Ha ha this is my first attempt to write FMA crack and it's for my own enjoyment, not yours. Yes, the plot is TOTALLY over-used and cliched, but you know what, I wanted to write THIS. I have a lot of plot bunnies and this is something for me to have fun with and work on between fanfics, so don't count on very frequent updates.

Nayru Elric is sort-of kind-of helping me type this because a whole lot of inspiration comes from what we PM eachother. PM ME AND MAYBE YOU CAN HELP TOO!

AND DON'T WORRY THE NOT-MARY-SUE (HOPEFULLY) OC'S WILL INTRODUCE THEMSELVES SOON BUT NAYRU ALREADY KNOWS WHO THEY ARE DON'T YOU NAYRU-CHAN?

Ed and Al walked into the classroom together. Al was wide-eyed and excited, but Ed simply slumped into a chair in one of the empty desks, made to seat six, and started to snore. Al sat down next to him and began poking him. "Ed." Poke. "Ed." Poke. "Ed." Poke.

This must have gone on for atleast five minutes before Ed's head jerked up and Ed shrieked, "WHAT?"

Al smiled, pleased with himself that he managed to wake up his older brother. "Brother, it's the first day of school, you have to stay up!"

Ed frowned, whining, "Why do I have to? It's not like—" Whack! "OW! What?" Ed moaned, turning his head to Winry, who stood behind him, wrench in hand. She smirked, then giggled at the sight of Ed rubbing his sore head—hey, that rhymed!

Then she frowned, suddenly serious. "Al's right, Ed. You do need to stay awake."

"Why should I? It's not like there's any Homunculus around!" Ed sneered, just as Envy passed by. Al and Winry burst into laughter as he turned bright red. "Well, maybe one!" Ed shot back, trying to get the laughter to cease. When that didn't work, he growled and transmutated his automail into a sharp blade. The laughter finally stopped and Winry looked at him with wide blue eyes. Al touched Ed's shoulder comfortingly. "Ed, you wouldn't hurt me and Winry, would you?" "HELL YES IF YOU KEEP LAUGHING!"

"Oh, cool, you have automail too?" A disembodied voice said eagerly.

Ed and Al whipped their heads around to see two girls looking back at them. They stood side by side, and had identical, eerie smiles.

One was dressed in an oversized blue hoodie and blue jeans, and had dirty blonde hair tied up in a braid like Ed's, only minus the cowlick and bangs. Brown-hazel eyes stared out excitedly at him, though held a look of tiredness. One of her hands, which slipped past the sleeve of the hoodie, was made of metal, and quite obviously automail.

The other was slightly taller, with blue eyes hidden behind thick lenses and supremely frizzy hair of the same color, which reached to about her shoulders. She wore a boat-neck navy blue and white striped shirt, which didn't show any cleavage, but did reveal the top half or so of an ooraboris tattoo. A blue miniskirt and sandals completed her ensemble. This one looked more excited than the girl with the automail, and had wider eyes, too.

The girls sat down next to the Elric brothers, and Winry sat across from them. "Who the hell are you?" Ed shot off.

Al grimaced. "Er—what Brother is trying to say is—"

"Oh, it's no problem!" The girl with the ooroboris tattoo smiled cheerily. "Is it, Chibi-kun?" She directed towards Edward. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE HIM THROUGH A MICROSCOPE! I SWEAR TO GOD, THE NEXT PERSON WHO CALLS ME SHORT—"

"Alright, class, time to calm down." The teacher said, as he walked in. "My name is Professor Roy Mustang. You will reffer to me as Mr. Mustang, or Proffessor Mustang. You will not reffer to me as Mustang, Roy, or 'that dude'."

That dude looked up. "Are we clear?" Most of the class called out their consent, but Ed merely gaped and whispered to Al, "Who let Colonel Bastard in here?"

Al only shrugged, and continued to look forward, paying attention to 'Professor Mustang'. Ed groaned, leaning back into his chair. A bastard-y mocking teacher, two freakish new students, and Winry all wrapped up into the same classroom. Could this school year get any worse?