Love is Like a Lightning Bug
by channelD
written for: the NFA Weekly Wrting Challenge #7: Romance
rating: K plus
genre: romance, drama
spoiler warning: Involves references to a charavter involved Season 6 episodes Last Man Standing and Dagger.
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disclaimer: I own nothing of NCIS.
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"Is that what I think it is, Mister Palmer?"
Jimmy looked up from the corpse he was examining on the park grass at the sound of the musical voice. It belonged to that new agent, who was tagging along with Gibbs' team for a little on-the-job-training this week. "A gunshot wound. Yes, it is. And please, call me 'Jimmy'."
"'Jimmy' it is, then. I didn't know. Doctor Mallard calls you 'Mister Palmer.'" Her grin matched his. "I'm Gail Torch."
He found himself still grinning. She was pleasant to look at: young; tall; sandy hair cut short; a heart-shaped face; soft brown eyes. Then he forced himself back to the matter at hand. Doctor Mallard was over with the other body, some 70 or so feet away, in this apparent double homicide. "You notice the bullet must have entered here…and exited here."
"And have you recovered the bullet yet?" She appeared to have great interest in the body.
"Not me, no. That's for the agents to do. I'm just an ME-in-training. I don't do much that's useful." He felt himself blushing, and he wondered why he was letting his mouth run off like that. Because I don't really want anyone coming close to me, he realized with a start.
It had been the same way with all the women he'd met, all five or six of them, in the in the seven months since Michelle had died, horribly. Even though their relationship had ended before then, he still felt heartbreak when he thought of her. Some heartbreak, anyway. If I were a worthy candidate, I'd have found a life partner by now. Every time I try, it all falls apart. So, it's better that I don't become interested in any woman. If I don't become interested, I can't get hurt.
"Aw, now, I think the ME's job is very important!" she smiled, showing dimples. "And I'm just starting my job, too! You might as well laugh at me!"
He grinned again. "Most new agents are a little, well, squeamish about encountering a body."
"Not me," she said. "My dad runs a funeral home. I helped out, starting when I was in my teens. Death doesn't frighten me at all."
"Mister Palmer!" Ducky called. "Are you about done loading that seaman into the van? Get a move on, man!"
"Yes, Doctor," Jimmy called back, and hastily zipped up the body bag. Gail sprang up to help him place it on a gurney and strap it down.
It was a beautiful late June evening. Dusk had fully fallen, and here in this Maryland park, the air hummed with the violin music of crickets and the drumming songs of frogs.
"Oh! A lightning bug!" Gail exclaimed, as a small flying creature drifted lazily by, its abdomen flashing a yellow light. "Did you ever catch them as a kid?"
"All the time. But I always let them go. The night was too lonely without their lights."
"I never thought of it as 'lonely,'" she mused. "To me, it was a signal for love: Here I am. I've been waiting my whole life for you."
Jimmy would have added something to that had not Gibbs called for Gail to rejoin the team at the truck. "See you later, Jimmy!" said Gail, and with a little wave, ran off.
- - - - -
That was on Monday. The next day, yet another body discovered, perhaps tied to the same case, had Ducky and Jimmy out with Gibbs' team (and Gail) again.
"You have a zany sense of humor, Jimmy," Gail said to him when they were more-or-less alone. "I like that. I was always a bit of a clown, but I had to rein myself in. It's great that you don't hold back."
"You haven't seen all the times I've been slapped down for acting goofy," Jimmy lamented. "Just because I pick up a skull and make its jaw flap, and pretend to throw my voice…"
She doubled over, laughing. "I'd like to see that! I really, really like a good sense of humor in men."
"You do? Really?"
"Really."
"Would you—do you have dinner plans for tonight?"
"I haven't thought that far ahead. Do you have any recommendations?"
"Well…we could take in dinner and a show at a comedy club…" He kept the wince out of the face as he thought of his tight budget. Part-time workers, like him, could not often afford such things.
"That would be nice, but how about something simpler? I'd be happy with pizza or burgers some place where we can just talk."
