Warning: slight yaoi KakaXIru character death
There were some moments in life where a person wishes to go back, to just hit the rewind button and get a redo. Kakashi stood outside of his and Iruka's apartment after another one of their arguments, earning him a seat in a nice old tree. Kakashi sighed; he and Iruka had been fighting a lot lately and Kakashi was beginning to wonder if the chuunin would put up with him much longer. Bending over Kakashi picked up his bag and jumped onto the roof, hoping the night air would calm his mind down.
Today their argument was about Kakashi's training schedule; he had spent all of last night out training for an upcoming top secret ANBU mission where he was expected to go alone, a suicide mission for some, but for the great Hatake Kakashi it was child's play. At least that's what Tsunade had said when she gave him the mission. But looking at the overview Kakashi had to admit it would be more than just child's play. So he had spent every opportunity he had training himself for the upcoming mission, which led to the argument of tonight.
Anyone could understand Iruka's frustration with Kakashi; he felt neglected by his lover's sudden training obsession. Kakashi was distant enough with everyone and for him to treat Iruka just like everyone else made Iruka frustrated. He had spent almost a year with the man and had thought he had figured the scarecrow out but now…
Iruka felt his heart ache as he threw Kakashi's bag at him and slammed the door closed. Retreating to the couch he sat and waited for Kakashi to pound on the door begging Iruka to let him back in, just like he always did when they fought. Iruka sat and waited ready to spring up and allow his lover back into the house. But the knock never came, instead Iruka watched through the curtained window as Kakashi picked up his bag and left, his head hung low.
"BAKA KAKASHI!" Iruka cried into a pillow and then chucked it at the front door. He felt tears filling his eyes but quickly blinked them back, "It's ok he'll be back tomorrow and we can work this whole thing out…" Iruka reassured himself.
***
Kakashi woke up early the next morning before the sun rose and arrived at the hokage's office, dressed in his ANBU uniform. There he went over any new information the hokage had gathered for his mission. As the sun began to rise Tsunade and Shizune walked with Kakashi to the gate, Tsunade slipping him a first aid kit before he left.
"Come back in one piece Hatake," Tsunade said in business like tone, a slight smirk crossing her face. Kakashi nodded, smiling beneath his mask.
"I plan on it, if Iruka comes looking for me-"
"Don't worry I'll take care of your dolphin."
Kakashi nodded again and soon was speeding off into the forest.
With Iruka~
Iruka woke up at his usual time; first thing he noticed was that Kakashi had not come home yet.
"I'm sure he'll be back for dinner," Iruka said cheering himself up. With that the tanned man pulled himself from the warmth of his sheets and got started on his morning routine. Sliding on his sandals and grabbing his bag Iruka stepped out into the bright sunshine and headed off for the academy.
His day was uneventful: Konohamaru and his gang tried to play their usual pranks, while Iruka tried to explain to his students about how to figure out the trajectory of a kunai coming at them. He was left with 5 or 6 students nodding with understanding, and everybody else who sat glazy eyed and drooling. Iruka pinched his scarred nose and dismissed the class for a quick recess. And the events of his day went on just like this.
Once the academy had let out for the day Iruka headed off to his apartment, hoping Kakashi would be there making dinner for them, seeing as how Iruka had the day off from the mission's room Kakashi would usually cook for him. But the dolphin man was disappointed for the second time that day when he came home and saw that his lover had still not come home.
"Where is he?" Iruka asked himself, worried and angry all at once.
With Kakashi~
He was cold, hungry, and he missed Iruka more than anything. Kakashi had been following this group of ninjas for the entire day now, going unnoticed by anyone. The hokage had said that they were missing nin that had stolen some information about the villiage, so she had sent the best man for the job. There were five of them. Kakashi shook his head as he remained hidden in the shadows; he was beginning to think the hokage had too much faith in his abilities. But a mission was still a mission, and Kakashi was not going to let this one ruin his winning streak.
As the ninjas ahead of him began to set up camp as the sun began to set, Kakashi found a comfortable place in a tree for him to sleep in. He smiled as he thought of how Iruka hadn't forced him into this tree. Kakashi sighed quietly and watched the ninja with wary eyes, thinking only of his Iruka. He couldn't wait for this mission to be over so he could go home and ask, if not beg, for Iruka's forgiveness. All he had to do was wait to see who they were giving the information to. As the night sky grew darker Kakashi's eyes began to close, sensing everyone in the camp was sleeping as well.
"Ruka.." he whispered allowing himself to sleep at last.
