Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or any of its characters.
Warning: Suicide
Author's Note: There's a few paragraphs I really love about this. For once, I'm satisfied with something I wrote. And that doesn't happen often. This was inspired by Three Days Grace's song "Animal I Have Become," which I feel describes Vincent pretty well. Hope you enjoy!
Animal I Have Become
"Somebody get me through this nightmare.
I can't control myself."
As he watched the group, all members of Avalanche plus two children, converse and mingle with each other, the barest hint of sadness managed to pierce the ice wall that surrounded his heart. Mixed within it was loneliness, and perhaps even a desire to belong. After all, that was what everyone wanted, when one looked at the human soul with only black and white. Ironic, it is, that what everyone needed was just so out of reach for a select few individuals.
It wasn't that he was shy, no, not at all. Rather, he had mastered the art of silence and only talked when necessary. Some might brush this off as a side-effect of being an outcast from childhood. Others would praise it, reciting the lesson that "silence is golden." In their own way, both sides were correct. Such was the internal battle of Vincent Valentine.
Two opposing forces, too evenly matched to allow an outcome to be created. This is the essence of Vincent's soul.
"And this man is Vincent," spoke Marlene, a young girl with brown and braided hair. Behind her was a boy, a year or two older than she, looking bashful. The boy murmured, "Hello."
"Good evening," replied Vincent, trying to soften his crimson eyes as to not frighten the children. "Tifa has told me about you."
"Really?" the boy gasped, instantly opening up. Vincent supposed some children just liked hearing about what others thought of them...hopefully, it would be a trait that would be demolished before reaching adulthood.
"She has," Vincent confirmed with a nod. "She hasn't said a bad thing about you."
Although the children were unable to detect the ensuing awkward silence, Vincent coughed nervously and said, "Excuse me. I'm going outside for a few minutes." Gracefully, he stood and after nodding once more, began walking towards the bar's entrance. He opened and closed the doors, unnoticed. It always seemed to be the case. No one ever noticed poor old Vincent.
The calm night air embraced him, and he found himself enjoying the city's scents. Midgar had been such an... unclean... place before the Lifestream burst from the planet and destroyed the metropolis. The survivors rebuilt a new town from the remains of old Midgar, deciding to rename it "Edge." With Shinra defeated, the people felt relatively at ease, save for the random gigantic monster attacks. But they no longer had to look upwards as they walked, for fear of a metal plate falling from the heavens and crushing them to death.
What an unpleasant way to depart from this world.
Casting a casual glance over his shoulder, he walked away from the warmth of the 7th Heaven bar and into the chilly nighttime air. It was just like him, really. Cold and detached, never able to warm up to anyone: that was him in a nutshell. Deep down, he knew it would be his greatest fault, but what would it matter? Whoever he chose to talk to would die before him, for he was immortal. He would live forever, endlessly watching person after person fade away. The negative thoughts wrapped around him tightly like a second skin, so tightly that he noticed his breathing had become more difficult. There was only one other time he had felt this way: when his engagement ring was declined by the person he had loved the most, Lucrecia.
Before he knew it, he found himself standing on the cliff overlooking both the ruins and the Edge. The full moon hung over his head like the plates of Midgar, although not as big or intimidating. He shuddered under it, a sense of doom seizing his heart. Or, rather, what remained of his heart, for he still considered himself to be nothing more than a monster or even a demon.
His fingers toyed with his trusty gun that sat in its holster on his thigh. So tempting were the feelings, so much more than before. Driving him insane, they were, much more than ever before. The voices in his head chatted endlessly, wailing like banshees. It was all too much! How could he deal with such burdens that had been unfairly bestowed upon him? It wasn't his choice to be a beast, was it? Was it not a mad scientist that had killed him and brought him back to life, and Lucrecia giving him Chaos, which ruined any possibility of happiness?
Vincere - to conquer, to outlast, to defeat. How could he outlast a weight so great on his shoulders that it threatened to pull him to hell with every step and breath he took? This would be the ultimate experiment, to determine whether or not he truly had a heart. Exposing the gun to nightly air, he pointed it at himself - not to his head, but rather to his chest - and pulled the trigger.
The pain was bearable, if only barely. The bullet ripped through his skin, flesh and bone, penetrating his body and defiling it. He clenched his teeth together as he fell backwards, his back hitting the ground first. He laid there, staring into the sky, silently cursing the heavens. Blood poured out of the wound like running red water. He wheezed for air, his aim having been off slightly and thus causing the bullet to pierce the wall of his heart and part of his lung.
"Vincent!"
So pale and weak, he was hallucinating, hearing the words but having them come from the wrong voice. "Lucre...cia?" he whimpered, another wave of hurt running through his body.
"Why? Why did you do this?" The voice was hoarse and indicated some sobbing had recently taken place. In his mind, it was Lucrecia who spoke.
"The demons...I am one of them, now," he offered pathetically.
"No! You've never been one, and you never will be!"
He felt a light weight on his body, something wet sliding onto his face. He opened his crimson eyes, never realizing that he had shut them, and nearly gasped. "Yuffie?"
"Hang in there, Vince!" Yuffie, both a ninja and one of his friends, begged. "Don't leave me!"
"I am not...meant to be here...I...am leaving...this world."
Vincent's body began to whither away into the essence that composed the ever-flowing Lifestream. Yuffie watched with tears in her eyes and on her cheeks, even on the ground where Vincent once laid. Suddenly aware of her hand clenching a cold, metal object, she opened it to reveal a silver locket in the shape of a heart. Looking at the sky, she shut her eyes and unleashed a scream of pure agony and misery.
"Somebody get me through this nightmare.
I can't control myself."