This is for Safari for the June Gift Exchange. Hope you like it darling.
Cursed
The pain is excruciating. He falls to his knees his arms clutched tightly around his torso. He leans forward, on all fours, his eyes closed, teeth gritted. The cellar is cold and damp and the dirt cakes under his fingernails as he digs them into the floor. He cries out in agony as his bones break and he grinds his nails so hard into the dirt and stone that his fingernail tears away from the flesh. The blood dripping from the wound glistens in the single stream of moonlight peeking through the barred windows.
His body burns like fire as it molds and shifts. It seems never-ending.
Then it is over and everything fades to black.
He sits in the back of the room, rubbing aimlessly at the heeling scratches on his forearms. The sting of the healing wounds is almost unbearable. He glances around the room. James is sitting beside him but, is too focused on Evans to notice Sirius's discomfort.
His grey eyes scan the room and fall on her. Her blonde curls are up in a messy bun atop her head and she is looking right at him. She smiles at him and waves her fingers slowly. He looks away.
She is far too beautiful for a monster like him.
"Oi, Sirius, did you see McKinnon in Transfiguration. I think she fancies you." James is leaning against a large oak tree by the black lake. The golden snitch he nicked is floating around him and he reaches out gracefully and plucks it from the air.
Sirius does not respond; his attention is focused on the blonde sitting with her friends. She tilts her head back as she laughs and he fights every instinct to go over there, pull her to him, and snog her silly.
She might be attracted to his handsome features or his bad boy façade but, no one would truly love him if they knew what he was.
This full moon was especially brutal and he finds himself in the hospital wing with several deep gashes and a large bite on his forearm. Madam Pompfrey tuts as she putters around him cleaning and bandaging his wounds. As she works, he wonders what kind of scars they will leave. He already has so many.
He bolts upright when she enters the hospital ring, carrying a handful of colorful flowers. She is wearing jeans and a sweater and her corn silk curls are pulled back away from her face and he can't recall seeing anything more beautiful in his life.
"Miss McKinnon, you will have to wait. I am not done tending to Mr. Black."
Marlene doesn't argue. She finds a chair in the corner of the room and waits until she is permitted to visit him. He feels uncomfortable, knowing she is there waiting to visit him. He gives a sigh of relief when all of his wounds are bandaged and Madam Pompfrey steps away. She tells Marlene it is okay to join him as she heads toward her office.
Marlene walks up to him and he finds that his heart is beating faster than he could have ever imagined. She smiles at him as she holds out the flowers, "I know getting flowers for a boy is pretty lame but, I didn't know what else to do. When James told me you got hurt practicing quidditch with him – I thought these might cheer you up."
"Thanks." He doesn't know what else to say. He takes the flowers, not sure exactly what to do with them. "I'll ask Madam Pompfrey for a vase when she comes back."
"No need." Marlene points her wand at an empty potion vile and flicks it, mumbling under her breath. The bottle transfigures into a large glass vase filled with water.
He thanks her again and puts the flowers in the vase.
"So, Sirius…This weekend is a hogsmeade weekend…and I was just wondering – if you would like, to you know, go get a butterbeer with me?" She looks at him apprehensively. Her hands are behind her back and her head is slightly titled as she stares at him, gaging his reaction. She looks so striking and so innocent.
It breaks his heart to do it.
"I. . . I'm really sorry Marlene. I don't think that is a good idea."
She frowns and looks away from him. "Oh, Okay then. Maybe another time." She waves her hand nonchalantly but the wounded look in her eye gives her true feelings away. "Get better soon, Sirius." She doesn't wait for a reply. She turns on her heel and darts out of the hospital wing.
He is certain he is going to hell for causing an angel so much pain but, then realizes it doesn't matter – he is cursed any way.
"You did what?" James looks aghast as Sirius relays what transpired the day before in the hospital wing.
"I told her no" Sirius says simply as he takes another bite of his sausage. "It's not a good idea and you know why."
James rolls his eyes and sets his fork down. "C'mon mate. It's not like you're going to marry the girl. What would it hurt to have a butterbeer and snog a bit? She fancies you."
Sirius glances at the girl down the table. She is talking with Lily and Alice, her Charms textbook propped up on the table. She looks his way and he he looks down. He would love nothing more than to go out with her but, he fears her rejection.
"Just give it a chance. You never know she might not find out or if she does she might not care." Remus chimes in over his transfiguration text book. Peter nods in agreement but, Sirius still has his doubts.
"Yea because it's so easy to overlook the fact that I'm a bloody monster. . ." Sirius pushes his plate away.
"Hey, you're not a monster. What happened isn't your fault and you would never hurt anybody. . . " Remus interrupts.
"I don't know what I am doing when I am like that." Sirius sighs.
"Just let yourself have a good time for once." James claps him on the back. "One date is not the end of the world. It's not like she is going to find out."
Sirius sighs and nods. He was never the type to feel anxious but, at that moment it felt like there were a thousand tiny butterflies swarming in his stomach.
"McKinnon!" He calls. She is halfway out the door after charms class. He notices that Lily lightly elbows her in the ribs and nods toward him before she finally turns around. She walks up to him, her books clutched tightly to her chest.
"Yes?"
"I – well I was just thinking about when you came to see me at the hospital wing yesterday. I wanted to apologize."
"No reason to be sorry. If you're not interested, you're not interested." She shrugs her slender shoulders and turns to walk away.
He reaches out and grabs her arm gently, spinning her around to face him. "That's just it, Mckinnon. I am interested."
She looks at him, confusion etched across her face, and he smiles. "So, can we still go to Hogsmeade together this weekend?" He watches her apprehensively; afraid she will turn him down.