With Iruka~
Now Iruka was worried; night had fallen and still there was no sight of the silver haired jounin. Iruka bit his lip wondering if maybe their fight last night had been more explosive than he had thought.
"What if he doesn't come back?" Iruka said to himself. The thought of his and Kakashi's relationship ending with this fight brought tears to Iruka's eyes. No, he thought as he blinked them back, maybe he just needs more time to cool off this time, if he's not back by tomorrow then…
Then what? Assume that the best thing to happen to Iruka in years had ended with a stupid argument? He couldn't accept that. Tomorrow he would just ask Kakashi's friends if he was staying with one of them, then he would go over and try to work this thing out. Iruka nodded coming to a decision and headed off for bed hoping that when he woke up the silver haired man would be in bed with him and he wouldn't have to go looking for him.
With Kakashi~
Kakashi groaned as the group of ninjas left camp early, far before the sun would even consider coming out. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night when he and Iruka had fought and now he had to get up after only a few hours to follow these guys. Kakashi grumbled inwardly as he stayed a good distance away from the enemy nin, not bothering to stick to the shadows since it was still dark out.
He felt his heart nearly stop when one of the enemy turned around and looked in his direction. Shit, Kakashi thought slipping even further into the forests coverage. Holding his breath, he released it only when the nin turned back around and continued walking. He waited a few moments making sure that they really hadn't seen him, and then continued to follow them leaving more space between them than he had before.
They traveled well into the afternoon, only stopping once for rest. Kakashi noted that they were just along the border line of the Land of Fire. He looked around for the nin he spotted them standing at the top of a hill, their cloaks fluttering in the wind. A sixth ninja joining them also hooded. Kakashi crept closer to the group struggling to hear.
"Hello there," came a childish voice from behind him, "find what you were looking for?"
Kakashi wheeled around and saw a pixie faced girl looking up at him, a sinister smile crawling onto her face.
"You really should be more careful…"
With Iruka~
Iruka woke up before his alarm told him to, the sun was just barley peeking over the horizon. Again Kakashi was not in bed with him.
"Maybe he's somewhere in the apartment," Iruka said to himself trying to remain calm. Searching the apartment thoroughly Iruka became angry. Where was he? Was he really that upset that Iruka wanted to spend more time with him? All he had wanted was for Kakashi to ease up on the training and come home, to sleep in the same bed, and actually talk like they had been able to before his sudden obsession.
Iruka pulled on his sandals and stormed out of the apartment; he was not going to let Kakashi do this. He was determined to find him and chew him out for his behavior and let him know that he wasn't mad at him anymore. Ok, maybe now he was but he was frustrated damn it! He loved Kakashi and once he found the damn scarecrow he was going to let him know!
With determination Iruka began to search the village for anyone Kakashi might stay with. Kurenai said she hadn't seen him since the last time they had gone drinking. Asuma said he hadn't seen him either. Iruka's frustration began to melt away and slowly became fear. Where was he? Feeling desperate Iruka even asked Gai-sensei if Kakashi was staying with him.
"I FEAR MY ETERNAL RIVAL AND I HAVE NOT HAD A MATCH IN QUITE SOME TIME NOW!" Gai said, "HAVE YOU HAD A LOVER'S QUARELL? DO NOT ALLOW THIS TO INTERFERE WITH YOURS AND MY RIVALS SPRING TIME OF YOUTH!!"
With that Iruka was left with one last option and headache; he headed for the hokage's office. He entered the hokage's office out of breath, having run the whole way.
"Hokage-sama!" Iruka yelled bursting through the door. Tsunade looked up from her paper work, behind that was the bottle of sake.
"Ah Iruka!" she said with a smile, tucking her bottle back into its hideout, "what can I help you with."
"Kakashi," Iruka said breathlessly, "where is he?"
The hokage's smile faded, folding her hands across her desk.
"It doesn't concern you," she said coldly.
"It does concern me!" Iruka yelled, he's fear for Kakashi doubling. Where had the hokage sent him?
"All I can tell you Iruka is that he'll be back in a few days, don't worry."
With Kakashi~
Kakashi bent over the dead ninja, his hand shaking as his adrenaline rush was coming to an end. Lifting the hood of the sixth ninja Kakashi looked at the headband, the sound ninja symbol clearly visible on it. Orochimaru was trying to get information about the village? Well Tsunade-sama will be pleased he had caught and killed the nin before information exchanged hands.
