"Excuse me," Fidget said after he passed gas. He'd been kidnapped by Ratigan once again for no apparent reason whatsoever.
"Fidget, that is the fifth time you've done it!" Ratigan bellowed, "What did you eat?!"
"I don't know," Fidget said, "But I do know this: Everyone farts."
"I'll see what I can do about that." The evil rat dug into his drawer with a sickly laugh and found a cork. He felt the strong urge to plug Fidget in the bottle.
"Oh, no! I've got to get out of here!" Fidget said quietly as he started running, but Ratigan picked him up by the scarf so that he wouldn't get away that easily and dragged him towards the big green wine bottle. "Put me down, you ugly rat!" Fidget yelped. He was thrown inside and had tried to squirm out of the bottle by placing his long legs, stretching himself for he was stuck, so he could pull free. But Ratigan was too powerful to let him go that easy, so he had no trouble yanking his legs back down. When Fidget tried again, but to no avail, the same thing happened, except Ratigan picked up the cork.
"Ow! No! Please, let me go!" Fidget pleaded as he kicked with his skinny legs, hoping he'd be able to knock the cork out of Ratigan's hands, but Ratigan still continued to attempt to pushing Fidget in the bottle. "Ouch! Please, stop! I have to go to the bathroom!"
"Not until I finish this task. Your nice little rear just needs to behave. Only then, I will let you out."
"No! Don't push that cork any further, perve!" Fidget shouted as his legs jerked. He felt the cork wedging on his poor bottom as he zoomed in the bottle, which Ratigan found amusing. It was getting on his nerves, so he instinctively farted the second time.
"This is what happens to naughty boys who fart, they get put in the bottle." Seeing the cork plugged in, Ratigan grinned a nasty grin as he took one more look at the cork just to see if it was securely tucked in before he left.
As the rat exited the house, his gang came by to have a talk with the bat, who obviously did not want to hear a word from any of them. He thought they were going to trick him.
"We're not here to attack you this time," one of them said.
"We saw what Ratigan did to you just now," said another.
"And you did nothing!" Fidget pouted as he folded his arms with a childlike frown. He didn't think they'd care if he'd gotten hurt, whereas being stuffed in a bottle.
"We know, but this time, we'll help you."
"We'll start by trying to pull out the cork."
Fidget took a deep breath. "Okay." They were going to help him. A few of them had done so by pulling out the cork. One of them, who gently poked them to show that it was his turn and wore a pair of gloves (which were used to help him pull the cork out), strived to pull out the cork five times or more, but it was still stuck real tight. "I'm sorry. I can't get it out."
"Why not?" Fidget wailed, "Who's going to help me get out?"
"We can only help you by taking you back to Baker Street. Your friends must be worried about you."
"How are you going to do that?"
Without replying, Ratigan's thugs picked up the long tube of the bottle, causing Fidget to slide down, but they were too late. Basil, Dawson, Toby, Mr. Flaversham, and Olivia had already arrived in Ratigan's palace just to save Fidget from inside the bottle. Ratigan's gang explained everything and assured them that Fidget will be alright. Basil didn't want to hear it at first because like Fidget, he assumed that this was some kind of trick, but they talked him out of it. Fidget told everyone, including Olivia about his embarrassing experience in Ratigan's hideout. "Can any of you help me?" he asked after he had finished his speech.
Olivia covered her mouth. This reminded her of a time when he stuffed her in the bottle.
Basil was worried. "Well, that reminds me of this morning when I forced Olivia to take a bath."
"You did what?!" Fidget said, shocked by his comment.
"Yes, Olivia tooted just like you had. We were in the living room and I was wondering what she ate."
"What a coincidence." Fidget rolled his eyes.
"Plus, she had to use the bathroom."
"Oh, I'll bet."
…
"Excuse me," Olivia apologized after she tooted.
"Olivia! You know it's not lady-like to toot!" Basil scolded.
"I know, but-" Olivia started to say.
"No buts about it, young lady! You're getting a bath!"
"What?!" Olivia shrieked as she was picked up by Basil and taken into the restroom for a bath. "But Basil, I already took one this morning!"
"I'm sorry, Olivia," Basil said softly, "But you need another bath."
She struggled out of his grasp and clung to a steel bath handle.
Basil pulled her tail, but Olivia held on for dear life and kicked as he'd done so as if she were stuck inside the bottle once again. He was the cause of all this. "Please, stop! I have to use the bathroom!" Olivia pleaded.
"Alright, darling," Basil said, giving in and setting her down, "You win." He made his exit outside the bathroom.
When Olivia was done, she felt calm and Basil said, "Tell me why you tooted."
"I had to. I didn't do it because I can. It just comes out suddenly when I least expect it. Everybody farts." Olivia had spoken the truth.
Basil was a bit disturbed at first, but he admitted with regret over punishing the girl for a silly little thing in the first place, "I tend to hold mine back, but since you spoke freely in truth, you are free to go. I'm sorry, Olivia. I wasn't thinking too clearly. You've proven me wrong. Just don't be tooting in public."
