"Mr. Schue," The teacher turned in his spot quite suddenly, eyes locking with the young boy immediately before nodding at him to continue, "Can I ask you a question? It isn't about Spanish class or anything, it's kind of…personal." Mr. Schuester looked at the boy and there was something definitely off about him, maybe Finn was slouching a little more than usual, maybe his voice wasn't the usual dopey, apologetic banter, maybe it was the slightly red, swollen skin under his eyes…Or maybe it was all of the above.
"Of course Finn," The teacher complied taking a seat behind his desk, and gesturing for the student to sit in the one across from his, He could tell that Finn was reluctant by the way he eyed the desk, like it was Puck every time the Mohawk clad teen went near Rachel, or Quinn. "Ask away."
Finn knew that going there was a bad idea the second he sat down at the big, shiny, wooden desk, Mr. Schuester's piercing green eyes staring at him expectantly. He shook his head before standing up again, "You know what, this was probably a bad idea… I'm just gonna go." He turned towards the door, before he felt his teachers firm hand on his shoulder. It was stupid of him to think the teacher wouldn't stop him as he tried to quickly flee the small office.
"Finn, sit down."
He did as he was told with a small huff while Mr. Schue placed himself back in his own chair. They both stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, both refusing to break the silence. Mr. Schuester decided he should probably do it, almost positive Finn would sit here all day before telling him what was wrong.
"Finn, what's going on? You haven't exactly been acting yourself lately; you've been skipping out on glee rehearsal, you've been really irritable, that whole incident at Regionals… What's up?" Finn stared at the teacher, carefully deciding whether or not he should actually tell him, or just make up some mediocre lie about why he hadn't only gotten stupider, but why he had actually stopped trying to make himself seem smarter. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but quickly closed it again. He took a deep breath, looked the teacher right in the eye, and softly spoke.
"You can't tell anyone Mr. Schue."
And there he was, not so little Finn Hudson sitting in front of his favorite teacher explaining why nothing was normal anymore, for him at least… So maybe we should start from the beginning; the very beginning.
It starts from the very first day Finn Hudson had ever come in contact with Blaine Anderson. The day that Blaine had ventured all the way from the 'Dalton Academy for Boys' just to help a bully almost twice his size feel comfortable with himself and his sexual orientation, not that Finn was actually supposed to know about that part, he would never tell anyone he saw the infamous "kiss" (If that's what you can really call it, it's not like Kurt even kissed back… You can't call it a kiss if someone doesn't kiss back, right?) But from that day on (Blaine visiting not the non-kiss) He decided that Blaine Anderson was one of the best things that had ever happened to the earth… Well besides Ralph Macchio in the first and third karate kid movies. (The second was one was shit, what even happened? Oh look he learned the power of the drum! Oooh! He honked that guy's nose! Seriously what the fuck was that?) After that… He was obsessed.
Every day, every second filled with Blaine Anderson, Blaine Anderson, and you guessed it, more Blaine Anderson. He thought about him when he was at home, when he was in class, when he was with Rachel, when he wasn't with Rachel, when he was with Kurt, even when he was with Blaine(and Kurt unfortunately) he thought of Blaine. Nothing, seriously nothing, could get Blaine Anderson out of that big football player head of his.
But he wasn't gay. He made sure to make that fact very clear in his head, in no way was Finn Hudson even a little bit gay, he had a girlfriend, he even had a girl he'd thought about cheating on his girlfriend with, he LIKED GIRLS. Not boys, never boys, never in a million years boys, he was too in love with boobs, and the promise of sexy sex, and VAGINA.
Anyways, Finn wasn't gay. But that one-day when Kurt came home with tears in his eyes, and that pretty boy smile of his, it might've been enough to change his mind, he was almost convinced to fight for Blaine Anderson, he might've even hit Kurt if he rubbed him the wrong way (But not in a weird way.) And he fell asleep that night wondering why he was so obsessed with Blaine in the first place, it wasn't like he was gay or anything, not that he had any problem with that, he just wasn't. Blaine was just a cool guy, he admired him in that bro crush kind of way. He totally didn't notice the way his hair was always perfect, and the way his eyes sparkled, and that smile… Oh god! That smile… But no, Finn Hudson totally was not gay.
And then there was Regionals, a few days after Kurt and Blaine (It's still hard for him to mutter) got together.He sat next to Rachel in the big crowd, her hand interlaced with his when it was announced "UP NEXT: THE DALTON ACADEMY WARBLERS!"His heart leaped with antici…. (Wait for it)…pation; and then the promising doo-wopping, he awaited Blaine to start singing so the small flame in his chest could be extinguished, he just wanted to hear that voice. But instead he heard Kurt's. And then Blaine's. And then he heard their voices mixed together. And then his heart dropped right out of his fucking chest. I mean it isn't like he hadn't seen them together… or heard them together… Or pictured them together in his head… but that was always right before he pictured Kurt getting hit in the face with an asteroid the size of Texas. And then Blaine forgetting about him and moving on, with a guy who may or may not be Finn Hudson. But this, this way too much to take, a duet? Come on! Were they trying to kill Finn? (The answer is HELL YEAH.) He got up quickly, shaking Rachel off of him, and BOLTED.
