Don't Wanna Lose You

A Lope fic that I hope gives Thomas an interesting storyline too!

Chapter 1: The Good Fight

July 2019

He had fixed her favorite foods for breakfast - sausage, eggs over easy, waffles. Things he didn't actually ever eat himself but knew that she enjoyed. It was a simple gesture to be sure, but he wanted her to know he cared; that he loved her; that he always would. Scratch that - he needed her to know.

He pulled a small white notecard from the pocket of his chef's apron and gazed at the words written there. The sentiment was simple really, but he hoped in its own way, still powerful. He smiled, gingerly setting it down beside her heaping plate.

"Hope, Hope, honey," he called to her after several long, anticipatory minutes. "You coming out of there? I made breakfast. Are you hungry?"

He moved to rap lightly on the closed bedroom door. When she didn't immediately reply, a brief, irrational fear sliced through him. If something was wrong ... He shook his head. No, he was just being silly. He'd seen her not thirty minutes ago as she was rousing from sleep, her eyes a little murky, her golden hair adorably askew. She was fine. They were fine.

He pushed open the door. He found her sitting on the edge of the mattress, staring at the furry white teddy bear perched on the window ledge. It had been meant for their daughter - their sweet little Beth. Sometimes just thinking about her stole his breath clean away. His chest clenched, his stomach tied up in painful knots... Beth... His Beth. Hope's Beth. The tiny life they had created together. The sweet little baby that never even got to take her first breath...

His eyes burned a little as he approached his wife, rested his hand on her sloped shoulder. "Hope, sweetheart, what's going on?" He asked.

Hope just sat there for a moment, staring fixedly at the bear with stormy green eyes. Then she sighed and shrugged away from him, as if his simple touch was unwarranted and unwelcome. He tried not to take the slight to heart but he was human - it stung. Hope had been pushing him away for months now. He couldn't seem to comfort her; couldn't seem to say or do the right thing to put some of that light back in her eyes. She didn't seem to remember that they were married; husband and wife; and her pain was his pain.

"Babe?" He prompted.

Hope finally spoke. Her voice was hushed; a touch gravely. "That stupid bear ... We should get rid of it. I mean, it's been sitting there for months just staring at me with its mocking, dull, fake eyes and I can't stand it anymore. I want it gone, Liam, I want it gone. All of the memories it brings with it too; all of the pain." Her voice shook. "It was the one thing I couldn't bring myself to get rid of because it was the first toy I bought when I found out I was expecting, but I just can't abide looking at it anymore. Get it out of here, Liam."

"Hope-"

"Get it out of here!" she said desperately. "I don't want to see it anymore."

Liam nodded, quickly grabbing the teddy off the windowsill and stuffing it into the first bag he could find in the closet. "I'll take it out of here; to the trash can out back," he said. He hurried out of the cabin and tossed the bag and the bear into the garbage receptacle. He sighed as he closed the lid and moved back towards the house. His wife obviously needed comfort and he wanted to be there for her.

He slipped back inside the house and heard her voice. Now, she didn't sound quite as upset. Almost the opposite, in fact. There was a lilt in her voice. He edged to the doorway of their bedroom. Hope was on her cell phone. The faintest of smiles tugged at her lips now.

"Thomas, I'd love to come spend some time with my favorite little man Douglas," Hope said. "It would make my whole day better, actually."

Liam sighed quietly. He still didn't know how he felt about Hope's newfound closeness with Thomas and Douglas. Truthfully, he was probably a little threatened by it. The closer she got to them, the further she seemed to slip away from him. Douglas was his cousin. He was a sweet little boy. Liam adored him, but there was a shameful part of Liam that resented the closeness he and Thomas had forged with Hope in the past few months. Liam was afraid he was losing his wife to them. He knew he didn't want to let her go; didn't want to ever have to say 'goodbye' again.

"Sure, Tom, I'll be right up to the house as soon as I get dressed."

Tom? She was calling him Tom now?

Liam winced as she disconnected the phone, setting it on the dresser. "Are you running off already?" Liam asked. "I made you breakfast."

"Oh, did you?" Hope said. "That's so thoughtful. I am sorry I won't get to eat it now."

"You could though. I mean, just take a few minutes. You need to keep up your strength," he said, feeling incredibly lame and inept.

Hope nodded. "It's okay. I'll just grab something up at the main house." She darted over to the closet and began yanking her clothes from the hangers. Liam sighed and returned to the kitchenette to start cleaning up the food.

He spotted the little white notecard - the one on which he had scrawled his private hopes and dreams - resting beside the plate and quickly tossed it into the nearest trash can.

Xoxoxo

Hope left ten minutes later. She offered him no kiss; no hug. Just gave him a wave and a casual "I'll see you later."

He felt sick to his stomach. He needed to get out of there, pull the warm summer sunshine deep into his lungs. He needed to get rid of all this anxious energy. Be free, somehow.

He picked up his cell phone and dialed the first number he thought of. "Hey, it's me... Do you want to go for a run?"

xxoxox

"It's been a long time since we've done this, brother... In fact, I don't think we've ever done this," Wyatt said as they crested the base of the hiking trail.

Liam's breath was coming in fast and furious pants as he moved upwards, his legs pumping powerfully. "Slow down, you speed demon!" Wyatt called after him. "If I knew we were doing a marathon, I would have worn hiking boots!"

