It's time for "The Talk"
Disclaimer: I do not own HP sadly.
The Talk
Harry sat down with James and Albus. James was fourteen now, Al was twelve . James had been making eyes at Sylvia, Harry noticed at the end of term. It was important that he packed up his considerable courage and had "the talk".
"James, Al, there's something we should talk about." Harry said solemnly.
"Al did it dad!" James burst out.
"Did not! James started it!" Al countered.
"Did what?" Harry asked, confused and worried at what they might have broken without his knowledge.
"Erm.."
"Nothing."
Harry raised a questioning eyebrow but didn't push the subject. He'd deal with that whenever it came around again to haunt him. He took a breath and began again.
"Boys. You're getting to an age now where there's something we need to talk about.."
Harry paused, wondering how to continue. He thought back to when he and Uncle Vernon had the talk. The memory consumed him briefly as he thought back to that very awkward day…
"Dudley, a word please son." Vernon said as Dudley strolled in from one of his late night 'tea parties' at Piers Polkiss's house. Harry liked to ease drop on Dudley just as much as Dudley enjoyed watching Harry get yelled at so Harry crept to the door to listen in.
"Now son, you're getting to the age where we have to have a little talk about men and women and what it means to like a girl." Vernon said this with the air as though Dudley had many prospects which caused Harry to snort slightly.
"Harry!" Vernon bellowed. "If you're eavesdropping you better get in here!"
Aunt Petunia came around the corner just as Harry was fleeing for the stairs. "Into the living room." She ordered.
Harry sulked and headed into the room, sitting next to Dudley (who made sure to take up as much room as possible).
"I wouldn't normally bothering telling your kind this but since we don't want to have many more of you running around… well…" Uncle Vernon trailed off there as though not sure how to proceed.
"Dad, can we just get on with this talk?" Dudley asked, Harry could see that he had probably been drinking and doing who knows what as he usually did when he was out with his gang.
"Yes son. Well, when you like a girl, you may start to get certain… feelings in… special places." Petunia decided that was her cue to leave as she went back to cleaning the kitchen.
"Can I be excused?" Harry asked; his eyes wide with horror that he was sitting with his Uncle and Cousin and having "the talk".
"You most certainly may not. We're going to have this talk. You're both old enough now." Vernon insisted.
"Dad, I think we know enough at this point to know what's going on… down there." Dudley added.
"When you start getting feelings in special places it is important to be wise about the decisions you make." He continued as though uninterrupted. "Marriage is important before going too far. And always make sure you're.. protected. Not just from pregnancy."
Dudley let out a groan; clearly his embarrassment was just as great as Harry's. Harry started reciting different spells inside his head to help the awkwardness go away. When he ran out of spells he started on different ingredients for potions. But Uncle Vernon wasn't letting up any time soon.
"You see when I met your mother it was very important that we were sure we liked each other. It would have been unwise to get whisked away by those special feelings." Vernon continued.
Polyjuice potion! Harry thought, How do you make a polyjuice potion? Let's see boomslang skin..
"I don't know if your lot is different Harry but for normal people the feelings are very strong and you may feel like you don't want to fight them Dudley but you must fight them. It is important to be responsible. And only when you have become secure in your job and your relationship is it okay to start thinking about these… feelings."
Dudley's eyes were about as wide as his face – which was a considerable portion – as Uncle Vernon continued on his tirade of what it means to like someone versus really like someone. Harry tried so hard not to listen but it was almost impossible with his uncle's voice booming through the living room.
Finally he seemed to be wrapping up. "So, once you have a job, a house, and are married, then you can think about those feelings. Now, when the feelings are met by the girl's feelings you will do things with the girl, and sometimes the girl may get pregnant."
"Dad!" Dudley exclaimed in horror.
"Honestly Dudley. The birds and the bees talk is important for you to know and understand. Pregnancy means the mommy will get very large and have a baby." He explained as though they were toddlers and couldn't understand the anatomy of pregnancy except in simplistic terms. "And then you'll be a daddy. So that pretty much explains those feelings you might be.. feeling. Although you Harry, you should just avoid other people all together."
Harry was pulled from his reverie to see Albus and James staring at him patiently. He smiled awkwardly back, thinking that Uncle Vernon's talk was completely useless to him. So he thought of when Sirius tried….
