It's influenced a bit by the lyrics from Deric Ruttan's "I Saved Everything," totally an awesome song! (Not sure about you, but the lyrics really match with the game in my opinion...) The song is in full at the bottom.
Disclaimer: I don't own FF8 and all that good stuff, please see Squaresoft/Square Enix.
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Clearing Skies
Winhill: small place with a whack load of nostalgia. From the looks of it, you'd never guess that a hamlet could hold so much value for some old guy who's supposed to be beyond the rustic scene. Well, lemme tell you something, sometimes it's best not to assume things.
Like this wooden box set in front of me. I snuck it up to Esthar because of the memories it holds. It has a simple design, which could have taken hours to craft. The wood it's made from probably came from a tree that spent its entire life being nurtured in the small village it was designed in. Sounds sort of like the people living there. Anyway, the person who carved the images along the sides had kept it in good condition and left a few items in it. Rose petals and a letter, a piece of baby's breath, A single white feather you found the day we met. You said it came from an Angel's wing. Every now and then I look through it, and usually it makes me smile; sometimes it's a sad smile though.
I could spend hours rambling on about the past and the people that I've met. Or give the entire truth, including every heartbreaking detail that makes my eyes water thinking about it. Or even sugar-coat flaws and gloss over ordeals, but none of that really helps. Nope. It's sort of like those jokes that are only funny when you witness 'em first hand; the past can't truly impact someone unless they've experienced it.
Geez, now I'm sounding all philosophical, and serious... what's with that? Sorry, I guess I am prone to meander a bit. All right, back to the beginning: Winhill. Yup, it's pretty small. Not a lot of tourist attractions or big productions. I remember picturing it as a stubborn village that got up and left the rest of civilization in order to preserve its traditions or something. Just running off to hide in the past. Kinda like I did 17-odd years ago. Anyway, the place is still mostly populated by home-run businesses. They're the ones that aren't in it for the money, but to keep the community tightly knit and operating. There are small shops selling flowers or items, a homely hotel, a little church that served as a part-time school on weekdays, and a pub tucked away in the town square.
Most of that is just the backdrop in my mind; the buildings don't make up the village to me. Nah, when my goal was to be a journalist, the idea of snapping pictures of buildings wasn't very appealing. What, do you go up to a wall and start asking how it's been? Me, I was more, and still am, interested in interacting with people rather than buildings. So naturally, a few people come to mind when I think of the places I've been.
In Deling City that'd be Julia and a couple of army buds. Shumi Village...well, the Shumis and those way cool Moombas. I wonder if they managed to expand their vocabulary... Come to think of it, I wonder what happened to that Moomba I met in Esthar a while back... Hmm... I still owe him a meal or two. For Fisherman's Horizon, I think of that mayor dude and his wife. According Kiros he's still in power over there but keeping a low profile. And in Winhill, my soul automatically registers "Raine and Elle." I suppose I should be adding another name to that list, but we didn't actually meet there.
The point of all this? Today happens to be a special day. Now, the usual connotation of 'special' being 'exciting,' like for a birthday party, doesn't really apply. It's more along the lines of 'out of the ordinary' or 'distinctive.' This would be the day I received some heavy news, which relates to what I was saying earlier, about the past.
Kiros and Ward, as my two awesome aides, were off still dealing with doc Odine's ravings and trying to help the others get organized. We'd sent Elle back to Winhill as soon as we could with the promise that we'd be just behind her. She was pretty eager to go home and see Raine, but was reluctant to leave us behind. I told her a promise was a promise and to get going, much like Raine had done to me to get my behind in gear and rescue Elle. Anyway, she was off carrying our well wishes to my wife. I guess my friends figured I'd like some time alone to regroup after sending Ellone on her way. Maybe that was the natural thing to do, but sometimes I find it better to just be doing something rather than sitting down and thinking too much about something you can't change. Distractions are handy like that.
Right, so it wasn't too long ago that we, the resistance faction, were tingling with do-or-die energy, and hoping to whatever God is out there that we would be able to banish that creepy sorceress from her throne. I'll admit I hadn't been paying much attention to who was who, only on the issue at hand. And hey, it wasn't like me and the guys were expecting to spend the rest our lives there so I kind of disregarded names. Unfortunately, where I've spent the rest of my life was decided by the group of people I'd given my word to help. This meant delaying a return to what I thought was to be 'home.' Becoming president wasn't a very big thing, sure people stare at you funny but my friends were still with me and that made it worthwhile. I was sitting somewhere in Esthar, can't really remember which room of what building, when someone, who's name I can't recall, from the resistance party came in and handed me a telegram. It was a little on the wrinkled side, and wasn't an overly impressive looking document.
