STANDARD DISCLAIMERS: CLAMP owns CCS. They own all the good stuff. I'm only here to borrow characters from them. So, if you are planning to sue me, better think twice. I bite, I claw HARD, kick HARD and so on. Go figure whatever is horrible.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Neige (French word for SNOW) is written out of the author's boredom after being caged in the house for two *bleeeeeppp* -ing days. Fic is dedicated to 'people' out there. You know who you are. ^_^
NEIGE
"Are you happy?"
She looked at him strangely and smiled the most genuine smile she could fabricate. Looking straight into his deep blue questioning eyes proved to be the most complicated thing of all.
"Why of course I'm happy Eriol-kun. What makes you think I'm not?" she smiled, her mauve eyes searching his face.
'No, Tomoyo! You're not happy! And you cannot fucking be!' her conscience bit back at her.
It has been a week since Sakura's engagement to Syaoran. They couple had both waited for this event for 7 straight years. Tomoyo seemed to take the news, as any best friend would have. Being overly happy for her friend. But it isn't what it looked like. If it isn't for the dignity she held, she would've broke down the instant she received the news from a very giddy Sakura.
And now, here she is meeting with an old friend. They have been quite accustomed to each other as they have been addressing each other by their first names.
He sighed and fell silent for a moment. Just looking at his mug full of caffeine-free coffee. He then looked at her after some time.
"Tomoyo-san, I mean really happy? As in... genuine happiness?" he once again looked straight into her eyes.
She felt her body tense up. The hold on her mug tightened.
"Of course! What-- what are you trying to imply? That I'm not happy for my own best friend?" she said, her voice shaking.
"OWN best friend? She's not yours anymore... Is she?" he grinned cockily and took a sip of his slowly cooling drink. He seemed to enjoy twisting up her emotions.
"What are you trying to point out, Eriol? Look, I came here because I though were going to have one of those nice and peachy friendly, Sakura free issue conversations! But I think I'm greatly mistaken." she let her hold go on her mug and stood up. Giving Eriol a wary glance before she smoothed out her cream, cashmere coat.
"It's been nice seeing you again, Hiiragizawa. Have a good day." she muttered before she stormed out the espresso bar down the alley.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He stared at the now long vacant seat before him. Sighing, he raked his fingers through his hair.
"Great going, Hiiragizawa. Your back to first name basis with her again."
He asked her to meet him an hour ago just to catch up on things. He expected her to be devastated upon hearing the news that her best friend is going to be wed in a short time. But then, he was taken aback as he saw her.
It seemed like everything's going smooth. It seemed that she was taking the news as any best friend would.
Sure, he thought she was ok. Until he saw her eyes.
They say the eyes are windows of a person's soul. It shows everything that the person is thinking. Feeling. These are portals that might do well for a person. But it can also betray you.
Her eyes gave it all away. The uncertainty and insincerity he saw there every time he asks her a question was undeniable. He couldn't hardly believe how careless she was today. Tomoyo Daidouji, an expert on this field was faltering. Every time he would ask her about Sakura or something related to her, she would flinch uncomfortably. She must've thought that she covered up every thing by merely smiling at him and looking him straight in the eye. By god, was she ever wrong.
Why is she hiding it all away anyhow? Did she assume that he didn't know? Did she think that he is blind to her every action? Had she believed that he didn't see the special meaning of every little thing she had done for Sakura? For every costume she made? For every minute she supported Sakura? He didn't think so.
He didn't know what drove him into twisting her up. But there was a very strong compulsion that told him to mock her, ridicule her, scorn her belief. Make her see that Sakura ISN'T everything. That--that there IS someone else. Someone like...
Someone like him.
He immediately took in a deep breath at the sudden thought. Someone like me... yeah right.
He once tried giving himself to her. But she was still blinded. Blinded by her love for her friend that she didn't notice that he was there. Willing to give up every thing to her. He loved her. And he still does.
He breathed in and stared blankly outside the glass wall of the espresso bar.
What he saw mildly startled him.
Snow.
Thin, white flakes of snow hastily drifted down from the skies to gather at the street. Judging the situation, he assume that by tonight someone would have the shovel the snow out the street to keep the traffic running.
Sighing, he placed down couple of bills on the table and left.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She walked down the pavement slowly. Her knees going a bit shaky. The snow had started falling long ago. Covering the pavement with inch-thick white snow. Every thing around her was white. And cold.
Nothing. She was nothing. Nothing... is a painful word. It meant that one is not needed. One has no use. That one has no importance.
Before she believed that she is important, because Sakura is there. Whenever Sakura is there, every thing goes fine and dandy. Like nothing matters. Like there were no problems.
But now, she was reduced into nothingness. She doesn't have Sakura by her side anymore, as Hiiragizawa stated.
Hiiragizawa...
He was right. But how? How could he see right through her? How could he slap painfully the truth that she has been trying to cower from for years?
How?
She stopped momentarily and looked up the dark, starless sky. The cold, chilly breeze tingled her skin. She tugged her cashmere coat closer to her body and heaved a sigh.
