A/N: Thanks to Lou for the prompt of this story. Kinda took on a life of its own. Thanks to Jo and Jan for helping as always.
Disclaimer: All show dialogue from Setup/Countdown- is shown in italics. Those beautiful words are not mine. Nor are the characters that said them nor is the beautiful world/show of Castle.
A Sky Full of Stars
She was off her game and even he could tell. Her mind was miles away—thousands of miles away. But there were no regrets; hell she was happy that it was over. It needed to be done, but breakups were never pleasant even when they were a long time coming. Kate tried to keep her emotions under control. She wanted to avoid the questions, the judgment, and the pity.
If anything, instead of being hurt, she was angry with herself for letting it continue for so long. Her heart was never with Josh. He was a great guy as far as anyone else was concerned. Good looking, fun, and intelligent—great when you looked from afar; which was all she ever did. Beckett never gave him the chance to really know her and she never really took the time to truly get to know him. He was just a placeholder. Someone to keep her warm at night until she was capable of more; until she was able to fully let that one person she wanted to be with, into all areas of her life.
Beckett sighed—trying to focus herself. This case was getting intense and her thoughts needed to be focused on figuring out what was in this storage locker. That's why they were here after all. They needed to search the locker and hopefully it would lead to clues on why their victim was murdered. Walking into the dark unit with guidance from her flashlight, her eyes fixated on the object toward the back. A crate pushed against the wall; the one that caused her radiation detector to max out.
And now—she was sitting here in an isolation tent with Castle as he was babbling about how bad this was—it was too much to process.
"Can we just talk about something else?" She needed to clear her mind and if anything, Castle was usually great at distracting her from her own thoughts.
"How's Josh?" And there was the one topic she didn't want to really talk about. Having Castle ask her that question—he was always so curious about her life. However, this wasn't so much curious, more like he was concerned. He was so good at reading her; her expressions, her moods—like she was an open book, almost. Before she really got to know him—before they became friends; she thought he was just nosy when he would ask about her life. Now she knew better. He cared about people and more specifically; he cared about her. She should just tell him; she should just tell Castle that she and Josh were over. She wanted to, but she couldn't. The words wouldn't come.
"Um. Fine. He's—he's on his way to Haiti to do another Doctors Without Borders mission." The bitterness in her voice was hard to hide, but Castle didn't question the bite in her words.
"How long?"
"I don't know." She shrugged, her mind reeling. There was no reason to not tell him. Pausing for a second, she painted a small smile on her face and then tried to work up her nerve. "It's so funny, Castle. You know, at first, I loved that he was so busy. It just—it just gave me an opportunity to keep one foot out of the door, just in case."
"But with one foot out the door, it's hard to know where you stand."
"And even if I did, I mean, what does it mean? He's out there, he's saving people. How do you even compete with that?" Josh's job was important and he always reminded her of that. She could never tell if he meant it in a way to insinuate that her job wasn't; now she would never know.
"You can't. No. No one can."
"That's one of the things that attracted me to him the most. That passion. That drive. Why is it that the thing that attracts you to a person always ends up being that thing that just drives you crazy? I just wish that it—I wish that I had someone who would be there for me, and I could be there for him and we could just dive into it together…" She could dive in it with Castle—she knew she could and that thought terrified her. Even as she said those words, she knew she was talking about her best friend, but she couldn't be direct. Not now; not yet.
"But what about Josh?" She needed to just get it over with; kind of like ripping a band-aid off.
"Castle, we—"
"You're free to go…" Wait? What?
"Beckett, what were you saying?" Guess it wasn't the right time. It can wait until after their case. Then she would come clean about Josh. Maybe tell him more? No, she still needed to figure out if her heart could handle another possible rejection from Castle. She cared about him; maybe even lo—no she couldn't even think that.
"It's not important—let's get going. We have to figure out what the hell is going on…"
As usual, they were a great team and found the bomb. The only problem was that while they tried not to get shot, the suspects locked them in this freezer compartment. They were trapped. All ideas and plans for escape were completely exhausted. Realization washed over her body, the sinking feeling of dread, they were going to die in here.
If she was going to die, he needed to know how she felt about him. Fear of rejection or fear that he doesn't feel the same; all unimportant when faced with certain death.