"We could do that," Jimmy said happily.
- - - - -
After dinner they walked along the edge of a little park on the way to the Metro station. Lightning bugs flickered overhead, and Gail tucked her arm into Jimmy's. "Love is like a lightning bug," she said. "Have you ever noticed that?"
"Who hasn't?" he responded. "People's abdominal sacks glowing, turning on and off…"
She laughed. "Not quite what I meant. I think love, when you really find it, has the appeal to us of the lightning bugs: it's exotic yet simple, a childlike joy in something beautiful."
"You want to announce it to the world, like these bugs do by lighting up," Jimmy added. "You want to say, Look at me! Over here! I'm in love!" It was a strange thing for him to say, and he realized it. He was not in love with Gail. They hardly knew each other. Certainly, he was attracted to her, and maybe she was to him, but there would be a long way to go before it could be called love.
"Yes," she murmured, leaning her head against his shoulder. "Say, I don't know if you're doing anything Thursday night, but I have free tickets to a concert…"
"Sounds great!" Jimmy said, without even asking what type of music it was. The lightning bugs overhead flashed in seeming agreement.
- - - - -
There were no new bodies for Gibbs' team to investigate the next day, so Jimmy had no chance to be working with Gail. He didn't try to invent an excuse to go to the squad room to see her; any time he'd try to sneak into the agents' territory in the past had resulted in them looking at him peculiarly. Besides, I don't want to get Gail in trouble, he thought.
Morosely he did his job in Autopsy, causing even the good Doctor Mallard to comment on his silence.
"No, I'm fine, Doctor…Did you ever catch lightning bugs?"
"An interesting, however curious, segue, Mister Palmer. Yes, of course. Fireflies, as we called them. I wanted to see how many it would take to produce enough light to read a book. They were penny dreadfuls; left to me by my grandfather. Cheap, lurid tales, and just the thing to appeal to a boy."
"How many, Doctor?"
"Lightning bugs? I was never able to determine. The lights weren't synchronized, and they were on so briefly. I abandoned the quest before long so they wouldn't perish in captivity. Now that has to be one of the worst ways to go, I would think."
"Caught in a jar?"
"No, no; just being in captivity, period, Jimmy! Use your sense! A prisoner. Unable to escape. Seized in war, in a dangerous profession, or in love. Unable to get free. That reminds me of the time I was in Monte Carlo…"
Something in Jimmy's heart went cold. A captive of love! He wasn't falling in love. Not really. No, not at all! There would be no heartbreak for him at the end of this road.
- - - - -
Jimmy had classes in the morning the next day, Thursday. But just as he arrived at work in the afternoon, Ducky was starting up the truck. Another body found; this one in Virginia. They would meet the team there.
"Hi, Jimmy!" Gail called to him cheerfully, with a wave. He waved back, grinning.
"So you've found a friend, Mister Palmer? Are you carrying a torch for Ms. Torch?" Ducky said while they unloaded equipment from their van. "Remember, she hasn't got her permanent assignment yet. She could be stationed on the other side of the planet."
Thank you for reminding me, Doctor. "We're just friends," Jimmy said. And after this week, OJT ends and she goes back to FLETC for her last three weeks of training. And…if I grow attached to her, I'll be miserable all over again.
Don't get attached to an agent. Don't get attached to an agent. They get wounded, and maimed, and die.
The recovery process was tedious. The body was in a ravine, down a steep bank, mostly buried in mud and stone. It may have been carried down river for a distance before becoming caught in tree roots and muck. The grade was too steep for Ducky to easily clamber down. He and Gibbs argued about it for some time, and eventually, Ducky gave in, sending nimble Jimmy climbing down to help get the body out.
Once the body was out of the ravine, Ducky determined that the time of death had been only 12 or so hours before. Gibbs' team climbed out of the ravine. Jimmy was the last in line to do so, and Gail, who'd been left up on the bank, reached down to give him a hand up. Jimmy noticed the smirks on Tony, Tim and Ziva's faces behind Gail's back, but ignored them. Looking into Gail's eyes was a much more attractive view.