Tomoyo reached out one pale hand. But the snow fell through her fingers. Fleeting to the touch. Leaving her exposed hand suspended in the harsh, cold air. She hastily brought her hand down and started walking the long, street already covered with a thick strip of snow.
She reached up to brush off the white flakes off her dark, curled tresses, her rosy cheeks and lips. Her lips. She touched it again. She had already expected it to be cold.
And it is.
An impulsive emotion overtook her senses. She wanted no, needed to scream. She opened up her lips and tried. But no sound came out. She tried again. But it was in vain.
The dark heels of her boots trembled, and she soon collapsed on the pavement. She shut her eyes in her hope that nothing would come out. But it was too late. A crystalline tear already made its down her cheeks.
She was numb. Numb from the burning and biting pain of freezing cold stinging her bare legs. The warm tears fell down quickly like it had been waiting its release a long time ago. Yes, the tears fell, like the snow that fell from the sky. Beautiful. And yet it hurts.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tomoyo slowly rose and continued to walk uncertainly until she faced a lake.
A clear, blue lake. Cold yet inviting.
She took off her ankle boots and tossed them a short distance away from her. Slowly she walked to the inviting waters of the lake.
She dipped her foot into the water and could not help but stifle the soft gasp that escaped her throat. She didn't imagine the water to be this cold. To be this insolent. Nevertheless, she continued walking.
Come... the waters compelled her to walk further.
The frigid water lapped up to her knees, then she altogether stopped. Once again, looking up the starless sky. She was beautiful. With the light of the moon shyly hitting her face with it's light. She was beautiful yet ethereal. The fragile barrier she built up long destroyed. The frail glass barrier she put up around her shattered into million pieces. And with it, she also broke.
Broken and bleeding.
That's what she is.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not everything beautiful in this walk of life gives us joy.
Eriol walked down on the same pavement. He saw a set of footprints buried in the snow. But quickly ignored it anyway. Those may not have belonged to the person he's currently looking for.
He wanted to apologize for his uncouth behavior a while ago. But alas, he couldn't find her.
He looked up at saw the snow falling much slower than they had been this afternoon. He stretched out his hand and quickly clamped it shut. Wanting to hold the cold, eerie splendor of the white flakes falling down the sky.
As he opened his hand, he chuckled emptily. There was nothing. Nothing but the numbing feel of the snow. Of course, he couldn't catch it and make it his. For it was not meant to be. It was beautiful. And that's why it didn't last long.
It didn't last long enough to bring him little joy.
He continued walking, stopping when he saw a lone figure standing in the waters of the lake. He focused his eyes on the stranger, Cream coat, dark curled hair, such pale skin...
Eriol tried calling out to her. But she didn't look back. She didn't even flinch. His heart nudged knowing what he had to. Now.
He hastily took off his shoes and hurried to her, wincing as his foot set into the icy water. He grabbed her hand and started pulling her to the land.
"How long have you--" he looked back at her.
She didn't budge. She only stared at him. Tears still flowing down her cheeks.
"Tomoyo?"
"I-- I am... nothing now..." she tried muffling down her sobs and succeeded.
"No, you're not! Come on, let me take you home." He tried on pulling her hand again. But once more, she did not show any effort on moving.
"What's the use? It won't make any difference. Will it? I'm not important to anyone. Every person I love... they all left me! Now tell me! Will it make any damn difference?" she hissed.
He sighed and grabbed her by the shoulders. "There had been a time, when I could have given you what you so desperately needed. But you were obscured. Seeing everything from a distorted camera lens."
"But... I don't... can't deserve you. You don't need me." she looked down.
"Believe what you want to believe. But what I said earlier was true." He fell silent for a second. "I really think we should go now." He looked at her. His eyes void of any feeling.
"Eriol..." she whispered in a voice that is clearly audible.
She looked at him and he was lost.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He was surprisingly warm, his hands stroking the back of her neck, and hers running through his hair.
His lips frighteningly warm against hers. Every touch he gave her throbbed with life.
'Help me, help me... bring me out of this misery...' her thoughts screamed.
He gave her everything, everything she needed to revive her soul. To lift her out of her wretchedness.
He branded her with his touch. Scorched her lips with his. Pure desire pulsed through her veins. Perhaps it was his witty manipulation that kept her yearning for more. Every touch transformed her bleeding and frozen self into pulsing flesh.
"Tomoyo..."
She quickly opened her eyes and pulled away as soon as she heard her name. She touched his cheek and wondered at the imprudence of the situation.
"Why?" she asked.
He smiled and stared at her mauve eyes.
She saw in them infinite understanding and love and she knew she could live by that. She saw a semblance of the person she will soon come to love.
She slowly closed her eyes and he cradled her into his arms. Suddenly remembering something, her head shot up and pulled away from his touch.
'Eriol, can I ask you something?"
He grinned. "You just did."
She gave him an incredulous look, and proceeded to ask her question. "Are my lips cold?"
He blinked and stared at her as of trying to read her mind. She fell silent for a long time. Until he opened his mouth and smiled.
"No. They were actually warm."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AN: Weeee! A 2-hour wonder fic! See the result of the wonders of caffeine and utter boredom! Now, all I ask of you is:
REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! *bares fangs*