A/N: If you haven't seen the original movie this isn't going to make a lot of sense. But then again the same could be said of the movie...
Grayer Submarine
There once were four lads from the Liverpool area that formed a band and gained great fame as musicians. As part of their career they acted in two movies as themselves. This is not their story.
Another movie was made that had animated characters that looked and sounded somewhat similar to the actual actors, although they had no input in the film save for a brief tacked on ending. After the movie they went on with their lives and never gave any thought to the animated alternate universe that was created by the making of the movie. This story IS about those left behind in that alternate universe.
...
Ding dong.
The doorbell rang for the third time. Rhingo got up from his chair where he had been reading the paper. "Everyone must be out back" he thought to himself as he made his way to the front door. Opening the door, he found himself looking at a cartoon captain. In fact, this was not surprising because everything was a cartoon. Rhingo was a cartoon, the room was a cartoon, the house was a cartoon, and so was the garden and the clouds that floated by.
"Hello Rhingo." The familiar-looking captain addressed the owner of the house.
"Fred? I haven't seen you since...since...oh dear. Don't tell me there's Blue Meanie trouble again?" It had been ten years since four lads had gone on a wild submarine ride to save Pepperland. It had been so surreal that already they tended to think of it as some type of shared dream, mass hallucination or just a case of food poisoning from an ill-advised tour dining stop.
"Blue meanies? No, they're fine. They even have their own band now. 'Beaucoup of Blues' they call themselves."
"Catchy name. Wish I'd thought of it" Rhingo deadpanned. "So what's the problem?"
"I don't want to go over it four times like we did before" Fred explained. "Let's get you lads together and I'll go over it the once. Think of it as a sentimental journey."
"Cut that out. There's a problem, Fred. We don't perform together anymore. Haven't even been in the same room together for years. We get along pretty well individually, but we're different people now with our own lives."
"Once a Beetle, always a Beetle" said Fred. "And that's what Pepperland needs. Even if you need a little convincing." He reached through the doorway and grabbed Rhingo, picking him up with one hand and hauling him outside. "Amazing what you can do when you're a cartoon."
"Fred, your resolve is admirable. Your strength is amazing. Your fanaticism is frightening" Rhingo said as he was carried into the sub. Once inside it occurred to him to ask "How do you keep other people from seeing the sub? A big yellow boat tends to stick out in the front yard."
"I found a button that activated the 'old news' cloak. You know how people tend to forget or ignore old news with so much new stuff happening now? The cloak makes people believe on a subconscious level that the sub has been around for a long time and they ignore it. Unless I bump into something that sets off an alarm, then all 'ell breaks loose."
"Where's Jeremy? Isn't he going to help us?"
"Jeremy's taken a couple weeks off to get another Ph.D. or three from overseas. We best not bother him."
"I don't even know where the other guys are right now. You just gonna call up information?"
"No Rhingo, I've got a Beetle detector. You guys left stuff behind when you saved Pepperland and the sub can sniff you out like a bloodhound." Fred pushed a button and a big red bulbous nose appeared on the front of the sub. "Heh heh, wrong nose." He pushed another button and a huge dog's nose appeared, sniffed the air, and shot the sub into the air.
The nose found the other Beetles in short order. Fred had Rhingo stay inside and hide in a room while he disguised the sub as a Hofner mobile showroom for Pall, a sitar museum for Jorge, and a portable art studio for Jon. In each case Fred was able to get them close enough to grab them and bring them into the sub, sequestering each in a separate room. At last all four were in the sub and Fred called them out together.
After the initial shock, they greeted each other cordially if somewhat coolly, without saying much. Fred looked over the bunch and said "Mighty quiet for Pepperland's four greatest heroes. You lads used to be so animated."
"Looks like we still are" Jon said as he stretched out his cartoon arms for inspection. "Maybe it's not real."
"No mind games here Jon" said Fred, "even if you imagine otherwise." Jon rolled his eyes.
"I was on tour" said Pall. "I haven't got time for this!"
"I know you're busy Pall" confessed Fred, "and it must always seem like you have your band on the run from town to town. But we can ram through this problem pretty quickly I think." Pall frowned at the puns.
"He did it to me too" said Rhingo.
"I have to use the loo" said Jorge. "Where is it? I don't remember seeing one before."
"Behind that door" said Fred.
Jorge looked behind him and saw a door with a sign that read 'All things must pass.' He opened the door and looked inside to find a toilet with the largest role of toilet paper he had ever seen; one that appeared to be rather rough. "Let me guess," he said "the paper has extra texture."
