Disclaimer: I don't own them - not rich enough!
Story: Ok well its mainly a weaver story with highs and lows and highs. Or to put it another way it's a voyage of discovery. There that sounds cryptic enough.
SAME CRAP DIFFERENT DAY!
Same crap different day! Why was it that every day was the same? Nobody asked her how she was, nobody wondered what she did on her time off or if she had a good time. She wondered if any of them knew anything about her. They certainly didn't seem to care one-way or the other. And then there was the job. She fought every day to keep everyone happy and keep the place open. How hard it is, she thought, to placate the administration and the workforce and yet have no one seem to care! What is the point of it all?
Kerry tried to shake off this mood but it was hard when it was always the same. Although today had been slightly different, it had snowed heavily. God is that the only difference? She thought. Collecting her coat and briefcase, she slipped her arm into the crutch and walked out of the lounge. "Goodnight" she called to whoever was listening but there was no answer. "Typical! I must be turning into the invisible woman. Would they even notice if I didn't come in? Haa they would probably celebrate!"
She slipped quietly out into the ambulance bay and noticed how deep the snow was getting. God it'd be hard to walk in this let alone drive, guess it's going to have to be the El. The car should be safe for one night. She struggled along the icy street and up the steps to the El train "I hope this is running" she thought. The platform was eerily empty; maybe everyone had left early for home, after all the snow seemed to be set in for the night now.
She sat, shivering as the cold set in, thinking about what she was going home to. Ever since Sandy had left, her house had seemed so empty and cold. Nobody visited, not even Carter. God how she missed having someone to go home to, even if it was a lodger. How had she got to this point? No family, nobody who cared enough to even phone her once in a while. Oh yes there were the calls from the ER asking her to come in to cover a shift or answer a question on policy or something else impersonal. But not exactly a conversation between friends now was it?
The train rumbled into the station and she rose slowly to her feet and stepped on board. Even on the train there was hardly a soul there - maybe they had all gone into hibernation, She laughed to herself, maybe that wasn't a bad idea and she could wake in spring and forget all these empty thoughts she was having.
The journey was remarkably quick and she was soon walking through the deep snow to her home. God this was hard work. Even at the best of times walking was hardly easy but in the snow and ice it made it even more slow and painful. The cold always made her leg hurt more than usual. She hadn't realized just how far it was to her house. On a good day it took her 15minutes but today it was going to take twice that time. As she left the station she saw a few people but none looked her in the eye, invisible, she thought again.
Finally she turned the corner to her street and saw her house. Something seemed odd but from this distance she couldn't tell what. As she drew closer she could see the front door was slightly ajar. I couldn't have left that open could I? She asked herself. Doubt in her mind, as she had been so tired this morning and with other things playing on her mind, the meeting with Anspaugh, the budgets, the schedule not to mention the other hundreds of administrative tasks she had sat up half the night trying to get on top of.
She climbed the steps and cautiously pushed the door open. Well nothing seemed out of place. "I must be more careful in future", she said quietly to herself, I could have come home to an empty house in more than one sense. As she checked around the flashing light on the answer phone caught her eye. "You have one message. Message one: Dr Weaver this is Sam Broder. I have some information for you about your birth mother - please call me" Kerry was frozen to the spot. After the day she had had this was enough to shock her out of self-pity and into a state she was unfamiliar with. She was nervous, scared, excited and confused all at the same time. Damn! She looked at her watch and saw it was past midnight; she would have to call in the morning. How the hell was she supposed to sleep?
Part 2
Kerry got ready for bed and sat there staring at the ceiling trying desperately to get to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she could see her adoptive parents faces. How sweet they had been, always well meaning but despite this they had never been able to really get past the disability. That damn leg! She had seen it in their eyes. No matter how proud they had been of her academic achievements she could see pity in their expressions when she hadn't been able to go on skiing trips with her class, when she had only been able to sit on the sidelines at softball and how she had suffered at the taunts of the bullies. They had never been able to talk about it all. In fact talking about your feelings had always been seen as a weakness and that was one thing you couldn't do in their eyes. It had made Kerry hide behind a mask, the mask that came between her and everyone. The only way she had been able to get attention was by becoming the grade A student and getting into medicine. Oh it wasn't that they were mean, no far from it, it was just they were older than most parents and didn't connect well. Ha! She laughed, that's where I got that from then.
She gave up trying to sleep; it was a pointless exercise really. She poured herself a coffee figuring that with no sleep, calling Sam Broder possibly even paying his office a visit and then having to do a double shift she might just need the caffeine. Ok so what if he has found my mother? What do I do? I want to know so badly and talk to her and ask her so many questions. Oh this is like Chinese water torture! She turned on the TV trying to take her mind off things finding an old Marx brothers film. Well it was a good distraction she thought as she settled to watch it.
Well that had passed the night away she laughed. It was 6.30 and she ran herself a shower. She tried to stop tormenting herself with questions and the morning ritual helped to distract her. Suddenly she remembered that her car was still at county and if she had to visit Sam Broder's office it was going to be hard work at best! Damn the snow!
It was now 8.30 and she couldn't hold back any longer. Carefully she dialed the number. She held her breath waiting for the voice at the other end. After a minute she heard a deep male voice and let out her breath. "Hi Mr Broder,It's Dr Kerry Weaver here. You left me a message on my machine."
"Ah yes Dr Weaver. Er I have some information for you about your birth mother. Do you want to come to my office today?"
"Look Mr Broder I. er. I was wondering if you could just tell me over the phone. It's just that it's going to be hard for me to get there and I don't think I can wait"
"If you're sure Dr Weaver. It's just it's quite er difficult information"
"I'm sure. Please just tell me."
"Ok then if you are sure. I tracked your mother down. Her name is Mary Walker. She is 74 and is married with 4 children and 7 grandchildren. Erm her children range from age 32 to 50. I have her address and phone number here if you want it"
"Dr Weaver? Did you hear what I said?"
"Dr Weaver?"
"Erm yes I heard you. Er ... Can I call you back?"
"Yeah sure, I'll be in the office all day. Can't get out anyway because of the snow"
"Yeah, thanks"
Kerry stood there stunned by what she had heard. She couldn't believe it. All this time she had built up an image of her birth mother. In her eyes she had been a scared teenager who had to give her up, as she was alone. But this? This! How could this be? If this Mary Walker had children between 32 and 50 that meant she. She had been one of the middle children! And she gave her up! Too much was going round in Kerry's head. She felt sick. Betrayed. Rejected. Maybe that was how her life was meant to be. She was a reject and nothing she could do would change the way people saw her. She suddenly felt another wave of nausea overcome her and ran to the bathroom to throw up.
For once in her life Kerry had no idea what to do next. If she called Sam back and got the phone number and address, then what? Damn! Why can't things be simple? Ok get the information then you can decide. With that she composed herself and rang him back.
"Oh Dr Weaver good you called back. I was a little worried about doing all this over the phone"
"It's ok. Look can I have the details you have? You can e-mail them to me, that might be simpler. You have my e-mail address on my file I believe"
"Yup I do. Ok then I shall send you all the information I have. If you need anything else then let me know"
"Yes thank you." She felt numb, well that wasn't the right word really. She didn't know what to feel, there were so many emotions running through her right now. Anger, fear, rejection, anticipation, sadness, shock. None of them and yet all of them were right for this feeling. She gathered up her laptop, her coat and crutch and headed out into the cold. "Oh joy" she thought, "snow and a double shift what more could a person ask for?" Trying desperately to put her feelings on hold she headed of towards the El struggling with her bag, and the snow. "Why does everything have to be so difficult?" she said out loud to nobody in particular.
The train had been delayed, the sidewalk iced up, the snow deep and her leg ached. She entered the ER with Randi looking up briefly to say "Hi Dr Weaver. Wow! Your late! Better mark this date on the calendar!"
"Yeah thanks Randi. Nice to see you too!"
Funny how the only time they noticed her was when she was late or when they wanted to change their shift. She laughed softly to herself, they always called her the queen bitch of the ER but right now she felt like a worker ant in an anthill - she did her job and nobody would notice if she wasn't there except that they had to pick up her workload! Great! Now she had an image of herself as an ant - how about that for boosting your own self esteem?! She poured a coffee and headed out for the longest shift of her life.
Waiting had never been her greatest strength. She was by nature impatient and wanted things sorted out now! So having to do this double was killing her mentally. She looked to the clock. 3.30am! Another 8 hours before she could begin to think about her next move. As it was quiet she decided she could at least check the e-mail she must have received by now. She was amazed she had managed to wait this long to look at it. She hooked up the laptop and went to her inbox. There it was - Title - "information as requested" - sounded so innocent really.
She opened it an there in black and white were all the details. Name, address, phone number, family details. Family details! Birth dates for the 4 children. She was frightened to look but was drawn to the dates. Paul 12.03.1953, Julie 08.23.1956, Karen 07. 03.1963 and Richard 06.18.1965. Kerry suddenly felt so cold reading those dates. She couldn't help herself but fit in her own birth date, Kerry 10.21.1960. She should have been in there. The third child of 5!
A noise behind her broke her concentration.
"Hey Kerry" It was Carter. He had managed to slip into the lounge without her noticing.
"Oh. Erm Hi Carter"
"You ok Kerry? You just seem a bit ... a bit far away"
"Yeah I'm fine Carter. It's just being a long shift that's all"
Carter wasn't convinced but as she gave him a small smile he shook it off as being tired. He knew that feeling after all it was 4.30am on a slow night and finding things to pass the time was hard. As was not drifting off to sleep!
"Surfing the net?"
"um yeah sort of. Just checking my e-mails. Nothing much here really but it beats doing paperwork"
"Ah yes, talking of that I guess I had better do some charts. Don't want the chief coming down on me now do I?" he smiled
"No I guess not. I've heard she is a stickler for paperwork" with that she closed the laptop and went to leave the room.
"Are you sure you're ok Kerry?"
"Yeah I'm fine honestly, I just can't wait till the end of this shift"
With that she left the room and hurried to find some charts to review.
Part 3
Finally, it was 10.00am and she had handed over the small amount of cases to Chen and Pratt. She decided to head to Doc Magoo's for a quick breakfast before heading home. The snow had at last abated and she just stood a faint chance of getting her car out. She certainly hoped she could anyway as the thought of going home on the El left a lot to be desired.
She found the car and thankfully the street had been cleared of snow although the car looked like it had been covered with the dirt from the city. She managed to get the car unlocked - thank god for heated keys she thought - and it started first time. She made it home in 20 minutes and was soon back looking at her e-mail. She now had 2 days off and could either spend it staring at that computer or she could do something about it.
After a shower she got dressed and stood next to the phone. Confusion, fear and anger all whirling in her mind. It would be easier not to call but if she didn't she would never know. She stood debating with herself the pros and cons of calling for a full 10 minutes. "Oh this is getting me nowhere" she said out loud and picking up the phone she carefully dialed the number.
Her hand were trembling and her heart pounding. What the hell was she going to say when they picked up? 'Hi I'm Kerry. You gave me up as a baby - wanna tell me why?' That was straight and to the point now wasn't it but it was also likely to get the phone slammed down on her. Well this is certainly something they never taught you in school or med-school for that matter. I wonder if there is a 'how to approach your birth parents on the phone' course at night school?
Her thoughts were suddenly broken by the sound of a voice on the end of the phone. It was a man - damn she hadn't thought about anyone but her mother answering!
"Hello?"
"Hello? Is there someone there?"
"Erm yes hello. Erm my name is Dr Weaver. I was wondering if I could speak to Mary Walker please?"
"Doctor? Is there something the matter?"
"Oh no it's just .. It's that I have some information for her"
"Well ok I'll just go get her. Sorry your name was?"
"Dr Weaver, Dr Kerry Weaver"
She wasn't sure she should have said her first name but hey the deed was done now. Her heart was now beating so loudly she felt sure it was going to burst out of her chest. She felt a little queasy so she sat down, finally realizing her leg was throbbing too.
"Hello? This is Mary Walker. What can I do for you?"
What indeed? Thought Kerry!
"Hi. Um God this is difficult. I was wondering.. I was hoping... I was given your number by a private detective who searches for people's birth parents. I was wondering if you had given up a baby girl for adoption? Sorry to be so blunt but I didn't know how else to ask"
There was a deathly silence on the end of the phone. Kerry could almost hear the woman going pale.
"I'm sorry but you must have the wrong number" and with that the woman put the phone down.