Ducky was back at the Autopsy van, and Gibbs and the team had already reached their truck when Jimmy scrambled up the last few feet. "Thanks," he said to Gail, only panting a little. "Say…"
She turned to follow his gaze. Two men, dressed in black, wearing ski masks, had come out of the woods in the other direction from the truck and the van. The men, carrying semi-automatic rifles, started running toward them.
Gail pivoted, reaching for her sig in one smooth movement.
"No, Gail! Don't! You're still in training! You're not—" Images sped through his mind: Kate, Jenny, Michelle…women he cared for, dying, even though he hadn't seen the deaths happen. Noooooo…not again…!!! He moved toward her.
"Freeze!FederalAgent!" she snapped, and gave them a microsecond to stop.
One shot…two shots…three shots…four…
. . .
. . .
. . .
- - - - -
"Ah, back with us, Jimmy? Good."
Jimmy blinked, trying to will himself awake. This had been going on for some time, he knew, but not how long. He didn't feel like asking questions. It hurt to speak much. He didn't want to hear answers, either. Sleep was a godsend. He was happy to retreat into it as much as he could.
His mentor was persistent, though. It seemed like he was always there, every time he opened his eyes. Well, sometimes it was Gibbs, or one of the team, or even Director Vance. Usually, though, it was Doctor Mallard.
"Don't want to talk," Jimmy mumbled.
"You don't have to, dear boy. But you should at least listen. It's been four days since it happened. You've got to come to terms with it." Ducky took Jimmy's hand in his, noticing Jimmy flinching as he did so. The hospital room seemed dim and cheerless; the softly humming machines intruders.
"Gail…"
"Ms. Torch is still here in Washington, while the Director debates what to do with her. That she dropped the two assassins with two shots is incredible for someone with just her level of training. That she then went wild under stress, apparently, and also dropped you is something that may be unforgiveable."
"I forgive her."
Ducky laughed and patted his hand. "Jimmy, you are still high on painkillers, and in love. Your judgment, under the circumstances, is suspect."
"She didn't mean to shoot me."
"No one is saying that she did. But there is a question as to whether she can be an effective agent."
Jimmy sighed, feeling his chest hurt with the sigh. It hurt with every breath. Only sleep took the pain away. "She hasn't come to see me…"
"No, lad; I'm afraid not. Gibbs took her into custody right away, and she's being held at NCIS until the investigation is finished."
And so another tentative relationship crashes and burns on takeoff… "It's okay," Jimmy said, mostly to himself. "It's okay."
"I'm not finished. She hasn't been able to come to see you, but she asked me to give you a note." Ducky reached into his pocket. "Would you like me to find your glasses? They must be in a drawer here…"
Even the thought of holding a piece of paper made Jimmy exhausted. "Could you please read it for me, Doctor?"
"Very well." He cleared his throat.
Dear Jimmy,
I am so, so, so sorry for what happened. Magnify that a million times and it still won't cover how awful I feel. Here I am, training to be in law enforcement, and I wind up hurting one of the sweetest men I've ever known. I am an incompetent fool, not deserving of the badge. Even if they decide not to fire me, I'm not sure I can continue.
You probably don't ever want to hear from me again, but on the off chance that you do, can I come see you when my class is over in three weeks?
Love,
Gail
"Would you like to send a message back?" Ducky asked softly.
"Yes," said Jimmy, feeling a sudden ache in his heart. "Paper…pen…" When Ducky handed him a small pad and a pen, Jimmy squinted and scribbled quickly. "Can you read that?"
Ducky frowned, not sure that he wanted to intrude more on this private matter. But his protégé did ask for his help. He knew Jimmy wanted to know if it would be legible to Gail.
The ME read, and then reached for his handkerchief to blow his nose. Jimmy's note said, simply,
Don't quit. I'll be waiting for you Bring lightning bugs.
-END-