"Right" said Fred.
"I liked him better when he was serious" said Jon. "The sub seems different to me. It makes a lot more noise and the color isn't right."
"The sub has gotten older since you used it. You guys do the same thing; your joints creak and you're showing just a touch of gray. You want serious, I'll lay it out for you. You lads saved Pepperland from the Blue Meanies and brought music back to our people. It was a great time, but it didn't last. Sgt. Pepper's disbanded, Billy Shears retired and we were forced to come up with another source for music. We decided to invite all the cartoon bands we could to come audition for a gig and be the new band of the land."
"Sounds good so far" said Pall. "Probably pays well and the hours should be good."
"It's too good of a job. Now the bands are fighting over who should get it and things are getting nasty. We've had a few incidents of vandalism and anonymous threats. We need someone to restore calm so we can get it under control. We need to drain that Sea of Greed."
"That's not our problem" said Jorge.
"It wasn't until I kidnapped you" said Fred. "Now it is."
"Good point" said Rhingo.
"Don't worry lads, we fix the problem and you'll be back as if no time had elapsed back home. Let's see, last time we looked for a lever or something to get started."
"It was this one" said Rhingo as he repeated his action that started off the trip last time.
(to the tune of 'All Together Now')
One, two three, four
Liverpool lads nothing more
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten let's go now
A, B, C, D
Pepperland under the sea
E, F, G, H, I, J Come on now
(Bom bom bom bompa bom) Save the land
(Bompa bom) Like before
(Bompa bom) Hope it's fun
(Bompa bom) And not a bore
(All together again) All together again
(All together again) All together again
(All together again) All together again
(All together again) All together again
Black, white, green, red
From film to cartoon colors instead
Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue plus those too
(All together again) All together again
(All together again) All together again
(All together again) All together again
(All together again) All together again
(Bom bom bom bompa bom) Lived our lives
(Bompa bom) From the rest
(Bompa bom) Long lost friends
(Bompa bom) On a quest!
(All together again) All together again
(All together again) All together again
(All together again) All together again
(All together again) All together again
"That's the spirit boys! Now we learned a lot on our last trip and I think we can skip the dangers that we encountered before." Rhingo was relieved; that Indian attack was scary. "But to make it through we're going to need some songs."
"Do we have to?" asked Jon.
"Do you really want to go through all those things again like you did ten years ago?" asked Fred.
"No."
"Trust me lads, it's the only way. Let's have a number for the Sea of Time then."
"Thirty-six" said Pall.
"A musical number" said Fred.
"It is a musical number" retorted Pall as he started to sing.
(to the tune of "When I'm Sixty-four')
I've gotten older the style of my hair
No longer a current fad
Old fans are still sending me valentines
Signed photos, shirts and bottles of wines
Still can't go out in public like most
I'm really in a fix
Kids of my own, from the seeds that I've sewn
Now I'm thirty-six
Ex-wives there's a few
And if you say the word
Bodyguards for you
I've got a staff here replacing my fuse
When my power's gone
Merchandise no longer thought of as so fab
Royalties just pick up the tab
Taping some tunes in my home studio
Spending hours on the mix
Will they still listen, will my song glisten
Now I'm thirty-six.
"See, none of the mucking about getting older and younger" said Fred.
"What's that out the window?" asked Rhingo.
They crowded near a window and looked out. Quite a few objects were floating around outside. "It's the Sea of Science" Fred noted. "What you see are all the recording technologies of the past and future." An old wax cylinder floated by the window, followed by a vinyl record and an 8-track tape.
"I've still got some of those" said Jon. "I use them to prop up the the leg of a table that's broken."
A cassette tape floated by. "Those will start disappearing after a while" added Fred.
"And I just figured out how to use them" sighed Rhingo.
"What are those things?" asked Pall, pointing to some objects further out.
"Digital recording. You won't see those for years yet. Come on lads, another song now so we can get through this Sargasso Sea of media."
(to the tune of Only A Northern Song)
If you're listening to this song
And it's too short or it's too long
Don't you fret
It's just an album cut
When you're listening late at night
And the harmony is not quite right
It is
I've just got a new band
What keyboard, drum or guitar I play
Tuned or untuned any way
Who cares
Art of experiment
Reputations can give you time
To make music of any kind
You want
Until they can your contract
So cut us some slack down at the store
It won't sound quite the same any more
It can't
It's only an ex-Beetles song
"Safely through! You can see the Sea of Holes straight ahead. We need to aim for the one to get us to Pepperland" Fred explained.