Kerry could feel the lump in her throat and the tears in her eyes. Damn it I don't want to cry I just want to know. She knew just by the woman's tone that she was the one. It wasn't an awful mistake like with Mrs Brennan. Mary Walker sounded shaken and had hung up as soon as she could. Rejected again! How many times do I have to go through this? Did I do something really terrible in a past life to deserve all this? Kerry hobbled over to the kitchen and poured herself a large vodka, downing it in one. She poured herself another figuring that she may as well drown her sorrows, nobody else was going to help.
Part 4
As the sun began to shine in through the window Kerry stirred from the her position on the sofa. "Ouch!" she yelped, the realization of having passed out in a self pitying drunken state suddenly hitting her. Why didn't she ever think about he consequences to doing this sort of thing. It's hardly as if you are built to sleep on a lumpy sofa now is it? Damn! Her leg was cramping badly and almost in rhythm with the pounding that was just starting in her head. Just what I need, a hangover! That'll help me think straight won't it? Ok I need a plan of action then - first shower, then coffee, then pain killers and maybe breakfast but eurgh, no, too soon to think about food!
Kerry sat at the counter in her robe sipping at the deep black coffee she had made. Black like her mood right now! How was it that she made herself feel worse when she was feeling bad enough before? Ok so it was time to think sensibly - if only that man with the jack hammer would stop pounding in her head for a moment! Let's think about this logically. Mary was in a state of shock when I spoke to her, maybe she has had some time to think about it. Maybe she would be more receptive to another call. Oh well nothing ventured nothing gained. But maybe a little later when her head didn't feel like it was about to fall in half.
Kerry snuggled into the sofa with the phone in her hand. She redialed the number and waited, heart and head pounding. This time she recognized the voice, it was Mary.
"oh hello. Look please before you hang up please can we talk for just a minute?"
The other end of the phone remained silent.
"I know this has come as a shock but I have waited so long for this and ... well I just needed to talk..to ask you.. to find out what happened"
"I'm sorry" was all that greeted her.
"Please" Kerry didn't like pleading but she didn't know what else to say.
"Look I can't do this here. Maybe we should meet. It might make things easier"
There was a long pause before Mary answered "Ok we can meet but you won't like what you hear. Don't be surprised"
"Ok. I understand. How about tomorrow afternoon?"
"ok then how about the tea rooms?"
"That's fine. At 3?"
"Ok"
Kerry put the phone down on the coffee table hardly able to believe this was about to happen after all this time. Oh God what is she going to be like? What will she think of me? What the hell are you thinking?
She tried to busy herself tidying the house, not that it was untidy it was just something to do. She went shopping buying things she didn't really need but what if.... what if Mary wanted to come back here? She had to make a good impression.
Kerry shook her head trying to return to reality, afterall this was the woman who had abandoned her as a baby and had put the phone down on her the first time. Why on earth did she think she would want to visit her abandoned child's home? The rest of the day dragged and she tossed and turned all night going through all the possible scenarios in her head. She had tried not to dwell on the one where Mary had welcomed her with open arms, hugging her and saying sorry but it was the one she desperately wanted to be true.
The morning came all too slowly. Kerry glanced at the alarm clock 6.32. Great only 8 and a half hours to fill! She spent the morning choosing an outfit to wear. God why didn't Vogue do an article on 'how to make a good impression on your birth mother during a first meeting' - that at least would have been simpler. Kerry wanted to look feminine but a skirt was just impractical after all not only might it get caught up that damn crutch but it was also sub-zero temperature and the last thing she wanted was to be shivering from the cold! Ok the only alternative was a pant suit. She dug about in the closet dismissing several outfits before coming across the nice little black one. Nice tailored pants and short feminine jacket. Combine that with the mauve sweater and that should do nicely. She contemplated leaving her crutch behind and using the silver headed cane but thought better of it as the last thing she needed was to slip and fall in a heap on the ice! Great first impression that would be!
Kerry parked the car and walked slowly and apprehensively towards the tea rooms. She had never been inside before but this seemed as good a time as any to pay her first visit. Damn she thought! Here I am meeting my mother and I don't actually have a clue as to what she looks like! Do I approach anybody who looks not too tall and with red hair? I could be here all night at that rate! Oh excuse me are you my mother? Somehow she couldn't see that approach getting her far, well only as far as the psych ward! Luckily her train of thought was broken as she glanced round and saw a slim elderly woman walk through the door looking more nervous than Kerry was. She walked up to the waiter and said "I have a table booked for 3 o'clock in the name Mary Walker"
Part 5
Kerry stood open mouthed for a second before realizing that this probably wasn't the best look in the world. She approached the elderly woman and, taking a deep breath said "Hi I'm Kerry"
The woman looked her up and down, fixing her gaze on the crutch before glancing up and introducing herself.
"I'm Mary, but I guess you figured that out"
Mary gestured towards a table and they headed there in silence. Kerry wasn't sure what to make of all this. Mary had seemed so.. so cold really and she was innately aware of the fact that Mary had fixed solely on the crutch and little attention had been paid to her face. 'Why did I bother worrying about what I wore' she thought ' after all unless I had put bells and flags on my head nothing would have drawn her away from the crutch!' She was surprised at her inner anger and tried to put it to one side after all the other woman was probably just as nervous - at least she hoped she was.
After the waiter had taken their orders there was a long awkward silence. Kerry decided to break it first.
"Look Mary I." But Kerry was cut short by the other woman.
"I don't quite know what you wanted here or what you expected. I am simply here to tell you what happened and then as far as I am concerned that will be the end of it! Ok? I hope you understand that I am not here to make a lifelong apology or to invite you into my family. That much should at least be clear to you. The only reason I agreed to meet and meet here was to make sure you didn't come to my house and disrupt my life"
Kerry sat open mouthed. She was truly speechless and in shock. How could this woman have given birth to her? She was so. so cold!
"I am presuming you want to know why I gave you up?"
Kerry simply nodded. She daren't speak in case she burst into tears or worse caused a scene by shouting out all her anger.
"Ok well no doubt you know I have 4 children" 5 thought Kerry! "well after the first 2 my husband and I decided we would like to have a large family and as we already had a girl and a boy we would like another of each. Well I became pregnant but I suffered badly with morning sickness, I was quite unwell to be honest. Paul, my first child had been unwell with a chest infection and my husband was away on business. I did a lot of things, lifting, carrying heavy things, that I shouldn't have done but there was nobody around to help. At 4 months I was putting away some laundry and slipped falling down heavily onto my stomach. I began to get contractions so called our doctor. He had me admitted to hospital and after a week I was allowed home - my sister looked after the children. Anyway, to cut a long story short I gave birth to... to you on 10.21.1959. You were quite blue and tiny when you came out. A scrawny looking thing. The doctors took you away to sort you out but it wasn't until one came to me to tell me what had happened that I realized I wouldn't be able to cope. He informed me that you had a deformed leg"
Kerry reeled back as she heard those words coming from the woman's mouth. She had almost spat out that word 'deformed'. She couldn't bring herself to speak though as the anger and pain welled up in her.
"Well, here I was presented with a dilemma. I already had 2 children at home both perfect in everyway. There was no way I would be able to deal with a crippled child. After all you would need constant watching and they informed me a lot of operations to make the leg even faintly useable. That was going to be time and energy I wouldn't be spending with my other children and time that would rob me and my husband of our perfect family we had so wanted. When my husband came to see me I discussed it with him. He wasn't too happy about what I was suggesting but, as I pointed out to him, he was away a lot of the time and that would leave me to deal with a crippled child, so he agreed that we would have you adopted. At one week old we signed you over to DCFS and that was that really.
I don't regret my decision you know. You got a family that wanted you and could deal with you and I got my perfect family. I have 7 grandchildren now you know"
Kerry felt as if someone had just slapped her in the face several times and wanted her to be grateful. She couldn't speak. How could this be? I was right she thought, I was rejected then as I wasn't perfect and that has been the path my life has been set on. At least that explains why things are as they are..it's just my lot in life.
She drew her eyes from the table where her hands had been fiddling with a napkin and spoke, quietly, "Was that all I was? A cripple? I mean did you have no feelings towards me? Do your other children even know I exist?"
"I have told you what happened and no I have no feelings for you - you are someone else's child not mine. As for my other children they were told that yes I was pregnant but the baby died at birth. If you have no other questions I suggest we both get back to our own lives. For what it's worth, you've done well to become a doctor in spite of the .. disability"
With that the woman stood up, paid the bill and walked out, leaving Kerry shattered.
Part 6
All these years Kerry had dreamt about this moment but never, even in her worst nightmares, had she thought this might be the result. She knew nobody had really cared about her even Sandy and Kim had left her blaming her reluctance to come out or her devotion to work. People at work didn't care except if they wanted something then they might notice her. On days when the pain was at its worst did anyone notice? If they did notice did they care? Obviously this had been her destiny set at birth when she had been rejected. Let's face it if your own mother doesn't give a damn about you then who else will?
Kerry left the tea rooms and stood in the cold air not sure what to do next. What did a person do when their whole world had crashed around them and with nobody to help pick up the pieces. I doubt there is a self help book in the world that would cover that, she thought ironically. She headed off to find her car but her head was fuzzy and the world around her seemed unreal. This time she was numb - she didn't have the energy to even feel angry right now. She reached her car and realized it was snowing again, heavily too. "Thank you God! Like I don't have enough problems already!" she shouted to the sky. She got into the car and started the engine. The only thing in her head now was the question "Why me?" It covered so many things and yet none of them had an answer, at least not one she liked or that gave her any comfort.
She sat for a while watching the snow gather on the windshield and realized that she was beginning to feel angry, extremely angry. "Damn her! Selfish bitch! Good job she wasn't my mother, too self centered to be anybody's mother. God she wanted perfect children, why? To make up for her own inadequacies? How could you do that to a baby? Cold, heartless, witch!" As the thoughts welled up in her she shoved the car into drive and drove off . She wasn't sure where she was heading but just driving might help.
"Ok great! Where the hell am I?" Kerry had been driving with such tunnel vision she hadn't noticed where she was headed. Damn damn damn! She didn't have a clue! It hadn't been the greatest idea in the world, driving aimlessly in a snow storm. Well that was just another thing to prove how flawed she was! Kerry pulled the car over to the side of the road. She scoured the horizon for any landmarks but there was nothing except the expanse of white and a few ramshackled farm buildings. Kerry scanned her map but this wasn't helping except to show how much of the landscape was snowed under. Ok, think logically. Turn the car around and follow the road back, maybe there was a town or something you passed. So she duly turned the car round and started back although not knowing where she was going back to.
After a mile or so the car began to splutter and groan. Kerry tapped the fuel guage somehow hoping that this action would fill the tank up again. Nope it was no good nothing was going right today and she had run out of gas.
She couldn't believe how stupid she had been. "Idiot! Red mist descends and you drive without checking the gas! Stupid stupid stupid!" Perhaps this was for the best. "Hey how appropriate", she laughed, "unwanted, not missed, dying alone of hypothermia in the middle of nowhere. Couldn't have planned it better!" She knew she was scared but there did seem an irony to all of this. After all this time to be rejected again by the one person she hoped would have cared. What better than to die alone the same day - that would at least be one thing that would please her mother - no need to worry about being contacted again or her kids finding out. Some sort of karma here maybe.
Kerry sat getting colder thinking about the irony of it all. After all, she figured, I can't walk in this snow and anyway I haven't a clue where to head if I did try. Snapping to her senses she decided she had a choice, to die here in the car or to die trying to get to civilization. In the grand scheme of things it didn't seem to matter either way but the survival instinct seemed to kick in.
Part 7
She checked the glove box and found an old hat, she checked the car and picked up the blanket she had always carried in there and the torch that lay in the compartment of the door. Food wise all she found was a pack of gum with 2 sticks left. She laughed to herself "Well at least I will die with fresh breath". With that she began to hobble slowly back up the road, carefully following the tracks the car had made, although she felt they wouldn't be there for much longer if this snow didn't stop.
With the blanket round her shoulders and the exertion of the walking she was getting quite hot but pleased not to be turning blue in the car. Blue, that was the colour she had come into the world so maybe it was justice if that was the colour she went out! She began debating with herself the events of the day and her life. One minute playing devil's advocate and resigning herself to a hypothermic death and the next using the anger to fight for life just to spite that woman!
It was getting dark and Kerry was completely lost. She wasn't sure she was actually that far from her car but she had no idea and that damn torch's batteries had died 20 minutes ago. She resigned herself to at least spending the night here by this tree and at worst dying by this tree. Still either way it was a majestic tall tree and there were probably worse places to shuffle off this mortal coil! Kerry remembered seeing a show on Discovery about surviving in the arctic or was in the Antarctic? Oh it didn't really matter, it had snow and that was the point. It had shown the men digging themselves a hole in the snow and covering themselves over with it - a bit like a snow tomb she thought. Aren't I just the picture of optimism!?