"Castle—are you—are you there?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm all right, I'm all right—I'm right here."
"I can't feel anything. Oh—I always thought, being a cop, I'd take a bullet. I never thought I'd freeze to death." Of all worst case scenarios that played out in her head on a daily basis, this was something that never popped into her thoughts, ever.
"Hey, we're not dead yet."
"I just wish this was one of your books, then you could rewrite the ending."
"I'm—I'm sorry."
"For what?" No, no—he couldn't be blaming himself now. Not with the short time they had left…
"For being me…"
"Hmm.."
"Going rogue. Getting you into this. If we hadn't gone on our own…"
"No, shhh—Castle, no. Okay. Shh—you were right. We found the bomb. We are just too late, okay?" This was it—now or never. Her thoughts started to jumble, but she focused all her energy to organize the words she needed to tell him. "Castle—"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for being there."
"Always."
There was more that she needed to say; more that he needed to hear if this was her last moments… "I just wanted you to know how much I—"
That's when the coldness took over her body. Took away all the pain.
After they both woke up and were both cleared from the emergency personnel on scene, to go back to work, the events of the day flew by. Searching for the dirty bomb and racing through the city, it didn't leave Beckett with much time to talk to Castle. In all honesty, she wasn't even one hundred percent sure what she would even tell him. They almost died while in each other's arms and in that moment, she knew there was no one else she'd rather be with at that point. The word love was scary, but it was definitely a fitting way to describe how she felt. The realization completely washed over her from their near death experience. She just didn't know if she was ready to tell Castle all of that. They were given another chance at life when they were rescued and another chance when they defused the bomb. But how many extra chances was the universe going to give them.
She watched as Fallon walked away after he gave them their final update on the case. Butterflies started fluttering in her stomach now that it was just the two of them standing there. All their friends were celebrating the success of the day; drinking their beers. No one was paying any attention to them; allowing them privacy in the middle of the normally busy homicide floor. He turned to look at her and gave her a heart stopping smile.
"Hell of a day, huh?"
"Hell of a day…"
"You know, I was thinking—I was thinking maybe…" He started, but then he seemed to lose his confidence. This wasn't going to be another missed opportunity, so she took a deep breath and she dove in head first.
"So listen, Castle—" He smiled at her and motioned for her to continue. "I'm still kind of buzzing and I was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink."
"Yeah—bu-but are you sure? Wouldn't you rather see Josh?" He stuttered for a second, but stopped when he noticed her shake her head for a moment.
"We broke up." Finally, out in the open, but the words left Castle with a rather stunned look on his face.
"Um—you broke up. When? Wow—no, I'm sorry. I shouldn't—it's none of my—"
Her lips turned up slightly and she shook her head at his apology. "Castle, it's fine. But not here, how about that drink?"
"Old Haunt?"
"Sounds perfect."
"So—"
"So—we broke up."
"Listen Beckett, we don't have to talk about that. I didn't mean to pry."
"No, Castle. It's fine. It's just—like I said yesterday. We were never together and I want someone who could be there for me. I would always be second to his job—his calling. And to be honest, he'd always be second to mine." She paused for a moment as she took a quick swig of her beer and looked down at her hands. "Last week, when he told me he wanted to go on another mission—I told him I couldn't do it anymore. I told him it was over."
"Beckett—I'm sorry." She patted his hand with one of her own and gave him a quick smile.
"It's okay; more than. Definitely for the best—but I did try to tell you when we were in the isolation tent…"
"That's what you were going to tell me when we were interrupted?"
"Yeah—" She sighed for a moment. "Yeah, I was—turned out it wasn't the right time to talk." Smiling into her beer, she sipped from the bottle, and then started to play with the condensation that rolled down the side. They sat in comfortable silence for a bit; just decompressing from the madness of the last 48 hours.
She wanted to tell him more. She wanted to tell him that she wanted to jump into it with someone like him. Hell, she even wanted to tell him when they were huddled nearly frozen in each other's arms—but as usual she chickened out. Castle was her best friend and she would never want to do anything that would jeopardize that.
Her relationship with Josh was easy because he never got too close; always at arm's length. It would be different with them. Castle was already so close; he already knew more about her than most people in her life. It was too dangerous; too risky. She didn't feel like she was ready—hopefully one day, when she was brave enough to risk her heart.