He heard the 'click click click' of someone's heels behind him as he ran, and a small "oh, dear," when he burst through the front doors of the building without stopping, and when he breathed in the cool, clean air, and got his head emptied he dropped right to his knees and screamed. That's right.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
He faded to a stop when he felt his vocal chords start to burn, and he felt a small hand on his back, "Finn," She whispered softly, "Finn sweetie, I think we should have a little talk." He shook his head in hands, he felt tears start to stream from his eyes, he knees starting to sting from the gravel beneath them, and all he could do was just sit there crying, he knew it was pathetic, he knew he should just be a man, and walk back into that building and put on a kick ass show with the rest of New Directions, but he couldn't. He just… Couldn't. "Finn, do you want me to go get Mr. Schue? Finn, sweetie, I need you to talk to me." He looked up briefly to see Ms. Pillsbury kneeling in front of him, her doe eyes full of concern as she looked down at the boy. Fuck, what was he doing? This is ridiculous he is not gay.So why the fuck was he doing this? Why the fuck is he in the parking lot of a foreign building crying over some guy he wasn't even attracted to? The tears were flowing too hard for him to even form words, let alone lie to the red-head about his sudden emotional breakdown. "Okay, Finn sweetie, I'm going to go get Mr. Schuester, can you stay right here?" He nodded his head roughly, and yet again heard the clicking of her heels as she ran as fast as she could back into the big auditorium. He itched at sleeves of his jacket and quickly ripped the entire garment off before throwing to the side. He listened to the fabric slide on the rough ground before loosening his tie, and unbuttoning the top two buttons on his shirt. He felt his breathing start to shorten, his head started to get lighter and lighter, he heard the two teachers burst back through the door, and quickly both of their hands were on him.
"Finn!" He could see Mr. Schuester right next to him, but his voice felt so far away, "Finn can you hear me?"
Finn quickly realized what was happening as he heard more and more people file out of the doors to see what was going on, he could hear Rachel yelling in concern behind him, he could hear the rest of the Glee club telling her to "Calm the fuck down, before we rip out your vocal chords!" Which almost shut her up (almost being the key word here.) He knew he had to fix this, and fast. So he quickly picked himself up off the ground, snatched up his jacket, and hastily walked right back into the building. He knew it was probably one of the most bi-polar things he could've done, and that would probably get evenmore questions asked, but hey, at least he wasn't crying in front of everyone right?
And then he went backstage, and sat in one of the chairs in the designated dressing room for New Directions, and waited. He waited for the rest of the club to file in, and he ignored their freaked out looks the best that he could, and he waited until they were called on stage, and he waited for their songs to be over, and then he waited to see who won, and then he waited for the celebration to be over so he could stop acting like the happiest guy in the world, while he watched Blaine, who looked like he was going to cry, and then he waited for everyone to get back to the hotel, and then he waited until Artie, who was his roommate for the night, to fall asleep, and then he cried. He cried like he has never, ever cried before. He cried because he was confused, and he was heart-broken, and confused, and sad, and confused, and because he just wanted to be in a world where everything would go his way, and he mostly just cried because he was confused. So, so confused.
He got about three hours of sleep before everybody had to wake up, and pack up, and then go get breakfast, and then file into the bus so they could go back to Lima, and he was exhausted, emotionally, physically, and mentally. So when everybody was eating breakfast, he just sat there, pretending to be so interested in his hands, and he pretended not to notice everybody whispering about him, and pretended not to notice how Mr. Schue kept giving him these looks as if to say "Finn, are you okay?" Because if he really wanted to know he would've just asked, not that Finn would've told him anyway. He pretended not to notice the annoyed looks Rachel was giving him, because he refused to look at her, or touch her, or even talk to her, and he pretended not to care when Rachel decided she was going to sit at the front of the bus rather than in the back and be sucked into Finn's giant ball of depressing suck. Which, even though he won't admit it, kind of hurt a little bit. And when they got back to Lima, he pretended that everything was fine when Mr. Schue informed his mom and Burt about everything that had happened on the trip. And when he finally got home, he went straight to bed, and he slept until noon the next day. And to say that Burt and Carole were concerned would definitely be an understatement, but he couldn't care less, because no one, and he meant no one would ever know why what happened, happened. Well almost nobody.