Kerry sized up the problem here, even with gloves on she was going to be lucky to dig a hole big enough for a small bird let alone a small human. Oh well why not try after all what is there to lose? She traced a square with the foot of her crutch and decided it didn't look too ambitious but if she managed it she might just squeeze into it. She began to dig with her hands managing to shovel a sizeable amount but the energy she had spent seemed to outweigh it by twenty times. She was exhausted. She slumped against the tree and closed her eyes.
Part 8
She woke suddenly with a hand shaking her shoulder. As her eyes adjusted to the glaring light she could just see the silhouette of a large man crouching beside her.
"Hey lady, are you with us?"
"Huh?"
"Well I guess you are sort of. Look my name is Mike and I am your friendly neighbourhood snow plough driver. Actually I have been all day in town and was making my way home. I'm one of the few that can get anywhere in this weather. I saw a car abandoned about half a mile up the road and spotted you here. Good job you were wearing black"
"Suits my mood"
"OH! Well ok look you can't stay here or you will be a Popsicle by morning. Let me help you to the truck and I'll take you somewhere warm ok? Not that I am going to let you argue about it"
With that he practically lifted her to her feet and almost carried her to the snow plough, perching her on part of the seat. She didn't argue and anyway what was the point? He was huge!
After half an hour they arrived at a small town not having spoken more than 2 words the whole journey. Mike lifted her down from the seat and supported her arm as she hobbled to the doorway of what she presumed was Mike's home. In another time she would have been more cautious, worrying about his motives and whether this was really safe but tonight she didn't care. He opened the door and called "Carole, honey, we have a guest" As she entered the room a woman poked her head around another door. She had pretty blonde curly hair and a huge smile that lit up the room.
"Oh where on earth did you spring from? He didn't drive you here in that plough of his did he?"
" Erm well .."
"Honey this lady was lying in the snow by the old Brand fur tree. I think her car broke down about a half mile further back. So like the knight in shining armour you always wanted me to be I came to her rescue albeit in a rather yellow metal slow cranky old steed"
"Why didn't you say? God Mike, she must be near freezing. What's your name honey?"
"Mike! But you should already know that"
"Not you dumbass" She laughed. "Sorry you'll have to excuse Mike his humour doesn't know when to take a break."
"Kerry. My names Kerry" It didn't seem right to say Dr Weaver after all this was hardly the most formal meeting. In fact it was one of the most bizarre meetings she had ever had and after today that was saying something.
"Hun, run a hot bath would you? I think Kerry could do with it. Would you like a hot drink? Actually don't even answer as you are getting one anyway." Carole smiled. "Don't' worry we aren't some backwoods yokels honest. Look this snow is going to be around for a day or two and you are more than welcome to stay with us if you want. There is a motel on the other side of town but well a woman on her own might not be a wise move. Not that I am saying this town is dangerous but well why take a chance. I'm going to call Dr Turner just to get you checked out ok?"
"Do I have a choice in this?" asked Kerry
"Well unless you know of another doctor in this area then no, you don't have a choice" she laughed
"Well, I'm a doctor. Does that count?"
"Hmmm well not on this occasion but if I suddenly come down with something then yes it will count" Carole smiled warmly as Kerry began to shiver. "Ok that's it I'm calling Dr Turner. He only lives in the next street so he won't be long. And anyway we need to make sure you don't kick the bucket, that wouldn't be a great way to encourage guests in future now would it?"
Kerry sighed realizing there was no way to argue here so just go with it.
Part 9
She sat hugging her coffee, uncomfortable to be here and yet at the same time it seemed right. Finding comfort with strangers was better than not finding comfort with co-workers. It was pretty good to be away from Chicago and all that went with it. Oh God she had to ring County to let them know she was snowed in, in .. er exactly where was she?
"Excuse me. I know this sounds strange but where exactly is this place?"
"You don't know where you drove? Ok well your in Nettle Creek"
"Ok and in relation to Chicago where is that?"
"You're from Chicago? Well that's about 80 miles away from here I guess. Not that I go there but roughly."
"Thanks. Could I borrow your phone? I need to call work to let them know I won't be in tomorrow."
"Sure honey, you're welcome to use the phone. You can ring your family too if you like"
"No it's fine, just work"
A few minutes later Kerry was dialing County's number, thinking "Well they will want to know so they can cover the shift"
"Hi, is that you Randi? Yeah its Dr Weaver, look I don't have time to explain but I am snowed in, in some place called Nettle Creek and I don't reckon to be back for a few days. Can you get my shifts covered? Yeah, I know but I can't do anything about it. Yeah ok put Carter on." Kerry hated having to explain herself but if she had to then Carter was probably the best person.
"Hi Carter. Look I was angry and just kept driving out of town ok. Then the snow came down heavy and I got stuck here in Nettle Creek. Yeah I hadn't heard of it either. Look I won't be back tomorrow and maybe the next day either so can you get my shifts covered? Yeah thanks Carter, ok I'll tell you about it when I get back. Thanks"
"Did you get through ok?"
"Yeah, yes I did thanks"
" Are you sure you don't want to call your family? They might be worried"
"Um no it's alright, I ... I don't have any family so there's nobody to call"
"Oh I'm sorry honey, I didn't mean to pry"
Why is it that the kindness of strangers can touch you so much? Kerry thought as she felt the tears welling in her eyes. "I'll just go have that bath ok?" She wanted to escape, the tears were in danger of drowning her and she didn't want to fall apart in front of anyone.
"Dr Turner is going to be here in a second, maybe you want to wait till after he's gone ok?"
Damn! No I don't want to wait but I guess I have to. With that someone knocked at the door.
"HI Carole. God that snow is deep. So you have a patient for me huh?"
"Yeah she's a doctor too apparently. Look Jack, Mike found her asleep or unconscious at least by the side of the road. She was freezing, unsurprisingly, and doesn't look right to me. Can you just check her over?"
"Sure Carole, no problem."
"Ok so you're Kerry huh? I'm Dr Turner. I understand you were asleep by the side of the road. In the snow. Not a wise move really now was it? You being a doctor and all you should know better"
"Yeah I should have but I had little choice!" She was angry at being patronized, this always happened when people saw a small woman with a cane.
"So when did you hurt your leg?"
"When I was born!"
"Ok, ok I'm sorry but I need to check you out ok? Ok your temperature is a bit low but so long as you stay put with Carole and Mike for a few days and get some rest and warmth then I won't make you go to hospital. Deal?"
"I guess"
With that he left Kerry to head to have her bath.
"God she's a bit cranky isn't she?" Said Jack
"I guess so. She hasn't really said much since Mike picked her up. She does seem a bit .. A bit depressed really. She said she had been angry and just kept driving when she spoke on the phone to her work but she didn't say what about. It seems rude to pry though."
"Well maybe she will tell you tomorrow or maybe not. At least keep an eye on her until she leaves"
"Will do Jack and thanks"
...................................Part 10
Kerry woke the next day comfortable and warm but in an unfamiliar bed. After initial disorientation she began to remember the events of the previous day putting paid to any chance of feeling happy. Having got washed and dressed she hobbled downstairs to the kitchen. She was greeted by Carole smiling broadly and holding out a cup of hot coffee.
"Sleep well?"
"Yeah I did actually thanks"
"Mike's off out in that plough of his so the roads could be open by the end of the day. My brother Paul is off fixing your car up for you. He went out early and towed it into town"
"Thanks for everything Carole. I really appreciate this, especially as you don't know me"
"Honey strangers are only friends we haven't got to know yet. And kindness costs nothing. Maybe one day you'll be in a position to help someone out so then it isn't just a one off it multiplies and goes on. Sorry I get all spiritual sometimes" Carole laughed knowingly.
But her words had struck deep in Kerry and she intended to keep them with her for a while. In all that she had felt over the past week, feeling invisible and uncared for at work, having nobody at home and being so cruelly rejected again by her mother this was the most cared for she had felt in ... well a long, long time. And it felt good.
Later that day Kerry hitched a lift into town with Carole. She withdrew some money from the bank and, knowing that Carole and Mike wouldn't accept her money she set about trying to find a gift to express her thanks. Her thanks at being rescued and at being welcomed so unconditionally into someone's home. This had to be a special gift she thought.
The town had the usual stores, food, hardware and so on. There was one exception though, a little store that Kerry's adoptive father had called a "bits and bobs" store. It was one of those little treasure troves with everything from old books to furniture and everything in between. Kerry loved these stores, she could spend hours rummaging and still come out with nothing but the process was the best bit. As she rummaged in amongst the old records, buttons and books her eye was drawn to something. It was an elaborate frame and quite large at that. Within the frame was not the usual old sepia photograph but a sampler. When she pulled gently it revealed itself. It was beautiful and intricate and amazingly contained a poem by Tennyson. The poem was one Kerry knew well as it was one of her favourites, Ulysses. It was also one she hadn't read for years. The lines leapt out at her "I am a part of all that I have met", "To strive, to seek to find and not to yield" How could she have forgotten this poem? It was one that showed how to appreciate life for all it's ups and downs. This might just be perfect as a gift for Carole and Paul. They had after all taught her something in this short time she had known them. Kerry had noticed a couple of other samplers dotted around the house so she felt it was a reasonable choice.
"That's $75 please" Kerry happily handed over the money, asking for it to be wrapped in brown paper. After half an hour she met up with Carole at the car and they returned to the house. Kerry disappeared upstairs and prepared the gift, gently cleaning the glass and frame.
As night fell Mike returned home, looking tired but none the less with a smile.
"Hi honey. Hi Kerry. Oh the weather forecast says there should be no more snow for a few days so the roads should be clear tomorrow if you want to get back. There's no rush though"
The following morning Kerry decided she had better be getting back to Chicago and well the window in the weather wouldn't last for long. She came down the stairs awkwardly as holding the crutch and a picture and negotiating unfamiliar stairs was like dicing with death.
"Carole, Mike could you both come here a minute?"
"Yeah sure, is something the matter?"
"No, no, nothing could be further from the truth! Look yesterday I was, well I had been extremely upset and my life had been thrown up in the air. Somehow by accident I ended up here and well.. you have both shown me such kindness and caring and you don't know the first thing about me. Well that was something really special for me. I had ..I didn't realize that could happen to be honest. Anyway, by way of thanks I got you this. I hope you like it"
With that Kerry presented them with the sampler. Carole's eyes filled with tears and a huge smile sprung across her face.
"Kerry, thank you so much. But we don't deserve this"
"You do honestly, just take my word for it. You really don't know what you have done for me"
"This is really special Kerry. I saw this in the junk store about 6 months ago but we couldn't afford to get it, what with all the expenses on the house. It was made by my grandmother but somehow it went out of the family. So this means a great deal to us"
With that Kerry said "I'm glad. Look I am going to have to get going now but if you are ever in Chicago then please look me up. Here's my phone number and address, I would be honoured to have you come stay."
"Well we might just take you up on that. Have a safe journey back and give us a call to let us know you made it ok"
"I will do" With that Kerry took her things to the car and left.
The drive back wasn't easy as the roads were still icy but she felt calm at least for now. This unexpected break for a few days had helped to distance herself from the negatives that lay in wait for her back in Chicago.
As she turned the corner into her street her mind was buzzing. My God, what a few days. Work was work, the invisible woman. Family, rejected totally and no way back and then the kindness of strangers. What the hell were you supposed to make of that? Kerry parked the car and walked slowly up to the front door. Going inside was like walking into a freezer. The heating hadn't come on for some reason and it was so empty inside. If nothing else the past 2 days had made her appreciate having other people around even if they were strangers. She called Carole and Mike to let them know she was home safe. It was just a short call but nice all the same to think that they wanted to make sure she had got home safe.
She picked up the phone again and began dialing the number without having to check it.
"Hi Randi? Yes can I speak to Carter please? Oh John hi. Look I'm back in Chicago so I will be in tomorrow ok? Yeah I'm fine thanks. I was wondering.. oh sorry no, yeah I'll let you go. See you tomorrow"
With that he was gone off to care for some stranger or other. Suddenly she felt isolated and insignificant again. God how her moods were swinging about at the moment. Not surprising really but even trying to remember 2 days with strangers/friends, which was it now? She found it hard to remember that feeling she had had this morning. She sighed heavily looking around at the pictures and mementos of her life. Not much to show for 43 years.. "I am a part of all that I have met" Hollow words she thought, I am part of very little.
