her without snapping him in half.
"Congrats Sakura-chan! You and fuzzy brows make a great couple!" He said with a grin so big it made him squint. In a more discreet voice, he added, "I just hope the kids get your looks, Sakura-chan."
She twitched at him, unsure of whether to be flattered or insulted on behalf of her new husband. Sasuke picked up on the rising threat level, and his arm resumed its place at Naruto's waist.
"Let's go home." He said firmly to his dobe.
"You ruin all my fun Sasuke-teme." Naruto said, but Sasuke had known him long and well enough to recognize the affection behind the words. And the challenge.
"Hn. I'll show you fun." He said flatly. Naruto's grin got even wider, and Sasuke sighed. Yep. He was doomed. He'd be stuck with Naruto forever, because there wasn't any other way he could live. The thought put a smile on his face as they headed towards the exit while saying quick goodbyes to everyone they passed. Kiba congratulated Naruto on the awesome performance, and told Sasuke not to worry that he'd make sure to tag him in any photos that popped up. The smartass.
Even Itachi's smug face couldn't ruin his mood. He didn't need anyone else's help with this. If he could live through Naruto's rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody", he could survive anything.
"Ne Teme, at our wedding, I want Ramen. Halibut is disgusting." Naruto said casually as they left the ballroom. Sasuke was caught off guard for a moment, until it sunk it. He smiled sincerely at the blond at his side. Their wedding. Well, at least he didn't have to worry about Naruto saying 'no' now. He almost felt giddy. At their weddi- Sasuke stopped walking.
"Wait- Ramen?!"
I love SasuNaru. And diabolical Itachi. Hopefully you do too, or else this was a boring read. Review if you want.