Liam didn't stop though. He just kept climbing up the hillside as if a powerful, malevolent force was at his heels. His lungs burned and sweat beaded at his hairline and ran down his face, but he couldn't stop. He had to push on.

They seemed to reach the big "Hollywood" sign in no time and Wyatt tugged him to a forceful stop by the hem of his tee-shirt. "I need to take a breather," Wyatt said. "So do you. Your face is as red as a tomato. Don't pass out on me, okay? I don't want to have to do CPR on you."

Wyatt shoved a bottle of warm water into Liam's hand. "Drink," he said commandingly. "Then spill it."

"Spill it?" Liam asked as he yanked the cap off the bottle and took a long, powerful chug, downing the bottle in no time.

Wyatt arched an eyebrow at him. "I mean, tell me what's got you so wound up... Is it Hope?"

Liam ran a hand through his spiky, sweat-drenched hair. "I don't want to talk about anything... Instead, tell me how you and Sally are doing."

"We're doing great," Wyatt said with a smile. "Better than great... Now tell me the truth. Are you and Hope-"

"So, Sally. You ever think about putting a ring on that?" Liam asked, slumping to a sitting position in the hard, packed dirt.

"Yes, of course, I have thought about it. I think about it a lot. Actually-" Wyatt smiled brighter still. "I bought a ring."

Liam looked up at his brother in surprise. "You did?"

"Yes." Wyatt splayed his hands. "It's ... what I've been wanting since we got together. She's 'it' for me, Liam. The one. I just have to find the perfect way to ask her. I want to be sure she can't say 'no'," he joked.

"Well, good luck. Not that you need it. I can tell you and Sally really belong together."

Wyatt dropped down beside Liam. "And you and Hope really belong together too. I know I didn't always think that; or want to even admit it; but you do. She's the yin to your yang; your missing piece. Tell me you know that."

Liam nodded. "I do... But I don't know if she knows that anymore."

"Oh come on. Of course she does. If she's been distant, it's only because you two lost something so precious," Wyatt said gently. "Healing takes time."

"I know. God, do I know that, but she is ... Well, we're not healing together. We haven't been, not even from the beginning, and especially not now that-" He shook his head. "No. Never mind."

"No, finish that sentence. Come on, Liam."

"Okay... Now that Thomas is back in town with Douglas," Liam said. "I am losing her to them and while I should want her to be happy - and I do - I am selfish and small and want her to be happy with me... It's just... She lights up when they're around, man. She's like the old Hope again. She doesn't find comfort with me; she finds comfort with them, and they do the same with her. I admit I'm a little jealous that they can give her something I can't."

Wyatt pressed his hand to Liam's shoulder. "Does she know how you feel about all of the time she's been spending with Thomas and our little cuz?"

"I don't want to begrudge her anything. She deserves happiness; she deserves peace. If I can't give her that, then maybe I have to ..." He swallowed hard over the lump in his throat. "Maybe I have to let her go like she asked me to awhile back."

Wyatt looked at his brother earnestly. "Is that what you really want - to just walk away, man?"

"It's the last thing I want," Liam said. "But I have to think about her needs and what's best for her, and -"

"You're what's best for her, Liam," Wyatt said. "She loves you. She will never love anyone the way she does you. I know that better than anyone... I know I said a while ago that you should let her go, but that was the exact wrong thing to say because I can see clearly now that you're not going to be okay if she does leave. You need her, Liam."

"And if she doesn't need me anymore?"

"Have you asked her that though? Have you asked her what she really wants?"

"She wants Beth back. I can't give her that and it - it kills me."

"No one can give Beth back," Wyatt said. "I hate to say it-"

Liam swiped his dewy eyes. "I know... I feel so guilty... Maybe if I had gotten to Catalina on time..."

"Stop. Don't play the 'what if' game here, Liam. No one is to blame for Beth's passing, but nature, okay? This isn't your fault. It's not Hope's fault. What will be your fault though - if you don't fight for Hope. In the past, you've let her go too easily, and you've regretted that. You will regret it this time too. I want what's best for you, and I know now that the best thing for you is Hope."

Liam nodded. "She's everything, Wyatt. Everything."

"Then tell her that, dude! Tell her you want to work on your marriage and that no matter how much she tries to push you away, you're not going anywhere. Be the solid rock she needs that you couldn't always be for her before."

Liam looked at Wyatt. "I hate to admit it... But I think you're right. I do want to fight for my marriage."

"Then fight for her like you never have before. Hell, go to her right now and tell her how you feel."

"She's with Thomas and Douglas..."

"So? Go over there and show her you want to be apart of her life too; that you want to be involved in the things she's involved in. This is the fight of your life, Liam, and you need to win it."

Liam nodded. "Okay, I will go to her right now. Thanks for the pep talk." He slapped Wyatt's arm. "Thanks a lot."

"You're welcome, Liam. Although maybe you should think about making one stop before you go to see Hope."

"And that would be ...?"

"You stink, man! A shower would do wonders for your cause."

Liam chuckled. "Ha-ha. Point taken... Race you to the bottom?"

"Eat my dust!" Wyatt laughed and took off running; Liam right on his heels.

TO BE CONTINUED.