Part 11
She could feel the black clouds of depression descending on her again as she thought of what her life was. Basically it was work. That was all it was. No Sandy, no family that was for sure and friends? Not any that would fit into what she felt friends should be. Carter well yes he asked her how she was but he was easily put off by the few words of "I'm fine". Too scared to delve deeper or not wanting to get into all that lay beneath the finely tuned exterior she had built up over the years to prevent her from getting hurt. The problem was that that exterior prevented anyone getting close to her.
She snapped herself out of it and headed for bed with a large brandy waiting to return to the routine of work, charts, reading and sleep. The morning came quickly which surprised her. She gathered together her things and went down to the car, starting the engine she headed off on the familiar route to County General.
She turned on the stereo and put on the cd, Coldplay - she laughed, how appropriate. "Oh no what's this? A spider's web and I'm caught in the middle." "I never meant to cause you trouble. I never meant to do you wrong." The words rang in her head. And as she listened the tears sprang to her eyes. So much was bottled up inside that somehow it had overflowed. She leant down to her handbag to dig out a tissue momentarily taking her eyes from the road ahead. She never got a chance to look up again as a truck pulled out from the side road and hit her car side on. The car rose from the ground and spun over onto it's roof, skidding down the road a few more yards before grinding to a stop in the middle of the intersection.
Part 12-
The ER had been quiet for the last few days mainly due to the weather. There had been a couple of minor MVA's and a few cases of the flu that had managed to crawl in. The doctors, nurses and of course Randi and Jerry had spent the time playing computer games, chair racing and speculating on what Dr Weaver was doing in some small town by accident. The boredom was broken by the sound of the radio - "MVA coming in. 2 casualties. 1 male bruising to the chest and minor leg injuries. 1 female unconscious, crush injuries. ETA 5 minutes."
The ER rolled into action. "Prep trauma 1 and 2. Order 4 'O' neg" and so the orders went on. The bay doors crashed open paramedics wheeling in the man. He had been lucky by the looks of things. Having been in the cab of the truck he had managed to avoid the worst of the impact and was conscious. Chen and Pratt took him. Seconds later the doors crashed open again. Doris spoke first. "It's Dr Weaver! She's was the driver of the car! It turned over. It's not looking good" She then gave them the run down. Carter called Gallant and they took her into trauma 2.
"Call Corday now!"
They all settled into their professional roles but hardly needed to speak. They all knew the routine in such cases but rarely did they care this much about the person they were working on. It was hard to see someone who was usually so in control and so much a part of them looking so helpless and frail. But they had to put that to the side so they could do their job.
Elizabeth appeared, "Ok what's up? Oh my God! Why didn't someone tell me? Ok give me the run down" Carter filled her in, internal bleeding, spleen, liver and kidney. Compound fracture to left femur, dislocated hip, fractured tib and fib. Head LAC and possible skull fracture. He could hardly believe this list as he spoke.
Elizabeth took Kerry up to theatre where Romano had already been paged. He too was in shock to see Kerry lying so small and only hanging on to life by a thread. This was going to be a long one and difficult to remain objective.
The hours passed, the tension almost tangible. The usual banter and chatter was gone, only med speak audible. Carter was the first to ask.
"Randi? Have we heard anything yet?"
"Nothing. I keep checking but they won't tell me anything. Do you think she's going to be ok?"
"I hope so Randi, I really hope so"
His voice was cracking as the emotions lay only barely below the surface. He checked the board and then the charts. What he really wanted to do was to run upstairs and find out what was really going on but he knew it wouldn't do any good. The ambulance bay doors opened and a new patient was rolled in. At least he could do something here and keep his mind off Kerry.
Hours passed and nothing was said. The admit desk had become the center of things. Everyone went there to check on any news but there was nothing to report. Chen was due off shift 2 hours ago but she couldn't bring herself to leave. Haleh, Lydia, Lily and Yosh were huddled together at one end, the worry etched on their faces but nobody said anything.
The ringing of the phone brought the ER to a stop. Randi answered.
"Hello ER. Yes, yes uh huh, ok thanks."
"Was that OR?"
"Yeah. It was Dr Corday. Kerry is out of surgery. They had to remove her spleen and a kidney but seem to have got the bleeding under control. She lost a lot of blood so the next 24 hours are crucial. That's all she said"
"Did she say when we could go see her?"
"I'm sorry I . I didn't ask"
"It's ok I'll call up in a minute. Can you pass on the news? I think everyone needs to hear."
"Yeah sure Dr Carter"
Carter walked slowly into the lounge, his heart beating fast and tears welling in his eyes. Why did this sort of thing happen? Why her?
"Hi this is Dr Carter in the ER. Can I speak to Dr Corday please? Thanks." A few minutes passed.
"John?"
"Yeah Elizabeth. Look Randi told us what you said. I was wondering when someone could go see her"
"Well, I guess as you're a doctor you can go see her in about half an hour. We just want to check everything's ok"
"Thanks Elizabeth, for everything"
"Ok John. I'll see you later"
Part 13
Carter finished his charts and headed up to the ICU. He hardly recognized her lying there so tiny and with so much machinery round her. He knew that was what ICU was about but when it was someone you cared about it was hard to handle. He couldn't help but have images of Lucy floating round his head. He tried desperately to put them to the back of his mind hoping that this would turn out differently. He didn't know how he could cope if it didn't.
He sat quietly beside her bed and reached for her hand. Gently he stroked her hand, it almost seemed like it was the only part of her not injured. Her face was black and blue and swollen. The monitors beeped rhythmically and reassuringly he thought. He suddenly thought if anyone had contacted her family, stopping himself in his tracks as he remembered that there were none. He thought for a long time on this fact only breaking the sadness with the comfort of realizing that the ER was her family. If only she knew it. Oh yes they seemed to take her for granted, use her as a way to let off steam, even complain about but in reality she was one of them, a part of them. It wasn't easy to get close to her, to break through those barriers she has built up but he hoped she knew how important she was. People didn't pry into her private life out of respect for her not that they didn't care. He maybe knew this more than the others as he had been her lodger and had seen some of what made her tick. He understood about her family or lack of. He understood her pain both physical and emotionally but he didn't pry. Maybe after this he would make more of an effort to be friends with her. He just prayed he got the opportunity.
John stayed with her for the rest of the night, only leaving so he could do his shift. Haleh had replaced him for a while. She had her own thoughts. She was a realist, down to earth, she had worked ICU before and knew how fragile Kerry's hold on life was. She had to come though. She sat deep in thought surveying the scene before her. Until today she hadn't known that Dr Weaver didn't have a family. It had only been something Carter had said. She wondered if this woman lying there knew how much they all felt about her. She thought how lucky she was to have such a loving family. She couldn't imagine the pain of being adopted and then losing your adoptive parents not to mention Gabe Lawrence. Someday they would have to let her know that she was part of something else just as important. Suddenly she felt a powerful guilt come across her. They had always made such a huge thing of birthdays in the ER. Cakes, presents, parties and so on but she couldn't remember ever having done anything for Kerry. The only cake they ever had in her name was to celebrate a day off she had had. God how we must have managed to isolate one of our own. Haleh could barely hold herself from crying there and then. She realized though that her break was over. She hoped that someone would take over this vigil from her and soon. With that thought she left whispering "Come on Kerry we need you. Fight it honey"
As Haleh slipped out Romano came out from the shadows he had been quietly hiding in. He had watched the scene in front of him and surprisingly it had touched him. Not that he would ever admit it to anyone. He understood Kerry and she had his respect. He liked anyone who stood up to him and boy did she do that. At times it had aggravated him that she could get one over on him so easily but right now he was quite happy that she had. He stood looking over her and wondered if she could fight this like she had fought him. "You had better Kerry. There isn't anyone else round here worth fighting" He said. For a second he held her hand and whispered to her "Kerry you belong with us here. Don't let me have a free hand to wave over this lot. They need you to protect them from me" With that he left.
Finally Elizabeth finished surgery. Boy it had been a long shift but only one case remained on her mind. The sight of Kerry lying on the operating table had been the hardest thing to deal with. Worse than when Lucy had been there with Carter. Why was that? She knew in her heart of hearts what it was. She remembered the time when she had shouted at Kerry after she had got a capability assessment done on Mark. She hadn't meant those words, not really. She didn't wish anybody harm but Kerry had really pissed her off that day. Oh she knew now that Kerry had only done it out of concern for Mark and the patients but at the time it had felt cruel. Now Elizabeth was reaping the guilt for her moment of anger. She watched Kerry from the doorway of the ICU almost too afraid to go nearer in case her wish came true and Kerry died. She shook her head thinking how stupid that was and how cowardly. She crouched down next to Kerry and simply said softly "Kerry, I'm sorry. I never meant what I said. You are part of County just like Mark was. Don't you go and leave us too. We would fall apart" With that she left.
Over the next days people came and went each with their own thoughts but all sharing the feeling that somehow they had all let her down. They had made fun out of her, used her as their whipping boy, scape-goat but they all knew that that had been the easy option. Too afraid to get too close. Abby had tried a little when Kerry had the miscarriage but gave up quickly. This though had jolted her out of her self-pity. She was scared she would never get the chance to try again.
It had been a week since the accident. Kerry still hadn't regained consciousness but the visitors kept coming. Susan had returned from vacation in Hawaii with gifts for everyone, relaxed and happy. That was until she heard the news. The somber mood in the ER had been a clue but she could never have guessed the news. Immediately she had gone upstairs to see her. They had butted heads when Kerry first arrived at County all those years ago. They were both stubborn but since Susan had come back they had got on reasonably well. Susan could say they almost became friends but things had conspired to stop that. Kerry had distanced herself from everyone including her own feelings ever since the miscarriage. Nobody seemed to be able to get through that pain, in fact Kerry had seemed to push everyone further away including Sandy. That had been why she had left. Susan pondered on why she hadn't tried harder to get through that protective shell she had built up. Easier not to, she thought. After all if you break that down you don't know what might come tumbling out and well it's easier not to try to deal with that. God we haven't even tried to be good friends to her have we? How alone that must have made her feel. No wonder she didn't join in, we never let her.
Part 14
Elizabeth stood checking the chart. Yep everything seemed to be going ok. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kerry blink.
"Well hello there Dr Sleepy head! Don't try and speak we had to intubate you. If you can hang on I'll just check you over and then we will take it out ok? Just blink if you understand. Ok then."
Elizabeth did the checks and all was ok.
"Right then, you know the procedure don't you? Take a deep breath and blow as hard as you can. After 3. 1, 2, 3."
Kerry coughed, her throat was so sore that it hurt and so did almost everything else in her body.
"Ok here's some ice chips for your throat. Now, no doubt you hurt like hell so I'll tell you what happened ok?" Elizabeth gave her a run down of the crash and her injuries.
Kerry was shocked that she had survived!
"Right, if you are ok for a minute I have got some people to tell. You know Kerry, it's good to have you back" Elizabeth smiled and left the room.
"Ok can I have your attention please. I was just with Dr Weaver and I am sure you'll all be pleased to know she has regained consciousness and has been extubated. She is still very weak but I am sure she wouldn't mind some more visitors. Just don't make her talk too much. Take the opportunity to get a word in while you can" Elizabeth smiled at them all, the relief on their faces the best thing she had seen in a while.
Kerry could hardly believe the stream of visitors she received. John, Haleh, Chuni, Susan, the list went on. How she had underestimated them. She had always blamed them for isolating her but as they visited and chatted she realized that she herself had pushed them away. She was just as to blame. They were good people with good hearts and given the chance they showed it. What was it that Carole has said? Oh yeah "Strangers are only friends we haven't got to know yet" Perhaps this was truer than she had realized.
John popped his head round the corner of the room "You ready to go?"
"Um yeah I guess so. Thanks for this John"
"No problemo Kerry. I hope we got some things sorted out these last few weeks. You don't need to bottle things up you know. This is your family here and we care about you, you must have seen that. Talk to us ok? And that's an order" He grinned.
"Yes sir! Just remember you can only get away with that while I'm recuperating ok?"
"I wouldn't dare try any other time! Come on then your chariot awaits"
Kerry slipped off the bed and into the wheelchair. This was hard with a leg in plaster and everything still hurting but it felt good to have people taking care of her. She was staying at Carter's family home and would be having physical therapy there. It was going to take a lot to get back to where she was before but only physically. Emotionally these people, her family, at County had helped her see the future and leave the past behind. She had a sudden thought. "I actually feel sorry for that Mary Walker. She doesn't have a family like this and never will"
Carter wheeled her unceremoniously through the ER having attached balloons to the handles. As they reached the admit desk Haleh broke through the group holding up a large cake.
"Hey honey nobody has a birthday for another month so we needed an excuse for a cake. What better than a celebration of your getting outta here? First piece is yours ok?"
Although her whole body ached Kerry had never felt so much a part of things or so happy. If this was the future then it tasted good.
