Hah. I have been gone for a long time. I have no excuses save for life happening. and being busier than ever, but I missed writing Fanfiction. So here is a total CRACK one-shot I started forever ago. I'll try and update my other stories as I've had the full plots written out since I started posting them on here :)

Anyways, hello lovely readers. Have fun with this, I sure did!

"Juvia-sama is so sad."

"There there Juvia" Lucy said sympathetically patting the water mage's hand "Gray will be back soon, and then you can stalk-errm, I-I mean see him again"

"Juvia will die without seeing Gray-sama's face every day" Juvia wailed small storm clouds forming above her head.

Lucy's eye twitched at her 'Really? So mellow dramatic' Lucy thought feeling rain soaking through her shirt 'Oh god, she's making it rain' Lucy thought worriedly seeing her white cotton tank top start to turn transparent and stick to her breasts "J-Juvia could you please make the rain stop?" Lucy asked crossing her arms over her chest.

Juvia gave no answer, she simply flopped her head on the table top and continued to stare listlessly at the guild's entrance as the storm clouds above her continued to grow.

"I have an idea" Lucy said standing up and running after Gray Fullbuster and Wendy Marvell who'd just left the guild, Charle in tow.

"Juvia will die. Gray-sama asked Juvia not to follow so Juvia wouldn't get hurt. But staying here without Gray-sama's shinning face is like dying" she mumbled monotonously, as she began to carve her last will into the wooden table top "Juvia will die."

"Juvia" a deep voice whispered into her ear tugging on a strand of her hair

Juvia's eyes went wide "G-Gray-sama!" she yelped her entire face going red as she leapt up to hug him "Did Gray-sama come back for Juvia?" the water mage asked happily, the dark clouds around her head dissipating in an instant

Lucy let out a relieved sigh

"Of course" a smirking Gray said wrapping his arms tightly around her waist "I'd never leave my princess Juvia" he said casually pulling off his pants.

At that moment Lucy was sure; Juvia suffered through a mild stroke.

"Juvia, let's go do a mission together" Gray said, patiently waiting her to reform herself after literally melting into a puddle of water on the floor.

Lucy felt a mild twinge of what she was sure was called her conscious as it quietly assessed that maybe fooling Juvia into thinking Gemini was Gray was not the best idea.

But then, neither was letting Juvia's depression rain clouds soak through her shirt. She disregarded the thought, noting that the charade would be over in two days' time when Gray and Wendy were slated to return.

~~xxxxxxxxxxx~~

"….What the hell…"

"I'm sorry Gray. I tried to close the gate myself but Gemini simply won't leave!" Lucy squeaked, her face burning bright red "I'm so sorry! I never thought anything like this would happen!"

"I didn't even know your spirits were into this sort of thing. Loke I understand, but this is just kinda..well…disturbing."

"Hehehe, Juvia, think we could allow another one of me to join us?" a husky sounding ice mage said, not even bothering to be embarrassed by his state of undress, or even pausing in his attentions to Juvia, who was currently just as unaffected as Gemini was.

"Look, I don't care who you have sex with, just don't do it in the middle of the guild and especially while impersonating me!" Gray yelled, losing his shirt as he marched up to the two of them. In the background the guild doors slammed. Wendy was rushed out the guild by Charle in hopes of preserving her innocence.

"You know" Juvia purred, sending him a look of a predator about to ravage her prey senseless. "you've been invited to join, Gray-sama" she said, sitting up and giving him an eyeful of her bare chest, half human skin, half water, curling around Gemini's face. "You should really consider it. I mean, this Gray and I have been practicing this entire time while waiting for you to return" she said sending him a sunny smile. "And Gray-sama is an exhibitionist. Juvia thought Gray-sama would like this."

"Th-that's sick!" he yelled back, face flaming red "I would nev-" Immediately he felt a warm pressure at his jeans and water soaking them, dragging them down.

"Would you consider doing it with two Juvias then?"

The question came from two sources, one at his hips dragging down his clothing. 'This is not happening' the second from his left shoulder gripping him around his arms and torso. He couldn't move.

"Mmmm Juvia won't be jealous if Juvia is the only one who touches Gray-sama" The figure in front of him said, laying kisses along his hips and slowly removing the last of his clothing.

Gray's eyes widened. He looked around trying to see if anyone actually cared. Lucy had left, following Wendy and Charle out. Gajeel and Cana were in the back of the guild, drunk and cackling. Makarov was passed out on a table. His nosebleed had been going for so long that there was a small puddle forming under him. 'Dirty old man. He's probably been getting off seeing this!' Everyone else was either ignoring the scene completely or trying to convince other guild members to start an orgy. Freed was currently getting his face punched in by Mirajane.

"Well Gray-sama" the very naked copy of Juvia whispered nibbling on his ear lobe and leading his hand to rest on her ass.

"Will you join Juvia?" the real Juvia asked her face between his legs, hands sliding up his thighs.

Gray sighed. Feeling his own excitement and desire bubble up "Not in public though."

Juvia let out a shriek of joy, forming in to a mass of water and carrying both Gemini and Gray upstairs.

They were asked to star in a porno later that day.