Well, what else to do? Having nothing else to preoccupy myself, I did the obvious.
You know, having a dream to write about different people, travelling, and all that, you'd think I would know the power of words. I can't say that I'd ever been on the receiving end of words that could bear such anguish. They were typed up concisely and there was no name on the return address. The message was all too clear, and written simply, just like her tombstone.
Raine Leonheart
Date and place of birth: May 4th, Winhill
Date and place of death: September 9th, Winhill
It's mirrored where she rests...
Raine Loire
Forever at Peace.
No words to describe the loss, no emotion written into that stone. No smiles or happy moments reflected from the headstone. No condolences, regrets, apologies, explanations...nothing. No witness standing by to proclaim the good she did, or how much the people around her loved her. And no way for me to tell her how much I need her...
But the paper, it turned her into a number. I couldn't comprehend how the people in that village were able to do that. She was their friend, someone who cared for them and lived her life with them. And now she's laid to rest, and has been turned into a figure on some paper. Maybe it's easier for some people to detach themselves so far from the subject of pain, that that was the only way for them to deal with the loss... I don't know. A more cynical part of me was screaming that might as well have added "Cause of death: Unreliable husband. "
Most of the time I tend not to dwell on solemn stuff, not when there's something else exciting or fantastic going on. But no, I couldn't deal with anything else. For a long time I struggled with that. 'Cause I saved everything that ever meant anything. Precious moments in time, I kept them all alive. These pieces of the past take me back To the greatest love I ever knew. I saved everything but you.
It didn't feel right to be allowed to rest, not after what I'd done... or rather, for not doing as I'd promised. I wasn't there for her. And I'd sent the only other friendly face from Winhill away from me, and had no clue how to get her back. It didn't really seem like I was fit to take care of her at the time either. So, instead I resorted to insomnia. After a while I guess it became evident because Kiros and Ward kept trying to pull me off the work. I think they even tried slipping stuff into my meals... but that hardly mattered because I stopped eating. Instead I found pushing limits was an easier time-consuming game. Wearing down psyche, working past sleepless hours to shut off echoes of the past... Any time it seemed like things were looking up would just make the waves of pain and guilt rise higher and engulf the brief light.
Eventually by working to the point of exhaustion, Kiros got a hold of me and made me come out of it (I was avoiding them). So we made a deal, if I'd take breaks every now and then and go outside more, he wouldn't hound me and Ward wouldn't have to shoot sedatives at me. Heck, if things didn't seem so bad, it would've been like a dream job...
After a while I just woke up. I was drawn to people again, and I dunno... it was like switching back to my kind of mannerism of life. Things became more automatic, more natural; physically, it was the way things were before.
But I would stop everyday and reflect. Heh, I guess that explains the grey hairs, huh? Slowly the good began to outweigh the bad in my mind. You know, you've just got to allow yourself to breathe again... to come up for air after drowning in miseries, regrets, "what-ifs", all those past memories can fog you up. It's not right. I lost sight of that, but as always relied on my friends to guide me back. That's why you've got friends! We take it in turns... I even managed to sneak a contract past Kiros to one of those Gardens. Sure there's still an invisible boundary around Esthar, but it's not like we're stuck in a high-tech fishbowl. The physical boundary's down and I'm sure things will work out between all the nations.
Back to today. I haven't written anything personal for some time but today Inspiration gave me a prod and here we are. At first I thought this would be a good way to explain some things. But as I see how it's materialized, I somehow doubt you'd find it appropriate for me to give this confession of sorts as a letter. For now it's gonna sit in this box. I'm hoping that we can have this conversation in person some day, and soon. I don't want to be too late again.
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Full Lyrics: Rose petals and a letter, a piece of baby's breath I saved everything that ever meant anything In the early part of Autumn you were slippin' out of reach And I never stopped believin' right up 'til the end 'Cause I saved everything, that ever meant anything ...A single white feather I found the day you left
In a drawer there's a key with an old wooden box
Sometimes Jesus and me, sit down and unlock another time
When you were mine
A single white feather you found the day we met
You said it came from an Angel's wing.
Precious moments in time, I kept them all alive
These pieces of the past take me back
To the greatest love I ever knew
I saved everything but you.
I was running out of options
So I went to see the preacher and we prayed
'Lord, take her chains away.'
I know God must have his reasons,
But nothin' makes much sense without you here...
There's only silver wings.
Precious moments in time, I kept them all alive
These pieces of the past take me back
To the greatest love I ever knew
I saved everything but you.
I knew it came from an Angel's wing.
Deric Ruttan - "I Saved Everything"