THE END.
.
Story: Ok well its mainly a weaver story with highs and lows and highs. Or to put it another way it's a voyage of discovery. There that sounds cryptic enough.
SAME CRAP DIFFERENT DAY!
Same crap different day! Why was it that every day was the same? Nobody asked her how she was, nobody wondered what she did on her time off or if she had a good time. She wondered if any of them knew anything about her. They certainly didn't seem to care one-way or the other. And then there was the job. She fought every day to keep everyone happy and keep the place open. How hard it is, she thought, to placate the administration and the workforce and yet have no one seem to care! What is the point of it all?
Kerry tried to shake off this mood but it was hard when it was always the same. Although today had been slightly different, it had snowed heavily. God is that the only difference? She thought. Collecting her coat and briefcase, she slipped her arm into the crutch and walked out of the lounge. "Goodnight" she called to whoever was listening but there was no answer. "Typical! I must be turning into the invisible woman. Would they even notice if I didn't come in? Haa they would probably celebrate!"
She slipped quietly out into the ambulance bay and noticed how deep the snow was getting. God it'd be hard to walk in this let alone drive, guess it's going to have to be the El. The car should be safe for one night. She struggled along the icy street and up the steps to the El train "I hope this is running" she thought. The platform was eerily empty; maybe everyone had left early for home, after all the snow seemed to be set in for the night now.
She sat, shivering as the cold set in, thinking about what she was going home to. Ever since Sandy had left, her house had seemed so empty and cold. Nobody visited, not even Carter. God how she missed having someone to go home to, even if it was a lodger. How had she got to this point? No family, nobody who cared enough to even phone her once in a while. Oh yes there were the calls from the ER asking her to come in to cover a shift or answer a question on policy or something else impersonal. But not exactly a conversation between friends now was it?
The train rumbled into the station and she rose slowly to her feet and stepped on board. Even on the train there was hardly a soul there - maybe they had all gone into hibernation, She laughed to herself, maybe that wasn't a bad idea and she could wake in spring and forget all these empty thoughts she was having.
The journey was remarkably quick and she was soon walking through the deep snow to her home. God this was hard work. Even at the best of times walking was hardly easy but in the snow and ice it made it even more slow and painful. The cold always made her leg hurt more than usual. She hadn't realized just how far it was to her house. On a good day it took her 15minutes but today it was going to take twice that time. As she left the station she saw a few people but none looked her in the eye, invisible, she thought again.
Finally she turned the corner to her street and saw her house. Something seemed odd but from this distance she couldn't tell what. As she drew closer she could see the front door was slightly ajar. I couldn't have left that open could I? She asked herself. Doubt in her mind, as she had been so tired this morning and with other things playing on her mind, the meeting with Anspaugh, the budgets, the schedule not to mention the other hundreds of administrative tasks she had sat up half the night trying to get on top of.
She climbed the steps and cautiously pushed the door open. Well nothing seemed out of place. "I must be more careful in future", she said quietly to herself, I could have come home to an empty house in more than one sense. As she checked around the flashing light on the answer phone caught her eye. "You have one message. Message one: Dr Weaver this is Sam Broder. I have some information for you about your birth mother - please call me" Kerry was frozen to the spot. After the day she had had this was enough to shock her out of self-pity and into a state she was unfamiliar with. She was nervous, scared, excited and confused all at the same time. Damn! She looked at her watch and saw it was past midnight; she would have to call in the morning. How the hell was she supposed to sleep?
Part 2
Kerry got ready for bed and sat there staring at the ceiling trying desperately to get to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she could see her adoptive parents faces. How sweet they had been, always well meaning but despite this they had never been able to really get past the disability. That damn leg! She had seen it in their eyes. No matter how proud they had been of her academic achievements she could see pity in their expressions when she hadn't been able to go on skiing trips with her class, when she had only been able to sit on the sidelines at softball and how she had suffered at the taunts of the bullies. They had never been able to talk about it all. In fact talking about your feelings had always been seen as a weakness and that was one thing you couldn't do in their eyes. It had made Kerry hide behind a mask, the mask that came between her and everyone. The only way she had been able to get attention was by becoming the grade A student and getting into medicine. Oh it wasn't that they were mean, no far from it, it was just they were older than most parents and didn't connect well. Ha! She laughed, that's where I got that from then.
She gave up trying to sleep; it was a pointless exercise really. She poured herself a coffee figuring that with no sleep, calling Sam Broder possibly even paying his office a visit and then having to do a double shift she might just need the caffeine. Ok so what if he has found my mother? What do I do? I want to know so badly and talk to her and ask her so many questions. Oh this is like Chinese water torture! She turned on the TV trying to take her mind off things finding an old Marx brothers film. Well it was a good distraction she thought as she settled to watch it.
Well that had passed the night away she laughed. It was 6.30 and she ran herself a shower. She tried to stop tormenting herself with questions and the morning ritual helped to distract her. Suddenly she remembered that her car was still at county and if she had to visit Sam Broder's office it was going to be hard work at best! Damn the snow!
It was now 8.30 and she couldn't hold back any longer. Carefully she dialed the number. She held her breath waiting for the voice at the other end. After a minute she heard a deep male voice and let out her breath. "Hi Mr Broder,It's Dr Kerry Weaver here. You left me a message on my machine."
"Ah yes Dr Weaver. Er I have some information for you about your birth mother. Do you want to come to my office today?"
"Look Mr Broder I. er. I was wondering if you could just tell me over the phone. It's just that it's going to be hard for me to get there and I don't think I can wait"
"If you're sure Dr Weaver. It's just it's quite er difficult information"
"I'm sure. Please just tell me."
"Ok then if you are sure. I tracked your mother down. Her name is Mary Walker. She is 74 and is married with 4 children and 7 grandchildren. Erm her children range from age 32 to 50. I have her address and phone number here if you want it"
"Dr Weaver? Did you hear what I said?"
"Dr Weaver?"
"Erm yes I heard you. Er ... Can I call you back?"
"Yeah sure, I'll be in the office all day. Can't get out anyway because of the snow"
"Yeah, thanks"
Kerry stood there stunned by what she had heard. She couldn't believe it. All this time she had built up an image of her birth mother. In her eyes she had been a scared teenager who had to give her up, as she was alone. But this? This! How could this be? If this Mary Walker had children between 32 and 50 that meant she. She had been one of the middle children! And she gave her up! Too much was going round in Kerry's head. She felt sick. Betrayed. Rejected. Maybe that was how her life was meant to be. She was a reject and nothing she could do would change the way people saw her. She suddenly felt another wave of nausea overcome her and ran to the bathroom to throw up.
For once in her life Kerry had no idea what to do next. If she called Sam back and got the phone number and address, then what? Damn! Why can't things be simple? Ok get the information then you can decide. With that she composed herself and rang him back.
"Oh Dr Weaver good you called back. I was a little worried about doing all this over the phone"
"It's ok. Look can I have the details you have? You can e-mail them to me, that might be simpler. You have my e-mail address on my file I believe"
"Yup I do. Ok then I shall send you all the information I have. If you need anything else then let me know"
"Yes thank you." She felt numb, well that wasn't the right word really. She didn't know what to feel, there were so many emotions running through her right now. Anger, fear, rejection, anticipation, sadness, shock. None of them and yet all of them were right for this feeling. She gathered up her laptop, her coat and crutch and headed out into the cold. "Oh joy" she thought, "snow and a double shift what more could a person ask for?" Trying desperately to put her feelings on hold she headed of towards the El struggling with her bag, and the snow. "Why does everything have to be so difficult?" she said out loud to nobody in particular.
The train had been delayed, the sidewalk iced up, the snow deep and her leg ached. She entered the ER with Randi looking up briefly to say "Hi Dr Weaver. Wow! Your late! Better mark this date on the calendar!"
"Yeah thanks Randi. Nice to see you too!"
Funny how the only time they noticed her was when she was late or when they wanted to change their shift. She laughed softly to herself, they always called her the queen bitch of the ER but right now she felt like a worker ant in an anthill - she did her job and nobody would notice if she wasn't there except that they had to pick up her workload! Great! Now she had an image of herself as an ant - how about that for boosting your own self esteem?! She poured a coffee and headed out for the longest shift of her life.
Waiting had never been her greatest strength. She was by nature impatient and wanted things sorted out now! So having to do this double was killing her mentally. She looked to the clock. 3.30am! Another 8 hours before she could begin to think about her next move. As it was quiet she decided she could at least check the e-mail she must have received by now. She was amazed she had managed to wait this long to look at it. She hooked up the laptop and went to her inbox. There it was - Title - "information as requested" - sounded so innocent really.
She opened it an there in black and white were all the details. Name, address, phone number, family details. Family details! Birth dates for the 4 children. She was frightened to look but was drawn to the dates. Paul 12.03.1953, Julie 08.23.1956, Karen 07. 03.1963 and Richard 06.18.1965. Kerry suddenly felt so cold reading those dates. She couldn't help herself but fit in her own birth date, Kerry 10.21.1960. She should have been in there. The third child of 5!
A noise behind her broke her concentration.
"Hey Kerry" It was Carter. He had managed to slip into the lounge without her noticing.
"Oh. Erm Hi Carter"
"You ok Kerry? You just seem a bit ... a bit far away"
"Yeah I'm fine Carter. It's just being a long shift that's all"
Carter wasn't convinced but as she gave him a small smile he shook it off as being tired. He knew that feeling after all it was 4.30am on a slow night and finding things to pass the time was hard. As was not drifting off to sleep!
"Surfing the net?"
"um yeah sort of. Just checking my e-mails. Nothing much here really but it beats doing paperwork"
"Ah yes, talking of that I guess I had better do some charts. Don't want the chief coming down on me now do I?" he smiled
"No I guess not. I've heard she is a stickler for paperwork" with that she closed the laptop and went to leave the room.
"Are you sure you're ok Kerry?"
"Yeah I'm fine honestly, I just can't wait till the end of this shift"
With that she left the room and hurried to find some charts to review.
Part 3
Finally, it was 10.00am and she had handed over the small amount of cases to Chen and Pratt. She decided to head to Doc Magoo's for a quick breakfast before heading home. The snow had at last abated and she just stood a faint chance of getting her car out. She certainly hoped she could anyway as the thought of going home on the El left a lot to be desired.
She found the car and thankfully the street had been cleared of snow although the car looked like it had been covered with the dirt from the city. She managed to get the car unlocked - thank god for heated keys she thought - and it started first time. She made it home in 20 minutes and was soon back looking at her e-mail. She now had 2 days off and could either spend it staring at that computer or she could do something about it.
After a shower she got dressed and stood next to the phone. Confusion, fear and anger all whirling in her mind. It would be easier not to call but if she didn't she would never know. She stood debating with herself the pros and cons of calling for a full 10 minutes. "Oh this is getting me nowhere" she said out loud and picking up the phone she carefully dialed the number.
Her hand were trembling and her heart pounding. What the hell was she going to say when they picked up? 'Hi I'm Kerry. You gave me up as a baby - wanna tell me why?' That was straight and to the point now wasn't it but it was also likely to get the phone slammed down on her. Well this is certainly something they never taught you in school or med-school for that matter. I wonder if there is a 'how to approach your birth parents on the phone' course at night school?
Her thoughts were suddenly broken by the sound of a voice on the end of the phone. It was a man - damn she hadn't thought about anyone but her mother answering!
"Hello?"
"Hello? Is there someone there?"
"Erm yes hello. Erm my name is Dr Weaver. I was wondering if I could speak to Mary Walker please?"
"Doctor? Is there something the matter?"
"Oh no it's just .. It's that I have some information for her"
"Well ok I'll just go get her. Sorry your name was?"
"Dr Weaver, Dr Kerry Weaver"
She wasn't sure she should have said her first name but hey the deed was done now. Her heart was now beating so loudly she felt sure it was going to burst out of her chest. She felt a little queasy so she sat down, finally realizing her leg was throbbing too.
"Hello? This is Mary Walker. What can I do for you?"
What indeed? Thought Kerry!
"Hi. Um God this is difficult. I was wondering.. I was hoping... I was given your number by a private detective who searches for people's birth parents. I was wondering if you had given up a baby girl for adoption? Sorry to be so blunt but I didn't know how else to ask"
There was a deathly silence on the end of the phone. Kerry could almost hear the woman going pale.
"I'm sorry but you must have the wrong number" and with that the woman put the phone down.