"Who are those people on horseback below us?" asked Jorge. Riders dressed in pearly tunics rode in a group over the countryside.
"Knights in white satin" answered Fred. "They don't concern us because it's a different story. Straight on lads."
"Right, to the Sea of Green" said Rhingo.
"No, Sea of Greed; I told you things have changed. The portal is still green through; you can see it down there." He pointed downward, and they could just make out a large green dollar sign among the black holes. Fred dove the sub at the portal, which expanded to let them through into the skies above Pepperland.
As the sub came down to settle behind the bandstand, the group could see the chaos below. In front of the bandstand a near melee was erupting as band members fought among themselves and other bands. Pushing, shoving, shouting and a whole lotta shaking was going on. The residents of Pepperland were all off a safe distance away, milling about with frowns and sadness.
"You see lads, you started all this even before you came here. Remember that cartoon TV show you did while you were a group? That inspired a lot of people to become singing groups too. Just as you were influenced by listening to records of your idols when you were young, many looked up to you for the same thing when they saw you on TV."
"But we're just people" said Jon. "We're not idols or gods. Just life size guys with our own problems."
"And so were Elvis, and Carl Perkins, and Chuck Berry. Congratulations guys, you joined 'em at the top of the heap. Now what kind of influence do you think you have when you slag your old band mates in public?"
"It's not the same," said Pall "we've just grown apart. We're different people now."
"No. You're still the same as you were back then. You've had a chance to experience and experiment with things you couldn't do as a Beetle. But deep down if you loved your mates then, you love them now. Strip away all the trappings and excess of your lives now and you still have the same four starving lads just trying to entertain people and maybe say something in the process."
Fred continued. "Back to our problem at hand. These bands have seen their idols taking swipes at each other in public and the result is they've lost their way, looking out for themselves and not thinking of their young fans at all. Do you want Saturday morning cartoon shows to be a musical war zone? Show them that four friends can live their own lives and still cherish what magic they made before without letting it define them as people. Come on lads, save Pepperland one more time. You can't play instruments while you're busy holding your pride in your hands; encore performance, eh? Remember, you all have kids that will go into the music business one day. Do you want them to turn out like this?"
The four friends looked at each other and sheepishly agreed. They quickly donned the Sgt Pepper's outfits that had been kept (and slightly let out for the intervening years) and snuck out of the sub to gather behind the bandstand. With Fred manning the soundboard, they rushed onto the stage and began to play.
(to the tune of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band)
Ten Years ago the Beetles came
Looked like Sgt Pepper just the same
Stopped the evil the Blue Meanies planned
And freed the Lonely Hearts Club band
So may I introduce to you
Back after all these years
Jon, Pall, Jorge and Rhingo four lads
[Bridge]
Though the Beetles are no longer a band
We love our band mates just the same
Petty arguments and selfish quotes
It's really getting kind of lame
We had some time to go, we had to time to grow
And now we're back to truly explain
Take care of friendships musical
Egos can get bruisical
We're such a lovely family
Watch for kids that idolize
Impressionable young eyes
Now don't make us go and stop the show
To thump some of your heads you know
But if you want to really sing a song
You're gonna have to get along
So here's an idea for you
Before we have to go away
Rotate bands so everyone gets to play
The boys finished playing and paused. There was dead silence for a moment and then the cartoon fighting resumed even more intensely. The Ozmonds were locked into hand-to-hand with the Jacksun 5ive, the Archys were punching and slapping it out with Josie and the Pussycats, and Pebbles and Bamm Bamm seemed to be chucking rocks at the Partidge Family 2200 A.D.
Jon mulled over the situation. "I think we need someone to lend us a hand" he said. He called out "Oh glove, lovely glove! Come help us with your presence above." A growing shriek came from the north as a flying shape rapidly approached. In resolved into the flying glove, who stopped and hovered over the fighting musicians. An immediate silence fell over the crowd.
"Perhaps you didn't hear our call" said Jorge.
"Either play nice..." Pall continued.
"...or don't play at all" finished Rhingo.
And because it was Pepperland, and there is magic in the very air and earth, the crowd embraced as much out of love as of fear. It slowly dawned on the bruised and bloodied band members below that playing music was what they enjoyed, and not being crushed by a giant glove.
"That looks like it's done it," said Fred "time to take you guys home. Have you learned anything?"
"Never come to Pepperland again!" they said in unison.
"Maybe next time I'll ask the Stones" sighed Fred.
The End