AN: If you want, you can check out 2 of my other stories that are currently up for adoption. I'm hoping this story goes better than the last ones, but only the future knows, I guess.

I don't own Naruto, nor any of the characters mentioned in this story. This disclaimer applies to all my upcoming chapters in this book. I repeat: I own nothing except the plot idea of this fan fiction.

Introduction – The Realization

'Why am I like this…' I asked myself for the thousandth time in my life.

I was currently laying face-up on my bed, staring at the ceiling. There were all these neat little patterns in the paintwork…

I sighed and turned over onto my stomach, shoving my face into my uncomfortable pillow. I kept thinking about Kiba, my secret crush who also happens to live 4 houses down from me. His cute face – and not to mention his perfect abs and biceps – refused to leave my mind. I had known him since second grade, where we were the best of friends. I only started to have feelings stronger than friendship for him recently, about the beginning of 7th grade. I was currently out of school, because it was summer, and going into my 8th grade year. Kiba and I had never drifted apart. I was considered part of the family in the Inuzuka household, as was Kiba in the Nara household. However, despite all the perfections Kiba had – both mind and body- there was still an essential flaw I saw with my secret crush…

He was straight.

At first, I tried to ignore the feelings completely; I couldn't have actually fallen in love with that crazy dog boy, had I? I could and did, actually.

Soon after, I tried dropping hints and brought up the conversation of sexuality as often as I could, but only when we were alone. I was hoping he would eventually be admitting the simple 2 words… Well, 3 if you count that one's a contraction…

"I'm gay."

Then, if I got really lucky, there would be an extra 6 words (7 for the contraction) tacked onto the end of that phrase.

"…and I'm in love with you."

That never happened, though. As far as I know, he's still as straight as a signpost, sadly, and has a girlfriend named Hinata.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against women in general, and Hinata is even one of my closer friends, but I would never kiss, date, or get in bed with any girl whatsoever. The female reproduction system grosses me out, to be honest.

My mother interrupted my thoughts when she came into my room and shook my shoulder lightly, since I was still face down, laying on my stomach.

"Shika, are you awake?" she asked after a few seconds.

"Yeah, mom, I'm fine," I said as I turned over and sat up in bed.

"Honey, why are your eyes all red? Have you been crying?" she asked with upmost worry.

"No, I'm just really tired. I watched TV for too long last night," I answered, faking a yawn.

"…Well, okay, sweetie, if you say so," she replied with a sigh. "Don't forget your first day of 8th grade is tomorrow, so go to bed at least before 10:00," she added. With that, she left my room, closing my door in the process.

I don't know if she realized I lied to her. I have been crying. I fake yawns when I don't want people to see tears of sorrow. Instead, they see tears of exhaustion. I don't want them to worry.

My eyes thick with tears, I rolled onto my side, facing away from my bedroom door. I had to bite my finger to keep from sobbing uncontrollably. I subconsciously started to think about him… Kiba Inuzuka, the guy I wanted to hug so badly right now and be hugged back with just as much passion.

I had to stop my train of thought, right before it went down a road of pain. That road of pain was the path of a one-way love. Always wanting to be loved by Kiba, yet never receiving the same love I offered him.

*FLASHBACK*

"Of course I love you, Shikamaru," Kiba answered, my hopes as high as a kite.

"You're my best friend, how could I not love you? You're like a brother to me!" he said with a grin. My kite of hopes was just shot down by a sniper.

On the outside, I was smiling. On the inside, I was crying, wailing so loud in my mind I thought that Kiba might hear it.

With small tears already beginning to well up in my eyes, I faked a yawn. Kiba, to my surprise, looked relatively concerned.

"Shikamaru, is everything okay? You've been yawning nearly non-stop today. Did you get enough sleep?"

"No," I answered. "I'm just not a good sleeper in general…" I actually answered truthfully.

"That sucks dick," Kiba said, a small smile on his face, a laugh about to escape his lips.

I forced myself to smile, and I even managed to laugh a little, and he soon joined in on the laughter. 'Kiba, you have no idea,' I thought.

"Hey, um, Kiba, can I tell you something? It's kind of private, so please don't tell anyone," I began.

"Yeah, sure! My lips are sealed!" Kiba said with a huge smile.

'I don't understand how he's so happy all the time…' I thought to myself.

"I… don't really know how to tell you this… but I'm… gay…" I said, mumbling the last few words.

Kiba's smile immediately left his face. "You're… what?"

"…Gay," I repeated after a few seconds.

Kiba just sat there on the sofa, staring at me, frozen in shock. A sweat bead formed on my face. If I were to guess, I think it was a full minute before Kiba responded.

"I… u-uh…" Kiba stuttered.

That was the last thing I heard from him. He ran out of my living room, out the front door, and all the way to his home.

"What was that all about?" my mother asked, walking into the living room from the kitchen.

"Kiba said that his parents… had dinner ready so he had to go home," I quickly lied.

"Oh… okay. He was welcome to stay for dinner, he always is…" Mother answered.

"Yeah, he knows…" I replied with a small sigh.

*END FLASHBACK*

That incident was a week ago. Kiba and I haven't talked since. I haven't texted him, (which was usually a daily thing for us.) and he hasn't texted me. I'm worried he won't want to be my friend anymore… He probably hates me… I bet he told a ton of people that I'm a fag by now…

The tears were still falling, but no sound was escaping my lips. I still had my finger knuckle in my mouth, teeth clamped so hard I was afraid I might've bitten my own finger off.

Just then I felt and tasted blood on my finger.

'Great, just great,' I thought. I took my finger out of my mouth and stared at both of my hands. On the exact same knuckle on every finger on both hands was a small scar from biting my fingers. There was only a small amount of blood on my right-hand pointer finger, where the most recent injury had occurred seconds ago. I definitely wouldn't bleed out from it.

'Crap, I thought about Kiba again…'

A different finger was in my mouth to muffle the sobs.

I tried to stop myself from going deeper into my thoughts, but I couldn't resist… I was too emotionally exhausted to stop myself.

'Kiba… Why can't I just be fucking normal, none of this would've happened… I wouldn't have a crush on Kiba and we'd still be friends. I can't help being gay, it's definitely not a choice, nor was it an easy transition to realize I was gay and in love with my straight best friend. He's not even single-"

My mind and body froze, realizing what I had just mentally dived into.

'What if they've kissed… they probably have… what if they've stayed overnight together somewhere…'

My entire body burst into shaking fits, my sobs becoming too wild to control anymore. My only hope is to shove my face into the pillow and hope it muffles my screams enough so no one hears me…

Eventually I cried myself to sleep, like I have done for the past week.

I miss Kiba…

Why can't he love me…?

Ugh, life…

~FS