Kerry could feel the lump in her throat and the tears in her eyes. Damn it I don't want to cry I just want to know. She knew just by the woman's tone that she was the one. It wasn't an awful mistake like with Mrs Brennan. Mary Walker sounded shaken and had hung up as soon as she could. Rejected again! How many times do I have to go through this? Did I do something really terrible in a past life to deserve all this? Kerry hobbled over to the kitchen and poured herself a large vodka, downing it in one. She poured herself another figuring that she may as well drown her sorrows, nobody else was going to help.
Part 4
As the sun began to shine in through the window Kerry stirred from the her position on the sofa. "Ouch!" she yelped, the realization of having passed out in a self pitying drunken state suddenly hitting her. Why didn't she ever think about he consequences to doing this sort of thing. It's hardly as if you are built to sleep on a lumpy sofa now is it? Damn! Her leg was cramping badly and almost in rhythm with the pounding that was just starting in her head. Just what I need, a hangover! That'll help me think straight won't it? Ok I need a plan of action then - first shower, then coffee, then pain killers and maybe breakfast but eurgh, no, too soon to think about food!
Kerry sat at the counter in her robe sipping at the deep black coffee she had made. Black like her mood right now! How was it that she made herself feel worse when she was feeling bad enough before? Ok so it was time to think sensibly - if only that man with the jack hammer would stop pounding in her head for a moment! Let's think about this logically. Mary was in a state of shock when I spoke to her, maybe she has had some time to think about it. Maybe she would be more receptive to another call. Oh well nothing ventured nothing gained. But maybe a little later when her head didn't feel like it was about to fall in half.
Kerry snuggled into the sofa with the phone in her hand. She redialed the number and waited, heart and head pounding. This time she recognized the voice, it was Mary.
"oh hello. Look please before you hang up please can we talk for just a minute?"
The other end of the phone remained silent.
"I know this has come as a shock but I have waited so long for this and ... well I just needed to talk..to ask you.. to find out what happened"
"I'm sorry" was all that greeted her.
"Please" Kerry didn't like pleading but she didn't know what else to say.
"Look I can't do this here. Maybe we should meet. It might make things easier"
There was a long pause before Mary answered "Ok we can meet but you won't like what you hear. Don't be surprised"
"Ok. I understand. How about tomorrow afternoon?"
"ok then how about the tea rooms?"
"That's fine. At 3?"
"Ok"
Kerry put the phone down on the coffee table hardly able to believe this was about to happen after all this time. Oh God what is she going to be like? What will she think of me? What the hell are you thinking?
She tried to busy herself tidying the house, not that it was untidy it was just something to do. She went shopping buying things she didn't really need but what if.... what if Mary wanted to come back here? She had to make a good impression.
Kerry shook her head trying to return to reality, afterall this was the woman who had abandoned her as a baby and had put the phone down on her the first time. Why on earth did she think she would want to visit her abandoned child's home? The rest of the day dragged and she tossed and turned all night going through all the possible scenarios in her head. She had tried not to dwell on the one where Mary had welcomed her with open arms, hugging her and saying sorry but it was the one she desperately wanted to be true.
The morning came all too slowly. Kerry glanced at the alarm clock 6.32. Great only 8 and a half hours to fill! She spent the morning choosing an outfit to wear. God why didn't Vogue do an article on 'how to make a good impression on your birth mother during a first meeting' - that at least would have been simpler. Kerry wanted to look feminine but a skirt was just impractical after all not only might it get caught up that damn crutch but it was also sub-zero temperature and the last thing she wanted was to be shivering from the cold! Ok the only alternative was a pant suit. She dug about in the closet dismissing several outfits before coming across the nice little black one. Nice tailored pants and short feminine jacket. Combine that with the mauve sweater and that should do nicely. She contemplated leaving her crutch behind and using the silver headed cane but thought better of it as the last thing she needed was to slip and fall in a heap on the ice! Great first impression that would be!
Kerry parked the car and walked slowly and apprehensively towards the tea rooms. She had never been inside before but this seemed as good a time as any to pay her first visit. Damn she thought! Here I am meeting my mother and I don't actually have a clue as to what she looks like! Do I approach anybody who looks not too tall and with red hair? I could be here all night at that rate! Oh excuse me are you my mother? Somehow she couldn't see that approach getting her far, well only as far as the psych ward! Luckily her train of thought was broken as she glanced round and saw a slim elderly woman walk through the door looking more nervous than Kerry was. She walked up to the waiter and said "I have a table booked for 3 o'clock in the name Mary Walker"
Part 5
Kerry stood open mouthed for a second before realizing that this probably wasn't the best look in the world. She approached the elderly woman and, taking a deep breath said "Hi I'm Kerry"
The woman looked her up and down, fixing her gaze on the crutch before glancing up and introducing herself.
"I'm Mary, but I guess you figured that out"
Mary gestured towards a table and they headed there in silence. Kerry wasn't sure what to make of all this. Mary had seemed so.. so cold really and she was innately aware of the fact that Mary had fixed solely on the crutch and little attention had been paid to her face. 'Why did I bother worrying about what I wore' she thought ' after all unless I had put bells and flags on my head nothing would have drawn her away from the crutch!' She was surprised at her inner anger and tried to put it to one side after all the other woman was probably just as nervous - at least she hoped she was.
After the waiter had taken their orders there was a long awkward silence. Kerry decided to break it first.
"Look Mary I." But Kerry was cut short by the other woman.
"I don't quite know what you wanted here or what you expected. I am simply here to tell you what happened and then as far as I am concerned that will be the end of it! Ok? I hope you understand that I am not here to make a lifelong apology or to invite you into my family. That much should at least be clear to you. The only reason I agreed to meet and meet here was to make sure you didn't come to my house and disrupt my life"
Kerry sat open mouthed. She was truly speechless and in shock. How could this woman have given birth to her? She was so. so cold!
"I am presuming you want to know why I gave you up?"
Kerry simply nodded. She daren't speak in case she burst into tears or worse caused a scene by shouting out all her anger.
"Ok well no doubt you know I have 4 children" 5 thought Kerry! "well after the first 2 my husband and I decided we would like to have a large family and as we already had a girl and a boy we would like another of each. Well I became pregnant but I suffered badly with morning sickness, I was quite unwell to be honest. Paul, my first child had been unwell with a chest infection and my husband was away on business. I did a lot of things, lifting, carrying heavy things, that I shouldn't have done but there was nobody around to help. At 4 months I was putting away some laundry and slipped falling down heavily onto my stomach. I began to get contractions so called our doctor. He had me admitted to hospital and after a week I was allowed home - my sister looked after the children. Anyway, to cut a long story short I gave birth to... to you on 10.21.1959. You were quite blue and tiny when you came out. A scrawny looking thing. The doctors took you away to sort you out but it wasn't until one came to me to tell me what had happened that I realized I wouldn't be able to cope. He informed me that you had a deformed leg"
Kerry reeled back as she heard those words coming from the woman's mouth. She had almost spat out that word 'deformed'. She couldn't bring herself to speak though as the anger and pain welled up in her.
"Well, here I was presented with a dilemma. I already had 2 children at home both perfect in everyway. There was no way I would be able to deal with a crippled child. After all you would need constant watching and they informed me a lot of operations to make the leg even faintly useable. That was going to be time and energy I wouldn't be spending with my other children and time that would rob me and my husband of our perfect family we had so wanted. When my husband came to see me I discussed it with him. He wasn't too happy about what I was suggesting but, as I pointed out to him, he was away a lot of the time and that would leave me to deal with a crippled child, so he agreed that we would have you adopted. At one week old we signed you over to DCFS and that was that really.
I don't regret my decision you know. You got a family that wanted you and could deal with you and I got my perfect family. I have 7 grandchildren now you know"
Kerry felt as if someone had just slapped her in the face several times and wanted her to be grateful. She couldn't speak. How could this be? I was right she thought, I was rejected then as I wasn't perfect and that has been the path my life has been set on. At least that explains why things are as they are..it's just my lot in life.
She drew her eyes from the table where her hands had been fiddling with a napkin and spoke, quietly, "Was that all I was? A cripple? I mean did you have no feelings towards me? Do your other children even know I exist?"
"I have told you what happened and no I have no feelings for you - you are someone else's child not mine. As for my other children they were told that yes I was pregnant but the baby died at birth. If you have no other questions I suggest we both get back to our own lives. For what it's worth, you've done well to become a doctor in spite of the .. disability"
With that the woman stood up, paid the bill and walked out, leaving Kerry shattered.
Part 6
All these years Kerry had dreamt about this moment but never, even in her worst nightmares, had she thought this might be the result. She knew nobody had really cared about her even Sandy and Kim had left her blaming her reluctance to come out or her devotion to work. People at work didn't care except if they wanted something then they might notice her. On days when the pain was at its worst did anyone notice? If they did notice did they care? Obviously this had been her destiny set at birth when she had been rejected. Let's face it if your own mother doesn't give a damn about you then who else will?
Kerry left the tea rooms and stood in the cold air not sure what to do next. What did a person do when their whole world had crashed around them and with nobody to help pick up the pieces. I doubt there is a self help book in the world that would cover that, she thought ironically. She headed off to find her car but her head was fuzzy and the world around her seemed unreal. This time she was numb - she didn't have the energy to even feel angry right now. She reached her car and realized it was snowing again, heavily too. "Thank you God! Like I don't have enough problems already!" she shouted to the sky. She got into the car and started the engine. The only thing in her head now was the question "Why me?" It covered so many things and yet none of them had an answer, at least not one she liked or that gave her any comfort.
She sat for a while watching the snow gather on the windshield and realized that she was beginning to feel angry, extremely angry. "Damn her! Selfish bitch! Good job she wasn't my mother, too self centered to be anybody's mother. God she wanted perfect children, why? To make up for her own inadequacies? How could you do that to a baby? Cold, heartless, witch!" As the thoughts welled up in her she shoved the car into drive and drove off . She wasn't sure where she was heading but just driving might help.
"Ok great! Where the hell am I?" Kerry had been driving with such tunnel vision she hadn't noticed where she was headed. Damn damn damn! She didn't have a clue! It hadn't been the greatest idea in the world, driving aimlessly in a snow storm. Well that was just another thing to prove how flawed she was! Kerry pulled the car over to the side of the road. She scoured the horizon for any landmarks but there was nothing except the expanse of white and a few ramshackled farm buildings. Kerry scanned her map but this wasn't helping except to show how much of the landscape was snowed under. Ok, think logically. Turn the car around and follow the road back, maybe there was a town or something you passed. So she duly turned the car round and started back although not knowing where she was going back to.
After a mile or so the car began to splutter and groan. Kerry tapped the fuel guage somehow hoping that this action would fill the tank up again. Nope it was no good nothing was going right today and she had run out of gas.
She couldn't believe how stupid she had been. "Idiot! Red mist descends and you drive without checking the gas! Stupid stupid stupid!" Perhaps this was for the best. "Hey how appropriate", she laughed, "unwanted, not missed, dying alone of hypothermia in the middle of nowhere. Couldn't have planned it better!" She knew she was scared but there did seem an irony to all of this. After all this time to be rejected again by the one person she hoped would have cared. What better than to die alone the same day - that would at least be one thing that would please her mother - no need to worry about being contacted again or her kids finding out. Some sort of karma here maybe.
Kerry sat getting colder thinking about the irony of it all. After all, she figured, I can't walk in this snow and anyway I haven't a clue where to head if I did try. Snapping to her senses she decided she had a choice, to die here in the car or to die trying to get to civilization. In the grand scheme of things it didn't seem to matter either way but the survival instinct seemed to kick in.
Part 7
She checked the glove box and found an old hat, she checked the car and picked up the blanket she had always carried in there and the torch that lay in the compartment of the door. Food wise all she found was a pack of gum with 2 sticks left. She laughed to herself "Well at least I will die with fresh breath". With that she began to hobble slowly back up the road, carefully following the tracks the car had made, although she felt they wouldn't be there for much longer if this snow didn't stop.
With the blanket round her shoulders and the exertion of the walking she was getting quite hot but pleased not to be turning blue in the car. Blue, that was the colour she had come into the world so maybe it was justice if that was the colour she went out! She began debating with herself the events of the day and her life. One minute playing devil's advocate and resigning herself to a hypothermic death and the next using the anger to fight for life just to spite that woman!
It was getting dark and Kerry was completely lost. She wasn't sure she was actually that far from her car but she had no idea and that damn torch's batteries had died 20 minutes ago. She resigned herself to at least spending the night here by this tree and at worst dying by this tree. Still either way it was a majestic tall tree and there were probably worse places to shuffle off this mortal coil! Kerry remembered seeing a show on Discovery about surviving in the arctic or was in the Antarctic? Oh it didn't really matter, it had snow and that was the point. It had shown the men digging themselves a hole in the snow and covering themselves over with it - a bit like a snow tomb she thought. Aren't I just the picture of optimism!?
