The door to Mindy's office slammed behind her, and Danny felt it like a slap to the face. He groaned, rubbing his chin and trying to refocus on work. Thankfully everyone was still gone on their lunch break. The fight was bad enough without an audience.
He took his files to his office and tried to remember how the argument had even started. Something about couples mani-pedi's? No, that was last week. This time it was some gala she wanted to go to. Danny squeezed his eyes shut, trying to wrench away the memory as he recalled what had happened.
He hadn't meant for it to get so out of hand. One second, they're debating whether or not Beyoncé and Jay-Z really would show up, and the next, Mindy is screaming and crying about how Danny won't commit. He was completely lost as to how they made the jump, but he knew the connection was all too strong in Mindy's mind. She'd been pulling away recently, getting upset at the tiniest things, and Danny didn't know why. He'd thought they were solid. Three date nights a week, an easy dinner-movie-sex routine established. It was dependable. They were dependable. For once in his life, Danny wasn't wondering when he was gonna screw it up. But it seemed like he had anyway. Good ol' Danny Castellano.
Was she bored? Was that it? He knew one day Mindy might tire of his "grandpa lifestyle", as she liked to call it. She was so full of life and purpose, and he just…sucked it out of her. She'd want to go out for drinks, then to dance, only to text someone and find an open party in half an hour. He tried to keep up with her mile-a-minute star but he just couldn't.
But Danny was selfish. It was impossible to even contemplate the idea of letting her go. He loved watching her shine, hanging onto the coattails of her rollercoaster ride. He just couldn't make himself give her up. He'd tried before and it felt worse than this. Even having only a part of her was better than nothing.
So that's it then, Castellano? You're gonna give up that easily? The familiar voice in Danny's head chided him, reminding him of all the times he had done just that – given up. On his marriage, on himself.
Danny banged his fist on his desk. But not this time. Mindy deserved more than that. If she wanted to fight, then they'd fight. They'd scream, they'd throw things - hateful words and wine glasses and her ridiculous decorative pillows. But at the end they would make up. They would move past it. As long as Danny could just hold her in his arms, everything would be all right. He was ready. He was going to fight.
Danny took a deep breath and steeled himself for what was to follow. Wrenching open his door, he walked over to Mindy's office and threw hers open. She looked up from where she was lying on the ground, a plethora of tissues scattered around her like a halo. She sat up quickly, hunching over herself protectively.
"Just go away, Danny. Please."
Danny could barely hear her whisper, but the meaning behind it spoke volumes. She wasn't fighting anymore. He was losing her.
So he had to fight for the both of them.
"No, Mindy. I want to talk this out. We've got to talk this out. If that means locking us in this office with the rest of the practice listening in outside, then so be it. But we're not gonna leave it like this."
Mindy choked back a sob and stood up slowly. She held out her arms, not even daring to wipe away the tears flowing across her cheeks. "Fine. You're here. Let's talk."
Danny took a breath to center himself. He knew he couldn't reach out to her just yet – she would recoil, back away from him. For now, he had to accept every little bit she gave him. He looked at Mindy. "Why does this gala matter so much to you?"
Mindy gave a sob-ridden scoff in reply. "Oh, I'm sorry Danny. Potential celebrity encounters and networking aren't enough for you, I guess, but I actually enjoy social interaction."
Danny shook his head. "Don't try to brush this off with a joke. Why are you so worked up about some stupid party?"
"'Some stupid party'?" Mindy rolled her eyes, grabbing a used tissue off the floor and dabbing at her eyes. "It's not 'some stupid party', Danny. We're young – ish," she added, eyeing Danny in what he noted wasn't an entirely antagonistic way. "We're supposed to go out and have fun, experience life," she noted, circling behind her desk. "If it weren't this gala, it would be some other dinner party. They're all the same."
Danny hesitated. "Is that it? Am I not social enough for you?" He interrupted Mindy as she started to reply. "No, is that what this is all about? I – I thought you liked our routine," he stuttered, hands now in his pockets. "I thought I was giving you what you always wanted. Your happily ever after."
Mindy smiled with tears in her eyes. "Oh, Danny. No. That's not it."
"Then what is it?" Danny couldn't help himself, lunging forward to search Mindy's eyes for the reason.
She started to say something but thought better of it.
"Please." Danny closed his eyes. He needed her to answer. If she didn't, that was the end. And it couldn't be the end.
"I can't stop."
Danny looked up to see tears openly streaming down Mindy's face. She took a deep breath before continuing.
"I can't stop, Danny. I have to stay busy. God, why do you think I'm so obsessed with filling out my planner?" She shook her head. "If I stop, then I'm done for. If I schedule delivery after delivery, start a Desperate Housewives marathon after a sample sale, then end the night with a gala or two, I don't have time to stop and think. And I need that. If I stop, then I'm left with myself. The only way to keep those demons at bay is to keep going. Once I stop running, the thoughts catch up with me. So I run, and I keep running. And if that means squeezing in a gala, then that's what I'm gonna do."
Danny started to reach out toward Mindy's hand but she quickly pulled back. "Min, why didn't you tell me before? What are you afraid of thinking about? Please, tell me so I can help." Danny's voice was impossibly soft, on the verge of tears himself.
Mindy let out a heaving sob. "You."
She glanced up at Danny as confusion streaked across his face. "You, Danny. I'm afraid of you. I'm afraid of you leaving again. Every time you get that look in your eye, I can just see you questioning us. And I'm left wondering if I'll wake up to an empty bed. It could be today, it could be tomorrow – what about the future? Our future," she added, wiping away tears. "I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and my husband will be gone. What was it that made you leave last time? Was it me? If you walked away before, what's stopping it from happening again?" She stopped then, giving into her sobs.
Danny couldn't help himself anymore. Crying now too, he moved around the desk to gather Mindy in his arms, rubbing his hand up and down her back as he thought back to that night after her party, the time he walked away from their relationship. He had been so stupid. So impossibly stupid. He would spend the rest of his life trying to make this up to her. If she'd let him. God, he hoped she would. He knew all those cheesy rom-com guys said that, but he meant it. He would never leave her. No one could force him from Mindy now, not with guns or heavenly threat. And he would wait for the day that he would wake up to the empty bed, knowing she'd finally realized what an idiot he is. And he'd know he deserved it. But until that day, he would fight for her, show her every day how she made his life worth living. How he would never be so stupid again.
He wiped his own face before grabbing Mindy's, turning him towards him. "Mindy. Mindy, please look at me." She looked up, her sobs slowing. "Oh God, Mindy, please. I'm so sorry I ever hurt you. I won't ever leave you. I was so stupid. I was scared of myself. Of us. I knew I'd screw it up. And I did before I even had the chance to. Oh God, Mindy, please, please don't give up on us. I want that future too, waking up with you and taking our kids to school and having family game night, if only you'll let us have it. I'll go to the gala. I'll go to a thousand galas. Please, Mindy, please, I'm so stupid," he couldn't help himself, leaning in to kiss her. She responded, their tears on their lips as they shared their sadness and fear and yes, still love, the mixture a release of all the tension in the room. In their lives.
Finally, Mindy pulled back, eyes heavy with tears. "Okay."
Danny searched her eyes for the truth behind that. "Okay?" Mindy nodded, moving to bury her head on his chest as they both slowed their breathing, leaning into him both hesitantly and completely all at once.
It wasn't fixed. Everything wasn't perfect. But Danny was going to try. And maybe one day, he would make it up to her.
A/N:Haven't written angst in quite some time. I hope you enjoyed (well you know what I mean), thanks for reviews xoxo