His body swayed as a wound in his side began to throb painfully. Looking down he saw a deep gash in his side, not only was it bleeding heavily but a white liquid also was visible to his eye. Kakashi groaned, poison, the stupid nin had poison, and if it was like anything like his past experiences a basic antidote would not help him. He pulled the kit the hokage had given him, hoping there would be something to help him finding bandages and a basic antidote, even if it wouldn't cure him completely it might stall the poisons effects. He used both, wincing as he bandaged his more serious injuries, he would just have to work quickly in order for him to get back to Konohana and Iruka before the poison did any permanent damage.
Finishing up Kakashi got to his feet, swaying a bit, and headed for Konohana.
With Iruka~
Iruka didn't know what to do with himself, Kakashi was gone on a mission to god knows where and he had fought with him about training for said mission! Iruka had beaten himself in the head multiple times with his palm, feeling like a complete idiot. He found himself back at their apartment standing in the middle of their bedroom.
Over and over in his head the words that he said replayed themselves. Such harsh things he had said, and now knowing the reason behind his lover's actions, he wished to go back and take back the words.
Flashback~
Kakashi came home after another late night of training. Iruka sat at the dinner table where both their dinners sat cold and untouched.
"Iruka?" Kakashi said slightly surprised, "why are you still up?"
Iruka glared at him from his seat at the table when he spoke his voice was sarcastic and cold.
"Well Kakashi I thought maybe we should eat together like we always do," Iruka's voice lost all sarcasm as he continued, "but apparently for the past two weeks you've found better things to do."
Kakashi hung his head looking apologetic, "I'm sorry Ruka I-"
"Don't you call me that!" Iruka yelled, "Not this time Kakashi you won't get away by calling me by my nickname and apologizing! I want a reason as to why you're avoiding me!"
"I'm not avoiding you," Kakashi said quietly. Iruka snorted in disbelief.
"Then why have you been coming home so late?"
"I'm sorry," Kakashi said, "I wish I could explain."
"You could you just don't want to," Iruka said his voice ceasing to yell, "you don't let anyone in Kakashi, not even me."
"I do let you in Iruka, you just have to trust me on this I have a reason!"
"I don't know if I can trust you Kakashi, not when you hide things from me…"
"Iruka," Kakashi said taking a step towards the tan man, trying to embrace him. Iruka him back.
"Just go."
"Ruka…"
"I SAID GO!" Iruka yelled pushing Kakashi out the door, grabbing the bag Kakashi had left in the walkway and shoving it at him, "Come back when you can say 'I love you' and mean it."
End Flashback~
Iruka laid down on the bed, hugging Kakashi's pillow and breathing in his scent. Kakashi had wanted to tell him, he just couldn't. Iruka curled into a ball. He could only imagine the pain Kakashi must have felt after Iruka had said those things.
"I'm so sorry Kakashi," Iruka whispered, "Please come back safely…"
With Kakashi~
He didn't know anything, he didn't know how far he'd come, he didn't know if it was day or night, he didn't know how long he'd been away from the village. All he knew was that if he didn't put one foot in front of the other he would collapse and never be able to get back up. His one constant thought was getting home, to see Iruka and explain everything, to apologize.
His legs shook, the village gates not far off from where he was.
"Just a bit more," Kakashi whispered, "Only a bit more…"
With each step he took he said those words, hoping it would give him the strength to continue. When his foot crossed the threshold of the gate he heard voices. They were questioning him, yelling for others to get help, telling him to hold on. Kakashi felt his legs finally give out, a pair of arms catching him before he hit the ground. Now the voices were more urgent telling him to hold on.
Kakashi didn't understand, hold onto what? He was floating there wasn't anything to grab a hold of. How could he be floating when his body felt so heavy? What was going on? Where was he? He felt his body go rigid, he was in enemy territory! His arms began to flail striking at whoever his capture was; they wouldn't take the great copy-nin down without a fight! Someone grab his arms restraining him. Ok quick, Kakashi began to think, his legs weren't bound yet. He used his legs trying to kick his way out; no good his body was far too injured to even consider kicking someone.
Panic ran through him, who was he? He didn't understand any of this! What did these people want from him? He had to try and find a way out, but how? He opened his eyes wide, everything was a blur, they were moving him! His eyes began to look around frantically, they had brought him to a room that was so white it made his eyes hurt. A woman bent over him, her blonde hair falling onto his face tickling his nose.
"Kakashi!" the woman yelled over and over, her hands glowing. He felt his injuries heat up as well as the rest of his body. They were setting him on fire! Kakashi screamed, it was the only thing not bound by the enemy, it was the only think he could think of to do.
"KAKASHI!" the woman yelled desperately, her glowing hands stopping as she bent over him more, "someone get me the strongest antidotes we have and something to ease his pain."