Kerry sized up the problem here, even with gloves on she was going to be lucky to dig a hole big enough for a small bird let alone a small human. Oh well why not try after all what is there to lose? She traced a square with the foot of her crutch and decided it didn't look too ambitious but if she managed it she might just squeeze into it. She began to dig with her hands managing to shovel a sizeable amount but the energy she had spent seemed to outweigh it by twenty times. She was exhausted. She slumped against the tree and closed her eyes.
Part 8
She woke suddenly with a hand shaking her shoulder. As her eyes adjusted to the glaring light she could just see the silhouette of a large man crouching beside her.
"Hey lady, are you with us?"
"Huh?"
"Well I guess you are sort of. Look my name is Mike and I am your friendly neighbourhood snow plough driver. Actually I have been all day in town and was making my way home. I'm one of the few that can get anywhere in this weather. I saw a car abandoned about half a mile up the road and spotted you here. Good job you were wearing black"
"Suits my mood"
"OH! Well ok look you can't stay here or you will be a Popsicle by morning. Let me help you to the truck and I'll take you somewhere warm ok? Not that I am going to let you argue about it"
With that he practically lifted her to her feet and almost carried her to the snow plough, perching her on part of the seat. She didn't argue and anyway what was the point? He was huge!
After half an hour they arrived at a small town not having spoken more than 2 words the whole journey. Mike lifted her down from the seat and supported her arm as she hobbled to the doorway of what she presumed was Mike's home. In another time she would have been more cautious, worrying about his motives and whether this was really safe but tonight she didn't care. He opened the door and called "Carole, honey, we have a guest" As she entered the room a woman poked her head around another door. She had pretty blonde curly hair and a huge smile that lit up the room.
"Oh where on earth did you spring from? He didn't drive you here in that plough of his did he?"
" Erm well .."
"Honey this lady was lying in the snow by the old Brand fur tree. I think her car broke down about a half mile further back. So like the knight in shining armour you always wanted me to be I came to her rescue albeit in a rather yellow metal slow cranky old steed"
"Why didn't you say? God Mike, she must be near freezing. What's your name honey?"
"Mike! But you should already know that"
"Not you dumbass" She laughed. "Sorry you'll have to excuse Mike his humour doesn't know when to take a break."
"Kerry. My names Kerry" It didn't seem right to say Dr Weaver after all this was hardly the most formal meeting. In fact it was one of the most bizarre meetings she had ever had and after today that was saying something.
"Hun, run a hot bath would you? I think Kerry could do with it. Would you like a hot drink? Actually don't even answer as you are getting one anyway." Carole smiled. "Don't' worry we aren't some backwoods yokels honest. Look this snow is going to be around for a day or two and you are more than welcome to stay with us if you want. There is a motel on the other side of town but well a woman on her own might not be a wise move. Not that I am saying this town is dangerous but well why take a chance. I'm going to call Dr Turner just to get you checked out ok?"
"Do I have a choice in this?" asked Kerry
"Well unless you know of another doctor in this area then no, you don't have a choice" she laughed
"Well, I'm a doctor. Does that count?"
"Hmmm well not on this occasion but if I suddenly come down with something then yes it will count" Carole smiled warmly as Kerry began to shiver. "Ok that's it I'm calling Dr Turner. He only lives in the next street so he won't be long. And anyway we need to make sure you don't kick the bucket, that wouldn't be a great way to encourage guests in future now would it?"
Kerry sighed realizing there was no way to argue here so just go with it.
Part 9
She sat hugging her coffee, uncomfortable to be here and yet at the same time it seemed right. Finding comfort with strangers was better than not finding comfort with co-workers. It was pretty good to be away from Chicago and all that went with it. Oh God she had to ring County to let them know she was snowed in, in .. er exactly where was she?
"Excuse me. I know this sounds strange but where exactly is this place?"
"You don't know where you drove? Ok well your in Nettle Creek"
"Ok and in relation to Chicago where is that?"
"You're from Chicago? Well that's about 80 miles away from here I guess. Not that I go there but roughly."
"Thanks. Could I borrow your phone? I need to call work to let them know I won't be in tomorrow."
"Sure honey, you're welcome to use the phone. You can ring your family too if you like"
"No it's fine, just work"
A few minutes later Kerry was dialing County's number, thinking "Well they will want to know so they can cover the shift"
"Hi, is that you Randi? Yeah its Dr Weaver, look I don't have time to explain but I am snowed in, in some place called Nettle Creek and I don't reckon to be back for a few days. Can you get my shifts covered? Yeah, I know but I can't do anything about it. Yeah ok put Carter on." Kerry hated having to explain herself but if she had to then Carter was probably the best person.
"Hi Carter. Look I was angry and just kept driving out of town ok. Then the snow came down heavy and I got stuck here in Nettle Creek. Yeah I hadn't heard of it either. Look I won't be back tomorrow and maybe the next day either so can you get my shifts covered? Yeah thanks Carter, ok I'll tell you about it when I get back. Thanks"
"Did you get through ok?"
"Yeah, yes I did thanks"
" Are you sure you don't want to call your family? They might be worried"
"Um no it's alright, I ... I don't have any family so there's nobody to call"
"Oh I'm sorry honey, I didn't mean to pry"
Why is it that the kindness of strangers can touch you so much? Kerry thought as she felt the tears welling in her eyes. "I'll just go have that bath ok?" She wanted to escape, the tears were in danger of drowning her and she didn't want to fall apart in front of anyone.
"Dr Turner is going to be here in a second, maybe you want to wait till after he's gone ok?"
Damn! No I don't want to wait but I guess I have to. With that someone knocked at the door.
"HI Carole. God that snow is deep. So you have a patient for me huh?"
"Yeah she's a doctor too apparently. Look Jack, Mike found her asleep or unconscious at least by the side of the road. She was freezing, unsurprisingly, and doesn't look right to me. Can you just check her over?"
"Sure Carole, no problem."
"Ok so you're Kerry huh? I'm Dr Turner. I understand you were asleep by the side of the road. In the snow. Not a wise move really now was it? You being a doctor and all you should know better"
"Yeah I should have but I had little choice!" She was angry at being patronized, this always happened when people saw a small woman with a cane.
"So when did you hurt your leg?"
"When I was born!"
"Ok, ok I'm sorry but I need to check you out ok? Ok your temperature is a bit low but so long as you stay put with Carole and Mike for a few days and get some rest and warmth then I won't make you go to hospital. Deal?"
"I guess"
With that he left Kerry to head to have her bath.
"God she's a bit cranky isn't she?" Said Jack
"I guess so. She hasn't really said much since Mike picked her up. She does seem a bit .. A bit depressed really. She said she had been angry and just kept driving when she spoke on the phone to her work but she didn't say what about. It seems rude to pry though."
"Well maybe she will tell you tomorrow or maybe not. At least keep an eye on her until she leaves"
"Will do Jack and thanks"
...................................Part 10
Kerry woke the next day comfortable and warm but in an unfamiliar bed. After initial disorientation she began to remember the events of the previous day putting paid to any chance of feeling happy. Having got washed and dressed she hobbled downstairs to the kitchen. She was greeted by Carole smiling broadly and holding out a cup of hot coffee.
"Sleep well?"
"Yeah I did actually thanks"
"Mike's off out in that plough of his so the roads could be open by the end of the day. My brother Paul is off fixing your car up for you. He went out early and towed it into town"
"Thanks for everything Carole. I really appreciate this, especially as you don't know me"
"Honey strangers are only friends we haven't got to know yet. And kindness costs nothing. Maybe one day you'll be in a position to help someone out so then it isn't just a one off it multiplies and goes on. Sorry I get all spiritual sometimes" Carole laughed knowingly.
But her words had struck deep in Kerry and she intended to keep them with her for a while. In all that she had felt over the past week, feeling invisible and uncared for at work, having nobody at home and being so cruelly rejected again by her mother this was the most cared for she had felt in ... well a long, long time. And it felt good.
Later that day Kerry hitched a lift into town with Carole. She withdrew some money from the bank and, knowing that Carole and Mike wouldn't accept her money she set about trying to find a gift to express her thanks. Her thanks at being rescued and at being welcomed so unconditionally into someone's home. This had to be a special gift she thought.
The town had the usual stores, food, hardware and so on. There was one exception though, a little store that Kerry's adoptive father had called a "bits and bobs" store. It was one of those little treasure troves with everything from old books to furniture and everything in between. Kerry loved these stores, she could spend hours rummaging and still come out with nothing but the process was the best bit. As she rummaged in amongst the old records, buttons and books her eye was drawn to something. It was an elaborate frame and quite large at that. Within the frame was not the usual old sepia photograph but a sampler. When she pulled gently it revealed itself. It was beautiful and intricate and amazingly contained a poem by Tennyson. The poem was one Kerry knew well as it was one of her favourites, Ulysses. It was also one she hadn't read for years. The lines leapt out at her "I am a part of all that I have met", "To strive, to seek to find and not to yield" How could she have forgotten this poem? It was one that showed how to appreciate life for all it's ups and downs. This might just be perfect as a gift for Carole and Paul. They had after all taught her something in this short time she had known them. Kerry had noticed a couple of other samplers dotted around the house so she felt it was a reasonable choice.
"That's $75 please" Kerry happily handed over the money, asking for it to be wrapped in brown paper. After half an hour she met up with Carole at the car and they returned to the house. Kerry disappeared upstairs and prepared the gift, gently cleaning the glass and frame.
As night fell Mike returned home, looking tired but none the less with a smile.
"Hi honey. Hi Kerry. Oh the weather forecast says there should be no more snow for a few days so the roads should be clear tomorrow if you want to get back. There's no rush though"
The following morning Kerry decided she had better be getting back to Chicago and well the window in the weather wouldn't last for long. She came down the stairs awkwardly as holding the crutch and a picture and negotiating unfamiliar stairs was like dicing with death.
"Carole, Mike could you both come here a minute?"
"Yeah sure, is something the matter?"
"No, no, nothing could be further from the truth! Look yesterday I was, well I had been extremely upset and my life had been thrown up in the air. Somehow by accident I ended up here and well.. you have both shown me such kindness and caring and you don't know the first thing about me. Well that was something really special for me. I had ..I didn't realize that could happen to be honest. Anyway, by way of thanks I got you this. I hope you like it"
With that Kerry presented them with the sampler. Carole's eyes filled with tears and a huge smile sprung across her face.
"Kerry, thank you so much. But we don't deserve this"
"You do honestly, just take my word for it. You really don't know what you have done for me"
"This is really special Kerry. I saw this in the junk store about 6 months ago but we couldn't afford to get it, what with all the expenses on the house. It was made by my grandmother but somehow it went out of the family. So this means a great deal to us"
With that Kerry said "I'm glad. Look I am going to have to get going now but if you are ever in Chicago then please look me up. Here's my phone number and address, I would be honoured to have you come stay."
"Well we might just take you up on that. Have a safe journey back and give us a call to let us know you made it ok"
"I will do" With that Kerry took her things to the car and left.
The drive back wasn't easy as the roads were still icy but she felt calm at least for now. This unexpected break for a few days had helped to distance herself from the negatives that lay in wait for her back in Chicago.
As she turned the corner into her street her mind was buzzing. My God, what a few days. Work was work, the invisible woman. Family, rejected totally and no way back and then the kindness of strangers. What the hell were you supposed to make of that? Kerry parked the car and walked slowly up to the front door. Going inside was like walking into a freezer. The heating hadn't come on for some reason and it was so empty inside. If nothing else the past 2 days had made her appreciate having other people around even if they were strangers. She called Carole and Mike to let them know she was home safe. It was just a short call but nice all the same to think that they wanted to make sure she had got home safe.
She picked up the phone again and began dialing the number without having to check it.
"Hi Randi? Yes can I speak to Carter please? Oh John hi. Look I'm back in Chicago so I will be in tomorrow ok? Yeah I'm fine thanks. I was wondering.. oh sorry no, yeah I'll let you go. See you tomorrow"
With that he was gone off to care for some stranger or other. Suddenly she felt isolated and insignificant again. God how her moods were swinging about at the moment. Not surprising really but even trying to remember 2 days with strangers/friends, which was it now? She found it hard to remember that feeling she had had this morning. She sighed heavily looking around at the pictures and mementos of her life. Not much to show for 43 years.. "I am a part of all that I have met" Hollow words she thought, I am part of very little.
Part 11
She could feel the black clouds of depression descending on her again as she thought of what her life was. Basically it was work. That was all it was. No Sandy, no family that was for sure and friends? Not any that would fit into what she felt friends should be. Carter well yes he asked her how she was but he was easily put off by the few words of "I'm fine". Too scared to delve deeper or not wanting to get into all that lay beneath the finely tuned exterior she had built up over the years to prevent her from getting hurt. The problem was that that exterior prevented anyone getting close to her.