"You want another?"
"Sure, why not? We did just save the city!" She giggled from the both the truth and ridiculousness of her statement. They did just save the city—and now, she was sitting here with her best friend drinking beer while she contemplated telling him about her feelings. Her life was anything but boring.
Kate watched Castle walk back from the bar; carrying their drinks. He smiled the entire way back to her and if she was being honest, she couldn't help but stare. "Like what you see, Beckett?" He laughed for a second, a blush painted onto her cheeks with the awareness that she was caught.
"Maybe—" She shot back at him with a wink, which caused him to almost drop their drinks in surprise. Beckett grinned up at him and took her drink from his hand; their skin brushed against each other longer than necessary. A very obvious spark fluttered within her veins and when she looked into his eyes, she knew he felt it too.
"Beckett?" His voice was full of hesitation. Her name was almost a question, a warning, and a prayer all at the same time. Taking her hand back gently, she took a sip of her drink and broke their gaze with a small smile. Maybe she was more ready for this then she thought possible.
"Drink your beer, Castle."
They slightly stumbled out of the bar onto the street, a couple drinks later. Neither one of them was drunk, but they were both pleasantly buzzed as the warmth of the alcohol flowed in their system. It was a perfect night and spending the evening with Castle was exactly what she needed to ease the stress from the last couple days.
"This was fun. I'm glad we did this," Beckett beamed at him.
"Me too," Castle agreed and slid his hand into hers; intertwining their fingers.
"Oh?" The action caught her by surprise, this wasn't something they did.
"Is this okay?" Concern flashed into his expression, but then Kate tightened her grip to ease his worries.
"Okay." She gave him a soft, timid smile and then released a happy sigh. This was nearly perfect. They walked, hand in hand, just enjoying the night and each other's company. Every so often, she would playfully bump shoulders with him, just having fun with her best friend. Best friend, but maybe more. Maybe she wouldn't let her fear rule her feelings anymore.
Looking up at the sky when they walked into a park toward a swing set, she was surprised to be able to see so many stars in the sky. The clear evening allowed this somewhat rare turn of events. Not as many as at her Dad's cabin, but there were enough twinkling lights painted against the darkness to take her breath away. "Beautiful," she gasped in awe.
"I agree—beautiful," he whispered his words and when she turned to face him; she realized he was never looking at the stars. He was only looking at her.
"Castle?" She wasn't even sure what she was asking. All thoughts washed clear out of her head, as he moved closer into her body. His eyes were soft, as his lips parted. By instinct she lightly ran her tongue against her lips to wet them, before her expression moved from his eyes to his mouth.
"Is this okay?" He questioned with a grin before he took her mouth into his own. The kiss started as gentle and timid but rapidly took on a life of its own. Soon she could feel his tongue delicately running itself against her lower lip, seeking permission to enter. A moan escaped without permission, but there was nothing that could have stopped it. His hands were in her hair and he was kissing her; this was nothing short of magnificent.
Both short on breath when they finally broke apart, Beckett was nearly speechless, as Castle swept his hand down the side of her face. Suddenly feeling shy, she dropped her head against his shoulder and hid her giggle into his shirt. "Um—wow. Today you took my breath away twice. First when you pulled the wires to defuse that bomb and now—um wow..." Excitement hummed across her skin, her body almost still in a state of shock. Sure, they kissed undercover, but this was…this was real.
"Yeah, I try my best," sarcasm, modesty, and self-deprecation clouded his words as he spoke, before he recovered. "I know it might be too soon, Beckett, but I wanted you to know that I was here. That I've always been here and always will be." Tilting her head up toward him, he bent down and feathered another kiss against her lips. She felt the warmth from his breath, against her skin as he continued to speak, her eyes still closed from the haze of the last couple minutes. "I want to be that person—the one to dive in it with you. We can be there for each other, whenever you're ready. Just come find me."
She knew she should return the sentiment; she knew she should provide him with some sort of reassurance, but words were wiped from her mind from that kiss. So she did the only thing that her mind could think of in the moment. Under a sky full of stars, standing in the middle of a playground, she pressed her promise onto his lips. They would definitely get to that place.
The End
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