But, she smiles. "Yes, of course. I'd like that a lot."
And, he smiles back. "Then I guess it's a date."
She blushes as she walks away and for the first time in a long time, Sirius feels happy.
"It's a beautiful day." Marlene says as the duo walk down the narrow village street toward The Three Broomsticks. Her arm is laced through his. She is wearing a black traveling cloak with a red knit scarf. Her blonde curls peek out through the bottom of a matching knit cap.
"It is." He agrees. His shaggy black hair blows about his face in the gentle December breeze. He holds the door open for her when they reach the pub. They slip inside and she goes to find a table in the back while he orders two butterbeers from Madam Rosemerta. The blonde bartender smiles at him as she hands him their drinks. He thanks her before going and joining Marlene at the corner table in the back.
"I thought it would be nice to come over here where it was kind of quiet." She says as she pulls off her cap and lays it on the table. "Thank you." She smiles brightly and takes her butterbeer.
He nods and takes a long drink of his own butterbeer. He was not use to socializing. He could always talk with James, Remus and Peter but that was different, they were his friends, his brothers. At home he was never allowed to talk to company, he and his brother were to remain quiet.
It is becoming evident just what he had gotten himself into.
"Don't be nervous, Sirius." Marlene says.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what to say." The words slip out of his mouth and he curses himself for being so stupid.
She giggles, "It's okay. Tell me about your family."
He shrugs, "There is not much to tell." What was that saying, if you don't have anything nice to say, say nothing at all?
"Are you close with your brother?"
"We used to be, before we ended up in separate houses. Now we don't talk much. He sees me as the enemy."
"I'm sorry to hear that." Marlene sounds sincere and she reaches out and touches his hand.
"What about your family?" He wants to change the subject. He does not enjoy talking about his family.
Either she realizes his intention or she simply doesn't mind the subject change because she smiles, "My dad works for the ministry and my mom is a healer at St. Mungos. My brother was in Gryffindor too, he works at Gringotts now."
"Your family sounds nice." He tries not to sound jealous. "Sometimes I wish I had a different family. My life would be very different. I would be different." He says honestly.
"Why would you want that?" Marlene seems genuinely surprised. "I don't know about your family but, whatever they have done to make you feel that way, I am sorry. Honestly I would want you to change a bit – I think you are wonderful." She intertwines her fingers with his and smiles.
"We do not get along. I made them angry and now I am going to pay for it for the rest of my life."
"No parent would do that to their child."
"You have obviously not met my parents."
She frowns and looks down at their hands. "I'm sorry, Sirius."
"It's not your fault." He doesn't know why he has confided so much in his date. He regrets it. Not only has he ruined their conversation but, he has been more open with her than he should be with another person. His scars are his own.
"I know but, you deserve better." She insists. "Although, they say it is our experiences that make us who we are."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" He doesn't mean to sound rude but he knows he does.
"Yes because regardless of what you think, Sirius, you are a good man with a good heart and I admire you for it."
He feels the heat rise in his cheeks and he pulls his hand away, "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. I - - I think I should go. . . I'm sorry, Marlene." He gets up and darts out of the pub before she has the chance to object.
It is all too much for him, the intimacy, the desire, the hope.
Especially the hope, he cannot keep praying that she will be okay with what he is. Werewolves are pariahs. If she knew what he was . . .
"Sirius Black!" Her voice is thunderous as she grips his arm and spins him around with much more force then he would expect her to have. She pokes him the chest and he takes a step back. "How dare you just walk out like that?"
"I told you, Marlene. It wasn't a good idea. . . "
"What are you so afraid of?" She demands. She is inches away from him, her eyes flicker in the sunlight and her lips are formed in a straight line as she eyes him dangerously.
His heart is pounding in his chest. "That you'll hate me." The words escape him. What is it about her that makes him so brutally honest?
Her expression softens, "I could never hate you, Sirius. Why would you ever think such a thing?"
"I'm not the person you think I am. I'm not a good person."
"Yes, you are. I can see it. I see it everyday; in everything you do."
He shakes his head and tries to walk away but, her fingers wrap tightly around his wrist.
"Is this about where you vanish to every month?" Her grip is soft on his skin and she pulls him gently toward her. "Because if that is what you are worried about I know, I've known for a long time – and I don't care."
There is no way that she knows, no way that she would be okay with his curse. There was absolutely no way she could care about him if she knew about the monster he really was.
He shakes his head but does not pull away. He looks at the ground as she moves closer to him, until she is only inches away from him. "When were you bitten?" She whispers.
He swallows. Should he tell her? He lifts his gaze, "I – I don't know what you are talking about."
"Of course you do and you don't have to worry, I would never tell anyone." She sounds hurt by obvious lack of trust. She runs her fingers over the scars on his wrist before releasing him. "You don't have to tell me; if you don't trust me but, I wanted you to know it doesn't matter to me. I care about you regardless."
His mind is reeling. Could this be his one chance to be with someone and not have to hide his secret? He makes a decision and prays it isn't the wrong one.
"I was sixteen." He says.
"How?"
"Punishment because I would not join the dark one's army."
"I'm sorry but, it doesn't make you a bad person. If anything it makes you an even better one."
"How do you figure?" he asks, curious.
"Because you are suffering endlessly for doing the right thing and yet you never change your mind. You still stay true to what you believe."
He smiles and pulls her into a tight embrace. He holds her close to his chest and buries his face in her golden curls.
She truly amazing him.
"Thank you, Marlene."
Maybe beauty really can love the beast.
review please?