She snapped herself out of it and headed for bed with a large brandy waiting to return to the routine of work, charts, reading and sleep. The morning came quickly which surprised her. She gathered together her things and went down to the car, starting the engine she headed off on the familiar route to County General.
She turned on the stereo and put on the cd, Coldplay - she laughed, how appropriate. "Oh no what's this? A spider's web and I'm caught in the middle." "I never meant to cause you trouble. I never meant to do you wrong." The words rang in her head. And as she listened the tears sprang to her eyes. So much was bottled up inside that somehow it had overflowed. She leant down to her handbag to dig out a tissue momentarily taking her eyes from the road ahead. She never got a chance to look up again as a truck pulled out from the side road and hit her car side on. The car rose from the ground and spun over onto it's roof, skidding down the road a few more yards before grinding to a stop in the middle of the intersection.
Part 12-
The ER had been quiet for the last few days mainly due to the weather. There had been a couple of minor MVA's and a few cases of the flu that had managed to crawl in. The doctors, nurses and of course Randi and Jerry had spent the time playing computer games, chair racing and speculating on what Dr Weaver was doing in some small town by accident. The boredom was broken by the sound of the radio - "MVA coming in. 2 casualties. 1 male bruising to the chest and minor leg injuries. 1 female unconscious, crush injuries. ETA 5 minutes."
The ER rolled into action. "Prep trauma 1 and 2. Order 4 'O' neg" and so the orders went on. The bay doors crashed open paramedics wheeling in the man. He had been lucky by the looks of things. Having been in the cab of the truck he had managed to avoid the worst of the impact and was conscious. Chen and Pratt took him. Seconds later the doors crashed open again. Doris spoke first. "It's Dr Weaver! She's was the driver of the car! It turned over. It's not looking good" She then gave them the run down. Carter called Gallant and they took her into trauma 2.
"Call Corday now!"
They all settled into their professional roles but hardly needed to speak. They all knew the routine in such cases but rarely did they care this much about the person they were working on. It was hard to see someone who was usually so in control and so much a part of them looking so helpless and frail. But they had to put that to the side so they could do their job.
Elizabeth appeared, "Ok what's up? Oh my God! Why didn't someone tell me? Ok give me the run down" Carter filled her in, internal bleeding, spleen, liver and kidney. Compound fracture to left femur, dislocated hip, fractured tib and fib. Head LAC and possible skull fracture. He could hardly believe this list as he spoke.
Elizabeth took Kerry up to theatre where Romano had already been paged. He too was in shock to see Kerry lying so small and only hanging on to life by a thread. This was going to be a long one and difficult to remain objective.
The hours passed, the tension almost tangible. The usual banter and chatter was gone, only med speak audible. Carter was the first to ask.
"Randi? Have we heard anything yet?"
"Nothing. I keep checking but they won't tell me anything. Do you think she's going to be ok?"
"I hope so Randi, I really hope so"
His voice was cracking as the emotions lay only barely below the surface. He checked the board and then the charts. What he really wanted to do was to run upstairs and find out what was really going on but he knew it wouldn't do any good. The ambulance bay doors opened and a new patient was rolled in. At least he could do something here and keep his mind off Kerry.
Hours passed and nothing was said. The admit desk had become the center of things. Everyone went there to check on any news but there was nothing to report. Chen was due off shift 2 hours ago but she couldn't bring herself to leave. Haleh, Lydia, Lily and Yosh were huddled together at one end, the worry etched on their faces but nobody said anything.
The ringing of the phone brought the ER to a stop. Randi answered.
"Hello ER. Yes, yes uh huh, ok thanks."
"Was that OR?"
"Yeah. It was Dr Corday. Kerry is out of surgery. They had to remove her spleen and a kidney but seem to have got the bleeding under control. She lost a lot of blood so the next 24 hours are crucial. That's all she said"
"Did she say when we could go see her?"
"I'm sorry I . I didn't ask"
"It's ok I'll call up in a minute. Can you pass on the news? I think everyone needs to hear."
"Yeah sure Dr Carter"
Carter walked slowly into the lounge, his heart beating fast and tears welling in his eyes. Why did this sort of thing happen? Why her?
"Hi this is Dr Carter in the ER. Can I speak to Dr Corday please? Thanks." A few minutes passed.
"John?"
"Yeah Elizabeth. Look Randi told us what you said. I was wondering when someone could go see her"
"Well, I guess as you're a doctor you can go see her in about half an hour. We just want to check everything's ok"
"Thanks Elizabeth, for everything"
"Ok John. I'll see you later"
Part 13
Carter finished his charts and headed up to the ICU. He hardly recognized her lying there so tiny and with so much machinery round her. He knew that was what ICU was about but when it was someone you cared about it was hard to handle. He couldn't help but have images of Lucy floating round his head. He tried desperately to put them to the back of his mind hoping that this would turn out differently. He didn't know how he could cope if it didn't.
He sat quietly beside her bed and reached for her hand. Gently he stroked her hand, it almost seemed like it was the only part of her not injured. Her face was black and blue and swollen. The monitors beeped rhythmically and reassuringly he thought. He suddenly thought if anyone had contacted her family, stopping himself in his tracks as he remembered that there were none. He thought for a long time on this fact only breaking the sadness with the comfort of realizing that the ER was her family. If only she knew it. Oh yes they seemed to take her for granted, use her as a way to let off steam, even complain about but in reality she was one of them, a part of them. It wasn't easy to get close to her, to break through those barriers she has built up but he hoped she knew how important she was. People didn't pry into her private life out of respect for her not that they didn't care. He maybe knew this more than the others as he had been her lodger and had seen some of what made her tick. He understood about her family or lack of. He understood her pain both physical and emotionally but he didn't pry. Maybe after this he would make more of an effort to be friends with her. He just prayed he got the opportunity.
John stayed with her for the rest of the night, only leaving so he could do his shift. Haleh had replaced him for a while. She had her own thoughts. She was a realist, down to earth, she had worked ICU before and knew how fragile Kerry's hold on life was. She had to come though. She sat deep in thought surveying the scene before her. Until today she hadn't known that Dr Weaver didn't have a family. It had only been something Carter had said. She wondered if this woman lying there knew how much they all felt about her. She thought how lucky she was to have such a loving family. She couldn't imagine the pain of being adopted and then losing your adoptive parents not to mention Gabe Lawrence. Someday they would have to let her know that she was part of something else just as important. Suddenly she felt a powerful guilt come across her. They had always made such a huge thing of birthdays in the ER. Cakes, presents, parties and so on but she couldn't remember ever having done anything for Kerry. The only cake they ever had in her name was to celebrate a day off she had had. God how we must have managed to isolate one of our own. Haleh could barely hold herself from crying there and then. She realized though that her break was over. She hoped that someone would take over this vigil from her and soon. With that thought she left whispering "Come on Kerry we need you. Fight it honey"
As Haleh slipped out Romano came out from the shadows he had been quietly hiding in. He had watched the scene in front of him and surprisingly it had touched him. Not that he would ever admit it to anyone. He understood Kerry and she had his respect. He liked anyone who stood up to him and boy did she do that. At times it had aggravated him that she could get one over on him so easily but right now he was quite happy that she had. He stood looking over her and wondered if she could fight this like she had fought him. "You had better Kerry. There isn't anyone else round here worth fighting" He said. For a second he held her hand and whispered to her "Kerry you belong with us here. Don't let me have a free hand to wave over this lot. They need you to protect them from me" With that he left.
Finally Elizabeth finished surgery. Boy it had been a long shift but only one case remained on her mind. The sight of Kerry lying on the operating table had been the hardest thing to deal with. Worse than when Lucy had been there with Carter. Why was that? She knew in her heart of hearts what it was. She remembered the time when she had shouted at Kerry after she had got a capability assessment done on Mark. She hadn't meant those words, not really. She didn't wish anybody harm but Kerry had really pissed her off that day. Oh she knew now that Kerry had only done it out of concern for Mark and the patients but at the time it had felt cruel. Now Elizabeth was reaping the guilt for her moment of anger. She watched Kerry from the doorway of the ICU almost too afraid to go nearer in case her wish came true and Kerry died. She shook her head thinking how stupid that was and how cowardly. She crouched down next to Kerry and simply said softly "Kerry, I'm sorry. I never meant what I said. You are part of County just like Mark was. Don't you go and leave us too. We would fall apart" With that she left.
Over the next days people came and went each with their own thoughts but all sharing the feeling that somehow they had all let her down. They had made fun out of her, used her as their whipping boy, scape-goat but they all knew that that had been the easy option. Too afraid to get too close. Abby had tried a little when Kerry had the miscarriage but gave up quickly. This though had jolted her out of her self-pity. She was scared she would never get the chance to try again.
It had been a week since the accident. Kerry still hadn't regained consciousness but the visitors kept coming. Susan had returned from vacation in Hawaii with gifts for everyone, relaxed and happy. That was until she heard the news. The somber mood in the ER had been a clue but she could never have guessed the news. Immediately she had gone upstairs to see her. They had butted heads when Kerry first arrived at County all those years ago. They were both stubborn but since Susan had come back they had got on reasonably well. Susan could say they almost became friends but things had conspired to stop that. Kerry had distanced herself from everyone including her own feelings ever since the miscarriage. Nobody seemed to be able to get through that pain, in fact Kerry had seemed to push everyone further away including Sandy. That had been why she had left. Susan pondered on why she hadn't tried harder to get through that protective shell she had built up. Easier not to, she thought. After all if you break that down you don't know what might come tumbling out and well it's easier not to try to deal with that. God we haven't even tried to be good friends to her have we? How alone that must have made her feel. No wonder she didn't join in, we never let her.
Part 14
Elizabeth stood checking the chart. Yep everything seemed to be going ok. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kerry blink.
"Well hello there Dr Sleepy head! Don't try and speak we had to intubate you. If you can hang on I'll just check you over and then we will take it out ok? Just blink if you understand. Ok then."
Elizabeth did the checks and all was ok.
"Right then, you know the procedure don't you? Take a deep breath and blow as hard as you can. After 3. 1, 2, 3."
Kerry coughed, her throat was so sore that it hurt and so did almost everything else in her body.
"Ok here's some ice chips for your throat. Now, no doubt you hurt like hell so I'll tell you what happened ok?" Elizabeth gave her a run down of the crash and her injuries.
Kerry was shocked that she had survived!
"Right, if you are ok for a minute I have got some people to tell. You know Kerry, it's good to have you back" Elizabeth smiled and left the room.
"Ok can I have your attention please. I was just with Dr Weaver and I am sure you'll all be pleased to know she has regained consciousness and has been extubated. She is still very weak but I am sure she wouldn't mind some more visitors. Just don't make her talk too much. Take the opportunity to get a word in while you can" Elizabeth smiled at them all, the relief on their faces the best thing she had seen in a while.
Kerry could hardly believe the stream of visitors she received. John, Haleh, Chuni, Susan, the list went on. How she had underestimated them. She had always blamed them for isolating her but as they visited and chatted she realized that she herself had pushed them away. She was just as to blame. They were good people with good hearts and given the chance they showed it. What was it that Carole has said? Oh yeah "Strangers are only friends we haven't got to know yet" Perhaps this was truer than she had realized.
John popped his head round the corner of the room "You ready to go?"
"Um yeah I guess so. Thanks for this John"
"No problemo Kerry. I hope we got some things sorted out these last few weeks. You don't need to bottle things up you know. This is your family here and we care about you, you must have seen that. Talk to us ok? And that's an order" He grinned.
"Yes sir! Just remember you can only get away with that while I'm recuperating ok?"
"I wouldn't dare try any other time! Come on then your chariot awaits"
Kerry slipped off the bed and into the wheelchair. This was hard with a leg in plaster and everything still hurting but it felt good to have people taking care of her. She was staying at Carter's family home and would be having physical therapy there. It was going to take a lot to get back to where she was before but only physically. Emotionally these people, her family, at County had helped her see the future and leave the past behind. She had a sudden thought. "I actually feel sorry for that Mary Walker. She doesn't have a family like this and never will"
Carter wheeled her unceremoniously through the ER having attached balloons to the handles. As they reached the admit desk Haleh broke through the group holding up a large cake.
"Hey honey nobody has a birthday for another month so we needed an excuse for a cake. What better than a celebration of your getting outta here? First piece is yours ok?"
Although her whole body ached Kerry had never felt so much a part of things or so happy. If this was the future then it tasted good.
THE END.
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