Ease his pain? Of course she meant it sarcastically! Kakashi began to fight his bonds, but the woman placed a hand on his chest.
"Easy Kakashi, I know you're confused but you need to stay still. I haven't had a chance to heal you the poison you were hit with is preventing me…"
He hadn't realized he had said it until he heard it.
"Ruka…" his voice was tired and scratchy, but the blonde understood. It looked like she was smiling at him.
"He's coming Kakashi, just hold on."
With Iruka~
He felt someone shaking him, Iruka grunted and rolled away from whoever was pestering him.
"Iruka-sensei," came a desperate plea, "you need to wake up!"
Iruka opened one bleary eye and rolled over to see a pink blob standing over him.
"Sakura?" Iruka said tiredly the only pink haired shinobi he could think of who knew where he lived, "What's going on?" Iruka rubbed his eyes and the sleepy blur he had vanished, he could see a worried expression on the young woman's face. He sat up quickly and looked at her with a more serious look. "What's wrong?"
"Kakashi-sensei…"
Without another word Iruka sprang from his bed and pulled on his sandals and a robe.
"Take me to him."
They were running as fast as they could, Sakura hadn't said a word the entire time. Iruka felt his heart pound in his chest. If Kakashi dies before he got there, before he could apologize… No he couldn't think that way. Kakashi was fine, he would be fine he had to be.
They reached the hospital in a few minutes but it felt like hours to Iruka as he ran through the front doors. Sakura led him as quickly as possible down the hallways of Konohana's hospital, until they reached a door, Tsunade standing outside the door waiting for them. She looked worn and sad, Iruka ran to her leaving Sakura behind.
"Tell me he's ok!" Iruka yelled grabbing hold of Tsunade's robes, "Tell me it's just chakra loss or something minor!"
Tsunade looked down at the chuunin's tear filled eyes, her own eyes blinking hastily.
"Iruka," she said calmly, removing his hands from her robes and holding onto him carefully, "he's suffered multiple injuries as well as severe chakra loss. But to top that all off he's also been poisoned…"
"But you can fix that right?" Iruka said hopefully.
"I'm having a team of med-nins working on an antidote, right now we're just trying to make him comfortable. He was delirious when they brought him in, I gave him some medicine to help with his pain and maybe give him some more time."
"More time?" Iruka asked his voice shaking.
"I'm not going to lie to you Iruka, he's in bad shape."
Iruka shook his head, trying to wake himself from this nightmare. When he saw he was still in the hospital still looking into the hokage's pity filled eyes, he took a deep breath.
"Can I see him?" he asked. The hokage nodded and led him into the room, Iruka leaned on the doorway for support as he saw his lover in the state he was in. Kakashi was pale, almost as white as the sheets. His mask was gone, leaving his beautiful face in view for all the world to see. Tubes were stuck in his arms, two giving him medication the other giving him blood. A heart monitor was beeping; the beats were unsteady, as was Kakashi's breathing.
"I'll be right outside," Tsunade said leaving Iruka to sit by his lover's side and hold his hand. He started to make small circles on the back of Kakashi's hand, calling softly to the sleeping man.
"Kakashi…" he said quietly. The man under the cover's stirred and opened a bleary eye to look at him.
"Ruka," he said weakly, a small smile growing on his face, "I missed you."
"Kakashi," Iruka choked back his tears, "Kakashi I'm so sorry! I didn't know, I should have known! You would have never acted like that without a reason. I'm so sorry!"
Iruka laid his head down on the bed and let out a sob. He felt Kakashi's hand tighten around his weakly. He looked up, Kakashi was smiling still.
"It's not your fault," he whispered coughing, "I…should…have," a huge coughing fit caught the rest of Kakashi's words. Iruka sprang up from his seat, sitting Kakashi up so he could rub the silver haired mans back.
"It's ok," Iruka said over and over, more as a reassurance to himself than anyone else. He continued to rub Kakashi's back until the coughing had subsided. Gently he laid the weak man back down onto his pillow.
"I..should..have..told you." Kakashi gasped out, his words wet sounding.
"No Kakashi, it was against you orders to tell me, I understand that now," Iruka whispered stroking Kakashi's hair. Kakashi shook his head.
"I should have at least warned you…" Kakashi said, his words coming out breathlessly. Iruka's eyes widened as he saw a trickle of blood coming from the side of Kakashi's mouth.
"Please don't talk anymore Kakashi." Iruka begged quickly whipping away the blood. Kakashi shook his head, more blood came from his mouth.
