Title: New Boy
Characters: Sir Humphrey, Bernard, Sir Arnold
Genre: Humour
Rating: G
Warnings: none
Summary: Approx. 3 years pre-canon. Bernard's first 5 minutes working in DAA, ever. Sir Humphrey puts him on a preliminary soundness test by asking some trick-questions.
***
„With the reorganization, you are going to get 50 new people. But the current head of division remains in charge of it." Sir Arnold said and sipped tea.
„My dear Arnold, you would not send some incompetent boy to me, would you?" Sir Humphrey asked suspiciously.
„No, he is not incompetent as such. He is the son-in-law of our poor old Georgie and is, from what I have heard so far, some sort of a high-flyer. You see, my dear Humphrey, when the reorganization was announced, the boy started lobbying for a higher position in MoD, but the MoD chaps will not hear it. How embarrassing!" Sir Arnold said and laughed drily. „So it is better, if he simply keeps on doing the same job under DAA."
***
Sir Humphrey glanced at his watch. It was 6.25 AM on Monday morning.
Then he took a look at the reśumé for the first time.
„So, Woolley, you read classics in Oxford and graduated with a first?"
„Yes, Sir." Woolley replied proudly.
„Excellent." Sir Humphrey said. He glanced at his watch again.
My dear Arnold possibly over-dramatized again. In principle, I could end the meeting right now, but I have five more minutes to waste, alas. Let's see, whether our high-flyer has a few chinks in his armour.
Sir Humphrey looked at the reśumé in more detail. „So... as I see, all your life has been dedicated to MoD procurements. Do not take any offence, but that naturally arises the question: what are your views on taking bribery?"
„Gosh! I'd never go there!" Woolley stared at Sir Humphrey in disbelief and turned crimson red.
„I certainly hope so." Sir Humphrey said and continued. „But how important is money to you?"
„Well, Sir, if money were my top priority, I would have never joined civil service." Woolley hit the ball back over the net.
„I most certainly can see your point." Sir Humphrey said. „And what are your future career plans, Woolley?"
„I surely hope to stay in the civil service until I am 65, Sir." Woolley said, face completely blank.
„And do you have hobbies?"
„Yes, quite a lot in fact, Sir... cars, tennis, squash, golf, billiards... that sort of things..."
„Sportsman, then. Do you also like football?"
„Football? Lord no! Eww!" Woolley squeaked.
„I see. It was a delight speaking to you, Woolley. Would you like a drink?"
„Thank you Sir, but no, this would be rather unusual..." Woolley glanced at his watch nervously, „It is just 6.29 AM after all!"
There does not appear to be anything too obviously unsound in that new boy.
FIN.