"I'll hold it in in public," Olivia promised.
"Good girl," Basil said with a smile.
…
"And that was it," Basil said after telling the story, "She taught me a valuable lesson because making her take a bath wasn't worth the effort and I did not enjoy doing it, anyway. I felt guilty knowing she had to too-"
"So, will you help me?" Fidget interrupted; he needed help. At the same time, he knew how Basil would've finished his sentence.
"If I can help Olivia, I can certainly help you," Basil replied, then he stopped to think. "So, Fidget, did you try getting yourself out?"
"Yeah, but I'm still stuck," Fidget said miserably, "And Ratigan's gang tried to help me. They wanted to."
"I can fix that."
"Mr. Basil," said one of Ratigan's men, "If you're looking for a cork screw, it's in Ratigan's stash drawer."
Basil grabbed a cork screw from Ratigan's stash drawer and informed Fidget, "The cork screw is supposed to get the cork out if doing this by hand doesn't work." With the cork screw in hand, he pulled out the cork. "Now, can you sneak through?"
Fidget crawled up to the neck and popped out his head and wings. "Is it going to hurt?" he asked worriedly, referring to being pulled.
"No, it shouldn't," the mouse detective replied, shaking his head, "Maybe just a little. Besides, we're going to pull you out together. So, just relax and breathe."
Fidget nodded, but then he gulped and nervously started to kick. Tears filled his eyes as he was feeling tense.
Basil turned to the girl and said, "Olivia, hand Fidget a tissue. He is feeling stressed and it is your job to relieve him."
Olivia hopped all the way to Ratigan's cell to grab a tissue and brought it to the crying bat. "Here you go, Fidget." Fidget wiped away his tears and blew his nose. The girl started to rub an anxious Fidget's back.
"Basil, if you don't want to do this, I won't force you. I can try again."
"Oh, no. You didn't force me. I want to help you and once you are out, it'll be over. Furthermore, you can't do everything by yourself."
"Before you start, just know I didn't fart because I can."
"I know that. Olivia told me the same thing. It's not your fault, either. It just happens so suddenly."
Fidget agreed with a sigh.
Basil waited for Fidget to decide whether or not he is ready. Fidget just need some time to breathe. "Ready?"
"Yeah."
"Okay and just remember to breathe," Basil said, "Do not be afraid. Olivia is with you. Breathe."
Fidget started breathing and Olivia continued rubbing his back during the process of Basil pulling out the bat.
"Fidget, are you okay?" Olivia asked Fidget with concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine, Livy, with you around," Fidget breathed.
"I know you're scared, but we're still on your team."
"It's our duty," Basil said.
At the word "duty", Fidget laughed.
"Is that a funny word?" Olivia asked, also giggling.
"Yeah."
Basil smiled at them, then focused on his responsibility.
Fidget continued respiring until finally, he was out.
"It's over," Basil said.
Fidget let out a sigh of relief at the news and Basil rubbed his back.
Basil let Fidget in the bathroom because Fidget needed to use it. He felt composed afterwards.
"Feel any better?" Basil asked him.
Fidget nodded with a smile.
"Fidget," the nasty rat sneered, "Did you fall in?"
"Ratigan, I told you a million times, I had to FART!" Fidget retorted, "If I kept it in, it's like poison!"
"Frankly, what our peg legged friend is trying to say is it may …" Basil started to say in Fidget's defense.
"I KNOW!" Ratigan insisted, "I just can't stand the smell."
"If you can't stand the smell, walk away!" Fidget snapped as he and Basil took him and tied him to a table. Fidget took off Ratigan's shoes.
"That's what I would do," said Basil, "Or spray cologne or perfume." And the two started tickling him.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ratigan shrieked, "Why would YOUHOOHOOHOOHOO...do this?!"
"Making me sit inside the bottle isn't worth it!" Fidget said.
"It doesn't do anybody any justice!" Basil agreed.
"How would YOUHOOHOOHOOHOOHOO…know?!" Ratigan laughed as tears trickled down his face.
"I've tried to make Olivia take a bath once before, but then I realized that afterwards, it wasn't worth the effort," Basil told him.
"You've been a pain in the butt..." Fidget said, then corrected himself, "I mean, a cork in my butt for as long as I can remember!"
"And you've been a thorn in my side, Professor!"
"So have…HAHAHAHAHAHA…you-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!"
"I strongly disagree!" Basil said, "I can watch this all night."
"Me, too," Fidget said as he gave Ratigan a round of twenty more tickles, "Plus, you walk around like your farts don't stink." After a while, Ratigan grew weary, tooted, and fainted.
"Good job, Fidget," Basil said.
"Thank you," said Fidget.
The End
Author's note: Well, I tried to make it funny in any way I can.
*I doubt Olivia would fart in public, but Fidget is another story because he might have trouble holding in his farts in public.
*Gee, Basil and Ratigan parade around like their farts don't stink! Unlike Ratigan, Basil promised Olivia that he would never force her to take a bath again, knowing that everyone farts.