Okay, since I know that Random Guy will have my ass-(not like that, sorry all homosexuals with hope) I guess I should write the disclaimer right now.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN UTENA. (*pause*) DO NOT SUE. I SUE BACK. (*cough cough-pencils-cough cough*)

By the way, Alexi is reading every word I type, so she will be laughing at every errerrr.

WE ARE HYEeNAS.

Okay, This is pretty much the Utena cast from episodes 14-17 (Alex typed "episodes 14-17" and she was about to spell it epsidodes, shame she caught the errerrr)

So here it goesss.

Title: Revolutionary Girl Utena: The Black Rose Boinks.

By: Yadda Talkalot (with help from Alexi Serenitia)

Chapter One: The Seriously Messed Up Theme Song

The beginning of the theme song played.

"We're floating around on roses!" said Utena.

"Cool!" shouted Anthy. Then their hands were being pulled away. Suddenly Nanami shouted out: "TAKE MY REVOLUTION!" Everyone on the set stared at her.

"You're not in this theme song...."

"Yes I am!" Said Nanami.

"Oh yeah!" said Utena. "I forgot."

"Damn..." Anthy said. "Wish we could have gone with Utena's idea..."

"COOL!" said Utena. "We are walking with a whole bunch of random people! And then we're turning around!"

"AHHHH! IT'S JASON!!" Anthy said when she turned around. Jason was behind Anthy and he had a chainsaw. Which makes me wonder if Anthy has eyes in the back of her head.

"Of course she does! She's an ALIEN!!!" screamed Kanae. Everyone looked at her.

"Well, we know that you AREN'T in the theme song!'

"Oops! Hee hee!" she says and walks off. Anyway...

"And YOU aren't even IN this show!" Shouted the director to Jason. Jason scratched his head.

"Sorry." As Jason walked out, he cut off the director's and Kanae's heads. He turned around at the crowd.

"Couldn't resist..."

"We don't mind! YAY! Field Day!" Cheered Touga. Everyone else joined in. Suddenly, a crazy Authoress Named Alexi Serenitia appears. She is trying to take over the world in her schedule right now so I don't know why she would be here...

"TOUGA!" She squeals glomping Touga. Touga grins as he looks to Akio, and then a chart that appeared out of nowhere. Suddenly a tally-mark appeared in one of the columns.

"Bastard..." murmurs Akio.

"Looks like I have more fangirls!" Touga said smugly. Alexi cleared her throat.

"Can we continue?" She said. Everyone suddenly got back to work.

"Yay! We're in a rose garden!" said Utena.

"Not anymore! Now we're in a field!" said Anthy. "Lets look into each others eyes as if we were lovers!"

"Good Idea!" Utena said. "Ooh... pretty rose..."

"Hey! Our shadows are spinning round and round!"

Utena's shadow threw up.

"And now I am in my rose bride dress!" Said Anthy happily.

"Hey, now we are in the arena, I wonder how, we didn't climb all those horrible stairs..."

"Yay!" Alexi said. "I get to name all the duelists in this scene! Utena, Saionji, Juri, Miki, Nanami... and SEXY!!" She said, glomping Touga.

Touga smirked at Akio. "I HAVE MORE FANGIRLS THAN YOOOOOU!" He taunted.

"Hey, I could EASILY manipulate her little mind if I wanted to..." Akio said simply. "But I don't. She's an authoress." He said it like people would say the words 'cat shit'.

All of the sudden, Crystal appears out of nowhere... apparently, she is the co-director of this whole operation...

"HEY! CAPIPITALIZE THAT!" She shouted angrily. "OR I WILL MAKE YOU DRESS IN DRAG AND DO THE HULA!"

(Last minute disclaimer: I don't own the Lion King. Though I do own it on VHS...and I don't own Jason or the Friday the Thirteenth movies. And yes, "capitalize" and any other word I say that might be slightly or totally incrorrect is totally at my will.) Anyway...

Akio rolled his eyes. "Authoress." Crystal nodded with satisfaction.

"Much Butter."

"You know you want me," Akio said. Crystal grinned.

"When was I ever attracted to people who were incest?"

Anthy winced.

"Besides, Crystal likes MIKI!!" Alexi grinned.

"I never said that!!" Crystal yelled. "I SAID HE WAS CUTE, THAT'S IT!!"

Alexi shrugged. Suddenly, A TON OF RABID MIKI FANGIRLS ran in and tried to glomp Miki. They were shot by Kozue.

The chart (which was still there), magically made a new tally.

"Looks like Miki has more fangirls than ALL OF YOU!!" Alexi grinned.

"SHIT!!" Akio and Touga cursed.

Suddenly, the EVEN MORE RABID JURI FANGIRLS appeared. Another tally was made.

"And Juri has even more fangirls than Miki, who has more fangirls than Akio and Touga!!" Alexi grinned more.

"WE GOT BEAT BY A GIRL?!" Akio and Touga screamed.

"Yep!" Utena popped up. "I think that certainly says something about your manliness, Touga and Akio..."

"Go Miss Juri!" Miki cheered.

"BACK TO THE THEME SONG!" Alexi and Crystal said.

Before the theme song continued, Akio slipped his business card into Crystal's pocket. She didn't notice. Anyway-theme song.

"Cool!" Utena said. "We're flying to an upside-down castle on carousel horses while wearing armor!

"Damn, we make this look good!" Said Anthy.

"Shit! We're being pulled apart again!" shouted Utena.

"Miss Utena!!!!" wailed Anthy.

"I WILL! CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGE THE WORLD!" Alexi started singing. Everyone pulled out their swords (not those swords, you dirty hentais you) warningly.

(Note-I don't own the song "Change the World" by... uh... whoever it is by. I forgot.)

"Okay, I'll stop, I'll stop!" Alexi said, hands in the air.

"How long do we have to deal with these damn...ugh... authoresses?" Akio asked.

"CAPITALIZE!!" screamed Crystal.

"Oh, fine, Authoresses." Akio flashed Crystal a sexy (or so he thought) grin. She still didn't notice.

"Until the chapter ends," Saionji said, since he hasn't said anything this chapter.

"And it's about to," said Touga. "Damn, I'm sexy."

"Damn straight!" Said Alexi.

Then the chapter ended. The sky fell and nearly killed everyone.

"...Alexi? I think Akio is after me..." Crystal whispered, hours after the Utena cast left.

"Oh, don't worry, Crystal-chan!" Alexi smiled. "He's like that with EVERYONE!!"

"Oh, Dios save me..." Crystal sighed.

And Dios... didn't do anything, for he only helped UTENA now! For some unknown REASON!

"Oh, and by the way Crystal, Akio's business card is in your pocket," Alexi said.

"HE IS AFTER ME! AHHHH! NOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

The end of chapter one.

Oh yeah! My first fanfiction in more than a year! OH YEAH, OH YEAH! ^_^ Okay, sorry if this sucks, or if you find it offending... but I have a weird sense of humor, and so does Alexi. And Touga will not fall in love with Alexi, okay? (*Alexi sighs in disappointment*) and Akio DOES NOT LOVE ME. He's... uh... Akio. Duh. And I AM NOT AN AKIO FANGIRL!!

See you in the next chapter!!

PS: We are aware that Jason doesn't really talk. He just needed to, for the fic's sake.

Oh and by the way, for my Lauren's sake...

DIIIICCCCKKKIIIIEIEEEEEE!!!

That was for Lauren, I only said it for Lauren... Or so Alexi hopes.