"I have more to say," he gurgled. Without warning Kakashi's eyes began to bulge and his body began to jerk around, Iruka cried out as Kakashi's head began to whip around. Tsunade came rushing in before Iruka had to call out.
"Hold his head!" Tsunade yelled to Iruka, Iruka's hands grabbing hold of Kakashi his mind in disarray, "Shizune!"
Shizune came running in, a syringe in hand. She hurriedly gave it to Tsunade, who switched places with Shizune to inject whatever the syringe was filled with into Kakashi's iv. Slowly, Kakashi's body stopped seizing, and his body went limp in his bed.
"W-what happened?" Iruka stammered.
"The poison," Tsunade said, "it's affecting his brain now."
"Is there anything you can do? Is the antidote done yet?"
Tsunade shook her head sadly, "I'm sorry Iruka." And with that she left, leaving Iruka to sit by Kakashi's side in silence.
"I'm so sorry Kakashi," Iruka repeated in a quiet whisper, until he fell asleep.
Iruka was startled awake by loud coughing. He opened his eyes to see Kakashi's body shaking from the strength of the coughs.
"Kakashi!" Iruka said getting out of his chair and helping Kakashi to sit up. Kakashi was sweating with a fever, while his body shook as his body struggled to breathe from coughing. Iruka felt like he was holding a fragile porcelain doll. As the coughing fit stopped Kakashi opened his eyes weakly.
"-uka," was the only thing he managed to say with his hoarse voice.
"Kakashi," Iruka said relieved he had woken up again. He laid Kakashi back down on his pillow and sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm so glad you're awake."
"-uka..ry..ust..e," Kakashi struggled out. Iruka looked at Kakashi worriedly. Kakashi looked frustrated and took another breath to try and repeat himself.
"Don't," Iruka said quickly, "don't try and talk. You can say anything you want once you're out of here."
Kakashi looked into Iruka's eyes sadly and shook his head. Iruka's felt his heart stop.
"You can't think like that!" Iruka yelled desperately. Kakashi coughed slightly, trying to clear his throat.
"I… ave…say."
"You have something to say?" Iruka said trying to decode Kakashi's chopped up speaking. Kakashi nodded smiling slightly.
"orry.. ou..ont..ust..e." Kakashi said struggling again.
"Are you apologizing?" Iruka asked shocked, "I already said I understood and you didn't need to apologize." Kakashi shook his head tiredly. Iruka didn't understand, what was he apologizing for?
Kakashi's eyes went wide with pain, another coughing fit attacking him. This time though as Kakashi's body jolted with the strength of the coughs blood splattered from his mouth, filling his lungs. He was starting to drown.
Iruka grabbed Kakashi and sat him up, blood falling from his mouth onto the white sheets. He called for Tsunade desperately as he tried to help his lover.
Tsunade was in the room, like a flash of green and blonde. She was yelling orders, but Iruka didn't hear any of it. His eyes were fixed on Kakashi. It didn't seem possible that Kakashi would be in such a state. He was always so… alive. When it was just the two of them Iruka didn't know how Kakashi's face could take the strain of his smile. Sure Kakashi was a difficult person to understand, but Iruka continued to love him.
"I don't know if I can trust you Kakashi, not when you hide things from me…"
The words hit Iruka like a brick.
"Kakashi!" Iruka yelled managing to grab his hand through all the nurses, blood, and Tsunade's orders, "I do trust you! I do!"
Kakashi coughed more blood flowing from his mouth, his skin even more pale than it usually was. But still he managed to find Iruka's eyes in all the chaos. With a slight smile on his face Kakashi spoke, his words nothing more than a whisper, but somehow Iruka managed to hear him.
"I love you Ruka."
"I know," Iruka said smiling, "I love you too."
Kakashi's smile grew, his body falling limp in the med-nins hands. A shrill ringing sound filled the room.
"Kakashi you bastard!" Tsunade yelled, "don't you dare die on me!"
Kakashi's eyes closed, he was gone. Iruka felt the world freeze as he looked at his now dead lovers face, tears streaming from his eyes.
"Come back when you can say 'I love you' and mean it."
Iruka sobbed into his hands, the med-nins backing away from Kakashi's lifeless body. Iruka laid his head down on Kakashi's chest, not caring about the blood there, no heartbeat greeted his ears.
"I know," Iruka sobbed into Kakashi's chest, "I know you always meant it!"
"I'm sorry."
A/N: I know I killed him, I feel like a terrible person. Please let me know what you think! This is not only my first yaoi fanfic but also jus my first fic, so please be nice! Constructive criticism is welcome flames are not.