"Harry, a word?" Sirius pulled him aside; the others were busy detoxifying one of the upstairs rooms. It was summer at Grimmwauld Place. The hearing was over and Harry was happier than he had been in weeks.
Sirius sighed heavily and patted Harry's shoulder in an affectionate way. "Harry, as your Godfather I feel as though there's something we should talk about." He took another deep breath as Harry waited patiently. "James would have been much better at this I'm sure. Harry, we should talk about relationships. You're getting to an age where you're starting to think about your attraction to other people right? Crushes and whatnot?"
"Sirius it's okay." He didn't want to mention that Uncle Vernon had already been down this road for fear of hurting his Godfather's feelings; but he really didn't want to have another talk.
"Harry, I missed a lot of your life. Can I just do this?" Sirius asked desperately.
Harry sighed, wanting so much to make Sirius happy if even for a moment. And if awkward family moments would do it he would give in and be a supportive little Godson. He nodded and tried to look eager.
"So, when a person loves another person, well there's a sexual attraction sometimes." Sirius tried not to sugarcoat the talk too much. Harry had seen more than most adult wizards; surely he could handle a discussion about relationships. "So Harry, it's important that you don't let your body rule your head. Love. Love is the most important thing in any relationship. Physical attraction is significant, common interests is crucial, but love. That's what it comes back to. Okay Harry?"
"Yea. Got it." Harry smiled.
"Good. Any questions?"
"How do I know if a girl likes me back?" Harry asked.
"Sometimes Harry, you just got to go for it. Well, I mean go for it, like ask her on a platonic date. Not go for it like… well you get the idea." Sirius smiled and clapped Harry on the back. "Good talk Harry."
Harry smiled at his sons, still looking at him expectantly. They were missing on precious summer time of playing and doing nothing as Harry pondered just what he should say. He had begged Ginny to do this, she agreed to have the talk with Lily when the time came but it was Harry's job to talk to Al and James. Harry didn't really mind; he had always wanted a family so these moments were very precious to him, even if they were extremely awkward.
"Okay boys. So, James, you're almost fifteen now, Al almost thirteen. You're on the other end of puberty and you'll be noticing things happening when you find someone attractive. Your body is going to react in a certain way and its okay. It's perfectly normal. But just makes sure that you're careful with your actions. If you're not careful you could regret a decision you make. It's important to really think when it comes to –"
"Sex?" James asked.
"James! What? Where did you hear that?" Harry asked, slightly horrified.
"What? I'm a wizard not a hermit." James rolled his eyes.
"Well… yes. So you know all about babies and that it's okay to like boys and that we love you and everything is completely normal and natural?" Harry asked.
James nodded as though he was positively bored and Al kind of shrugged in an "I guess so" way.
Harry sighed. "Good. Okay. Well. If you have any more questions or need anything just let me know and I'll do what I can to help."
"Can I go meet Hugo at Grandpa's now?" James asked.
"Can I go too?" Al asked.
"Yes. Go. Have fun." Harry hugged his sons briefly before they flooed away.
Ginny apparated home a brief moment later. "Oh hello, I just dropped Lily off at dad's."
Harry kissed her briefly. "That's where the boys just went." Harry informed her.
"How did the talk go?" she asked with a smile.
"Awkward. But successful I think." He smiled.
"You're such a good dad." She kissed him lightly again.
"Know what I just realized Harry? We're alone." she raised an eyebrow suggestively.
Harry pulled her into his arms. "Right you are my lovely wife."
He placed a kiss to her lips then moved to trail down her neck. He pushed her on the couch gently and continued to place kisses along her neck.
"Forgot my broom." James said. "Oh man! Are you guys 'expressing your feelings'?" he looked in horror at his parents in a very compromising position. "You better be careful with your actions." He laughed as he ran to the broom cupboard under the stairs. He grabbed his broom and ran back to the fireplace. Harry and Ginny were now sitting a foot apart, looking like school children who'd been caught in an abandoned classroom.
"It's okay mum, dad, your bodies are just 'reacting in a certain way'." James laughed hysterically.
"Good bye James." Harry glared.
"The Burrow!" James's laugh echoed long after he was gone.